Fade To Black
by Dr Megalomania
Summary: Nine years ago, they said 'Good bye'. Now they are summoned back. Has time healed their rift? Can they ever fix their broken friendships? What does it mean to be Gundam, when a Gundam Pilot lies dying? New Chapter Update: Chapter 34: Reap What You Sow
1. Like the Perfect Ending

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: I'm replacing the chapters because I've cleaned them up a little. Nothing has changed over all. I'm back again, because I was checking out Gundam Wing again, and whammo – the stories came back. Check out the "doing" series, it's far more entertaining. Reviews also make me happy.

**Warnings:** Disturbing themes, Substance Abuse, Self Harm References, Strong Language, Sexual Relationships (Het and Slash), Violence

**Song**: No Reply - Cowboy Bebop OST

* * *

:: _I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by_ ::  
:: _The only thing I see is you_ ::  
:: _For all the times you walked the line for me and standing by my side_ ::  
::_I say thank you_::

**Fade To Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Prologue: Like the Perfect Ending**

:: _You in my life_ ::  
:: _It all meant so much more to be_ ::

* * *

Silence is one of the heaviest sounds.

Even when there is no true silence.

The humming of the machines, the steady beep-beep-beep of the heart monitor, the artificial breathing equipment and the slow hiss of the air tank. Even the drips seemed to add to the melody of life support, desperately as if to hush away the silence. Her pen scribbled louder, pressed harder against her clipboard than usual. The clear plastic curtain danced with the air conditioning, unaware of the silence. Somewhere down the corridor, Mrs Martha Harman wailed for the bedpan. Her family, too tired to care for her anymore, had abandoned the grand old lady here, well into her last few months. Suffering from dementia, Mrs Harman wailed day and night convinced she was going to wet the bed.

The vague, muted sounds of the small radio on the nurses' desk played on under her wails.

Classical music during the night, a gentle respite from the wailing living dead. The ward for the terminally ill and the comatose was never a happy shift to pull. It was hard on the soul, so very hard. Through it all, tender violas and harps played modest acoustic rest for the staff and for those who slept on. Her watch continued to tick, every second hammering against her heart. She looked at the time as she made her final observations.

She glanced up as a colleague ran past the observation window, carrying an empty bedpan for Mrs Harman.

As she prepared the next injection for her slumbering patient the commotion outside grew. She ignored it, her patient coming first in her attention, whatever happening outside coming much later. She stifled a yawn as she drew back the plunger. She wasn't a young woman, no, she'd been a nurse here for more years than she cared to count. She'd seen war injured, seen the old come and go . . . but never had she known such a unique man come into their care. He was too old for the children's ward, too ill for the normal coma ward, too rich to let the media know and too loved by the colony's public to let go.

He'd been lucky.

He'd side-stepped death.

The assassin's bullet had ricochet off the walls of his skull, around the cranium liquid that kept his brain afloat. Shooting someone in the head had never really been the surest way to kill a man but looking at the boy now, she almost wished he'd died. The bullet never touched his brain but was trauma enough to cause a body-wide shutdown; he was trapped in the arms of sleep, with death and life bartering for his soul.

She shook her head, after so many years . . . when the peace was so stable, everything they'd ever fought for finally blossoming . . . someone still held enough hate for this poor man?

He'd suffered for this colony, suffered terribly . . . it was becoming known, though through rumour and with scientific analysis of the old battle data collected about them, exactly what the Gundam pilots had to go through in order to be able to fly their mobile suits. After all of this, after all he'd done, someone could still hate the boy enough to try and put a bullet in his head.

She raised her mask and stepped though clear plastic curtain, her eyes once more drawn to the observation window.

No matter how many cases she'd seen, she still felt for this boy. She felt – unashamedly – pity for him. After all he'd done, there wasn't one visitor. No one came to see him in the last twelve hours of his admittance. None had come asking, searching for him even though he was missing for some time. True, perhaps no one knew; they'd kept the admittance of such a revered person quiet from the media on the request of his lawyer. His lawyer - the only person close to him who knew - was currently busy making arrangements to carry out his living will. The tramp that had found him was given a hot meal, the promise of a place at the local hostel as arrangements were made to give him a new life in return for his silence on the matter.

The lawyer, a Mister Unterward, had informed the hospital that he would be informing the media of his client's condition tomorrow and that they would be expected to give some sort of statement toward the status of his client.

She sighed once more, tiptoeing around the life support equipment carefully.

The boy - though really at twenty-seven years of age, he was a man – was pale despite his tanned completion. His eyes were still under his lightly closed eyelids and his breathing was forced to be regular. The side of his head, where they'd been forced to shave off half his hair, was still bloodily bandaged from the operation to retrieve the lodged bullet. Tomorrow they'd shave the rest of his hair ready for the operation to retrieve to fragmented casing. It wasn't life threatening right now, but the boy couldn't be left with casing floating around his skull.

His pulse was currently stable, weak, very, very weak, but at least it was stable enough to keep him alive, strong enough for the next operation.

She pushed one of his limp arms to expose the elbow and prepared it for the injection. As she administered it, she glanced into the boy's face. He was so handsome now, his face had lost the trappings of youth and here was now the face of a handsome young man, fine, honest and upstanding. Tonight it was trapped behind an air mask and a few bandages and plasters, tomorrow it would be buried behind drips and tubes forced down his throat and his nose, sensor pads to make sure he was still thinking at least . . . tomorrow his handsome face would disappear for a very long time.

She'd heard the boy was bright, very bright.

Removing the needle, she took a moment to brush back a lock of his hair, her rubber gloves gliding smoothly over the darkened, almost red auburn hair.

After all he done, after all he'd fought for . . .

She straightened and made her way back to the door, collecting his notes and dispensing of the needle on her secured trolley. As she pushed the old rattling thing out the door, she paused in the doorway, her hand resting on the light switch. Somewhere out there, someone hated this boy with such a passion . . . enough to try and kill him . . . yet, somewhere out there, no-one missed the boy enough to notice that tonight would be the last time they'd ever know him as he was.

As a human, the boy was alive, his survival a miracle.

As a person, the boy was about to die a silent death with not one friend by his side to hold his hand.

The nurse swallowed back tears as she shook her head.

"Goodnight . . ." She whispered as she left him in the silence, ". . . Mister Basilica."

* * *

:: _Like the perfect ending_ ::  
::_It won't be too long_::  
:: _Till everything I've ruined has seen me gone_::  
:: _In time, I pray you'll forgive me_::  
:: _Now you know the man I am_ ::  
:: _Can you forgive me?_ ::


	2. Strangers 'Til Now

Disclaimer: You certainly know the score.

Notes: I'm replacing the chapters because I've cleaned them up a little. Nothing has changed over all. I'm back again, because I was checking out Gundam Wing again, and whammo – the stories came back. Check out the "doing" series, it's far more entertaining. Reviews also make me happy.

_:Lyrics:_David Bowie – As the World Falls Down

* * *

_::There's such a sad love::  
::Deep in your eyes, a kind of pale jewel::  
::Open and closed within your eyes::  
::I'll place the sky within your eyes::_

**Fade To Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Part One: Strangers Till Now**

_:: There's such a fooled heart::  
: :Beating so fast in search of new dreams::_

* * *

"I heard you were ill."

"You heard wrong."

Gone was the kindly sparkle.

"I would be concerned for you; I would hate for our negotiations to suddenly collapse."

"These are not negotiations; this is a hostile take over bid."

Forgotten was the ever-lasting patience.

"I was under the impression the state of affairs had not reached that level yet."

There was a neat shuffle of papers, clipped and indifferent just like the expression on the company president's face. His cold blue eyes flicked up briefly for the first time, "And I was under the impression that you were ahead of your time, now I find your management team seem to be grossly misinformed about the state of affairs." The ocean blue eyes flicked back to a pink slip of paper as he read rapidly. "This is not a negotiation, this is a hostile take over . . . you're floundering in an area of market we want, your retirement has been a long time coming, it's a pity for you the war is over." There was a sharp sigh as the president's glance slipped over his spectacles again, "I am not going to waste time, trying to explain something you should already know—"

"Mister—"

"No." This interruption warranted his full attention and his short bangs flared up angrily as he glared at the small video picture, "I will have my people contact you when we are ready to deal with you again. Get up to date now, I don't know when I will have time to continue this meeting again, but I will not suffer poor communication again. Good day, Mister Harveys."

The video image blipped out before the man had a chance to utter a squawk of protest. The company president frowned with distaste at the screen, wondering why he was even bothering with the niceties anymore. Why should he be the one to suffer fools like Harveys when his lawyers could deal with it? It wasn't the way his father had ever done business. His father, despite being known for being a very kind man, was a ruthless businessman. His lawyers were hired for their speed, their ability to work out the deals before the smaller companies had a chance to figure out the front page of the bid report.

His father had been a ruthless businessman.

Now, at the age of twenty-six, Quatre Rebarba Winner was quite prepared to follow in his father's footsteps.

He frowned at the screen for a moment longer, before spinning his chair and staring out of the large office window. The view was incredible as it gazed out on the centre of L4's busiest city hub. Quatre shook his head. Tonight he had nothing but reception balls to go to, Rashid and three other Magnuracs were ready to accompany L4's most influential and powerful businessman. For the past nine years he'd been voted businessman of the year, and from the latest bids, ideas and contractual requests coming in, Master Winner was inclined to think tonight would be the tenth year he'd hold the glass plate, make some insincere speech and ward off the beautiful, eligible women who wanted to become Mrs Quatre Rebarba Winner.

Allah, he was so sick of it all.

His reflection in the glass showed his face pulling into a deep, curling frown. It made him look spiteful, mean . . . it reflected his heart perfectly.

Quatre sighed and let his head fall back. Staring at the ceiling, a whispered sigh left his lips.

" . . . Gundam . . ."

It took a few moments for him to realise what he'd said. He blinked, and for the first time in what felt like years, Quatre felt some of the coldness slid from his heart. Gundam. He didn't long for the years he spent as a Gundam pilot. Living the war again would be too painful . . . what he longed for . . . was the comfort he drew from being a Gundam pilot.

He sat up straight again and glanced at his reflection again.

Being a Gundam pilot, despite what people thought now, was not as lonely as was made out. It wasn't as painful as the scientists claim, saying all the former pilots had to go through rigorous mental training, probably sacrificing all humanity to pilot the mighty machines. No, being a Gundam pilot meant that he was never alone. It meant he was part of a group of five strong individuals who made their stand against OZ, against Mariemaia, against the universe if needs be. Quatre stood and rushed to the window, detachedly amazed as he watched a tear roll down his reflection's cheek. He pressed his hands against the glass as he watched the tear. It paused in the middle of the reflection's cheek, unable to continue. It stayed that way for a very long moment, until another tear pressed out and merged with the first. The new tear continued to speed down the reflection's cheek. It traced the ghostly jaw until it pooled and fell off, a victim of the colony's artificial gravity.

Quatre stifled back a sob.

Something was wrong.

Something was terribly wrong.

Gundam.

Something was wrong with the Gundam pilots.

He half snorted with dark amusement, his reaction time used to be better than this. His Space Heart was only now reacting to the explosive incident that tore their little group apart and scattered them into the five winds? Was this why he'd grown cold and mean, spiteful and remorseless? His Space Heart had fallen asleep after the war, and now it decided to wake up? Now when he had no one to turn to? He spun and slammed his thumb on the intercom.

"Marie?"

The secretary's voice came instantly; the woman was brisk and icy. Just as he preferred it, it put off unwanted surprise visitors. "Yes, Mister Winner?"

"Cancel all my appointments today."

There was a pause before she spoke again, "Mister Winner . . . I . . ." She paused again; Quatre sensed she was speaking to someone else. "I've already done that, Mister Winner. Mister Rashid is here to see you on a matter of some urgency."

"Send him in."

Quatre wiped away the tears from his face and looked up as his office doors opened, and Rashid strode in. The years had been kind to the older man, his hair peppered with sprinkled greys and whites. He had the odd worry line, put there no doubt by Quatre's wilder days as a pilot, but still Rashid was as sturdy as ever. A great bear of a man.

Rashid stopped as Quatre sank into his chair, pulling his spectacles away from his eyes.

"So . . . you've heard . . ."

Quatre looked up slowly, a deep pain disturbing his Space Heart. "Heard what?"

Rashid's dark eyes narrowed slightly as he scrutinised everything about the younger man, "Master Quatre . . . you've been crying . . ."

Quatre closed his eyes as he swallowed dryly. His mouth was dry; his face was growing warm from being caught in such a position of weakness. "I . . . haven't been feeling well for the past couple of days, you know that . . ." He turned slightly in his chair, trying to avoid Rashid's intense stare. "My heart . . ." A hand shuffled up and pressed against his chest, he was faintly aware of the movement. "My Heart has been telling me something's wrong . . . I suppose I've only just noticed . . ."

"So . . ." Rashid breathed out, he sounded sorry for Quatre, "You haven't heard . . ."

Quatre 's hand pressed harder against his chest, the pain increasing slightly. "Rashid . . ." his gaze slipped off the L4 business scene and back onto the reflection of his personal bodyguard and his closest friend. "I'm too old to play games. Please, the point."

Rashid sighed, his shoulders squaring. He stared at Quatre, unaware of Quatre's silent observation of his reflection. Quatre had done too much growing up in the past few years; it almost broke Rashid's heart to see the growing coldness on Quatre's once innocent face. The boy, who'd once taken so much pleasure from staring at earth's desert, now stared at the world with a weariness that should be reserved only for the near dead. He swallowed and backed away, heading toward the door.

He nodded to the tall, serious looking man.

Quatre sighed impatiently as he stood, "Rashid . . ." He began warningly as the stranger stepped in with a brisk, precise movement that instantly told the world he was a lawyer and a damn good one at that. The lawyer straightened his tie; he was an old man, fatherly looking at first but with sharp green eyes behind thin glasses. "Mister Q. R. Winner, I presume."

The introduction was clip and terse, the man held out his hand, shaking Quatre's with an alacrity that even offset Quatre. The younger man blinked feeling sixteen again as the man began to open his briefcase. He pulled out a manila folder and a CD case. Sighing sharply, he snapped off the rubber band on the folder and began to read.

"Good afternoon, Mister Winner. I am Mister Unterward, personal lawyer of the president of Second Chance Inc." He flicked his green eyes upward, "The recovery of useful scrap business from L2, I'm sure you've heard of it."

Quatre had, L2 was one place where his own scrap dealings couldn't seem to get a hold. Irritating to hell, Second Chance always seemed to get one step a head of his own company and was extremely popular with the locals, any and all attempts to cut into the market were frown upon by the colony's government. He nodded.

"Good." Mister Unterward made a small mark and then flicked the page. "I regret to inform you that I am here on behalf of my aforementioned client, President Max W. Basilica." The lawyer sighed, "He had hoped that we would never meet under such circumstances however it seems fate had differing opinions." He raised his head, "Mister Winner, it is my client's keenest wish that you use any and all of your connections and resources to contact Mister H. Yuy, Mister T. Barton and Mister W. Chang. You do not have a deadline to adhere to but sooner, rather than later would be advisable or fate will once again take it upon herself to force my client's hand. Mister Basilica regrets that this has come to pass and hopes that you can understand why he has requested you to help him."

Furious, Quatre started to shake his head, "I don't understand . . ."

"You are to try to find Heero Yuy, Trowa Barton—"

Quatre's face pulled into an ugly frown as soon as his former best friend's name was mentioned. He shot to his feet and glared at Mister Unterward. "No, what I don't understand is why a man I have never met wants me to find three people I never want to meet again."

Rashid's brow pulled tight, his lips pressing into a look of disapproval as Mister Unterward closed his file. The green-eyed man sighed, "It would seem that unlike his usual perfect character judgement, my client has made an error with you, sir." Unterward stared at Quatre for a long moment, "I would normally close the matter and go to inform my client of your decision to be uncooperative. However, I cannot do that." The old man's green eyes narrowed challengingly, "I will continue to carry out my client's last will and testament until I am physically incapable to do so. I am not unlike my fellow residents of the L2 colony, Mister Winner, and as Mister Basilica has stood by us since the end of the war, we shall all do the same for him until we cannot continue to do so."

Quatre tried to hold the man's piercing green eyed gaze, but found himself unable to withstand the quiet passion in the man's deep voice. Mister Unterward straightened his tie.

"As I was saying, Mister Winner, I have one final thing to give you. Whether or not you choose to fulfil my client's wish." He picked up the clear CD case and placed it on the desk in front of Quatre with a quiet plastic click. "This is a message from my client, he instructed me to give it to you. I will not play it for you. I will, however, leave the room so you may have a chance to watch or discard it." He glanced at Rashid who nodded, then levelled his gaze at Quatre once more, "I shall be outside enjoying the company of your secretary and a cup of coffee when you come to your decision, Mister Winner. The message is not long, your answer will be you will or you will not." He dropped the file back into his brief case, closed it with a quick snap and stared at Quatre once more.

Quatre picked up the CD, saw that it was addressed to him by his Gundam's serial number. His mouth fell open, nobody knew his serial number. Nobody but the Gundam scientists and the other pilots. He glanced at the lawyer, who nodded once more briskly and turned on a heel to the door.

Rashid followed him, glancing back once at Quatre with a meaningful look. "Watch it . . ." he said quietly, with the same sorrow filled expression haunting his eyes, "Please, Master Quatre . . ."

Quatre sank back into his seat and stared at the CD case.

_QRW-GSRK-04-LRGPT4_

_PLAY ME PLEASE, QUATRE._

_QRW-GSRK-04-LRGPT4_

For the longest moment, he didn't want to play it. Playing it meant that he would know what terrible thing had awoken his Space heart. However, the old Quatre . . . the one who cried every night for a month after Trowa and the others left, the one who caressed the back of the dustiest photo album every Christmas alone, afraid to open the old war newspaper clippings and photos lest the good memories of the others sprung up and reminded him of what he left behind . . . this Quatre became bold and slid the disk into his computer.

The CD began automatically.

A recording of the President of Second Chance Inc smiled widely from behind his desk, his hands clasped before him. He hadn't changed much from the last time Quatre had seen him, he looked a little more mature perhaps, his fringe longer. His eyes sparkled though; with the usual double strength happiness he'd always seemed to carry during the war.

"Hello Mister Winner, I am Max W. Basilica." The man chuckled quietly; it pained Quatre to hear it. He'd almost forgotten how nice it was, how warm it was to hear. "Mister Basilica to my employees, Max Basilica to my management team, Max Wellington Basilica to my doctor . . ." One bright violet eye winked quickly and another warm chuckle wounded Quatre's heart again, "And plain ol' Duo Maxwell to his best friends. . ."

Duo's recorded smile faded a little as he turned serious.

"Buddy, I know it's been a long time in coming, and I sure as hell hope that . . . well, I sure as hell hope that you don't get this one day out of the blue . . ." Duo shrugged a little, glanced down at his desk for a moment before staring at the camera again. "Pal, if you are watching this . . . then, Shinigami finally caught up with me . . . If Mister Unterward hands this to you, then this means I am either dead or unable to make any rational medical decisions on my lonesome." The recording glanced off to the side, a window was just out of picture and the sunset cast a slight orange glow over Duo's features. He sighed and glanced back at the camera. "Sounds bad, but I hope it's that I'm dead, I don't think I could bear to let you see me dribbling insane, having lost the last of my marbles." He smiled slightly, a fond glint appearing in his eyes. "Quatre, you know something . . . I miss you . . ."

The blonde former pilot swallowed as the fond glint slowly faded into regret. Duo's recording nodded slowly.

"I miss you a lot, not just you, the others too . . . that's why I'm asking you . . . please help Mister Unterward to find the others . . . if only so you can at least sling a handful of mud at my coffin and spit on my grave." The smile returned again, the recording roguishly winked again, "Come on Quatre, you know you wanna at least dance on my grave . . ."

An hour later, Mister Unterward stood as President Winner's office door opened.

Marie glanced at her employer, try as she might she couldn't hide the fact that she'd heard him as well as the others did. She winced at the coarse, hard sobs that had started as soon as the recording on the CD had fallen silent. The door creaked slightly as Quatre's small form stepped out. She hadn't seen him look so meek since the unspeakable incident nine years ago. Mister Unterward glanced at Rashid and murmured quietly that his confidence in his client's judge of character had been restored. Quatre glanced up, to his chest he clutched the CD case. His eyes were red and his face was ashen.

He stared at Mister Unterward with tearful ocean blue eyes. "How . . .?" he whispered, "how . . . why. . . who did this to him?"

Mister Unterward motioned the seat, but Quatre quickly shook his head. The lawyer sighed and licked his lips quickly, "Mister Basilica - despite his attempts to hide his true identity - is still visually recognisable as Pilot Zero Two of the Gundam Five. Regrettably, there are a few undesirables on L2 who seem to think the war hasn't ended. It is believed that Mister Basilica had the misfortune to run into one of these petty warmongers." He glanced at Rashid. "Mister Basilica did not see fit to provide himself with a bodyguard."

"How. . .? Please . . ." Quatre swallowed hard, feeling his head grow light, "I need to know. . . how. . .?"

"One bullet to the cranium."

That seemed to sucker punch Quatre, hard in the gut. The boy's eyes bulged, "Duo is too fast to let anyone get that near!" A tear, two, finally a stream pushed past, "No! I don't believe you! Duo is the fastest one of us all! He could dodge everything! A single bullet couldn't just kill him!"

Mister Unterward's lips drew into a thin line before he continued. "Mister Basilica is not dead, Mister Winner. He is in a coma. You are right, he did just manage to dodge the bullet but he wasn't fast enough to prevent it from entering his head and rattling around his brain. Mister Basilica is in a deep level coma, Mister Winner. He is in no position to decide his own fate, nor make rational medical decisions by himself."

Quatre blinked rapidly, his face growing paler. "His will . . .?"

"His last Will and testament states that you and the three others are the sole benefactors of his fortune of which in the event of his death he has left separate guidelines. In the meantime, you four must act as next of kin for him and decide the medical establishment's next move."

"What . . ." Quatre whispered, not willing to believe that Duo was lying, half dead somewhere. "What do you mean?"

"His will stipulates that only you four have power of family over him. Only you four in agreement with each other can answer the doctor's query."

"What?"

Mister Unterward cast his eyes down for a moment, his genuine concern for his client surfacing. "The L2 Coma Unit Specialists suggest that Mister Basilica will never recover from his coma, they can keep him alive, but they sincerely doubt that he will ever regain consciousness. Their recommendation to you is to allow them to turn off the life support that keeps him with us."

Quatre's mouth fell open. Rashid was instantly by his side, gently guiding the younger boy to sit down. Quatre was growing beyond pale now, his lips turning a pale pink. He slowly shook his head, his mouth working, trying to push a silent 'no' past his throat. Mister Unterward loomed over him, "I'd hoped that you would be willing to consent to my client's request."

The younger former pilot stared at him, "if I say no . . ."

"Then I will go to the next, Wufei Chang, to Trowa Barton and finally to Heero Yuy. If all of you fail to come to an agreement regarding the treatment of Mister Basilica then I fear L2 will lose one of its most beloved citizens and I shall loose a dear, dear client of whom I have grown unaccountably fond of." He tilted his head, his green eyes narrowing slightly as Quatre dropped his head from his gaze again. Sighing sharply, Mister Unterward shook his head and turned once more on his heel. "Good day, Mister Winner."

He'd taken all of four steps before the former Gundam pilot leapt to his feet and called after him.

"Wait! Please! Wait!" Quatre ran after the lawyer and stepped in front of him, his ocean blue eyes were wide with fear and shock. "Please . . . I didn't mean to give the impression . . ." The boy swallowed, "I will. Mister Unterward, you have my word that I will devote any and all my resources, everything I have into finding the others." Quatre swallowed hard and stared at him deeply, "Can. . . can I see him?"

Mister Unterward's eyes took on a relenting gaze as he reached into the manila folder again and pulled out a photo. He sighed, "Unfortunately no, Mister Basilica cannot receive any visitors until after the surgery to recover the fragments of bullets has been completes. I am under the impression that it may take some time." He handed Quatre the large A4 sized photo and spoke softly, "But this is the picture we have released to the media of L2."

The former pilot stared at the photograph for a long time, trying to see anything of the bouncy Gundam pilot, or the slightly more mature business man from the recording. He found neither. He couldn't concentrate on anything except stare with growing, creeping horror. His voice caught the first time in his throat. The second came with rasp of fresh tears beginning, Quatre raised trembling pale fingers and touched the picture.

"They . . . they cut his hair . . ."

"They had no choice in the matter, Mister Winner." Mister Unterward remarked not unkindly, he closed the folder and slipped it into his briefcase. "If you will excuse me, I have some other arrangements to see to."

Quatre nodded absently. Mister Unterward handed Rashid his business card, murmuring quietly that he could be reached at that particular number whenever Mister Winner felt up to pursuing the matter further. Marie watched as President Winner numbly bid Mister Unterward goodbye, his worried ocean blue eyes fixed on the photo. "Marie . . ." Quatre said as he passed her desk on the way to his office, "Cancel all my appointments for . . . delegate the more important ones, but cancel them all . . ."

The secretary nodded, quietly speaking, "Already done, sir . . ."

Quatre Winner paid her no heed as he walked back to his office. He glanced at Rashid once and collapsed against the bear of a man, crying earnestly now for his friend.

"Rashid . . ." was all he seemed to get out, in hoarse horrified whispers, "Rashid, they cut his hair!"

* * *

_::Though we're strangers till now::  
::We're choosing the path between the stars::  
::I'll leave my love between the stars::_


	3. Canta Per Me

Disclaimer: You certainly know the score.

Notes: I'm replacing the chapters because I've cleaned them up a little. Nothing has changed over all. I'm back again, because I was checking out Gundam Wing again, and whammo – the stories came back. Check out the "doing" series, it's far more entertaining. Reviews also make me happy.

Song: Noir OST – Canta Per Me

* * *

_::Sing for me farewell::_

_::that sweet sound::_

_::of the past days::_

_::it always remember me::_

**Fade To Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter Two: Canta per me**

_::tempra la cetra e canta::_

_::il inno di morte::_

* * *

Chang Wufei was not a hard man to find.

In fact, he was easier to reach than Quatre Rebarba Winner had been.

Nine years. A lot of things happen in nine years. Chang Wufei had courted, loved, married, fathered, celebrated, promoted, nursed, buried, mourned, stayed strong, built, created a new life, and now lived on the new L5 colony as a high ranking judge, head of the L5 branch of Preventers and was the only Gundam pilot who still had contact with the other fighters from the war. People like Noin and Zechs were regularly welcomed in his home. Lady Une, Doctor Sally Po and he had become the very embodiment of the Preventers. Sally Po was his closest friend, standing by his side as he married, she took care of his daughter as his wife – a beautiful woman whom he'd once saved on a Preventer mission and had taken responsibility for her that ranged far beyond professionalism after she too joined the Preventers – as his wife was killed in a tragic shuttle accident. She was beside him as he spoke at her funeral.

Wufei raised an eyebrow as Sally planted her hands on his desk in an uncharacteristic display of rage. "WUFEI!"

He blinked, "Sally . . ." he began slowly, "I don't know anyone called Max W. Basilica. Why on earth would I want to go see him?"

Sally shook her head, "At least see Quatre so he can explain."

Wufei pursed his lips and stood from his chair. He glanced into his balcony and saw his five-year-old daughter dangle her legs through the thick stone rail. She stared down at the long black car that Quatre was sitting in right now outside of his property with Rashid and some lawyer named Unterward, Basilica's personal lawyer. He sighed; "I'd rather let the past lie."

"Wufei . . ."

He shook his head, pulling the door open and sitting down with his daughter. He wore his favourite white suit. He'd grown older but he'd not changed his choice of clothing much. The billowy white trousers and the traditional style long white jacket suited him. He glanced down at his daughter, Nataku. She looked very much like him, but she had her mother's dark hazel eyes. Her mother had been Japanese with dyed orange hair. She had been loud, excitable and keen on pocky. It was a taste handed to their daughter, a chocolate covered cookie stick hung from her lips as she stared at the black car.

"Is he one of the Gundams, papa?" She mumbled around the stick, her curiosity showing despite her shy, retiring manner. The book in her lap lay open and unread.

Wufei nodded, "He's the fourth Gundam pilot." He sighed and stared at the car as a window rolled down and on the other side the door opened. Mister Unterward stepped out of the car as a familiar pale, young chin came into view of the window. The lawyer paused by the window, leaning down as Quatre spoke to him quickly. The lawyer straightened and the window rolled shut, the car stared and drove away.

"Mister Unterward."

"Judge Chang, I presume. Doctor Po . . ." Mister Unterward's eyes blinked down to the little girl who stood shyly, just behind her father. "And Miss Nataku Chang." The lawyer's kindly green eyes blinked once, "A shame . . . my client happens to have a fondness for children, and I'm sure that unlike I, he would have had a treat, a lollypop or the such for you, Miss Chang."

"I don't accept sweets from strangers." The little girl said primly in a quiet voice, which was not scared but not proud at the same time.

"Of course not, but my client would not be a stranger to your father." Unterward's attention turned to Wufei and the lawyer opened his briefcase. He pulled out a manila folder and snapped off the rubber band. He paused for a moment, reading the contents. He reached into his briefcase again and pulled another item. Nataku blinked with her wide, soft brown eyes as the lawyer held up a CD case and placed it atop of his briefcase. She glanced at her father, noting his face was still stern. Mister Unterward presently began to speak, reading from the folder. "Good afternoon, Judge Chang. I am Mister Unterward, personal lawyer of the president of Second Chance Inc." he flicked his green eyes upward, "The recovery of useful scrap business from L2, I'm sure you've heard of it."

Wufei had, it was hard to ignore a business that seemed to ward off the advances of Winner Enterprises. L2 was the only company that didn't seem to allow Winner Enterprises anywhere near it. Wufei nodded and motioned quickly for the man to continue.

"Good." Mister Unterward wrote something and then flicked the page. "I regret to inform you that I am here on behalf of my aforementioned client, President Max W. Basilica." The lawyer glanced at him then at the little girl beside him, "He had hoped that we would never meet under such circumstances however it seems fate had differing opinions." He glanced back at the folder, "Judge Chang, it is my client's keenest wish that you use any and all of your connections and resources to assist Mister Quatre Rebarba Winner in his attempts to contact Mister H. Yuy and Mister T. Barton. You do not have a deadline to adhere to but sooner, rather than later would be advisable or fate will once again take it upon herself to force my client's hand. Mister Basilica regrets that this has come to pass and hopes that you can understand why he has requested you to help him."

Wufei remained silent. He stared at Unterward for a very long moment before holding up his hand, "Alright." He looked at Sally, "Please take my daughter to her playroom, then ask Mister Winner to join us." He glanced at Unterward, "I assume he told you he'd been returning."

"Naturally."

Wufei shook his head slowly, "Very well . . . I will hear what he has to say."

"A most excellent choice, Judge Chang." Unterward said briskly, he looked down at Nataku again and smiled slightly. "My client would have been most excited to meet you Miss Chang, he does have a disposition to play with children and his reputation on L2 has merely grown with his renowned kindness to all children."

Nataku glanced at her father, then back at Mister Unterward. The man tilted his head and nodded.

"Yes," he said, "I think my client would have been overjoyed to finally meet you for real."

Quatre drew a deep breath before he pushed open the doors to Wufei's large stately study. The first thing he noticed was the huge amounts of books. The room was lined with them. Wufei's desk sat in the centre of the room near the windows, and a cool breeze blew in from the balcony. The Chinese man stood on his balcony, staring out at the green rolling hills surrounding his colony home. He glanced back, catching Quatre's eye through the thin, gauzy white curtains and sighed. Mister Unterward was sat in a seat facing the desk; his long fingers calmly laced together, his long thin legs crossed in a thoughtful pose.

"You are welcome to my home and to this colony, Quatre."

The young businessman blinked as Wufei moved to stand behind his desk. "Thank you . . ." he paused, more guilt beginning to seep up. Already he could feel the blame rising in him, if he'd never—

"What brings you here? Who is Max W. Basilica? And why would he want me to help you find the other former pilots? And why not try to find Duo Maxwell?"

Quatre swallowed, "Has Mister Unterward expl—"

"I want to hear it from you." Wufei sat, leaning forward. His dark eyes piercing as they stared at Quatre, "I want to know why you've broken a nine-year silence on the whim of some businessman I've never met from one of your rival companies. I want to know why I am being asked to drop everything I am responsible for and go find Barton and Yuy despite the fact neither of them want to be found."

Quatre nodded, "Wufei, I know that the past nine years has been . . . well, the least said right now is probably for the better. Why am I here? Because we all still have a responsibility to Gundam. We are Gundam, Wufei. It's in our blood."

Wufei stood and shook his head, quickly pacing out on to the balcony. Mister Unterward made no motion, merely made another note in his manila file as Quatre sprinted after his old friend. "Wufei—"

"You said it yourself, Winner!" Snapped the Chinese man, his black eyes narrowed as he glared at his fellow former pilot. "There is no Gundam, there is no us! Why do you think we've not spoken to each other for years, we don't have anything that binds us together now!"

"We do!" Quatre reached out and grabbed Wufei by the shoulder, "Wufei, I'm sorry! I'm sorry things. . . things got as bad as they did . . . I don't know what to say, I know a large part of it is my fault but we've got to stand by each other now! Duo needs us!"

"Duo?" This gave Wufei pause, ". . . Maxwell? What has he got anything to do with it?"

Quatre's ocean blue eyes grew sad again, "Please . . . listen to Unterward . . . then make your mind up. I'm helping him, and I'm not going to go back on that. I need to see this through, if I don't try then . . ." he let go of Wufei's arms and clutched the stone railing. He stared down at the garden below and muttered bitterly, "Then I am that coward, I am all of the coward you called me nine years ago."

"This is a message from my client, he instructed me to give it to you. I will not play it for you. I will, however leave the room so you may have a chance to watch or discard it." He glanced at Quatre who nodded then back at Wufei as he slid the CD case forward with two long fingers, "I shall be outside, waiting with Mister Winner's bodyguard when you come to your decision, Judge Chang. The message is not long, your answer will be: you will or you will not." He dropped the file back into his brief case, closed it with a quick snap and stared at Quatre once more. "If you are to watch it, you may do so with or without the company of Mister Winner. It remains your choice."

Wufei picked up the case and glanced at Quatre. "My serial number."

Quatre began to back out, following in Mister Unterward's footsteps. "I think, Wufei . . . you should watch this alone."

Wufei turned the disk in his hands for a moment, before sliding it into his computer.

The recording began automatically.

"Hello Judge Chang, I am Max W. Basilica. Mister Basilica to my employees, Max Basilica to my management team, Max Wellington Basilica to my doctor . . . and . . ." Wufei felt his mouth fall open, his eyes widen as a smooth chuckle floated from the screen, "And MAXWELL! To all I infuriate . . . I hope the little lady is well; hear you named her for your first wife. Good choice, my friend . . . I'm sure she's a little spitfire, just like her Gundam namesake!" Bright violet eyes blinked once slowly as the smile faded. "Oh dear, Wufei . . . I sure as hell hope you don't get this outta the blue; I'd guess you would think it dishonourable of me not to hand it to you in person." There was another quiet chuckle, more sober than before. Violet eyes became serious though the smile remained, "Wuffers, if you are watching this . . . then, I guess I'll say hi to your wife, tell how much you missed her eh?" The recorded smile began to wan, ". . . If Mister Unterward hands this to you, then this means I am either dead or otherwise unable to make any rational medical decisions on my lonesome." Maddeningly long hair, that refused to stay one colour from one moment to the next, glinted dully as the sunset's orangey glow shifted. "Sounds bad, but I hope it's that I'm dead. I know that you'll understand, Wufei, when I say I don't want you to see me . . . when all my deeds decide to catch up on me, and finally demand justice like a million little versions of you." The smile returned slightly, "Wufei, you know something . . . I miss you . . ."

Her little nose left a smudge mark on the window.

Wufei chuckled as he lent over his daughter and stared out the shuttle window. So they were going back to L4, to regroup and come up with a plan. Sally, Noin, Zechs and Lady Une had been called and they too were making their various ways to the home colony of Mister Winner.

He blinked and looked own as a heavy weight slide back against his chest. His beautiful daughter had fallen sound asleep at last. The excitement of her first proper journey with her father had worn the girl out completely. He made her comfortable, tucking a blanket neatly under her chin and stroked back her beautiful black hair.

"I never knew . . ."

Wufei sat back in his seat and picked up his coffee as Quatre spoke quietly. They were sat opposite each other with a table between them. As more of a distracting tactic the blonde businessman had pulled out his laptop and until a few moments ago had been typing away at it. Avoiding eye contact with Wufei's precious daughter. The black haired judge tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and smiled. "She is my world."

"I . . ." Quatre sounded stunned, "I didn't even know you had married again . . ."

Wufei looked at him with deep, dark eyes. "You really know nothing about me . . . about my family . . ."

Tears welled up behind Quatre's thin rimmed glasses as the young businessman shook his head slowly, "I never knew anything . . . has it been nine years already?"

"It's been a long time," Wufei motioned his laptop, "You hide yourself behind your work, your lawyers . . . you make it so hard to see you that you can no longer see out . . ."

A hot tear tracked down Quatre's face and he sniffled, laughing quietly embarrassed, "I haven't cried this much since . . ." he swallowed and glanced out the window a look of grief passing over his eyes, "Well . . . you know . . ."

"I don't." Wufei returned just as quietly, "I don't know. . . did you cry after we left? After everything went wrong?" Quatre turned his eyes upon him, wide and pained. The Chinese man shrugged, "I don't know, Quatre. All I know of you is what I've heard about you and your new way."

"New way?" Quatre asked, confusion in his voice, "What new way?"

"You're the hardest business man, more ruthless than your father . . ." Wufei sipped from his coffee again, "Or so I've heard. . . over the last few years, I've heard that businesses dread a call from the Winner lawyers, when Winner decided to take an area, the best advice is to fold and take that first bid because you'll never get a second chance."

Quatre's eyes narrowed slightly, "I just became more efficient . . . we still do things like my father did."

"Your father was one of the most ruthless businessmen before the wars, Quatre . . ." Wufei looked at him, "my memory of you was—"

"I was weak, easy to talk into rolling over." Quatre snapped, struggling to keep his voice low. "Many businesses tried to take advantage of that aspect of me, so I changed—"

"And became this cold, unfeeling bastard."

Quatre stilled at this, staring at Wufei with shock. "How dare you."

"I dare because nobody has the ability to anymore. You've surrounded yourself with yesmen, even Rashid doesn't bother to protest anymore." Wufei set his cup down with a much harder clink than was needed. He narrowed his eyes, "You may have been successful but you are nothing like the Quatre I used to know."

"How do you know anything about me!" Quatre asked, his voice becoming colder and colder with every passing heated second. Wufei was looking at him as he did all those years ago and that made him feel some of the pure rage he had felt. "What do you know what it's been like for me?"

"I know because I tried a few years back to contact you."

This stopped Quatre short, "I have no memory—"

"No, you wouldn't. My letter was returned." Wufei picked up his coffee again and sipped it, "I wanted you to help me find the others to bring to my wedding. But there was some sort of order imposed, none of us. . . even if we were dying, could get through to you. . ."

"That's not . . ." Quatre's brow creased, "I . . . I was so angry . . . I never . . ."

"Then why are you taking this up?" Wufei looked at him deeply, "Why are you taking up this quest for Duo?"

Quatre's pale hand came up numbly and touched his chest, "Because . . . my Space Heart finally woke up, and told me . . . I didn't like who I was . . . who I was becoming . . . Wufei . . . I didn't even know you had married again, I didn't know about your daughter . . . yet, Duo did . . . Duo was like a brother to me after the wars . . . Duo was my brother in so many respects . . . after Tr-Trowa left . . . I, he, Duo tried so hard to reach me . . . break through my anger . . . but I pushed him away . . . I pushed all of you away . . . and now I wonder sometimes why looking at the sky doesn't make me happy anymore, why peace has never touched me like it has the rest of the world . . ." Quatre reached up and pulled away his glasses, "I feel like I'm still trapped, Wufei . . . like Gundam was a dream, that one day I will wake up and find everything I have ever loved . . . in ruin . . ." he stared at Wufei with clear oceanic eyes, "Wufei, if you married and have a family . . . then what of the others, I know that Duo is lying in the arms of death . . . what if . . .?"

He paused, tears overwhelming him again.

"What if . . .?"

He slowly looked up, and Wufei finally saw something he recognised. Something of Quatre he knew. The naked emotions of his Space Heart.

"What if someone's dead?" Quatre began to shake his head slowly, "If Trowa has died, has been buried before I can even say I'm. . ." his brow creased, his small hands clutching his glasses tightly. Wufei got up and did something he thought he'd never have the chance to ever again. He sat beside the smaller man and held him as he cried. Nine years of pent up anger poured out through frightened tears.

Quatre looked up as Wufei buried his face into his shoulder and began to cry as well. His Space Heart wrenching quietly as he realised, he wasn't the only one with regrets.

* * *

_::The life of the love::_

_::beloveds of my heart::_

_::oh happy, you my soul::_

_::sing farewell... ::_


	4. Reality's Traitor

Disclaimer: You certainly know the score.

Notes: I'm replacing the chapters because I've cleaned them up a little. Nothing has changed over all. I'm back again, because I was checking out Gundam Wing again, and whammo – the stories came back. Check out the "doing" series, it's far more entertaining. Reviews also make me happy.

Song: Ayumi Hamasaki - Evolution

* * *

_::On the day we arrived on this Earth::__  
__::we were somehow happy::__  
__::and somehow it hurt.::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Part Three: Reality's Traitor**

_::Reality is a traitor; it's easy::  
::to misjudge things.::_

* * *

The rotten poster was peeling, the graffiti obscene. Broken trailers were upturned and ruined; some animal cages reeked and were overgrown with weeds. The colours had long since faded and a cold wind howled around the deserted frames. The circus had long been forgotten. Anything of value removed and sold, things that once been so beautiful were destroyed recklessly.

Hold his daughter's hand securely, Wufei turned tight lipped to Quatre. The other stood there in silent horror, his mouth having fallen open with the shock.

"There's nothing here . . ." An L3 official mumbled apologetically, "This circus fell foul of the depression some years back . . ." He shuffled slightly unsure what to make to the reaction. The fact two of the colonies' richest men had been searching for this particular circus had not escaped the media and the public. Many had begun to come forward claiming to be former member of the circus, hoping to cash in on whatever the two men were looking for. The media hurled questions at them, asking if it had anything to do with the fact the third Gundam pilot was one prominent member of this forgotten circus.

Quatre stared numbly at Trowa's once most beloved circus . . . and it pained him to know that once, a very long time ago all Trowa would have needed to do is breath a word of the trouble and Quatre would have done anything in his power to help, to save Trowa's most precious circus. It hurt him worse to realise that he didn't even know which depression the circus had crumbled under. Since the war, L3 had become the poorest colony. It had not benefited from powerful figures such as Winner enterprises, nor the Basilica effect . . . it had no great war hero return to rebuild it like Wufei had done, nor a close link to earth, like L1 had had with Heero and Relena . . . Trowa was not that kind of person, he did not seek wealth, was not particularly loyal to L3, it was somewhere he had existed once but not his home.

So after the war, L3's Gundam Pilot disappeared just like he had done in the war. For a time circuses made money, selling the fact that theirs might be the one with the hidden pilot. However this deception wasn't enough to ward the wave after wave of depression L3's economy had gone through. It didn't help that L4's most influential business refused to settle there, and soon everyone turned their backs on this backward colony.

Quatre let his eyes slide shut.

The noise around them was almost unbearable and yet . . . there was something he felt, he couldn't put his finger on it but there was something there.

Wufei turned to him with searching eyes; he didn't even have the first clue how to find Trowa. Trowa was the best at hiding in plain sight. His ability to disappear succeeded only by Duo. Quatre would be the only one who'd know, the only one who would really be able to find him.

"What now?" Wufei asked the blonde haired man quietly, seeing the fair eyelids twitch slightly as the other thought. "How do we find him . . .?"

Quatre thought for a moment longer, trying to remember something that would help them. Something that would lead them straight to Trowa, no matter how hard the tall pilot had hidden himself. Finally his eyes slide open and a fresh determination flowed into his eyes, warming them with the challenge. "Alright Trowa . . . have it your way. . ."

He turned and spun on a heel, walking back to the black car where Mister Unterward and Rashid sat waiting. "Quatre!" Wufei called after him, bending over to pick up his daughter, striding back to the car quickly. The blonde paused briefly and looked around. The vultures of the media were surrounding them and he shook his head, he couldn't risk it, couldn't risk allowing the media to search for Trowa before he had a chance to. He motioned Wufei into the car and said a stiff but polite goodbye to the official who'd help them and got into the car. He instructed Rashid to drive off before he finally replied to Wufei.

Wufei couldn't help but feel a spark of the old times; the old hot Gundam blood rush through him as Quatre leant forward with a predatory look in his eye.

"We find his damned lions first!"

* * *

It was quite by accident, actually . . .

Noin and Zechs were looking for the lions around the zoos of L3, when they stopped at a café and found Catherine Bloom waiting upon them. The lions they searched for were in the zoo opposite the café. Catherine had not lost any of her acrobatic skill and her excellent memory for routines, so she was an excellent waitress. She had also not lost a drop of her potent protectiveness.

The slap rung around the café, the forks of many patrons of the small downtown café dropping to their plates in shock, the manger's face paling and soon he looked incredibly faint.

His best waitress had slapped the most powerful, richest man from L4.

Moments passed, the café dreadfully silent but for the sound of Catherine's angry breath, the muttered prayers of the café's manager and the muted sounds of the television in the corner.

Quatre slowly reached up and pressed his cool pale hand against his stinging cheek, he stared downwards for a moment, trying to quell the cold rage welling up in response. He had done Trowa some wrong, but that was between Trowa and he. He closed his eyes and swallowed.

"I suppose I deserved that." He said quietly, swallowing again. "Are you satisfied now?"

Catherine clenched her hands, "Not by a thousand miles!" She spat at him, "How dare you. . . you waltzing in here, all rich and powerful . . . looking for Trowa! Where were you!" Her voice grew steadily as her anger grew fiercer. "We lost everything! You said that Gundam were . . . oh, Gundam never abandons Gundam! HA! You make me sick! You bastard! We lost everything!" She threw her apron at him and spat at him again. "You think you are the best of the best, the cream of the crop! My poor Trowa! Why do you want to reopen these old wounds!"

"Miss Bloom." Mister Unterward cut in smoothly, his old voice breaking the tension between them. "Mister Winner and Mister Chang are here on a matter of utmost importance . . ."

"Take your missions, take your crusades and leave now! You need to save the world again!" Catherine laughed bitterly, "How about saving a few homes first? How about saving this colony first! What has peace done for us?" She motioned around, "This isn't L4, it's not L1 . . . we've been blamed for Mariemaia, blamed for Operation Meteor . . . every colony but us has come out of the wars as saints! Universal Peace! Where?" She spun away from them, shaking her head violently; "I will be dead before—"

Quatre's arm shot out, lightning quick and dragged her back. "This is not about the world, this is not about colonies. This has nothing to do with a crusade. You've got a problem, so have I." She went to pull her arm from his grasp but he only tightened his grip. "You want to rant about how unfair life is? Go ahead, rant away . . . but I haven't got time now to stand here and listen to you." He shook her wrist. "Where the fuck is Trowa!"

Catherine stared at Quatre's cold eyes and blinked with shock. She glanced at the others gathered; Noin and Zechs looked at Quatre with hurt and disappointed expression. Wufei held his daughter's hand tighter and clenched his jaw together. "Winner . . ."

Quatre drew a deep breath. Tried to calm himself. Put who he had become away. He breathed for a few moments longer and looked up at Catherine again. She took a step away from him as he released his tight grip on her arm, and began to rub her wrist. "Who are you?" She whispered quietly, "I don't know you . . . the Quatre I knew. . ."

"The Quatre you knew . . ." he paused and looked down, "…is not who I am any more. Catherine, where is Trowa . . .?"

"He doesn't want to see you." Catherine let go of her wrist, "he never wants to see any of you again. . ."

Sally began to shake her head, "This is so stupid! This is . . ." she clenched her jaw, "Catherine! You have to understand! We need to find Trowa now, we haven't got time any more. . ."

"You had nine years. . ." Catherine stared at Quatre, "All you needed to do was find him. . ."

"I'm trying now." Quatre stared back at her, his cold eyes narrowing. "Why won't you help me?"

"Because it might already be too late."

* * *

"I told him if he wanted to meet you, he would meet us here . . ."

She turned from them, now it was just her, Wufei, Quatre and the lawyer. The lions growled in their cages, looking miserable. She didn't blame them, the cages were too small, the food too poor. But it was all she and Trowa could afford. Since the circus had been disbanded, there was nothing else they could do. The lions were going to be put down, but Trowa couldn't bear to be parted from them, not while they still had so much life left in them. She didn't know how he could bare to look at them while they were so miserable, she'd rather die than spend the rest of her life in such a place.

He was supposed to meet them at nine-thirty, just after his shift finished. She was hoping he wouldn't show up, the garage where he worked all day was just down the street from her café and this zoo. Their small apartments on the way back from the zoo so he could come in every day and visit them. She hoped he would be really tired, so he'd think this stupid new mission of the Gundams wasn't worth it and go straight home.

It came to ten.

Ten-thirty.

Eleven.

Eleven-thirty.

"He's not coming." Catherine finally announced, looking up as Quatre turned and paced back toward them. She didn't like this new version of Quatre. She'd heard about the businessman, but didn't realise that it had really affected him completely. Quatre was just as cold and mean, spiteful as she'd heard. It made Catherine . . . it made her fairly ill to see this once kind boy turned into this cold-hearted bastard. There were moments as they waited when Quatre displayed something familiar, but that was only confined to Wufei. Even when Rashid came to collect them, the bodyguard was given a cool glance and even cooler brush off. Quatre was determined to wait there, all night if nessceary. An hour later, Rashid and Zechs came again, bringing torches and lanterns and once again was told to go away. Rashid paused and wrapped a blanket around Quatre's smaller frame while Zechs knelt by Catherine and Wufei. Catherine was getting cold now, she sat on the floor next to Wufei. She looked at the former White Fang leader, "He's really not coming . . ." she said quietly as Quatre turned from them all, pacing away. "How much longer do you need to sit here and wait . . .?"

"We haven't got a choice;" Wufei glanced up, his dark eyes following Quatre. "If we give up now, we're going to lose something . . . something too precious for words."

Zechs nodded as he reached into his bag, he withdrew a flash and a large mug. He poured boiling hot coffee into it and offered the mug to Catherine. She smiled slightly, "Thanks."

"It's nothing." Zechs dug about in the rucksack and pulled out the flask's lid, he poured the coffee out and handed it to "Wufei." Zechs sighed, "I don't know what has happened. Our future was so beautiful, yet the price…" he looked at Wufei, "What happened to you, may I ask, was it really worth it?"

Wufei watched Quatre for a long moment before he answered. "No. I don't think it was." Catherine frowned as the Chinese man continued. "This isn't about Basilica anymore, I think Quatre knows that . . ." he glanced at her, the lantern's cold blue light making him even paler. "If we give up now, then we'll let Duo down . . . and everything we fought for in the wars will become meaningless . . ."

They looked up as Quatre came to a stop before them. He stared at Catherine for a long moment. "Where do you live?"

She blinked, "what?"

"Trowa. Where does he live?"

Catherine frowned, "he doesn't want to see you."

"Doesn't want to see me, fine!" Quatre snapped, "but I am going to see him!"

* * *

Quatre ran.

"_Past the penguins, there's the southern exit."_

Catherine's instructions ringing clear in his ears. His feel pelted the ground.

"_Our place is the seventh building on the right, it's got a blue post-box outside of it."_

He ran like he hadn't in nine years. It felt good. He closed his eyes, the cold air was clean. It was cleaning him, cleaning his lungs, cleaning his hair as he ran. Years of sitting behind a desk rolled off him, and for a moment it was like he was sat in his Gundam once more. Here as he ran without torch, in the darkness, he could almost pretend he was on a mission. Running from OZ.

He ran full steam into a solid chest, his momentum carrying him and his unfortunate victim forward. They crashed onto the hard pavement and rolled, long arms came up and wrapped around his shoulders are they rolled. Finally they came to stop, he lay beneath the other, trembling. Caught up in his daydream, he almost believed he was caught by OZ.

But then . . . the tip of familiar spiky hair brushed his nose.

Strong arms tightened around him as the slim body onto of him shifted slightly.

A Germanic curse slipped into his ears, as the man above him tried to catch his breath. Quatre swallowed. He didn't know what to do, say . . . didn't even know how he felt. Trowa Barton . . . His Trowa Barton was there. He let his arms slip up and wrap around Trowa's neck.

"Are you all right?" Trowa muttered quietly, seemingly unaware of whom he held. Quatre blinked fiercely, memories of that voice flooding back. Nine years. NINE years, he hadn't heard this voice that once he dreamt of every night. His own breath caught in his throat. He didn't know what to say, what to do. His feelings, his heart failed him. Here in the dark, he could pretend. Could pretend Trowa never broke his heart, that he'd never said all those things.

Blindly Trowa reached out and touched his cheek.

"Are you all right?" He asked again, Quatre absently noting his breath had the bitter undertone of alcohol in it, "Are you hurt?"

((YES!)) Quatre wanted to yell at him, but concentrated all his strength on trying to hold himself together. Part of him was now angry, fiercely angry with Trowa. It had been his fault as well, why hadn't Trowa tried to do anything to make it better. Trowa had a way of always getting through to him, no matter how many security precautions Rashid had up; Trowa had always been the one who could see Quatre on a whim. If Trowa had wanted, Trowa could have ended this all so long ago.

Long, rough fingers trailed lightly over his face, seeking out his cheeks, his eyebrows.

There was a gasp of breath, and Trowa muttered carelessly. "It can't be. . ."

Trowa slowly pulled back from Quatre, and Quatre loosened his arms, lying still. He closed his eyes tightly; he didn't want to show Trowa how weak he was. Didn't want to let Trowa see him not coping. He'd made this promise the first night he didn't cry himself to sleep. Never again would he be weak in front of Trowa. Never again, would he let Trowa get so close to him. His heart was his alone now; Trowa had had his chance, never again would he be fragile before the stoic German pilot.

He felt himself being lifted and carried to a better-lit place. He was set on his feet and finally he opened his eyes and stared, under the poor yellowy light of a street lamp, into dark forest green eyes he thought he'd never want to see again.

"You . . ." Trowa whispered, his eyes widening and then narrowed with anger. "Where's my sister?"

"She's with your precious lions." Quatre started to brush himself off, not willing to rise up against Trowa's anger and start another argument. "I got sick of waiting for you."

"Well, you know how it feels then."

Quatre looked up at Trowa as the taller man growled at him and brushed past him. "Wait."

"No. Go home, I'm not going on your little missions anymore. I'm too old to mess about." Trowa kept walking, disappearing into the darkness beyond the streetlight. Quatre gritted his teeth and growled to himself.

"Don't walk away from me, Trowa!"

Trowa didn't answer him, his brisk footsteps beginning to fade away. Quatre made a sharp, angry sound and started to run after the former lion tamer. "Trowa!"

"What?" The taller spun and glared at him, "What do you want from me! Being the hero doesn't pay the bills! Playing with the robots doesn't save my sister from doing a job she hates every day!" He shook his head, storming back toward Quatre, "This all ended nine years ago, Quatre. You, me, everything! I don't want to play soldiers anymore, go home and play with your toy soldiers!"

"Fuck you."

Trowa nodded bitterly, "Yeah, that's the best way to convince me to come with you, Quatre, insult me even more."

"Fuck you!"

Trowa turned away, "Go home Quatre . . . leave me alone."

"FUCK YOU!" Quatre roared angrily, "This isn't about you, this isn't about any fucking mission! Trowa, this is about Gundam!"

"I'm not Gundam!" Trowa spun back to him, throwing his once graceful arms out angrily, "Get it through your thick skull. I don't have enough money to be a Gundam anymore. The Barton family is not supporting me anymore! I could have a wheelbarrow of cash on this colony and it still wouldn't be enough to pay for a loaf of bread." Trowa walked back to Quatre and shook his head, "You've no idea how hard it is to live on this colony and we can't leave because nobody can afford the shuttle tickets . . ." Trowa paused for a moment and stared at him, "I have three jobs, all of which pay the minimum wage, even though the work I do should pay better. I've five lions and a sister to help up keep, and I'll be seventy-nine –IF I keep the same jobs and work every shift I can – before I can ever afford a shuttle ticket to get Catherine off this stinking shit hole of a colony."

Quatre stared at Trowa with wide eyes; not believing this disillusioned, world-weary man was once ever Trowa Barton.

"That's providing we don't hit another depression, if I don't fall ill, if the lions don't fall ill, if Catherine can work every day. If we don't get evicted from our damp ridden apartment. If idiots like you don't come along and expect me to drop everything and go on a mission with you. I can't . . ." Trowa shook his head and started to walk away, "I'm not a child any more, Quatre . . . and neither are you. . . we destroyed the Gundams, let someone else save the earth . . ."

"Someone tried to assassinate Duo Maxwell."

Trowa paused but continued.

"He's in a coma."

Trowa stopped but didn't turn around.

"He will never wake up."

Trowa turned slowly, looking at Quatre with suspicious eyes.

"So, his lawyer is asking us to get together for one last time and decide . . ." Quatre swallowed hard, trying not to choke on the words. "If . . . if we should . . . let him live anymore . . ."

The tall former pilot walked back toward him. "Duo's dying?"

"He might already be brain dead . . ." Quatre said quietly, starting to tremble. "But . . . he left us a will, left us something each . . . but only if we go to L2 together . . ."

". . . but . . ." Trowa began, he shook his head slowly, "I don't understand . . . are we all in danger?"

"They think it was some loose cannon . . ." Quatre raised his hand and wiped at his nose. "Trowa, please . . . they are going to let him go if we don't do something!"

"Wufei . . . Heero? What about them?"

"We've already found Wufei, he's with us . . . but we need to find Heero . . ." Quatre swallowed, "they . . . they were best friends, through everything . . . Heero needs to know . . ." he dipped his head, "I know . . . I know that I've done so many things wrong . . . but Duo . . . Duo doesn't deserve to die alone. None of us do." He glanced up at Trowa and frowned slightly, "When I came here, I was scared . . . honestly scared, Trowa . . . I mean . . ."

The taller man stepped closer to listen, Quatre's voice was so quiet.

"I mean, did you know Wufei was married, has a daughter now . . . his wife died, all in those nine years . . . I was barely aware he lived on the New L5!" His hand came up and pressed against his chest, "I never felt a thing, I used to feel you all the time, all of you, your emotions even when you were far away . . . but now . . ."

A tear escaped from Trowa's dark green eyes, but in the darkness, Quatre never knew of it.

"I don't feel a damned thing, nothing! I didn't even know if you were alive or not . . ." Quatre shook his head, "it's horrible . . . Trowa, please! For Duo's sake, you can disappear again, but please . . . don't let Duo die alone, don't let us betray him now!"

* * *

"Thank you."

Catherine nodded absently as the lawyer took a sip from his coffee. She stared at Wufei's daughter Nataku. The little girl looked around the small kitchen warily as if she expected something nasty to jump out of the cupboards. She wasn't used to the ugly side of life, Wufei had seen to that. Catherine smiled as the girl notice that she'd caught Catherine's attention and reddened. She poured Trowa a cup of coffee then leant over toward the girl and smiled charmingly, "Bet you'd rather be out playing!" She winked, "If your daddy will let me, how would you like to take a walk to the Zoo? You can see our lions!"

"I'm afraid you will not see your lions at the Zoo." Mister Unterward said curtly as he opened a manila folder, he glanced at Catherine, "My client has made arrangements for your lions to be taken to a better facility. He didn't know where they were being kept, but my client was always keen to help with their upkeep. Second Chance Inc. is now in ownership of the zoo, and arrangements are being made to upgrade it."

"Why?" Trowa asked quietly, staring at Unterward over the rim of his coffee mug. Unterward raised an eyebrow.

"It was my client's impression that you would never accept money from him directly, so he is arranging to improve the state of affairs with your lions. I understand the next step is to attempt to convert the zoo from zoo to a hybrid of zoo and circus, with an attempt to recruit from your former circus." Unterward paused and stared at Trowa, "if you ask why he is so keen to help . . . I think you must realise, my client wants to help you. He was heartbroken when he discovered your circus was gone."

* * *

_::We've arrived in this kind of time.::  
::But somehow we'll die::  
::So somehow we're standing here::  
::and we're living through today.::_


	5. The Trouble With Me

Disclaimer: You certainly know the score.

Notes: I'm replacing the chapters because I've cleaned them up a little. Nothing has changed over all. I'm back again, because I was checking out Gundam Wing again, and whammo – the stories came back. Check out the "doing" series, it's far more entertaining. Reviews also make me happy.

Song: Skin – The Trouble With Me

* * *

_::The trouble with me::_

_::Is my troubles with you::_

_::You'd like me to believe::_

_::I need no one but you ::_

_::I stumble from your juiced up promises::_

_::Can't believe what I forgave in you::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 4: The trouble with me**

_::Too scared by what you think I'm living for::_

_::So distorted::_

* * *

Trowa slide down in his seat. Leaving his sister behind with Zechs and Noin was hard. The Preventers seemed to move in, descending with Lady Une on the colony. Quatre had made a phone call, and suddenly Trowa's apartment was Catherine's temporary place to stay until the new apartment was ready for her. Without even a backward glance, Quatre Rebarba Winner swooped in with his money and started flinging it every which way to make things better. Trowa slouched, turning his head away from the two men sitting on the other side of the plane.

Wufei and Quatre oozed wealth. Trowa had all his valuables and his best clothes in a duffle bag in the over head compartment. He folded his arms and closed his eyes. He was beginning to regret leaving L3 and was worried about his jobs, but then the tape returned to his mind.

"You know something Trowa, I wish I'd seen you." Duo's smile had been so painful to look at. Trowa and Duo had always shared something, that they were two children of the war. That Duo was able to succeed where Trowa could not was painful to acknowledge. "I wish I had seen you one more time, full clown get up and with your lions. I meant to, buddy," Duo's voice had been so soft, "Things just got in the way and by the time Second Chance was floating on its own profits, L3's economy had self-destructed."The late sunset had set Duo's hair a flaming colour. It had made him sick to the stomach to see the media pictures of Duo in his death bed. The hair was shorn now; rendering Duo entirely bald. It had thrown Quatre into another fit of sobbing. Trowa's hands itched, responding to the urge to comfort.

He opened his eyes to a light kick against his knee. He's been woken from his sleep by Wufei's girl. The small girl was fiercely colouring a picture. Her feet were swinging and occasionally she would land a slight kick to Trowa's knee. She looked up when he shifted to get out of her range. Her dark eyes were wide for a moment and then narrowed. "You don't look like a gundam." She said quietly, "Papa said you were all brave and strong." She glanced over to where her father and Quatre were now sitting. Wufei was asleep, while Quatre was looking out the window thoughtfully.

Trowa shrugged, "Your father knew us when we were younger."

"He's still strong. He's still brave." She said, almost angry. "But Mister Winner can't stop crying and you—" she cut herself off and pressed her crayon down hard. Her strokes were broad and angry. "He's never wrong, why do you have to make him wrong?"

"Nataku," They both looked up. Quatre was standing by them. "Rashid's preparing dinner, why don't you help him?"

She looked at him, her eyes flicked to Trowa. She looked down, staring hard at her colouring paper. "Papa doesn't see you like this." She said, her voice sorry. "He's got these pictures, where you're still ..." She pursed her lips. "Still Gundams." She slide out of her chair and moved away.

Quatre slid into her place. He looked at Trowa somewhat critically, when they'd met on L3 Trowa had been a mess. Trowa had made the effort to shave at least. He grasped for a topic of conversation, and looked down. Nataku's picture was a mess. He picked up a blue crayon and started to shade in and around the hard red strokes. "She's certainly her father's child."

Trowa didn't answer for a long moment. He sighed sharply, "As are you, I hear."

The blue crayon stilled for a moment, and Quatre drew a breath and let it go slowly. He was still clearly angry, but trying to make an effort to remain calm. "Yes, I understand many people disapprove of my methods now." Trowa didn't look at him. He stared out the window, expression blank. His dark green eyes were exhausted. Quatre swallowed. "Trowa, I want—"

"Don't ask me." Trowa cut in quietly, his voice tight. "Don't you dare talk to me. We're going to L2; we're going to make a decision about Duo. When that's done, you can go back to L4."

"And you?" Quatre was surprised how easily his anger was stoked. "What will happen to you?"

"I'll work; see if I can't get a job in L2. Money is worth more here, I could send some back to Catherine—"

"I could help you—"

"I don't need your charity. I don't need you." Trowa's tired eyes were alight with fury. "When I have enough money, I'll buy back everything. I might never be able to pay you, but I'll own myself."

Quatre's face did an ugly thing and Trowa felt cold. Quatre rose, "I've never tried to own you, I just wanted to help. I bought your apartment so Catherine wouldn't be out on the street."

"I never ask—"

"You didn't need to. I can see you can't do it—"

"Bastard!" Trowa roared, standing, "You think you can just piss money on everyone—"

"Both of you, shut up." Wufei was there, silent until now but clearly disgusted with both of them. "Your voices can be heard throughout the ship. My daughter has seen enough today, she doesn't need you giving her nightmares." He stalked away from them, and Trowa dropped to his seat. He folded his arms and looked away from Quatre. The blonde haired man stood, struggling to bring himself back under control. Trowa could feel his eyes on him.

* * *

When they arrived at L2, they were all discontent. Mr Unterward met them and drove with them to the hotel where they would be setting up their 'base'. They were denied entry to the hospital, and were left to their own devices for the two days before they'd be cleared to enter the hospital.

Quatre found Wufei taking breakfast with his daughter one morning. They had secured a table by the balcony and Natuka was enjoying the sunshine. As she played, Wufei sat drinking tea and reading the newspapers. They were filled with concern for the second Gundam Pilot. Wufei looked at peace, and Quatre was loathed to join them in case his foul mood spread. It was impossible to escape Wufei; the Chinese man looked up and pieced Quatre with dark challenging eyes, daring the fourth pilot to sit away from them.

Quatre slipped into a seat opposite Wufei and ordered his breakfast. Quatre sipped at the coffee when it arrived, and looked up. Wufei had folded the news paper and was watching his daughter thoughtfully. "It's almost impossible to escape Duo here." Wufei said quietly, "Everyone is so worried for him, and it almost seems like everyone has a personal experience with him." Wufei looked at Quatre, "Did you not sleep well?"

"No." Quatre said, trying hard not to be short. His night had been plagued with nightmares and his heart ached. Quatre reigned himself in, and breathed in the aroma of his coffee. "I suppose I could not honestly expect not to be affected by all of this." He thanked the waiter when his food arrived and ate his breakfast. He was grateful when Wufei did not pursue the conversation as he ate.

Trowa joined them, rumpled and clearly out of sorts himself. He was hesitant to join them at their table, but Wufei clearly shifted his papers and kicked a chair impatiently. Trowa sat, not even bothering to read the menu. Wufei poured the third pilot a cup of coffee. "Not hungry?"

"Not rich enough." Trowa replied, trying to keep his bitterness low. He accepted the cup of coffee, "Thank you." He looked out of the window, "I was going to start looking for a job in the city. I didn't think to bring much in the way of money."

"I'll pay." Quatre said, his expression blank. "I'm paying for you too, Wufei. Anything Nataku needs or wants, you let me or Rashid know."

Trowa's lip curled. "I don't need—"

Wufei held up a hand, "Thank you." He looked at Trowa, "Let's break our fasts together, as we did before."

"I don't need your charity." Trowa growled in Quatre's direction. The fourth pilot did not look up from his breakfast. Quatre chewed until his mouth was empty, and then politely dabbed at his lips. It was then he looked up, and met Trowa's eyes directly.

"It's not charity." His eyes were cold, his expression still blank. "It's blood money. It's money I will pay and keep paying until Duo is dead." Quatre sipped his coffee, his trembling hands betraying him. "I'll pay for us all. It's my fault we're here. It's my fault he's lying there dying. If I hadn't destroyed us nine years ago, we would have been there for him." Quatre dropped his gaze and resumed eating.

There was silence at the table, and only the chink of Quatre's cutlery seemed to break the silence. Wufei looked from Quatre to Trowa to his daughter. He stood, picking up his coffee and a newspaper. "How did we save the Earth and the colonies?" He muttered, anger in his voice, "We can't even save ourselves."

He left them and sat with his daughter. Trowa watched them for a long moment, before turning his attention to Quatre. The blonde man resolutely read his own newspaper, but couldn't hide the tears working their way down his cheeks. Trowa sighed, unable to calm his own anger enough to offer even the false hope of forgiveness. He picked up the menu and read through the options, trying not to be alarmed by the prices. He looked at Quatre again, and could see that the fourth pilot had taken the opportunity to subtly wipe the tears away.

Trowa swallowed hard and drew a breath. He tilted the menu toward Quatre, making the other man look up. Trowa still couldn't meet his eye, and it was hard to keep from sounding too bitter. "Been a while since I ate in such a place." He muttered, he looked at the menu again, "What do you suggest?"

Quatre cleared his throat. He browsed the menu carefully, before looking up again. He carefully did not meet Trowa's eye. "Pancakes." He said finally, "You... I thought you used to like pancakes."

"I do." Trowa looked at the selection and motioned the waiter over. "I'll have the pancakes."

"And also bring golden syrup." Quatre amended the order quickly. The waiter looked to Trowa, and the third pilot nodded. He risked a glance at Quatre, and found that Quatre was once again fascinated by a newspaper. Quatre cleared his throat again, "I remembered that you were not fond of maple syrup." He said, trying to be off-hand about the comment. He turned a page in his newspaper.

Trowa nodded slightly, and then forced the words out. "Yes, thank you. I still am not fond of maple."

He tried not to acknowledge the part of him that warmed when Quatre flicked his eyes up and Trowa caught the momentary liquid happiness in those blue eyes. Quatre resumed reading his newspaper, while Trowa sipped his coffee.

When his pancakes arrived, Trowa thanked the waiter and began eating. Quatre had finished his meal and was now reading his newspaper in earnest now. There was an article about Duo and Quatre seemed intent on absorbing the information. Trowa ate slowly; he wanted to make sure that he wasn't left feeling hungry later. The silence at the table was uncomfortable and he didn't know what he could say to lighten the air between them. He looked out toward the balcony, watching Nataku as she played. Wufei was sat watching her, a happy smile was faint on his face as he lost himself in his daughter's make believe. Quatre's voice was so quiet, Trowa blinked and had to look at the man.

"Sorry?"

Quatre cleared his throat, nervously. "I said, um, I said, did you know?" Quatre was watching Wufei's daughter as well. His blue eyes were misty. "I didn't know, she's what? Five or six? She's this whole new life and I didn't know."

Trowa looked down at his plate, thinking. "I was aware." He pushed the last pancake around in the syrup. "I was pretty angry..." He frowned, "I still am." He looked up, "but I still looked out for news. I only found out after his wife died."

"I wonder what she was like." Quatre was lost in his thoughts. "She must have been something amazing to reach out and touch his heart like that." Quatre looked as if he would start crying again, but swallowed hard and reached for the coffee pot. "I should have met her." He said after a sip of coffee. "I should have been there for him." He fell silent for a long moment. The moment was awkward between them. Quatre nodded to himself, if finally coming to some sort of agreement. "I should have been there for you."

Trowa looked at him and sighed. "Don't." He said finally, "I don't want to talk about it." Quatre stared at him for a very long moment before nodding. The blonde man rose from his seat. Trowa closed his eyes and silently berated himself. He reached out blindly and was unsurprised when his hand clasped Quatre's. He opened his eyes and looked up at the other man. "Yet."

Quatre squeezed his hand, his eyes unreadable. A faint smile flitted over his pale lips and then the blonde man turned away, walking over to join Wufei.

* * *

Standing at the observation window was hard. Wufei had left his daughter behind, leaving her with Rashid. Unterward had recommended that the three go alone to the ward. They stood and stared. They listened to Duo's doctor as the man droned on about the impossibility of Duo's situation. Duo was unreachable; no conventional methods had managed to drag the former pilot out of his coma. The doctor was complimentary about the fact that Duo's conditioning at the hands of his Gundam Doctor had prevented the young man from succumbing to death.

Quatre felt sick. Duo was lying there; face covered in tubes and bandages, body very much the same. His pale hand lay limp by his side. Everything, even his breathing, was artificial. Only his heartbeat, a regular beep, was the only thing that indicated that Duo Maxwell was still alive. Quatre stepped forward, pressing pale hands against the glass as if it would bring him closer. Behind him, Wufei closed his eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose wearily.

"Duo." Wufei muttered tiredly, "Duo would not want this."

Quatre's eyes widened as he focused on Wufei's reflection. "Back then." Quatre clarified, "Back when we were soliders, no he would not have wanted this." He turned to look at Wufei, "But we don't know about now."

Wufei slipped his glasses back on, peering at Quatre for a long moment. "Would you want this?"

"It's life."

"It's a living death." Wufei frowned, "He has nothing left to give!"

"It's still a life!" Quatre's expression turned shocked, "I will not vote to end it."

Wufei's eyes flashed as he stepped closer. "I will not vote to let him live like this. He deserves to go in peace; he does not deserve to live on in this purgatory."

Quatre was already shaking his head, "He doesn't deserve to be given up on. There may be new treatments, experimental treatments." He made a slicing motion with his hand, "I'm not giving up on him. He might not be able to defend himself, but over my dead body is anyone pulling that plug!"

"Will you say the same in a year?" Wufei challenged coolly, "Will you say the same in five years? Ten years? When his body has wasted away and he has nothing left but a kindly nurse who checks him with the same care she would check a plant?" Wufei reached up and grasped Quatre's shoulders, his fingers digging in painfully. His eyes were filled with tears. "That is my brother, lying there. My family. I will not let you take his pride, his dignity. He is a Gundam Pilot; he brought peace to this world. My daughter can sleep at night and does not know the sound of mobile suits fighting because he fought!" Wufei's emotions overcame him as he shook Quatre once, hard. "Do you hear me? I will not give him a peasant's death when he has wasted away to dust and bones!"

Quatre was furious. They stared hard at each other, unable to speak for several long moments. The doctor stared at them, astounded by both men. He coughed politely. "Mister Unterward, Mister Basilicas' lawyer, has left the instructions that four of you must make the decision." He looked to Trowa, who folded his arms and looked between Quatre and Wufei.

"I won't make this decision yet." Trowa said finally, "You're both right and you're both wrong." He looked through the glass. "But Heero should be here. I won't make a decision until he's here or we fail to find him."

Wufei took a step back and drew a breath. He took a moment to calm himself and looked back up at Quatre. "I'm sorry, I... I did not realise that seeing him like this would affect me so." He looked toward Quatre's shoulders, "You are unharmed?"

"Yes." Quatre rolled his shoulders, they pained him but he knew that Wufei could have done worse. He tried to smile; it was a pale imitation of himself. "We both care about Duo." He shook his head, "We all care about Duo." He glanced at Trowa, "And you're right. We can't make a decision, not now. Not when it is all so close and painful." He looked down for a long moment and then turned to look through the window. He pressed a hand against the glass. "We need to find Heero."

* * *

Trowa fell back against the silken covers of his large bed. He stared at the ceiling for a very long moment before digging out the new mobile phone Quatre had given him. He dialled a number and waited patiently. It rang twice before Catherine breathlessly answered. "Hello?"

"Hi Catherine." Trowa found a smile and closed his eyes. "How are you?"

"I'm doing ok." She said, there was wonder in her voice. "I was just discovering how lovely it is to have a full bath of hot water."

"Be careful not to scald yourself." Trowa said, "What's our new apartment like?"

"You mean my new apartment." She laughed freely and Trowa was warmed by it, it had been too long since she'd laughed. "It is good. Looks like Mister Quatre Rebabra Winner has a massive guilty pocket which is handily filled with money." She paused for a moment, and when she spoke again, her voice was apologetic. "I'm sorry. He has been more than generous. I should thank him. There are things that he didn't need to do which he has done for me."

"Really?" Trowa opened an eye and stared at the ceiling, "Like what?"

"He's bought me clothes, not just one set to get me started, but he's given me a whole new wardrobe. There are costumes as well, and knives. Like he expects me to get back into the circus again." She chuckled, "I've also been offered training in a load of different jobs if I want it. He's giving me a step up and I'm still wishing I got in one more slap."

Trowa raised his hand and felt his cheek. "I do remember how hard you slap. I'm sure he will too."

"How are things there? I saw some news feeds from L2, that pilot, Duo? He doesn't look good."

"He doesn't." Trowa swallowed hard, surprised by how sudden the tears sprung up. At the hospital he was able to tie it down but remembering now how weak and defenceless Duo looked awoke powerful emotions in Trowa now. "It might be that he never wakes up; it might be that we choose to let him go."

There was a sharp intake of breath as Catherine gasped, "Is that why you're there? To make that choice?"

Trowa nodded slowly, "Yes. He wouldn't let anyone else make that choice for him." He paused, "But we have to find Heero first. Wufei thinks it's kinder to let Duo go, Quatre wants him to live – even if it means living forever like a corpse on life support."

Catherine was quiet for a long time. "What do you think?"

Trowa rolled off his bed and sat up. He licked dry lips and stared out of the window. L2 twinkled brightly in the darkness. He moved until he could make out his own reflecting in the window and stared into his own dark green eyes.

"I don't know."

* * *

_::The trouble with me::_

_::Is my troubles with you::_

_::Sometimes you make me feel::_

_::Like I'm everybody's fool::_


	6. So Fucking Special

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: I'm replacing the chapters because I've cleaned them up a little. Nothing has changed over all. I'm back again, because I was checking out Gundam Wing again, and whammo – the stories came back. Check out the "doing" series, it's far more entertaining. Reviews also make me happy.

**Song**: Scala & Kolacny Brothers – Creep

* * *

_::When you were here before::_

_::Couldn't look you in the eye::_

_::You're just like an angel::_

_::Your skin makes me cry::_

**Fade To Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 5: So Fucking Special**

_::You float like a feather::_

_::In a beautiful world::_

* * *

Quatre watched as the snowflakes began to float down around the colony. The picture window was broad and gave one of the very best views of the colony. From it, you could easily make out the curve upwards and could almost see the cities above on the upper curve. The environmental controls were astounding. Snow was not easy to manufacture on a colony and Quatre was extremely impressed during the first days of winter when the delicate white dots appeared. None of it lay on the ground, immediately turning to water and being recycled. Quatre was unsurprised when he found out Second Chance Inc were responsible for the changes made to the controls, updating them to become efficient and effective. Second Chance Inc poured its profits back into L2, enabling the colony to become cutting edge with its technology.

"It's enchanting." Quatre blinked, startled out of his thoughts and looked up. Trowa stood beside him, staring out. "L3 barely can manage rain once a year." A small smile came over his face, "I'm glad Duo made his dreams come true."

"Dreams?" Quatre asked quietly.

"L3 is a good approximation of what L2 used to be like. Nobody cared enough to fix things." Trowa glanced over his shoulder at the comatose former pilot. "If it was still working somewhat, it didn't need repair." He looked at Quatre, "Wufei sent me to ask if you're meeting us for dinner today."

Quatre returned his gaze to the window. It had been two months. Duo's condition had not improved. Quatre's money had bought better equipment, more staff and yet more specialists. Duo was no longer trailing tubes and wires, but that was only because of the more efficient equipment. Quatre's money had bought a bigger room with better facilities. It had not bought Duo out from under the shadow of death. He sighed and squared his shoulders. "I don't suppose there has been any news."

Trowa cocked his head, "Only what you probably already heard. The trail goes cold in Paris." He stepped over toward Duo, mindful of the few wires and tubes that did trail from their friend. A complex mask covered his face and most of his throat. Duo's eyes remained closed as Trowa brushed a careful finger over his eyebrow. "Heero has disappeared; I don't think we'll find him. Not unless we find his body."

There was a heavy sigh behind him and a very colourful oath. Trowa turned to look at Quatre. The former Sandrock pilot's temper was something that had shocked Trowa. Quatre was prone to extreme bouts of rage. It was something that he was working hard to control, but Trowa was still surprised. The blonde former pilot drew a deep breath and turned to look out the window for a long moment, clearly struggling to get himself under control. Finally, with a long sigh, he turned to face Trowa. His eyes were still flickering with fury, but he was calm as he spoke. "Yes, then I suppose I will join you for dinner."

Quatre took another deep breath and then walked over to lean over Duo. He pressed his forehead against Duo's. "We will find him, my friend. Keep hanging on."

Trowa watched him and felt his hands itch again. He turned away from the scene and stared out the window. He couldn't escape the feeling, the urge to comfort Quatre. Trowa stared out the window and tried to watch the snow, instead of the pale blonde man leaning over their pale dying friend.

* * *

Nataku's legs swung freely as she sat waiting for her dinner. She was reading the menu with her father. Wufei spoke to his daughter in calm tones, explaining the Cantonese and connecting the words to the English translations. Quatre watched them with a fond smile. Outside, the white snow fluttered in beautiful trails under the pale street lights. Wufei had resigned his post on L5, taking a sabbatical with his daughter. He had found a good sized home near to Duo's hospital, and was currently tutoring his daughter. She had taken to the move with the same fearlessness of her father, challenging everyone to be better than they were to keep up with her. Quatre glanced at Trowa; the man was enjoying his wine slowly. Quatre had been worried about Trowa's drinking, but was pleased to see that Trowa was making efforts to reduce his drinking. Trowa had looked for, and had found a decent job as a mechanic at Second Chance Inc. The job was temporary and with few hours, but paid well.

Quatre was in a similar position as Wufei and had decided to take a sabbatical. He tried not to see the pleasure on Rashid's face when he had announced his decision. It was so difficult to let go of his near strangle hold on Winner Enterprises, but his staff were competent and he needed to be here. Caring for Duo was hard work. Quatre had not appreciated how much red tape and ridiculousness was involved in a coma patient's care. Money had gone a long way to ensure that Wufei was satisfied that Duo wasn't being left to rot. Quatre swirled his own wine in his glass and watched the play of the blood red liquid. He hadn't told the others of the therapy sessions he had enrolled himself onto. Quatre knew his temper was out of hand. He glanced at Nataku. He knew that he'd have to control his unabated fury if he wanted to remain around her.

Dinner arrived and they ate. Their conversation was kept light for Nataku's sake. She was engaging despite her young age, and Wufei was clearly proud of her. He delighted in answering her pertinent questions. Quatre rested his chin on a hand and watched them.

"Your food is getting cold." Trowa's quiet voice drew his attention. Quatre blinked and looked around. Everyone had finished except him.

"Ah." Quatre resumed eating. He looked at Trowa, "Did you enjoy your meal?"

"Yes, thank you." Trowa dabbed his lips with his napkin, "Yours?"

Their quiet conversation was stilted and polite. Quatre didn't mind, he delighted in being able to talk at all. "It is delicious, if somewhat cool." He paused and caught a small piece of meat in his chopsticks. He held it up, cupping his hand under it to catch the dripping sauce. "Would you like to try it?"

Trowa stared for a long moment at the offered bite. Quatre's expression was carefully composed. He was reluctant, but calm. Trowa sighed and lifted his own chopsticks. He deftly plucked the meat from Quatre's and tasted it. "I'm not a fan of sour sauces," Trowa chewed thoughtfully for a moment, "But the garlic gives it balance."

Quatre's smile was faint, his voice was carefully polite. "Yes, I do believe you're right." He looked back down at his own plate.

"Thank you." Trowa said quietly, clarifying when Quatre looked up again, "For allowing me the taste."

This time Quatre's smile was brighter, his voice warmer. "Always."

Their eyes met for a long moment, both unsure of what to say. They were grateful when Wufei coughed politely. Wufei looked at them both, holding their eyes with dark challenging eyes for a long moment before he spoke. "It's getting late, perhaps we should retire for the night. My new apartment is well suited for an evening's drink. You are both welcome to join me."

* * *

"As far as I can guess, he's currently living off grid." Wufei ran a hand through his hair. Nataku was asleep in her room, and the three of them were sat around the dining room table. Quatre looked at the blurry pictures Wufei had pinned to a board. Pictures of Heero caught unawares, pictures of Heero gazing out from cafe windows, pictures of Heero standing behind people as a preventer. Not a single picture showed Heero smiling or relaxed. Even in images that were taken when Heero was supposed to be relaxing showed a haunted looking young man, expressionless but for the dark staring eyes. Many of the images had been taken after Heero had left the Preventers suddenly and without explanation.

"The Preventers trail him for two years, and then he just disappears in Paris." Wufei racked his eyes over a report, shaking his head. "They can't explain it."

"He went off grid." Trowa said calmly, "It's not to be unexpected. Surely we were all trained to do that."

"Yes, during the war." Quatre was frustrated, "But this isn't a war time situation. He's not a terrorist with a giant gundam to hide anymore."

Trowa blinked and then pointed at one picture. Heero was sat at a cafe, his gaze locked on the camera. "He knew he was being followed. He doesn't look like he liked that idea."

Quatre shook his head, "This is hopeless. He's been missing for four years." He pulled up another sheaf of papers, Heero's performance reports from the Preventers. There was a marked decline in Heero's performance nine years ago. After the Gundam Pilots' break up, Heero's ability to perform for the Preventers was called into question. Reckless behaviour, lack of empathy, inability to work with team mates. The list was extensive and had been leading up to a discharge from service. It seemed that Lady Une was wavering between an Other than Honourable, Dishonourable or a Bad Conduct discharge from the Preventers at the time when Heero disappeared. Quatre sighed and leant back in the chair.

He stared at the ceiling. "We should come to a decision."

He heard Trowa sigh, "You mean I should come to a decision."

Quatre let his head tip forward, and smiled sadly. "No, it's not that simple anymore." He leant forward, arching his fingers. "I can throw money at Duo as much as I want..."

"What are you saying?" Wufei asked sharply.

"You're right, Wufei." Quatre admitted, "It hurts so much, but perhaps this isn't the way. I want to live in a world where Duo has a chance to recover." He looked at both of the men, "I don't want to live in a world where he doesn't."

Wufei dropped the report he had been reading and heavily sat in the chair. "Has it only been two months?" He asked, wiping his eyes tiredly. "Look at what you have done for him." He looked at Quatre, "With a simple change of venue; you've made things look hopeful." He shook his head, "I cannot decide this now. I'm tired of looking for Heero, tired of hearing the doctors speak without hope."

Trowa stood, "We should think about this when we've had a chance to sleep." He motioned the door, "I think you should take a break from searching, Wufei." He looked down at Quatre, "And we should see ourselves out."

Wufei saw them to the door and closed the door quietly. He moved through the darkened apartment, and opened his daughter's bedroom door. Her night light cast a soft orange glow around the room, warming his heart again. He watched her for a long moment, drawing his strength from her soft face and her deep breathing. She smiled in her sleep, safe and sound.

He did not tell Quatre, but in the two months since arriving here, his mind had changed. He did not want Duo to die without having met his beautiful daughter. He closed her door and returned to the dining room, powering on his laptop again. He sat down and began typing, shooting off new emails and strings of enquiries. He knew it to be selfish, but he wanted Duo to live. Wufei could see what Duo had done for the people of his home colony and understood. He understood why Duo had chosen the four of them to be his family.

Wufei wasn't prepared to allow his friend to die without seeing the peace they had achieved themselves.

* * *

"You don't need to walk me back." Quatre ventured quietly as they walked through the streets. It was late and they stood at a crossroads. Trowa's little apartment was in one direction and Quatre's hotel was in another. They stood, wrapped up against the cold under a streetlamp. The air was cool without being painful, even so Quatre shivered in the darkness. Trowa shook his head, and motioned Quatre to continue on to his hotel.

They walked on in silence for a while, walking slowly. Cars passed them on the street and they passed the bright displays. In one window, every screen was tuned to a news channel. Mister Unterward was on and Quatre paused to watch. The lawyer was reading a statement, his stern features softened by the emotion in his eyes.

Trowa jumped when someone touched his arm. "Poor things." The woman looked up at both of them searchingly, "You're Pilots 3 and 4 aren't you?" Her eyes turned to the screen where a split screen showed an image of Duo in the bed. "He always hid behind his new name, but he's kind of obvious, isn't he?" She smiled sadly and squeezed Trowa's arm. "It's good of you to come here. Thank you."

She didn't wait for them to speak, and turned away to continue walking down the street. Trowa shook his head, "Why do people still know us? Even now." He sounded bitter and frowned when Quatre looked at him with surprise.

"Aren't you proud of what we have done?"

"Proud." Trowa said the word like it tasted bad. He stuffed his hands into his pockets. "We were reckless children forced to do awful things. I'm meant to be proud of it? What has being a gundam pilot ever done for me?" He walked on toward Quatre's hotel. Quatre stared after him for a moment before jogging to catch up with Trowa's long strides.

"It's been hard on L3." Quatre acknowledged and he drew a deep breath, "I know some of that has been my fault." He pursed his lips and looked away. "If my business had invested—"

"Please don't." Trowa said quietly, his voice tired. "I don't want to argue, what's done is done." He paused and looked up at the snowing sky, "I just wish people would forget who I am, let me go." He looked at Quatre, his eyes were exhausted. "I'm so tired of being something extraordinary. Everyone has these expectations and I can't meet them."

Hesitantly, Quatre reached out and touched his elbow. "I think..." Quatre spoke quietly, as if afraid. "I think I know what you mean..."

"I don't belong here." Trowa replied, and started walking again. "I can't afford to stay."

They arrived at Quatre's hotel, and Trowa looked up at the bright building. He stepped back from the doors and turned to Quatre. The blonde man's eyes were cast down, he was thinking hard. Trowa stepped down the stairs from the hotel and walked out onto the street. He paused and looked up at Quatre. The man was surrounded by the golden light from the Hotel's entrance hall. Quatre looked down at Trowa. The tall, dark haired man stood alone on the street, hands stuffed into a jacket which was not warm enough for the winter. Trowa's dark green eyes narrowed as if he knew what Quatre was thinking. When Quatre opened his mouth to speak, Trowa cut in quickly.

"Good night." Trowa said swiftly, he took another step backward. "I'll see you...?"

"Tomorrow." Quatre nodded, taking a step backward toward the hotel. "Good night, Trowa. Thank you."

Trowa lifted a hand to wave, and walked away. Quatre stood for a long moment, watching as the tall former clown disappeared into the crowd. "Coward." Quatre said; his voice angry. He shook his head and stepped into the warmth of the hotel.

He was heading towards the lift, digging his room key out when he heard his name called across the lobby. Turning, he saw Mister Unterward stand from his seat in the main reception. He walked over to meet Quatre. "I apologise, Mister Winner." Unterward shook his head, "We had hoped to catch you earlier."

"We?" Quatre asked, frowning with confusion. He looked over to where Unterward had been sitting. Two blonde women were sitting, drinking coffee and conversing quietly. When Dorothy stood, Quatre had to bite his tongue to prevent him from swearing. Dorothy strode toward him, her expression haughty. There had been no love lost between them in the nine years since he had seen her. As she neared; he was surprise to feel her heart. He was surprised to feel the sorrow from her and as she came closer, he could see sadness in her eyes. By the time they stood together, Dorothy held out her arms and he was surprised to find himself enveloped in an embrace. He pulled back to look at her and was shocked to see tears gathering in her icy blue eyes. She frowned, surprised by her own show of emotion and wiped away the tears swiftly. "Quatre," she spoke, "Quatre, what have you done?"

He frowned, not understanding the question. "Dorothy?"

"You were all so bright, like shooting stars. You were all so much like the sun." She turned from him, "How can you live every day... knowing that you've all been reduced to ice and dust?"

Quatre reached out and touched her shoulder.

* * *

Relena stared.

Quatre had tried to convince her that she should rest for the night, but Relena had insisted. She didn't speak much, just stood and glared at people while Dorothy had spoken. They had found out, by way of the Preventers about what had happened to Duo. Quatre looked at the pair of women as they stared through the observation glass into the dim room. Someone had left a bedside lamp on to make it easier for people to check on Duo. He looked from Dorothy to Relena. He had very much the sense that Dorothy had been the leading force behind the women joining them on L2. Quatre almost gasped at the waves of regret and anger that poured from Relena. The night duty nurse approached the group hesitantly. "I'm sorry, but visiting hours ended over four hours ago."

At this, Relena turned on a heel and left. Dorothy, Quatre and Unterward shared a look and followed her. It wasn't until the four people were in the limousine heading back to the hotel that Relena spoke. She had been staring out of the window, while Dorothy had been speaking in quiet tones with Unterward. Quatre sat beside Relena.

"Will he wake?" Quatre blinked, unsure if he'd actually heard her. He looked at Relena, she was staring out the window. In the reflection, he could see her staring at his reflection.

"No. Not yet. Perhaps not ever." Quatre looked ahead, he wasn't sure what to say to her. "Duo's living will requires all of us, Trowa, Wufei and—"

"Heero?" Relena looked at Quatre, "Have you found him?"

"No. Not yet." He sighed, "Perhaps never."

"He disappeared." Relena's voice was carefully calm, like she was trying to be warmer than she felt. Quatre knew what she was going to say. She sighed, "What did you do, Quatre? What did you say to destroy all of you?" She turned and looked at him searchingly. She was older, they were all older, but Relena no longer had any echo of the child she used to be. She frowned, "What could you have possibly done that achieved what OZ could never do?"

Quatre leant his head back and turned away from her. He stared out of the window. "I expected too much."

* * *

"I suppose my first question would be: why are you here?" Trowa leant forward and sipped his coffee. They had gathered after Trowa's work day and had gone to dinner again. Relena and Dorothy had joined them. Conversation at the table had been stilted but polite. Dorothy seemed over friendly, trying to bring Relena's mood up. She had marked success with Wufei's daughter. Nataku charmed Dorothy, and the older woman was clearly surprised to be so delighted with a child.

Relena put down her cup, and drew a deep breath. "I think it is admirable what you are trying to achieve." She looked up from her cup. "I confess to be less than pleased to be here. I am very busy, I do not think—"

"Nataku, my dearest child." Dorothy said suddenly, very loudly. "Do you see the man over by the bar; could you ask him for a bowl of peanuts for me?" The little girl looked surprised by the request and looked to her father. Wufei understood Dorothy's intention and nodded to his daughter. Dorothy smiled and ran her hand over the girl's sleek black hair, "Good girl."

Dorothy waited until Nataku was just out of ear-shot before turning to Relena. "You know why you are here. You dare- YOU DARE leave without a word and I shall leave you." Her expression was furious. "I have no time for cowards. I will follow you no more, Miss Relena. If you dare pretend you have nothing to offer these fine young men."

"I don't understand—"

"You do." Dorothy slapped the table with her hand, "And God help you if you keep pretending you don't care."

"He made his choice and he chose me." Relena's voice was tight. "He could have chosen any one of them, but he chose me."

"He didn't know." Dorothy replied, her voice hard now. "But you do." Dorothy rose from her seat. Her eyes were filled with tears but she refused to cry. She looked at each of the former gundam pilots. "Forgive me, I failed you." She looked down at Relena. "Go home, then. Flee." When Relena didn't move, Dorothy leant over to smack the table. "What are you waiting for? Run away. Go home, Relena."

"Dorothy—"

"Am I making a scene, Relena?" Dorothy's voice was cold. "Good. Go home, Relena. Go home and be safe in the knowledge that he chose the Queen of the World again." Dorothy made a slicing motion with her hand, "And be safe in the knowledge that he will always chose you because you're so delicate and you're so frail and you need him to protect you all the time."

Relena stood at this and met Dorothy's eye. "I didn't say—"

Relena stopped abruptly as Nataku returned. The little girl looked at all of them with wide eyes. Dorothy laughed. "No, you never say because we're all so busy falling over ourselves to protect you. Go home, Relena."

"I won't let—"

"I'm not going to follow you anymore." Dorothy sank into her chair and wrapped her arms around Nataku. The little girl's eyes were wide and filled with confusion. Relena stared at Dorothy for a long moment before sinking into her own chair. Quatre sat forward and reached out to touch her hand. Relena jumped at the touch and then met his eyes, her guilt washed over him and Quatre gasped. He frowned and reached to hold her hand tighter. "What do you know?"

* * *

It was nearing midnight. Wufei had left his daughter in Dorothy's care, while he and the other former gundam pilots met Relena at the hospital. She stood in Duo's room, facing out the window, watching the snow. She looked over her shoulder at Duo. "I always knew it would be Duo." She said quietly. She met Wufei's curious eye and shook her head. "It's nothing."

Relena reached into her purse and pulled out a phone. It was oddly augmented as if someone had attached another phone to the back of it. She dialled a number and held it to her ear. In the silence of the room, they could hear the phone dialling and then ringing. After three rings, the phone was answered.

Relena didn't wait for the other person to speak. "I'm ... I need your help." She pulled the phone from her ear and hung up. She looked down at Duo again and moved forward. Gingerly, she placed the phone on his chest and moved a hand to cover it. She pressed his fingers around the phone and then straightened.

"What is that?" Trowa asked, frowning at her actions.

Relena's shoulders straightened and she returned to stare out the window. "It's a beacon." She said finally, "Heero gave it to me." She pressed a hand against the window and stared out into the darkness and the swirling snow. "Where ever I am, Heero can find me. No matter what, he promised, he'll always come to find me."

"You know where he is?" Quatre started; a flare of anger in his voice.

She shook her head, "No. I never knew. I just knew that he trusted me to only call when I needed help." She looked over her shoulder, "He never said anything about anyone else." She sighed and returned her gaze to the snow. "Dorothy's right... I'm so selfish." She dipped her head, "Duo Maxwell saved me once, Heero was going to kill me. But then... I didn't even give Duo a second look, just cared that Heero had been hurt. Is it the same now? Duo could die, and all I care is that Heero might be hurt..."

Wufei sighed and folded his arms. He was sat nearest to Duo and looked at the augmented phone.

A soft red light blinked on and off.

Heero was coming.

* * *

_::I want to have control::_

_::I want a perfect body::_

_::I want a perfect soul::_

_::I want you to notice::_

_::When I'm not around::_

_::You're so fuckin' special::_

_::I wish I was special::_

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for the lovely favourites and the lovely number of following. I truly thought I'd be throwing this story into the void. Reviews are also extremely nice, and I thank you in advance for your considerate words!_


	7. See what I've Forgotten

Disclaimer: You certainly know the score.

Notes: I'm replacing the chapters because I've cleaned them up a little. Nothing has changed over all. I'm back again, because I was checking out Gundam Wing again, and whammo – the stories came back. Check out the "doing" series, it's far more entertaining. Reviews also make me happy.

**Song**: Moulin Rouge – Your Song

* * *

_::Sat on the roof::_

_::And I kicked off the moss::_

_::Well some of the verses well::_

_::They got me quite cross::_

_::But the sun's been kind::_

_::While I wrote this song::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 6 – See what I've forgotten**

_::It's for people like you that::_

_::Keep it turned on::_

* * *

Quatre smiled brightly at Duo's doctor as he passed him. He held the bright bouquet of flowers up. "I thought I'd try a little splash of colour today."

The doctor smiled back, "It couldn't hurt." The doctor paused to consider something, which made Quatre slow his step. "Mister Winner, I honestly don't want to get your hopes up." He frowned briefly, and then nodded. "The nurses are reporting that Mister Basilica is having some minor responses to sound and some smells. We should try testing some of his senses." He walked with Quatre, contemplative. "I don't want to get your hopes up, Mister Winner, but if Mister Basilica can respond then there is some sway toward keeping him alive."

"Do you..." Quatre paused, "Do you really think if he can respond to a sound or a smell; that it would be worth keeping him alive?"

"Without a doubt, Mister Winner. After all, it's a response. That's more than we had previously." The doctor responded thoughtfully. "Now, you must excuse me."

"Of course." Quatre answered distractedly. He looked at the bright bouquet, lifting it to his nose. The scent of the flowers was weak but still there like a light perfume. He wondered what responses Duo might have to it. He shook his head and carried on down the corridor. He entered Duo's room quietly, mindful that a nurse could be administrating care. He came to an immediate stop, and his hand grasped the flowers tighter.

Heero did not turn as Quatre entered.

The former Gundam Wing pilot stood at the end of Duo's bed. Dressed in black, clothes ragged, Heero stared at Duo. He tilted his head toward Quatre. "Who did this to him?"

"They're not sure." Quatre answered, he approached Heero slowly. At Heero's feet there was a go-bag, the outline of several weapons clear. Heero's form was gaunt, hard muscles without any curve of fat anywhere. Quatre swallowed, "Are you ok?"

"Are they looking?" Heero asked, turning his head toward Duo again. Quatre moved to stand beside him and risked a glance at Heero's face. Heero's face was older, his eyes were dull. A flash of anger twisted Heero's lips as he ground out, "Are they looking?"

"Yes." Blinking, Quatre answered. "They are. We have the Preventers looking as well."

Heero frowned, angry. His throat worked for a moment before he finally asked, "His hair. Why did they...?"

"They had to retrieve the fragments." Quatre looked at Duo. "They said he side stepped death."

"He was fast, he was always fast." Heero nodded slowly. He turned to Quatre. "Relena said you were looking for me. She said Duo asked you to find me."

"We looked everywhere." Quatre strove hard to keep the accusation out of his voice. "We were lucky that Relena came forward when she did. We were almost ready..." He trailed off and focused on Duo. The man was pale, the machines forcing every breath, their reward every beep of the heart monitor. "We were beginning to think..." Quatre squared his shoulders. "We think it's time to let him go."

"Let him go?" Heero repeated; his voice hard.

"Yes, Heero." Quatre moved away and put his hang gingerly on Heero's shoulder. "There's some vague hope that he is beginning to respond but there's nothing confirmed. He could be like this for the rest of his life." Quatre searched Heero's face, finding nothing in the complex young man's expressionless face. "Duo's lawyer will want to see you; does he know you're here?"

Heero's face did something, twisted for a brief moment like fury crashing over his brows. "I'm leaving."

"Wait." Quatre slipped in front of him, blocking Duo from his view. "Wait. Just wait. Just one day. Just stay long enough to get the disc." He searched Heero's face desperately, "Please."

Heero's eyes were cold and he moved away from Quatre. He stooped to pick up his bag and turned toward the door. He only stopped because Relena had appeared at the door. She held two cups of coffee and extended one toward Heero. "You came all the way out here, one more day wouldn't hurt."

* * *

"Good evening, Mister Yuy. I am Mister Unterward, personal lawyer of the president of Second Chance Inc." The lawyer motioned a seat in his office but Heero stood, staring straight ahead. Trowa, Wufei and Quatre took seats and watched Heero. The lawyer cleared his throat and continued. "The recovery of useful scrap business from L2, I'm sure you've heard of it."

Heero continued to stare for a long moment before frowning slightly. "No. I haven't."

"A pity." Mister Unterward made a small mark and then flicked the page in his dossier. "I regret to inform you that I am speaking to you here on behalf of my aforementioned client, President Max W. Basilica. He had hoped that we would never meet under such circumstances however it seems fate had differing opinions." Mister Unterward raised his head, "Mister Yuy, you have been asked here to join Mister Winner, Judge Chang and Mister Barton. You do not have a deadline to adhere to but sooner, rather than later would be advisable or fate will once again take it upon herself to force my client's hand. Mister Basilica regrets that this has come to pass and hopes that you can understand why he has requested you to help him."

"Yes. I do." Heero's voice was almost a whisper.

"That is good to know. Then perhaps you understand that time is pressing, Mister Yuy." Mister Unterward nodded and rose from his seat. He moved around the desk and raised a disk in long, pale fingers. He held it toward Heero. "I have one final thing to give you. Whether or not you choose to fulfil my client's wish."

Heero stared at the CD for a long moment, before his hand came up to grasp it.

"This is a message from my client, he instructed me to give it to you. I will not play it for you. I will, however, leave the room so you may have a chance to watch or discard it."

Quatre stood at this point, pulling a portable DVD player out of his bag. He placed it on Unterward's desk and turned. He held Heero's eye for a long moment and then left without a backward glance.

Wufei seemed to watch Heero as well before nodding and leaving. Trowa watched the other two and Mister Unterward as the lawyer left as well. Heero turned to look at Trowa. "What is this?"

Trowa's eyes widened in shock for a moment before his gaze became unfocused. "No, now I understand why they left." He stood and jammed his hands into his pockets. He frowned for a moment and then met Heero's unyielding gaze. "This is yours. This is your last moment with him. His words are yours alone." He reached out and touched Heero's shoulder. "These may be the last words he may ever say to you, the last time you hear his voice speaking for you alone." Trowa looked at the DVD player, his eyes tearing. "Savour them." He looked at Heero again, trying to smile bravely as a tear worked its way down his cheek unbidden. "As Unterward has said to all of us: The message is not long. Your answer will be you will or you will not."

Duo had changed so much since he last saw him, Heero thought as the recording started. It was night in the recording. The desk light was dim, but the moonlight flooded the room. Heero was thrown back to the night he first met the other pilot, Duo's grin was devilish and his eyes were sharp.

"Hello Mister Yuy, I am Max W. Basilica." Heero noted the physiological changes in his body as the words rolled over him. He concluded he felt sick. "Mister Basilica to my employees, Max Basilica to my management team, Max Wellington Basilica to my doctor . . ." One bright violet eye winked quickly and Heero felt his throat constrict, "And plain ol' Duo Maxwell to his best friends. . ."

Duo's recorded smile faded a little as he turned serious.

"I looked for you. I knew I'd never find you, not if you didn't want to be found." Duo's eyes fluttered shut for a moment as a look of pain came over his face, "I never stopped looking and I hope you know that. This will be a surprise to you, and I'm sorry. If Mister Unterward hands this to you, then this means I am either dead or unable to make any rational medical decisions by myself." The recording glanced off to the side; Duo's eyes shimmered in the moonlight. He sighed and glanced back at the camera. "Sounds bad, but I hope it's that I'm dead, I don't think I could bear to let you see me ... any less than what you probably already thought of me." He smiled slightly, a fond glint appearing in his eyes. "Heero, I always looked for you."

Heero's legs trembled and he knelt to stop himself from falling over. He stared hard at the recording.

"Heero, I hope by now you're with the others. I can't let anyone else chose for me. I'm Gundam; I deserve what I've got coming to me. I am Shinigami, I am Death and I am going to hell. I want you to make sure that I am Gundam in my death, to the death and forever. Do you hear me? If I am dead, then let my body get toasted and let me go in space. If I'm not dead..." Duo's gaze dropped and his eyes were unfocused for a moment before they sharpened and he glared into the screen. "If I'm not dead, I need you to make everyone remember that I am Gundam, and only Gundam can decide my fate." Duo's eyes were intense. "You held a gun to my head once, Heero. I know you can do it again. Pull the trigger if you have to. I have made my peace, I have taken my revenge. I got everything I swore I was going to get. If I need to pay for it, I'm going to pay and I'll go happily... I just need you guys there, just to make sure."

Heero watched the video, and pressed play when it stopped. He watched it again. He had forgotten the colour of Duo's eyes. The realisation made him swallow hard and he grasped his stomach. He felt that he would retch and throw up, but swallowed again. He could not look away as Duo spoke and he committed every word to memory. He had forgotten the exact shade of Duo's hair, the way the light freckles spilt over the other man's nose.

Seeing Duo in the bed that day had been difficult because Heero couldn't recognise the person lying there. It was easy to focus on the crime rather than the victim. This recording brought it all back, and suddenly the body in the bed was thrown into sharp relief. Heero wasn't certain how long he had been kneeling, watching the video. It was dark when the door opened. Heero looked up to find Relena standing there.

Relena stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. She looked so much older now; her face was pale and tired. She stepped forward and watched the video with him as it played through one more time. When Duo signed off, she switched off the machine and reached over the desk to switch on the light on Unterward's desk. She moved around the desk and sat in the chair. She laced her fingers together and stared at him. She drew a breath and breathed it out slowly.

"You can go." She said finally. "You do not have to stay. I'm leaving soon, and I will take you with me." Her eyes narrowed slightly, her gaze unwavering. "You owe him nothing; you don't owe any of them anything. Whatever Quatre did, it has taken nine years, destroyed your career with the Preventers and drove all your friends apart and one of you dying to fix." She paused to let her statement hover in the air. She was dismissive as she spoke again. "Is it worth staying?"

Heero didn't answer. He looked at her, looking for the little girl he almost killed on the pier. Relena's blue eyes were harder now. She stared at him. "Where did you go?" She asked, "I can take you back there."

He looked at the portable DVD player and frowned. "I... You shouldn't have to."

"No, Heero." She shook her head, "I would do it for you." She waved her hand as if gesturing toward the whole situation. "None of this is your responsibility. You've fought and you've given, you've done so much for me. If I can help you escape, I will."

Heero rose from the floor. "I found a prison, they accepted me there." He turned away, "I tried a mental hospital but they wouldn't secure me." His fists clenched as he raised his hands to stare at them. "I'm dangerous, I told them, but they wouldn't secure me. The prison did. They understood that I was a loaded weapon that needed a holster." He looked over his shoulder. "I should go back there."

"If that's what you want." Relena's voice was even. "We can leave tonight."

"What will happen to Duo?" Heero turned toward her again. She tilted her head slowly, her expression neutral. She caught his gaze and they stared at each other for a long time. Heero was unused to her, confused by her cool look. The Relena of old was passionate, her eyes ferocious. The Relena before him was cool, and he could see that she was calculating. Finally she seemed to come to a conclusion.

"Why do you ask?" She questioned, her voice betraying no feelings. "Does it matter to you?"

He burst into motion and within seconds, Relena found herself staring into the barrel of Heero's hand gun. She did not look worried; she looked almost like she was expecting it. That threw Heero. "We stood like this once, and Duo saved your life. If not for him, you would be dead. Does it matter to you?"

She raised her eyes from his gun and slowly met his. "I asked first."

Heero flicked the safety off and placed infinitesimal pressure on the trigger. She still did not react. He frowned, confusion growing beyond just Relena's lack of reaction. "I would have killed you." He said, "Duo saved you. Would you not save him, if it had been you in his place?"

Her expression softened slightly and she glanced at the gun for a moment before meeting his eyes again. "If I had been in your place, I would have killed him." She tilted her head quizzically, "What would you have done in his place?"

Heero's head swam for a moment and he lowered the gun. It was so heavy in his hand. He closed his eyes and searched his emotions. When he opened his eyes, Relena had stood and was staring out the window. She glanced at his reflection and noticed his eyes on her. She turned, her hands laced behind her back. "Heero, I won't save Duo." She nodded her head toward the portable DVD player. "He said you've held a gun to his head before."

"He'd been caught." Heero whispered. "I was going to eliminate him." She nodded and looked out the window.

"Did the situation seem hopeless?" She asked, "It must have had some spark of hope because he was alive enough to allow someone else to shoot him in the head, years after the war ended." She held her head high as she turned back to the window. She squared her shoulders. "What is the situation now, Heero? Seems hopeless to me."

"Are you telling me I should eliminate him?" Heero said. He had to wait a long moment before she answered. He could see in her reflection that her own emotions were playing over her face, her eyes closed as she moved to control herself.

She turned to face him again, her eyes were cool again. "You once told me to follow my emotions." She tilted her head. "Follow your emotions, Heero."

He stared at her for a long moment, before turning away and picking up his bag. He walked out of the room. Relena stood, waiting for something to happen. After a few moments, Dorothy stepped into the room. She shut the door behind her and moved into the centre of the room. She waited, her hands clasped before her.

Relena looked at her, not really knowing what to say. "Heero?"

"He went with them. They're going to the hospital." Dorothy raised her head; her eyes were liquid with emotion. "You must have been magnificent. There was no doubt in his eyes. I wish I had been here to watch you."

"I just..." Relena raised a shaking hand, tears tracking down from her eyes. "Duo saved my life once because he didn't know any better. I'm only did it because I don't want to feel any worse."

Dorothy must have moved silently, because Relena gasped as she felt Dorothy's strong embrace enfold her. Dorothy held her in the dim office for a long moment before slipping her pale fingers under Relena's chin and dragging the other's face up. Dorothy searched her eyes for a long moment. "They gave everything." Dorothy whispered; her ice blue eyes stern. "We can never give anything less. You are magnificent, Miss Relena, you did what you needed to do."

"Heero—"

"He is not what you need any more." Dorothy stepped away, letting go. "They fought for the peace you wanted. Let them fight for the peace they want." She held out a hand, "Let us protect them, our hearts will be as Gundam shields for them, our words piercing like their guns once were."

Relena took her hand, but looked out the window. She looked at herself.

"Is this what Heero felt when he let me go?"

* * *

"How is Nataku this evening?" Quatre asked politely as they waited for a table. He didn't really listen as Wufei answered, noticing Trowa's expression. The tall former pilot's hands were jammed into his jeans and his eyes were warily straying from the menu to the rich people in the line before them. Both Heero and Trowa looked decidedly out of place; their clothes were scruffy despite Quatre's generous offers to buy new ones. Trowa had been his usual obstinate self and Heero had simply looked confused, questioning what was wrong with his 'serviceable' clothing. Quatre felt his lip curl, anger bubbling up. It was annoying that they didn't even bother to make themselves presentable. It was the first time the four of them would sit down alone together. Trowa caught his eyes and Quatre was surprised to feel the resentment in the man. They held each other's gaze, looking accusingly.

He was even more surprised by the bright flare of rage from Wufei. He turned to see Wufei hold up his hands and swear loudly. The Chinese man shook with rage, and without another word grabbed Quatre's hand and dragged him out of the line. "What are you doing, Wufei?" Quatre called out as he was dragged down the street. "Wufei! Stop it!"

"You asked me a question. I answered." Wufei snapped, finally stopping at the corner of the street. Heero and Trowa had followed, both men silent in the face of Wufei's sudden rage. "I ask you a question and all I can see is you looking at them with pity and annoyance!"

"I'm not—" Quatre started defensively, but frowned darkly. "We've only just found each other; they could have made an effort!"

"This is me making an effort!" Trowa stepped forward, his annoyance spilling over into fury. "These are the best clothes I own—"

"You could have worn better clothes if you weren't so pig-headed about me buying it for you!" Quatre replied hotly. Wufei swore again, and reached out to grab Quatre.

"You cannot always fix things with your money!" Barely able to control his voice, Wufei shook Quatre once by the shoulders. "Stop this pity!" With a swift movement, he reached out and pressed a bracing hand against Trowa's chest. The taller man looked as if he wanted to leap at Quatre, his fists shook by his sides. "Stop blaming him for everything!"

"Don't you judge me, Chang!" Trowa bit out, "I have every right—"

"It's been nine years." Heero's quiet voice stopped them all. He stood apart from them, his hands were in his pockets and his shoulders were slumped. "I thought all the rage I felt was because I didn't have you with me." He looked at each of them for a long moment. "I always wondered if the rage would go away if I just found you all again." He frowned and looked down. "I wonder if the rage will ever go away. Don't you ever wonder when you'll stop feeling so angry all the time?"

They were all silent for a long time, standing in the street as snow swirled down around them. Wufei was the first to break the silence. "It does go." He raised his head, "But you have to fight it. We have to fight it." He looked at Trowa, "We have to let it go." He looked at Quatre, "We have to find a balance." He looked up, "We're in Duo's world. Let us make that our balance."

They stood for a long time. Each unwilling to speak. Wufei looked at each of them, and wondered about what he had just said. Balance was the key to resolving their anger. They had found it temporarily, precariously for a while before Heero had arrived. They now needed to find it again. He closed his eyes. A spark of a memory came to him, and it warmed him.

"We still need to eat." Wufei said finally, "And I remember once, Duo and I were stuck together. I had to do the mission planning and he went to get the supplies. I was so angry when he brought back some awful Chinese take-away." A small smile lit Wufei's face. "He thought it would be special for me. I was insulted, it was poor quality and too cheap. But he'd asked for some disposable chopsticks and he declared it to be fine dining." He opened his eyes. "We don't need a fancy restaurant, Duo said, but in the right company any meal can be special." Wufei stuck his hands deep in his pockets and looked at each of them for a long moment. "Duo brought us back together because he believed in us."

Trowa sighed and shrugged. "There's a diner near my apartment, nothing fancy but you can get a decent chocolate milk shake there." He tried to smile, and it was faint. "Duo likes them."

* * *

Heero stared at his food. The diner was nearly empty, but the music played on and the waiting staff cajoled with one another. It was a warm place and the food was hot. Quatre was quiet and contemplative, Wufei was making stilted conversation with Trowa. Heero picked up a chip and dipped it in his sauce. He chewed thoughtfully and observed the three other pilots. He spent a long time contemplating Quatre, recognising the silence. He reached over the table and nudged Quatre's shoulder. Quatre's eyes flicked up to meet his, but swiftly flicked away.

"You should eat." Heero tried. Quatre seemed to flinch at the words, and his expression did many different things. It took a long time, before Quatre seemed to come to some kind of conclusion. The blonde pilot nodded to himself, and squared his shoulders bravely. He looked up and cleared his throat. Trowa and Wufei's conversation stopped as both looked at Quatre.

Satisfied that he had the table's attention, Quatre began to speak. "I'm ... I'm..." He faltered for a moment, and Heero saw the word 'coward' form on his lips before Quatre found his courage. "I'm sorry. All of this is my fault. I don't know what to do to make it better." He waited a moment, the others sat silently. He frowned, not getting the response he had expected. "I will ... I could leave. I'm not doing any good here. I'll set up a communication channel -"

"That won't solve anything." Wufei said firmly. His voice was quiet. "We all left and just look what it has left us with."

"I'm making things worse." Quatre protested, but Wufei held up a hand.

"You must find your own balanced way of dealing with us. We are different now." Wufei frowned. "We are all so different..." His frown deepened for a moment before he met Quatre's gaze, "But it is my fault as well."

"You didn't—"

"I didn't stay and fight honourably." Wufei continued, "I left you to burn in your fury instead of facing the fire and trying to put it out. I lost myself in my work, rather than face you as a brother should. It is also my fault, Quatre. My arrogance has cost me before, it cost me again that day."

"I didn't know what to do." Heero admitted, his eyes were fixed on his food. "I didn't understand what was happening. I felt so much and I didn't follow the most important feeling in my heart, I chose the easiest ones." Then the silence came. "I had been used to it before and thought nothing of it, but then... I failed a mission, Une called me to her office and she had nothing but pity in her eyes for me. I didn't understand why, but I think she knew. She knew what I didn't see. It was hard to operate because I was always angry, and I was always sad, and I grew angrier because I was always sad." He dipped a chip in sauce and placed it in his mouth. He chewed thoughtfully and said, "I didn't know what to do so I left."

Trowa's chair scrapped as he stood up. He put his coat on and pulled out some money. He placed it on the table before he met their eyes. He finally settled his cool dark gaze on Quatre. "I don't know what you expect me to say, but I'm leaving. I don't think I can listen to this."

Quatre stood, but Wufei's hand stopped him. "Let him go." Wufei said calmly. "When he understands, he will come to you."

* * *

It was very, very early in the morning when Quatre's telephone began to ring. It woke the blonde man from a fitful sleep, and Quatre's mouth felt filled with cotton as he spoke. "Hello?"

"This is reception, Mister Winner. I apologise for waking you, but –" There was a muffled shout, and the woman continued, "You have a visitor, sir, and you've given instructions for specific visitors to be allowed to visit you. However, he's very drunk, sir. Should I send him away?"

"No." Quatre sat up, and frowned in the darkness. "I'll come down. Did he say what he wanted?"

"No, sir." The woman sounded disturbed, "He just wants to see you."

When he arrived in the lobby, the staff were quiet and the atmosphere seemed subdued. He looked toward the receptionist and she motioned the seating area of the lobby. Trowa sat slumped in one of the chairs. The bitter smell of alcohol stung Quatre's nose as he drew nearer, but he moved closer and knelt in front of Trowa. The dark green eyes were glassy but Trowa wasn't asleep. He swallowed and raised his head woozily, "They said if I couldn't be quiet, they'd throw me out." He glared blearily at a nearby security guard. "If they just let me up... I had to- I had to talk to you."

Quatre stood and helped Trowa to his feet. Quatre looked at the guard. "I can handle this." He pulled Trowa's arm over his shoulders and wrapped an arm around the taller man's waist. They walked toward the lifts, slowly as Trowa's gait was unsteady. Quatre drew a breath and released it slowly. "You're drunk."

"Really?" Trowa's voice was sarcastic, "You really want to start a fight over the fact I'm drunk? I came here to talk to you."

"I don't want to start a fight." Quatre closed his eyes, concentrating on remaining calm. "I'm just stating a fact. Just like I'm going to state this fact: It's 4 in the morning."

"It was important. I had to talk to you." Trowa slurred his words, and then pressed closer. He dropped his voice to what he thought was a whisper, and Quatre tried not to react to the hot breath on his ear. "I couldn't do it earlier. I was angry."

The journey to his room was difficult. Trowa was not elegant in his drunken state, and Quatre was very tired. Once they were in his room, he helped Trowa to sit on his bed. He went into the mini-bar and pulled out a bottle of still water. Trowa sat, watching nothing and swaying. Quatre poured the water into a glass and held it out to Trowa. "Here."

"I don't want it."

"You should drink it."

"See." Trowa's face darkened and he held up an accusing finger. "That's the big problem. You don't care what I want. You've never cared what I want." He spread his arms. "It's always been you thinking that you know better and you never care what I wanted. I wanted to go back to the circus on L3."

Quatre sat on the opposite side of the bed, facing away from his drunken former friend.

"You just thought that you could buy the circus and bring it to L4 and that I'd be happy about it." Trowa's voice was dull. "You never stopped thinking about what you thought I needed. I wanted to go back to Catherine, I wanted to go back to L3 and be myself. I'm not this... this pet that you can buy all the things I want and just expect me to be happy in your backyard."

"Is that what you thought?" Quatre asked, sipping the water. "That I thought you were a pet?"

"What does it matter what I thought? You decided because you could do it." He felt the bed shift and Trowa stumbled to stand in front of him. He plucked at the ratty jumper he wore. "See? This isn't new, but it's mine. I've never owned anything, everything was a hand down or something scavenged. I bought this jumper. I bought it with money I earned." He leant over to stare into Quatre's face. "I didn't have to beg, steal, kill, suck or fuck for this jumper. You just look at it and see shit, I look at it and see..." he straightened uncertainly, wobbled and then collapsed to his knees before Quatre. "I see my freedom. I didn't have anything, and then suddenly Gundam came and I could be someone. I could be this person who could do it himself."

Quatre was still. Trowa shook his head.

"I just wanted you to stay with me." Quatre whispered, his eyes pained. "I didn't want you to leave me."

"You should have let me go." Trowa's head fell forward, "You should have ..." He lifted his head. "I would have come back to you."

"I didn't know that." Quatre's throat was tight, but he carried on. "I didn't know! You seem so intent on leaving. I would have done anything to keep you near."

"I would have come back, because you ..." Trowa stopped and frowned deeply, "You should have known that I would have come back." He raised an unsteady hand and held it to Quatre's cheek. "Why didn't you trust me? I would have come back to you."

"Trowa, I... I didn't know." Quatre pressed his hand against his chest, "I didn't know. I was so desperate to keep you near; you were leaving me and you didn—"

Trowa pressed his hand against Quatre's mouth and shook his head. He moved forward, to press his forehead against Quatre's. "No words now." His voice slurred more now, "I was wrong. I was stubborn and I wanted to be free. I should have told you that I would have come back but I didn't want to be so dependent on you." He leant back and pulled his jumper over his head. He bundled the cloth up and pressed it into Quatre's lap. "I don't know what to do, it doesn't mean anything anymore." He looked up with dull, dark eyes. "It's all too late."

Quatre wove his fingers into the warm cloth of the jumper and looked at the clock. "We should sleep then. You'll be tired for work."

"No, I got tomorrow off." Trowa nodded hazily and stood. "I'll see you later, I gotta go." He paused as he felt Quatre hold his arm. He looked into the blue eyes and shook his head slowly. "We shouldn't."

"No. We shouldn't." Quatre smiled faintly, "But there's the sofa."

Trowa's head lolled toward the sofa and a frown passed over his face. "I'm too tall for the sofa, I'll just head—"

"I can sleep on the sofa. You're probably better off in a bed." Quatre gave Trowa a push toward the bed. "Go, sleep it off. I'll be fine on the sofa." Trowa looked doubtful and seemed to look between the bed and the sofa.

"Bed's big enough." He mumbled.

Quatre's smile was faint. "I know, but we shouldn't. You're drunk."

"And you're tired." Trowa nodded, stepping backward toward the bed. He continued to hold Quatre's hand, pulling the smaller man with him. "But you're sad and I'm not angry." He yanked Quatre hard enough that the pair of them lost their balance; Quatre tumbled on top of Trowa with a yelp as they landed on the bed together. Trowa laughed to himself. "You've got to stop being afraid of me."

Quatre pushed himself up, staring down at Trowa beneath him. "You've got to stop hating me."

Trowa smiled hazily and his eyes drifted shut. "I can try that." He laced his fingers into Quatre's hair and pulled the man's head down to rest on his chest. Quatre listened to Trowa's heart beat under his ear and he felt his own eyes flutter shut as sleep claimed him. He almost missed Trowa's whisper.

"I'd forgotten that your eyes were so blue..."

* * *

_::So excuse me for forgetting::_

_::But these things I do::_

_::You see I've forgotten::_

_::If they're green or they're blue::_

_::Anyway the thing is what I really mean::_

_::Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen::_

* * *

A/N: Gosh. Genuinely thank you for the reviews. I'm very grateful for all the favourites and the author tracking and the new fangled methods that lets me know that people are interested in my stories. I am also immensely grateful for the reviews. Your feedback is invaluable as a constructive tool and for boosting my morale. It's a strange story to tell and I very much value your commentary. I thank you in advance for your words when you review on this latest chapter.


	8. What your eyes want to see

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: I will be honest with you. In the original version of this fanfiction, it was awful. I'm not saying that this version is perfect, I'm still only running about two chapters ahead but the other version was so horribly clichéd. I'd like to think six years apart from this fanfic has helped me to mature. I know the feeling of things that I write about here, how it feels to experience loss. I hope I am doing justice to those feelings and conveying them here. Thank you for helping me with your considerate reviews.

**Song:** Madonna – Frozen

* * *

::Now there's no point in placing the blame::

::And you should know I'd suffer the same::

::If I lose you, my heart would be broken::

::Love is a bird, she needs to fly::

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 7: What your eyes want to see**

::Let all the hurt inside you die::

::You're frozen when your heart's not open::

* * *

The shower was going when he woke up. Trowa pressed his arm over his eyes and tried to drift off again. He had a headache, he was nauseous and he wondered exactly how much of last night he actually remembered. He must have succeeded in drifting off, because the bathroom door opened and he heard Quatre move around the room, trying to be very quiet. He lay still, listening as the other man paused at every loud noise.

Quatre opened and closed various drawers and then took his clothes into the bathroom again. Trowa pulled his arm down and pushed himself on to his elbows. The blanket was pooled around his hips and his hair was mussed. He looked toward the bathroom door as it opened again, and a dressed Quatre exited. Quatre was cleaning his thin glasses as he padded out into the room, and stopped when he realised that Trowa was awake. They stared at each other, Trowa acutely aware of his nudity and Quatre's carefully neutral expression. Quatre slipped the glasses on and turned toward the sofa. He picked up the morning newspaper and moved toward the bed. He stared down at Trowa with inscrutable eyes for a long moment before climbing up onto the bed. He sat up on the bed, stretching his socked feet over the covers. Trowa stared at him as Quatre shook out the news paper, and started to read.

"What did we do last night?" Trowa finally asked. A faint smile flickered over Quatre's face. "I mean, I'm not wearing anything."

Quatre reddened lightly, his cheeks taking on a delicate blush. "I know. You were..." He looked at Trowa, glancing over the rim of his glasses. "You got hot, you said, so of course that meant everything had to come off."

"I didn't—"

"No." A frown passed over his face and Quatre returned his gaze to his newspaper. "I wouldn't take advantage of you like that."

"I wasn't implying—" Trowa frowned, pausing. "Look, I don't want to start a fight. I know you wouldn't do anything if I wasn't capable of making a decision. I was drunk last night, but I wouldn't press either. I was going to check if I'd done anything that I needed to apologise for."

Quatre nodded, "You gave the hotel staff a bit of a woof." Quatre tried to smile, his expression was faintly warm. "You woke me up at 4am, but it seems we both have a day off." He glanced at Trowa quickly, and then shook the paper again. "Would you... would you like to spend it with me?"

Quatre was trying to be nonchalant with his question, but Trowa could see the nervousness in the other man. Trowa thought about the request. Quatre struggled with his own rage, Trowa was still fairly angry but it was difficult to ignore the swift glances Quatre stole at his body. Trowa found it equally difficult to ignore how good it felt to display his body and know that Quatre was struggling to hide his attraction. It was an attraction that he found hard to deny, even though the angry haze of the last nine years.

"Of course, if you'd rather not that is also fine with me. I was thinking of just spending the day lazily." Quatre shook his newspaper again and turned a page. Trowa flopped back onto the bed and Quatre looked down at the man. Trowa had an arm flung over his eyes again and he scratched his chest lazily. Quatre stared for a moment, looking over Trowa's torso. Trowa had little fat to him, his stomach was not perfectly defined but there was certainly muscle in his arms and chest. He raised his eyes toward Trowa's face and felt his face redden as Trowa stared back, a knowing look in his eyes.

"Sorry." Quatre blinked and focused on his newspaper again. He took a breath and then looked back at Trowa. "Did you want me to order some clothes? I'm afraid I sent yours for washing with mine." A look of concern passed over his face. "I should have—"

"Shh." Trowa drew a deep breath and threw his arm back over his face carelessly. "It's ok, they needed a wash. I could do with something to eat."

"I haven't ordered breakfast." Quatre looked down at Trowa. "Would you like anything?"

Trowa was quiet for a long moment, before he raised his arm and looked back at Quatre. "I haven't brought any—"

"My treat." Quatre raised a hand; he folded his news paper and glanced at Trowa. He was still for a moment and then nodded, coming to a decision. He shifted and rolled over, hovering over Trowa. Their faces were close, and Quatre felt a little surge of power as Trowa's head automatically tilted and his lips parted. "You can buy my dinner next week." Quatre whispered, staring with wide eyes. "How's that sound?"

"Sounds like an idea." Trowa smiled faintly. He opened his mouth to say more, but was interrupted by a phone ringing. Quatre's eyes flicked up toward the bedside table and then down to Trowa. Conflict appeared in his eyes for a moment, and he reached out to pick up the phone. Quatre stared at it for a long moment before closing his eyes.

"I have to—"

"It's fine." His voice was tight, Trowa sat up with Quatre. "I'll just jump in the shower."

Without meaning to, Quatre watched as Trowa got up and walked toward the shower, seemingly unconcerned about his nudity.

* * *

Nataku lay on her stomach and drew, occasionally glancing up at her father for reference. Heero watched her with ill-concealed shock, his hands seemingly rooted to the chair. Despite a month passing since he had arrived, Heero had found it very hard to adjust to Nataku. He often looked at her with some degree of worry as if he were waiting for her to explode. He was uncomfortable around her, and did not know how to speak to her. Wufei shook his head as he watched Heero, trying to carry on a conversation with Trowa while keeping his eye on her at all times. Nataku rolled on to her side to stretch for another colour and caught Heero's look. She sat up and stared back at him.

"Father said you were the Pilot that saved him during the Mariemaia wars." Nataku tilted her head back to stare at him imperiously down her little nose. "What did you do?"

Heero tilted his head to one side and then righted his head, "I spoke to him about my worry that I would always be a soldier and that I would always have to fight and kill. I helped to change his mind."

"Why?"

"Why was I worried or why did I change his mind?" Heero asked, carefully.

"Why were you worried?" Nataku said, she sat up further and crossed her legs. "You were the person who ended the war."

Heero listened and then moved forward, coming to kneel before her. He placed his hands over his knees and looked into Nataku's face. "But peace wasn't achieved. I felt nothing." He looked down for a moment, and met her eyes. "I met a child once, she was your age. I killed her."

Wufei sat up and opened his mouth to protest, but his daughter tilted her head. Her eyes were wide, and there was some fear in her expression. She looked at Heero for a moment, before she asked simply. "Did you? How did you kill her?"

"I rigged a set of explosives that caused a mobile suit to fall over and crush her apartment."

"Ah." Nataku looked down, and then looked at her drawing. She nodded and stood, walking over toward the table. She picked up a glass of water and carefully brought it back to Heero. "I'll show you something that my mummy showed me because she said it was important sometimes to remind papa that when he killed people during the war that sometimes that there was nothing he could have done differently." She knelt down and dipped a finger into the water. "Which way will the water go if I dripped it on your hand?"

"It will flow toward the floor."

"But will it go down by your thumb or your little finger?" She dripped the water, and it trickled down toward his little finger. She raised her head to meet his eyes, "And now?"

"My little finger."

She did it again, and this time it flowed down the middle. "See? Mummy said to say that things change in ways we cannot always predict." She paused hesitantly, digging deep into her memory. "People will die, but some deaths cannot be something that you can say will happen. It is silly to take blame for death that you did not cause by your own hand." She blinked; her expression carefully blank. "Which way will it flow now?"

"Nataku!" She turned to see her father rub his eyes tiredly.

"Mummy said." She replied seriously and looked back at Heero. "Which way?"

"Toward my thumb—" Heero jumped as water splashed his face. When he had blinked his eyes clear, he could see the little girl's bright grin. She raised a finger and adopted a haughty voice. "If you will take blame for this death, then I shall splash you again. Mummy said that the war is over, and the people who died are dead. There's no honour in not living every day." She raised a wet hand threateningly. "I will splash you again. Say that you will live."

"What—" Heero closed his eyes as she flicked her hand at him.

"I will splash you. Say you will live."

He opened his eyes to see her standing now, hand dunked in the glass. He stared at her, and she opened her eyes wide trying to raise her eyebrow. He found it hard not to smile faintly. "I will live."

"You learn well." She said, looking over her shoulder at her father. "Papa always needs the fourth splash. Doctor Po says I should dump the whole glass over his head." She walked toward the table and reached up to place the glass back. "She says she's getting me a super-soaker next year, 'cause it's hard work making papa live." She put her fists on her hips. "I'll make you live too."

* * *

Heero stared down at his hand. His finger was swirling the water in the paper cup. The doctor's voice droned on, and Duo's lawyer had explored every angle. Nothing changed though. Nothing changed the fact that Duo was not responding. Nothing changed the fact that despite some initial positives in the tests, they had nothing solid. Almost a year had passed since Duo had been shot. The four of them were sat around his bedside as Duo had asked, and now the decision was here. They could let Duo live or they could let him die. This was their choice. The doctor warned that he would be seeking to ask this question on a monthly basis, because Duo did not exhibit any signs of any possible recovery.

Heero swallowed and looked at the man in the bed. Duo's hair was growing back; he had a set of soft curls growing close to his skull. It was hard to see the boy Duo had once been. Heero heard a sharp sigh and looked up. Mister Unterward had his eyes covered, and his throat worked. He was clearly exhausted but drew a breath and squared his shoulders. He turned to the four men gathered and met each of their eyes.

"I suppose then, the question is posed and like before; there is only one answer: You will let him live or you will not."

"I will not." Trowa stood, he looked at the doctor. "Do I need to sign anything?"

"No, we can take care of that later." Unterward tilted his head, "Forgive me for being forward but ... You answer so swiftly."

"I would rather he was free. This is not a life." Trowa answered, folding his arms and taking his seat again. Beside him Quatre nodded slowly, his eyes fixed on Duo.

"I will not." Quatre said, "I will not condemn him to a mere existence."

Unterward nodded and looked toward Wufei and Heero. Wufei was stood, staring out of the window. In his reflection, Heero could make out the track of a single tear. "I will not." Wufei's voice was barely above a whisper.

Unterward's eyes fell on Heero and Heero looked at Duo. Heero stood and moved toward Duo's side. He flicked his finger at Duo, splashing him a drop of water. Duo didn't stir when the water hit his eye lid. Heero sighed, closing his eyes. "I will not."

The doctor looked toward Unterward who only nodded. The doctor sighed and stepped forward to stand on the other side of Duo. He pressed the call help button and looked at Heero. "I am glad that you've made a decision. If you don't mind, we will prepare his body for the disconnection. We will call you back in when it is over."

"Can we stay?" Heero asked.

The doctor started.

He looked at each of them and then nodded.

"Of course." The doctor straightened, "I don't know how long exactly it will take for him to die. He may take ten minutes, he may take an hour." He glanced at the men who stood up to gather around their friend. The doctor's voice was faint, "I suppose that doesn't matter..."

* * *

They'd sat in silence for a long time before Wufei finally sighed and dragged a chair closer to Duo's bedside. Now clear of all the different wires and tubes, Duo looked as if he were lying peacefully and simply asleep. The only sign that Duo was ill lay in his laboured breath. Wufei gathered up Duo's pale hand, and held it to his own chest. He opened his mouth to speak, but paused and looked around the room. Heero was stood, hands loose by his sides. He was staring at the heart monitor. Quatre was sat, staring out of the window. A deep frown and cold blue eyes betrayed his deep fury. Trowa was sat, cross legged, leaning back against the wall opposite the bed. His eyes were closed.

Wufei sighed and looked down at Duo.

"You go now." He said, dark eyes staring. "You go now in to the shadow of death and we will not follow." His voice was low, and he spoke slowly. "I call you brother and will do you honour. I will see you buried in your traditions and I will mourn you in my family's tradition. This I swear I will do for you, brother."

His head fell forward and he drew a ragged breath.

"Brother, you must look after us from your vantage point. You will see what path we must take, and you must honour us. When I join you, we both will look over my daughter and her children, and her children's children." He paused for a long moment, and raised his head. His dark eyes were wet. "I regret that I did not find you. I regret that you will never meet my daughter in this life. You should have seen her; she is what we sacrificed all for. I have many regrets, brother; I hope that they will not burden you. You must not wander now, but go to a place of light and rest." Wufei raised a hand to wipe at his eyes, "We are here with you now." He smiled wanly, "You know something, brother, I miss you..."

* * *

Trowa draped a blanket over Wufei's shoulders when he realised the man had fallen asleep. He'd listen to Wufei as the other man had spoken freely about his desire for a better life and his commitment to raise his daughter. Trowa sat on the bed, an hour had passed. He placed a hand on Duo's knee, and stared over at the sleeping man. His breath was still laboured, but it seemed that Duo was resting easily. "I don't know what to say," Trowa admitted. "I think perhaps I will say thank you. You have saved my lions, and given me some hope that my life with my sister will get better." He paused for a moment, "I suppose there is nothing much more to say. You were a good solider during the war, and I think our path to this point would have been darker without you. Goodbye."

After a long moment, Trowa let go a breath in a long sigh. He wasn't sure what he was expecting to happen, but looked up when Quatre squeezed his shoulder. Quatre's eyes were blank, and his lips were set in a straight line. His jaw worked as he stood staring at Duo for a long moment. Trowa raised his free hand and placed it over Quatre's. "You should take the chance to say good bye."

Quatre blinked then, his eyes clearing. He looked at Trowa, and the familiar fury began to appear. Quatre's expression turned cold and he turned away. He stepped up to the window, and folded his arms. "Is this it?" Quatre asked bitterly, his eyes fixed on the colony sky above. "Is this his appointed hour? To die in his sleep?" Quatre's voice was low and angry. He spoke to someone, something else. "This is his time? After all he has done, this is his death."

Quatre's shoulders shook as he clenched his hands and pounded them against the glass.

"Am I to be thankful that he dies today in peace without knowing ..." Quatre choked, covering his eyes and sank to the ground. "Without knowing how sorry I am? I'm sorry, I broke us all." His tears passed by his hands unchecked, as he sat sobbing on the floor. "I destroyed our bonds, I took this all from us and he's dying for my mistakes! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Quatre's hands flopped into his lap as he sat there, desolated. "Oh Duo, I'm so sorry!"

"Go."

Trowa blinked and looked down at Wufei. The man's voice was sleep roughened, but his dark eyes held a fiery challenge.

"Go now."

Trowa stared for a moment at Duo before nodding and rising from his seat. Wufei watched them as Trowa knelt before Quatre and open his arms to the smaller man. Quatre looked up in confusion, before his face creased again in agony. He didn't resist as Trowa moved forward and pulled Quatre into his arms.

"See that, brother?" Wufei said quietly, "You are already healing us." He looked up at Heero. "You should say your goodbye. Quatre isn't ready yet, but if you can, you should say your piece."

Heero blinked out of his silent contemplation of Trowa and Quatre, and met Wufei's dark eyes. "What should I say?" He frowned as sympathy creased Wufei's brow and the Chinese former pilot stood. Wufei folded the blanket which had rested over his shoulders and put it about Quatre's shaking shoulders. He moved on to stand beside Heero and clasped a hand over the Japanese former pilot's shoulder.

"Say anything, say everything." Wufei stared at Duo as he spoke. "Say what is in your head, your heart or your soul. Say what you think needs to be said. Just don't stand here and let him die without a word."

Heero moved forward to sit on the bed as Wufei went to help Trowa with Quatre. Heero sat on the edge of the bed and mirrored what Wufei had done – taking one of Duo's hands into both of his. He frowned at the gesture, and felt lost. Duo's hand was cool to the touch, and Heero sat quietly for long moments. Behind him, the other three former pilots stood and left the room. Quatre's sobbing had subsided but he was in no state to speak. Heero watched them leave and then resumed staring at Duo. He tried to look for any sign of the rambunctious former pilot he had known.

* * *

It was getting dark when Heero finally started to speak.

"I don't know what to say." Heero said plainly, he stared at the floor and took solace in its simplicity. He looked at the neutral colour and followed the lines of the fake tiles. "I don't understand what led us here, and I don't understand why Wufei is so grateful. I don't understand why it is so easy for Trowa to say goodbye, and I don't understand why Quatre is angry. I don't understand why you think we could help you." He glanced at Duo and stared at the man, it seemed that Duo's head had slightly tilted away. Heero reached up and put two fingers under Duo's head; he tilted the man's face toward him and stared at it. "I don't understand anything and I still don't know what to say. Une pitied me, and I didn't understand then and I still don't know."

He paused and frowned, looking away again.

"It made me angry when I saw you for the first time here. You weren't the person I remembered. Then on the tape, seeing you again made me sick. Relena had to make me angry again, but I don't know how she did that. She switched us all around in our first meeting and asked me what I would do, if I had been you, if she had been me, and if you had been her." His frown deepened. "I got angry because she implied that she would have still killed you, even if I tried to stop her. I've analysed her statements, and it doesn't seem like that's what she was saying, but I don't understand it."

He fell silent for a long moment, and thought about that moment. He thought about the tape.

"I want to ask you questions, but you're dying now. You will never be able to answer them. Wufei seemed to think that you would live on in an afterlife. He worries that you'll become a wandering ghost, but Quatre doesn't believe that. I know what you think. You think you are going to hell."

A flicker of something pulled inside him, and he felt pain. "I don't like that idea, but I understand that. I can understand why you think that. We were both killers during the war, both weapons of war." He nodded to himself and stared at the floor again. "It is a terrible place. I have been reading about the cultural depictions and have come to the conclusion that you should not be alone. You have done wrong, but you do not deserve to suffer alone. I can understand that. I've thought about it carefully."

He paused, and stared at the heart monitor again. He felt pain in his body.

"After you have been declared dead and there is no chance of resuscitation, I intend to shoot myself in the parking lot. It is a clear area which has the facilities to be cleaned easily; discovery of my body will be delayed but it will happen." The pain receded and was replaced with a light feeling, and Heero knew that he was glad. "I will find you, and we will go together into hell. I won't let you face it by yourself. You did not make me face peace by myself. I don't think you were aware, I didn't tell you. I do not think I understood it myself but..." he nodded slowly, "After the war, you made things stable. You didn't change, you were just the same in peace as you were in war."

Heero stopped and stared, blinking as realisation set in.

"You made things stable, I thought it was everyone but during the war, I felt stable around you."

He took a deep shuddering breath and reached up with a hand. A tear glistened on his fingers as he pulled his hand away from his face.

"I don't know what that means, but I know that I just can't let you face hell by yourself." He clenched his fist tightly. "I can't hold a gun against your head again, but I can do it to myself. I'm ready."

He was surprised to feel a smile on his face; he stared at the heart monitor.

"Mission accepted, Duo."

* * *

The vending machine spat out its third coffee, and Wufei stared at it blearily. He pulled out his phone to check it again, and shook his head. He took the coffee and walked over to the small canteen table. Quatre had his head down in his folded arms, while Trowa sat opposite him. Wufei dragged a chair to join them and sat down. "Still no word from Heero."

Trowa frowned, "They would have come to get us, right?"

"I left explicit instructions," Wufei sipped his horrible coffee and winced. He looked down at Quatre, who was unmoving for the best part of an hour. "Is he asleep?"

"No." Quatre's voice was muffled, "Just..." He raised his head, eyes bloodshot and still weepy. "I just—" he choked and a tear worked down his cheek. "I can't say good bye to him, I can't. He doesn't deserve to die like this!" He buried his head again, his sobs muffled, "He doesn't deserve to die!"

Trowa hesitated for a moment, and raised a hand to hover over Quatre's shaking shoulders. He closed his eyes for a moment and then nodded. He put a hand down on Quatre's shoulder, and squeezed gently. Quatre raised his head to look at Trowa.

For a long moment, Quatre stared at Trowa and Wufei began to look away. Quatre's face quickly crumpled into a terrible grimace. The blonde haired man shuddered violently, and grasped at his heart. He couldn't draw breath enough. The pain was overwhelming and the man toppled out of his chair and lay on the floor. Wufei shouted for help, and Trowa fell to his knees. He grabbed Quatre's shoulders and lent over him.

Quatre gasped for air, and his blue eyes bulged.

"DUO!"

* * *

"No."

The whisper was so quiet; Heero thought for a long moment that he had misheard. He became aware that his hand was being squeezed. He looked down at the pale hand in his, and was surprised as the hand went slack. Heero looked up. There was a sudden commotion outside but Heero couldn't pay it any heed.

Duo lay there, his eyes open.

Heero stood and leant over the other man, but Duo did not react. His eyes were cloudy and dull, there was no focus. Heero passed his hand over Duo's face. He saw that Duo's right eyelid flickered somewhat, but there was no other reaction. Duo's eyes were open, but there was no other reaction. Heero watched him for a long moment; the commotion outside the room was getting closer again.

"Duo?" Heero asked quietly.

He got no answer, no reaction.

Duo lay there, his eyes were open.

* * *

::You only see what your eyes want to see::

::How can life be what you want it to be? ::

::You're frozen when your heart's not open ::

::You're so consumed with how much you get ::

::You waste your time with hate and regret ::

::You're frozen when your heart's not open::

* * *

A/N: Once more, I thank you in advance for your kind words. Your reviews are an inspiration.


	9. The Mighty Will Crumble

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: I will be honest with you. In the original version of this fanfiction, it was awful. I'm not saying that this version is perfect, I'm still only running about two chapters ahead but the other version was so horribly clichéd. I'd like to think six years apart from this fanfic has helped me to mature. I know the feeling of things that I write about here, how it feels to experience loss. I hope I am doing justice to those feelings and conveying them here. Thank you for helping me with your considerate reviews.

**Song**: Janelle Monáe – Cold War

**Extra Note:** Funnily enough, I associate this song quite strongly with Wufei and Duo. It seems to cover their ideas about their reasons for fighting.

* * *

_::Bring wings to the weak and bring grace to the strong::_

_::May all evil stumble as it flies in the world::_

_::All the tribes comes and the mighty will crumble::_

_::We must brave this night and have faith in love::_

_::I'm trying to find my peace:: _

_::I was made to believe there's something wrong with me::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 8: The Mighty Will Crumble**

_::And it hurts my heart::_

_::Lord have mercy, ain't it plain to see? ::_

* * *

"What happened?"

Heero stared at his plate, pushing the last of his food around under the pretence of gathering sauce. It was difficult to answer the question and it was difficult to speak to the others. He hadn't told anyone about the whisper Duo had given. He looked up and met Quatre's concerned look. He opted for the truth, even though it was not a truth that Quatre wanted to hear. "I don't know. I spoke to him, and his eyes were opened when I looked up."

"But you must have said something! Something to inspire him!" Quatre enthused. He had been almost giddy, out of control when he'd recovered from the initial shock. He hadn't been able to explain the wave of pain, but once it had receded they had burst into Duo's room to find the comatose man's eyes open and Heero standing away from the bed as if he were expecting the other man to stand up. The doctors were shocked and specialists had arrived in the week since Duo's apparent refusal to die. The former Deathscythe Pilot remained comatose, but his eyes were open and he was surviving off the life support. Somehow.

It was difficult for the doctors to explain, but Duo had somehow pulled himself out of the state where his body could not function by himself. Quatre tipped back the last of his drink and smiled broadly, "Whatever really happened, he might pull through! That's enough hope for me." He reached out for the bottle of wine, and Trowa deftly pulled it out of his way. He frowned at Trowa, who sighed tiredly.

"It's enough wine as well." Trowa shook his head and spoke quietly, "You've been drinking a lot."

A ripple of rage passed over Quatre's face which faded swiftly. He drew a breath, and swallowed. He nodded, "Yes. I think so too." An uneasy attempt of a smile appeared, "I suppose I'm just –"

"Reacting." Trowa nodded and returned his attention to the last of his own drink. "You don't need to explain."

Quatre licked nervous lips and shook his head. "I'm..." He swallowed and tried again, "I'm in therapy." He blinked suddenly, as if he wasn't expecting himself to say anything. He continued, babbling. "For the anger, I mean, I'm seeing someone about it and they said that strange reactions might be a part of the emotional upheaval of Duo's unexpected recovery. And, and um—"

"Quatre." Wufei reached out and touched the blonde man's arm. "It's good to hear that you are seeking help."

Quatre seemed unsteady but nodded. "I really—um, oh." He frowned, and admitted in a whisper, "I think I'm drunk. I wasn't supposed to tell you, I just wanted to get better for Nataku."

"Thank you." Wufei squeezed Quatre's arm, and smiled warmly. He daubed his napkin at his lips and signalled for the bill. "I think perhaps we should walk in the park, the cool air will freshen your mind."

* * *

"I just started getting angry." Quatre said unexpectedly. They had been walking through the park, each quiet in different ways. Quatre's hands were deep in his pockets, and he paused by a picnic table. The street light above gave it a mysterious look, a pool of light surrounded by darkness. He walked over to it, and sat down. Trowa sat facing him, Wufei beside him. Heero lingered for a moment on the path, and then sat beside Trowa. Quatre felt warm, and knew the alcohol had not yet left his body. He nodded, and continued. "I just kept getting angry over the littlest things, and I don't want to be angry around Nataku." He smiled weakly. "She um..." He paused, as if shy. His voice dropped to a whisper. "She was unexpected."

Wufei chuckled dryly, "You have no idea." He smiled even though his eyes grew sad. "I am glad that she knew her mother, that she remembers everything that Toshiriko taught her." He dug into his coat pocket and pulled out his phone. He tapped the screen for a few moments, before holding it out to Quatre. "This was my second wife."

Quatre couldn't help the startled laugh as he stared at the odd picture. In it, a casually dressed Wufei tried to look so serious while a woman with bright orange hair stuck her tongue out as she took the photo. He held it out to Trowa whose lips lifted in a small smile, as he shared the image with Heero. Quatre looked at Wufei. "She was ... She looks so ..." He chuckled, "Orange hair?"

"Riko liked orange." Wufei took his phone from Heero, and stared at the image lovingly. "She thought it was bombastic. She was so different from everything and in the darkness; she was my flare of light." He flicked over another picture, and stared at it. "After the war, I thought that I was nothing more. I could do nothing more than just fight for peace and to keep that peace." He held out the phone. It was a picture of the small family. Toshiriko was clearly in a hospital gown. It was Wufei holding the camera this time, and Toshiriko's right arm was filled with tiny baby while her left middle finger with a brightly blue painted nail was extended, her face scrunched up into a rocker's sneer. Wufei was swooping over the baby's head, his mouth open as if he was going to eat it. The laughter was in both of their faces. Trowa laughed at that image, while Quatre clapped a hand over his mouth. Heero frowned and looked at Wufei.

Wufei caught the look and smiled fondly, "Riko didn't want the baby to have boring baby pictures. I insisted that we get proper ones done, but somehow all these awful jokes are the ones that I like best." He swallowed, pride and sorrow battling in his face. "I can hear her laughing when I look at these."

Heero's frown dissipated and he nodded. "You should show Duo these, he would like them." He tilted his head as if thinking, then asked, "Have you shown Duo your daughter?"

Wufei looked at him with surprise, and Heero's frown returned. He looked at each of the other pilots and found them to be looking at him with surprise as well. Heero pointed to the phone, "Duo's eyes are open." He said slowly, as if pointing out something obvious. "Duo's eyes are open. Isn't it reasonable to assume that he can see?"

"The doctors said he wasn't responding to light tests." Quatre shook his head, "They said that his reactions were normal but he's not tracing the lights with his eyes. It's likely he can't see."

"He can hear." Heero blurted and then looked down at the table intensely. He ground his teeth and closed his eyes. Minutes trickled by as he gathered his thoughts. When he opened his eyes again, the others were waiting patiently. Trowa held his hand over Quatre's outstretched arm as if he had stopped the blonde man from reaching over to touch Heero.

Wufei drew a breath and let it go slowly. "How do you know that?"

"I was saying goodbye." Heero replied evenly, his eyes strayed toward Quatre. "Then he opened his eyes." He met Wufei's eyes again, seriousness in his expression. "Your daughter said she would make us live. Maybe you should take her to see Duo."

Wufei's eyes flicked down to his phone, and he stared at the picture of his wife and baby.

"Riko would have gotten on so well with him." He whispered more to himself, he raise his eyes to meet Heero's. "Thank you."

* * *

When the door opened, Heero looked up from his book. He had been reading about the care of comatose patients. Wufei entered the room, speaking in low tones to his daughter. Wufei smiled at his daughter reassuringly and Heero noticed that she looked nervous. He looked over at Duo. Duo's eyes were open today. Some days, Heero had learnt that Duo's eyes were closed and that they opened at irregular intervals. One of the nurses had described it like Duo had been blinking in very slow motion. Heero had not yet witnessed a period of time when Duo's eyes had been closed. His visits to the hospital had been frequent, but short. Today had been the first day when Heero had decided to stay for the entire day's visiting hours. He had not been expecting Wufei.

Wufei set his daughter down and gave her a hug. He opened his eyes as Heero shifted in his seat. A surprised look passed over the Chinese man's face, before a welcoming smile appeared. "Heero." Wufei stood and placed his hands on his daughter's shoulders as she turned around to see who her father was speaking to. "We were not expecting you here as well."

Heero slipped his finger into his book and closed it. He glanced at Duo, and then looked at Nataku. "I am visiting. I could leave."

"No, it's quite fine." Wufei shook his head. Today his hair was loose, a sign that he was not intending to work today. He looked down at his daughter, who looked at Duo warily. "Nataku, this is Duo, my brother."

She leant back against her father's legs, her usual fearlessness leaving her. "He looks sick, is he dying?" Her voice was tiny, and she was uncomfortable. Heero tilted his head and put his book aside. He got up and then knelt in front of her.

"Duo is not dying." He explained clearly, "He is in between the First and Second level of the RLA scale of comas. This means that sometimes he has no response, or has extremely delayed responses to stimuli."

She blinked, looking at him in confusion. Heero frowned for a moment.

"He can hear us, but he cannot respond." He spoke slowly, gathering and simplifying his thoughts. "Sometimes it will take a long time for him to do something; he might not do anything at all." Heero tilted his head, "It is a bit like he is sleeping, but he is not asleep."

"Does he dream?" Nataku sat down at her father's feet, and looked up at Heero. The man mirrored her, and sat on the floor before her as well.

"I do not know, he has not been able to tell us if he dreams or not." Heero blinked for a long moment. "What made you ask that?"

"You said it was a bit like he was sleeping, but he isn't asleep. If he can't do anything, can't tell you anything, what happens when he gets bored? Does he dream?"

Heero looked up at Wufei who knelt down beside his daughter. "That is a good question." Wufei commented, and brushed his hand over his daughter's head. Perhaps we can try to find out today. He smiled softly. "Duo did not enjoy being bored and I doubt that he has changed. I thought that today we could keep him company. Are you still afraid?"

"No." Nataku was thoughtful, "But I didn't bring any toys with me. What if he wants to play?"

"Then we must use...?" Wufei trailed off expectantly.

"Our mind and our hands." Nataku nodded firmly. "Mummy said so." She got to her feet and turned toward Duo, squaring her shoulders bravely. "What does he like to play?"

Heero thought for a moment and was surprised when Wufei chuckled. The other man patted his daughter's shoulder and smiled warmly. "He likes to talk. He has not met you before, so you should introduce yourself and let him know who you are." He brushed a lock of her hair over her ear. "Be courageous, daughter, as he was during the war."

Nataku dipped an informal bow to her father and turned toward Duo's bed. She struggled to pull a chair over toward his bedside. Heero almost got up to help her, but was stopped by Wufei. "Let her do it herself, she knows to be careful. We discussed the tubes and the equipment before we arrived."

"She seems a little small to—"

"Heero, she must learn her own limitations and she must learn to overcome them." Wufei folded his legs underneath himself, and looked at the other man calmly. "This is my daughter; she must learn to be strong." He looked over at her, pride warmed his voice. "She is the first of the generation untouched by war, her generation must be strong."

"I did not realise that you were training her." Heero looked at her and then to Wufei. "What are you training her for?"

"She will be a person living in a time of peace, that peace must be protected by people who know what they can do and what they can do to overcome those limitations." Wufei said, watching his daughter. "Riko always said that Nataku must be the best of both of us."

They fell into a companionable silence for a while, both watching as Nataku carefully manipulated the chair into place, taking her time to understand which of the few tubes connected to which drip. She settled on the chair and stared thoughtfully at Duo. Heero was amazed by her, amazed that Wufei had been the father of something so wonderful. Heero could barely understand the life he was in now, let alone contemplate adding a new life to it. He looked at Wufei, and then finally down at the floor.

"Have you been researching Duo's condition?" Wufei asked quietly. "You seem to know more now."

"Yes, I want to have the particulars of his case. Many websites suggest that Duo can hear us, and will remember the interactions we have." Heero paused and then raised his head, "Since I have nothing else to do, I have decided that I will be responsible for ensuring that interactions around Duo are consistent and familiar."

"That sounds like a good plan." Wufei nodded slowly, "Thank you."

"I will co-ordinate with Quatre, Trowa and you. We need to ensure that Duo knows that he is not going to be alone during this period. He is between levels, and needs help to ensure that he begins to wake from his coma." Heero glanced over his shoulder at the book he had been reading. "It is imperative that we work together." He paused, and looked at Wufei. "You call Duo brother."

"As you are to me," Wufei answered easily. "In the last nine, ten years now, I came to realise that despite my anger, I should have stood by you. We may not have been born of the same parents, but we were born of the same fight. The name Gundam binds us together."

"Duo said the same. That he was Gundam, that we were the only ones who had the right to chose his fate." Heero frowned and looked down, "I don't think I understand." He paused, struggling to put words to his ideas. "He does not seem to want to die."

"Duo?" Wufei nodded and reached out to grasp Heero's hand. "I can understand that, he fought in the same war. We fought to survive."

"But he was always prepared to die. He told me in his tape that if this was his time, that he was ready to die."

"There is a difference between being ready to die, and wanting to die." Wufei said slowly, meeting Heero's eyes when he looked up. "Perhaps, as he realised we were saying good bye, he found the strength to carry on."

Heero looked at Wufei, confusion in his eyes. "What could be so important?"

Wufei was going to answer, when his daughter came up to him and started patting through his bag. "What is it, Nataku?"

"I need a tissue." She said absently, "He's crying."

It took a long moment for Wufei to realise what she was saying, and Heero stood. Nataku gave a small cry of triumph as she found a tissue and returned to her position beside Duo's bed. She clambered up the chair and leant carefully over the bed. Heero and Wufei watched as she dabbed gently at Duo's open, blank eyes. Tears welled up and ran down his face. Heero turned his head when Wufei made a small noise. Wufei's jaw was tight, and his eyes were wet as he stared with shock. Heero watched him as the Chinese man stepped forward to join his daughter. He looked over her shoulder and stared into Duo's blank eyes. His daughter looked up, "Do you think he is sad? I was telling him about you and mummy."

Wufei struggled visibly for a long moment to answer. Finally, he sat carefully on Duo's bed, mindful of the other former pilot's hand and reached out to touch his daughter's crown. He sat there for a while, his throat working and his eyes emotional. Heero was confused by the sight and moved to sit in the chair opposite. Wufei's daughter looked at him, still in her contemplation. She looked from Duo to her father and frowned. "Are you sad now?"

Wufei couldn't answer, but shook his head sharply. "No," he finally managed, "Not at all. I am happy." He looked down at Duo. "I think perhaps he is happy as well."

Nataku looked between them again. "Is he happy because of us?"

Nodding, Wufei answer; "Yes, daughter. He is pleased to meet you."

"How do you know?" He didn't say anything, she challenged, frowning doubtfully. Wufei smiled helplessly, reached out to take her hand and raised her hand to rest it lightly on Duo's heart.

"Because he is my brother, daughter, he is your uncle. We know these things."

She looked at Heero for a long moment, tilting her head in her thought. Heero looked back at her, meeting her challenging dark eyes calmly. "Do you think so?" She asked finally, and Heero surprised himself by nodding once firmly. She looked down into the blank eyes of Duo. She raised the tissue again and dabbed gently at his eyes again. Heero looked at Duo and then at the little girl. "I think perhaps that he is also a little sad."

She looked up at Heero, puzzled. "Why?"

"Because he cannot say hello to you." Heero answered, "He is very vocal. More so than myself and your father. He spoke a lot during the war. I imagine that it is sad that he cannot say hello to you."

She looked down at Duo and put on a brave smile. "I think so too." She nodded firmly, "I know that you would say hello to me as well, so we should talk more about my mummy. You won't get to meet her but papa has lots of photos on his phone." She held out a hand behind herself blindly, and Wufei gave over his phone. His daughter seemed so comfortable with using the piece of technology that Heero was surprised.

Wufei leant closer to watch over her shoulder. "You should show him my wedding photo."

Heero sat back and watched them as the pair began going through the photos on Wufei's phone. He was amazed to watch how Wufei was so proud of his daughter and so keen to show Duo what a life he had built. Nataku was a perceptive young girl, and she would show Heero the photos as well before moving on to the next one. Like the night in the park, Heero had some difficulty connecting this image of Wufei with the quiet, furious young Shenlong pilot. Wufei laughed freely as his daughter began to recount her mother's teachings on how to make Wufei laugh. Heero felt strange, he felt warmth and gratitude toward the girl and her dead mother. He felt honoured to see this part of Wufei's life, and felt the protective nature that made him want to make sure that Wufei stay this way with his little girl.

Heero thought about what he was feeling, and analysed it carefully. It was a feeling of brotherhood he concluded. He enjoyed the feeling. He even felt himself smiling once or twice when the girl called him Uncle as well.

Soon, the afternoon wore on and the girl began to tire. Wufei gathered his sleepy daughter into his arms and cradled her. She was beginning to get too big for him to carry easily. Heero tilted his head. "You have been on L2 for a long time; it should be time for her to begin schooling."

Wufei nodded, his voice was low, "I have started to look into her schooling." He glanced at Heero, "I've managed to secure an apartment, but I had not thought to enquire about you. Where are you living now?"

"I am currently living in the same hotel as Quatre. He offered to pay for a room."

"That's okay." Wufei smiled lightly, "If you are going to spend more time around Duo, you may want to think about a closer place. There is a few spare apartments in the block I am living in, and it is not far from here. Should I enquire about them?"

Heero tilted his head, "I do not currently have a stable job. I would not be able—"

"Brother. Quatre is not the only one with money." Wufei raised an eyebrow. "If you are going to sacrifice a stable job for the honour of taking care of our brother, then let me get you a place to live and have the honour of helping you to care for him."

Heero blinked, surprised and then nodded. "That is acceptable." He paused, and then said, "Thank you." He looked at Wufei's daughter. "She has good eyes. I would like to help to take care of her."

Wufei's smile was brilliant, "Thank you. I would be honoured." He turned and walked over toward Duo. Leaning over, Wufei looked down and stared into Duo's blank eyes. "This is the end of my visit today, Duo. Nataku is sleepy, and I must get her to bed. We will come to visit in a few days' time. Thank you for letting us visit with you."

* * *

"He's gone now." Heero said after a few moments, he looked down at Duo's expressionless face. "Did you enjoy this?" Heero watched the face, looking for any of the signs that Duo was attempting to respond. He glanced up at the monitors that surrounded Duo. After a long moment, Heero sighed and went to retrieve his book and pulled the chair close to sit down next to Duo's bed. He glanced over Duo again, and then resumed reading.

He read for a few moments before realising how quiet the room was. He blinked and glanced at Duo again. "I'm sorry. I suppose that I do not make as much conversation as Wufei and his daughter did." He carefully folded a bookmark into the pages and closed the book. He sat for a moment, looking at the cover. "My book recommends that we should converse with you and give you stimulation as much as possible. I would like to move you from Level 1 into Level 2. You have demonstrated that you have the capability to respond somewhat. We need to discover how to open Level 2 Coma status to you." Heero tilted his head and stared at Duo's blank expression. "I suppose you mean to make this my new mission." Heero looked away and settled back into his chair. "Very well." He looked up and looked out the window. "The colony sun is setting, it is becoming night. I have approximately 4 hours left with you before I will be asked to leave."

Heero sighed.

"Wufei considers you a brother. He explained his feelings to me as a sense that we were one family, that we are all brothers. The name Gundam binds us and I can feel that. Certainly about Wufei and the others." Heero nodded to himself. "I have observed family connections with others, and I agree that I feel as if you are all my brothers. From my research, I have found that we have acted like family even over the last ten years. It is not unusual to have conflict that drives family apart. Nor is it unusual for conflict to bring the family back and to become closer."

He rose from his seat and began packing his things into his back pack. His fingers brushed over his gun and he looked at Duo. "I have thought carefully about my feelings. I have struggled with this conflict and I believe that my struggle is based in my feelings of loss. During the war, it was easy to set such feelings aside because it was expected in a war time situation. I did not expect to feel loss during peace time. It was difficult to understand that loss could happen in a time when we were supposed to be happy."

He walked back toward Duo and looked down. Duo's vacant eyes stared beyond him. Heero shook his head tiredly. "I don't expect that you want to listen to my reports." He frowned and sat down again. He reached out to touch Duo's hand. "I want to understand, Duo."

* * *

Trowa was staring absently into space; hands cupped around a cup of tea. He'd finished work for the day, and was now thinking about how much money he had to live on and what he could afford to save. He had a few communications from L3, some messages from Catherine, some from his previous jobs. The most troubling one was from a minister in the governing body of L3. It spoke of his 'duty' as a Gundam Pilot to the people of L3. Even after ten years, no-one could forget his contribution to the wars and L3 were still looking to capitalise his sudden fame from the so-called Gundam Reunion.

He sighed and took a long sip from his cup. It was not easy to push away the returning thoughts of helplessness. He was so used to being in simple exchanges – labour for food. Being this Gundam Pilot poster boy was difficult because there were so many demands, so many expectations. He just wanted a quiet life and he wasn't sure he would be able to keep what quiet he had obtained for himself. Trowa could see clearly what he wanted, and Duo's request had changed the balance of things. It was difficult to hide when so many people were reminded of what he was again.

A knock on the door broke him out of his thoughts and he looked over toward the door. His apartment had been picked, not only for its cheap rent, but also because it was fairly hidden away. He raised an eyebrow as the knock came again. Trowa sighed and rose slowly. He opened the door and was surprised to find Quatre standing there.

Quatre stood and stared at him for a long moment, before breaking the look. His hands were shoved into his pockets, and he looked uncertain. Trowa tilted his head as he looked at Quatre. "Hi." Trowa said finally, "I wasn't expecting company."

Quatre nodded and then raised a hand to pinch his nose as if realising something. "I'm sorry; you must have just finished work. Sorry."

"I wasn't expecting company." Trowa repeated himself, "But you're welcome to come in." He stepped aside carefully, as if surprised by his own words. Quatre looked at him, nervousness in his features, before pacing into the apartment. He looked around quickly, and spotted the cooling tea on the table. Quatre sat at the table.

"Did you want to sit on the couch?" Trowa asked, quietly.

"No, you were sitting here." Quatre answered. He bit a lip for a moment, and clenched his fists on the table. He seemed to come to a conclusion. "I wanted to apologise to you."

Trowa stared at him thoughtfully for a long moment. "Would you like tea?"

"Tea?" Quatre blinked as if startled, and then nodded after a thought. "Yes, I think tea would be nice."

"Did you come here after seeing your therapist?" Trowa asked as he moved around the kitchenette, folding his arms as he waited for the kettle to boil. He lent against the counter and observed Quatre. The blonde man's fist clenched tighter.

"No." Quatre seemed to catch himself and stared hard at his clenched fists. He slowly released them and tapped his thumb against one of his nails. He drew a breath, and slowly looked up. "Yes. How do you know?"

Trowa met his eyes calmly. "You act swiftly when you realise something. You think it through but when that decision has been made, you have always acted on it immediately."

"I think I would be saving a fortune if I paid you instead of my therapist." Quatre's tone was cool, "You seem to cut straight through, when it's taken many sessions for me to hear her say that."

"We act like we're still driving Gundams." Trowa's smile was brittle, "Only Wufei and Duo seem to have gotten out of their machines."

Quatre let a deep breath out. "Yes. It does, doesn't it?" He raised a hand to scratch his head for a moment. "It's difficult to get out."

The kettle boiled, and Trowa made tea. He came to sit at the table, and placed Quatre's cup on the table. He gave it a little push toward the blonde, and picked up his own to sip. They drank in silence for a long moment, Trowa trying not to react to the nervous glances Quatre was giving him. It took a while for Quatre to relax, but eventually he did. It was only then that Trowa decided to speak.

"So what happened during today's session to set your mind?"

"I suppose it was the realisation that I am still feeling guilty that did it." Quatre answered, staring into his tea. "One of my triggers for my anger is my guilt, my self-knowledge that I am wrong but I haven't atoned for that wrong yet."

"You apologised."

"To everyone, to what we perceive to be Gundam. I apologised to our little family, but I didn't apologise to you." Quatre lifted his eyes briefly to meet Trowa's and then looked down again. He swirled his tea in the mug. "I didn't apologise to what I did to you, for what I said."

"Water under the bridge." Trowa said.

"You haven't forgiven me." Quatre's voice was accusing, a flare of anger in his face. Trowa raised a hand.

"It is something that has happened a long time ago. No, I haven't forgiven your words but it's hard to get angry about it anymore." Trowa cupped his hand around his tea. "I'm tired of it."

"Ah." Quatre dipped his head, "That must be what she means."

"Hmm?"

Quatre licked his lips and cleared his throat. "I'm quick to interrupt, and I don't listen anymore." He sipped his tea and shook his head. "This was maybe a mistake."

"Look." Trowa frowned slightly, "It isn't easy." He fell silent for a long moment, and shook his head. "I can't see the boy I loved, and I hate the man I've heard of. You are trying so hard, but you have to realise that time has moved us both."

"I do." Quatre replied, his voice quiet. Trowa watched as a range of emotion played over the other man's face. Eventually, Quatre looked away. "It's so hard. Trowa, I... I am sorry, I hurt you and I'm sorry." His voice became faint as his eyes welled with tears. Quatre turned his head in a futile attempt to hide his tears. "I... I-I um, I ..." He swallowed hard and closed his eyes; his voice was almost a whisper. "I love you."

Trowa looked at him, and then looked down at the man's pale hands. He looked at his tea for a long moment, and tried to find enough anger and hate in his heart to immune him against the soft sobs. He sighed and reached out with a hand to lay it over Quatre's smaller hand. Quatre gave a quiet gasp, and Trowa found the strength to look up. Quatre was tearful, but tried to meet his eyes steadily. They stared at each other for a long moment.

Trowa sighed deeply and looked away. "This won't work again."

He looked back and was surprised by the brittle sad smile on Quatre's face. The man's blue eyes were sad but filled with acceptance. "Then we can at least say: we tried to brave the night."

* * *

"What did you fight for?"

Wufei blinked and looked down at his daughter. She was lying on her back, fingers laced together over her stomach. He shifted in his chair and closed the book. She blinked and looked over at him. He nodded thoughtfully. "I fought for justice."

"Do you still fight for justice?"

"Yes." Wufei moved to kneel by her bedside and leant over the covers to meet her eyes. "Justice is the peace that I hold dear. That all wrong actions are held accountable. That everyone takes their responsibility for what they do in life."

"Uncle Heero takes a lot of responsibility." She said, her thoughtful eyes returning to stare at the ceiling. A dark thought passed over her expression. Wufei lifted his hand to brush her forehead, and she looked at him for the unusually gentle gesture.

"I am pleased that you name him Uncle." He smiled gently. "I am glad that I have had the chance to share you with my brothers, and that I have the honour of naming you my daughter." He glanced at his watch and then his expression turned fondly stern. "Now, it is late. You must sleep."

She closed her eyes and smiled warmly. Wufei got up and switched off all the lights but for her night light. He was just leaving the room, when he heard her speak again.

"Does Uncle Duo know what he is fighting for?"

* * *

"Excuse me, Mr Yuy."

Heero looked up at the quiet voice. The nurse stood at the doorway, her smile politely warm. "It's past visiting hours sir, I must insist you leave for this evening."

Heero nodded, and rose from his seat. He folded his book mark into his book and walked over to stand by Duo. He looked down into Duo's blank eyes, and nodded firmly. "It is time for me to leave. I will return in the morning. I have read that coma patients respond to some forms of music and will return with samples of different music. If you can respond, I will select other samples of music from a similar vein." He paused for a moment, thinking. "You should aim to think about a specific response. Something that will definitively show us that you are aware." He paused for a long moment and leant in closer. He looked over the face and finally stared directly into Duo's eyes.

"You should sleep now Duo, it is late. I will see you tomorrow."

He straightened and went to pick up his bag. He returned to Duo's bedside to pick up a final book that had been left there. He looked down at Duo's blank eyes and frowned. Heero tilted his head. "Duo, you should sleep now. You should close your eyes."

Duo's right eyelid flickered.

Heero reached out to hover his hand over Duo's, his fingers ghosting over the back of Duo's hand. "Close your eyes." He whispered, and in the same breath, sighed, "I will come back tomorrow. I promise."

Duo's right eyelid flickered again.

Heero stared at him for a long moment, before slowly pulling back his hand. Without another look, he turned and walked out of the room. He passed the nurse as she walked towards Duo's room. She entered to check on her patient and note his current vitals. She made a small notation on his chart and turned to leave the room. She paused and turned back to check his face, and smiled softly.

"You have a kind friend, Mr Basilica." She murmured, straightening the blanket. "I've served on this ward for six years. Not many coma patients have people who are brave enough to shut their eyes for them at the end of a long day of staring."

She turned away, switching off the lights as she left.

* * *

_::So you think I'm alone? ::_

_::But being alone's the only way to be::_

_::When you step outside::_

_::You spend life fighting for your sanity::_

_::This is a cold war::_

_::You better know what you're fighting for! ::_

_::This is a cold war::_

_::Do you know what you're fighting for? ::_

* * *

_A/N: Again, I thank you in advance for your kind words. Your reviews are an inspiration. I am overwhelmed by the favourites, story alerts and most of all, the kind, kind reviews. Thank you._


	10. The Reckless Things

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: I will be honest with you. In the original version of this fanfiction, it was awful. I'm not saying that this version is perfect, I'm still only running about two chapters ahead but the other version was so horribly clichéd. I'd like to think six years apart from this fanfic has helped me to mature. I know the feeling of things that I write about here, how it feels to experience loss. I hope I am doing justice to those feelings and conveying them here. Thank you for helping me with your considerate reviews.

It should probably be said that I am a slash writer, though I loath to put **warnings** in. Now is a good time to highlight, there is love between some of the characters and I intend to pursue that love. Should boys with boys or girls with girls squick you out, then here's the way the story went: after the previous chapter, as the nurse was leaving, Duo probably died in his sleep - it was peaceful. The end.

I jest of course, but genuinely, if you are holding out for Trowa, Quatre, Heero to find love with a girl: This is unlikely to be the story for you. Last chapter was probably your best stopping point because I intend to start healing. Likewise, should you be holding out for Relena to make a triumphant return to Heero's arms, alas no. In my honest opinion, she needs to find love with someone who will cherish her but will make her rescue her own damn self.

Love is so hard, to find and keep.

* * *

**Song**: Muse – Falling Away With You

* * *

_::I can't remember when it was good::_

_::Moments of happiness elude::_

_::Maybe I just misunderstood::_

_::All of the love we left behind::_

_::Watching the flash backs intertwine::_

_::Memories I will never find::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 9: The Reckless Things**

_::So I'll love whatever you become::_

_::And forget the reckless things we've done::_

* * *

"You look well." Though Rashid's voice was gruff, his expression was kind. "What has changed in you?"

"In me?" Quatre chuckled, trying for lightness. "Oh nothing." Rashid's expression didn't change as he waited patiently. "This connection is awful." Quatre sighed and leant back in the chair. The static on the video did nothing to change Rashid's expression. Quatre leant forward to the screen again, "I'm in therapy." He looked down for a moment. "It's helping."

"Master Quatre. That is something that warms my heart to hear. Thank you." Rashid's expression of relief briefly pained Quatre's heart and he had to look away. Rashid continued, "You have closed your heart for so long."

"I suppose I did." Quatre said, looking back. "I'm sorry, Rashid. To have worried you so, it's unforgivable." He dipped his head briefly, and tried to find a smile. "So, how is the business?"

"Running well, as well you know, Master Quatre." Rashid shook his head. "I know you've been picking up the reports. Things are going on, as they would." A frown passed over his expression and the older man looked kindly. "You always took too much onto your shoulders. Rest now, Master Quatre, your business is safe and you are where you need to be."

"How do you always find the right words to say?" Quatre wondered aloud. "Thank you, Rashid. I know you are taking good care in my stead."

"How is Duo Maxwell?" Rashid's head tilted, "We received a report that he awoke from his coma."

"That's not exactly true, but he did wake briefly." Quatre's smile was genuine, "I'm relieved."

"I can tell." Rashid's expression was kind. "You haven't looked so happy in many years, Master Quatre. Smiling suits you."

Quatre chuckled very softly, "I haven't, have I?" He paused, looking down. "I... I have hope, Rashid. I think things... things could get better now."

Rashid nodded slowly, "Hope is good. Hope was the foundation of your battle. Let it be the foundation of your recovery." He nodded again. "Open your heart again, Master Quatre, and let winter slip away."

Quatre blinked opening his mouth to speak, but found himself at a loss for words. He closed his eyes and whispered, "Thank you."

* * *

Quatre nursed his coffee and stared out of the window. He was on his way to visit Duo, but had stopped at a coffee shop. Instead of getting take-out, he sat and drank his coffee. He took his time, and tried to acknowledge the fact that he was sitting there because he was afraid. He had tried lying to himself and said it was because he wanted to watch the people go by. He shook his head and sipped his coffee.

It was difficult. The past year had been filled with revelations and the change in pace was slowly changing him. He felt unsettled and tried to think of a way he could regain his balance. He'd apologised, but still felt guilt. He confessed love to Trowa, but nothing changed between them. Trowa found it hard to forgive, and Quatre found it difficult not to be angry with him. He couldn't understand why Trowa found it so difficult to forgive him. He raised his cup and held it under his nose. He was day dreaming of scenarios where Trowa would find his own balance again, and they found each other again.

He looked down into his coffee and thought about what he was going to do. He licked his lips and thought carefully. He would need to listen more; he would need to consider how Trowa might feel. He would need to explain his own actions. He nodded to himself, sipping his coffee slowly. He could make this work, he thought. As he had told Rashid the night before, he had hope. It was growing inside him.

Quatre stayed in the cafe, drinking his coffee slowly and watching the people pass him by. He began to get lost in each person as they passed; he wondered what they were doing. Where was the woman in the smart suit going? Who was the man in the green t-shirt talking to on his phone? Quatre found himself smiling faintly, as he began to open his heart to these people. So long, he had closed and hardened his heart. He had forgotten the sweet, warm feelings that came with each happy person passing him.

He closed his eyes and sat back in his chair, opened his heart and let the world around him flood him with its emotions.

* * *

"Good morning, Mister Yuy."

Heero nodded as he passed the nurse. He returned his attention to the back of the book he was carrying. He moved down the corridor with practiced ease, and nodded to each nurse and doctor he passed. He found some comfort in the hospital. It was the routine, he realised, the fact that most people were always where they were supposed to be. He glanced down the corridor, standing in front of Duo's door. He watched as the various people moved around, internally counting the movements. He waited until Duo's regular doctor walked down toward the room. The doctor looked up as if noticing he was being watched and smiled when he met Heero's eye. The doctor paused briefly, "Another good night. No changes."

"Thank you." Heero replied and opened the door. The room was dim, the curtains still drawn. Heero's daily visit now included 'waking' Duo. Heero placed his things down by his usual chair, and moved to open the curtains. "Good morning, Duo. It is 8.18 in the morning. I am earlier than usual, because the day is unusually bright and clear. I think this has caused several people to opt for other forms of transport. The bus was quieter than usual." He moved around the bed, to sit down beside Duo. He looked over at the pale man. Duo's eyes were closed, and his hair was mussed. The auburn locks were slowly growing back and Heero found comfort in the finger length hair. Heero reached down and opened his bag. "I will begin today by brushing your hair. Your hair is growing back evenly." He stood and carefully slide a hand over the soft hair. "I think you will be surprised. I think it is lighter than it used to be. Your eyebrows seem darker than your hair, and I do not think that was the case before."

He brushed the hair slowly for a while, before he spoke again.

"Today, I have bought a new book to read. It's a study of coma patients and further viable methods of helping them to regain full consciousness. It is describe as alternative, so I think there are going to be few methods that I will try with you, but I intend to try something." He thought for a moment, "I was pleased by the most recent report. You are doing well."

The brush paused mid-stroke, and Heero frowned. He thought carefully, before resuming the brushing.

"I feel proud of you, Duo. You may not think you are making many strides, but I believe in you. You spoke to me." Heero looked down at Duo and sank into his chair. Pulling it closer, he rested his elbows gently on the bed and put his chin on his clasped hands. "I know you will do it again, that you can drag yourself out of this."

He closed his eyes and thought about their situation.

"This is not unlike when I self-destructed. I was unconscious for a month. Trowa treated me, but I have no memories from that time. I was unaware of time passing." He opened his eyes, "Having completed my initial research, I do not think I was in a coma as medically defined, but a comatose state. I don't remember much before waking, I do remember being lost in a dark place. I think this memory is from days before I awoke. I don't know if this is what you are experiencing." He paused and leaned back in his chair. "I wonder what you are experiencing. Are you lost in the dark?"

"If he is..." Heero turned toward the door, and stared at Quatre. The blonde man cleared his throat, and spoke again, "If he is, I'm sure that he knows that we..." his eyes dipped for a moment as he paused, a faint smile graced his lips. He met Heero's eyes directly, "He knows that you're looking for him." He held up the bouquet of flowers, this time orange and yellow roses. "Another splash of colour today."

Heero blinked and stood. He stared at Quatre for a long moment, his head tilting. "Something changed?"

Quatre seemed calm today, much calmer than he had been when Heero had returned. Quatre found a brighter smile easily, and stepped into the room. "I think today is a beautiful day." His blue eyes were clear, as he moved toward the bed. He leant down to grasp Duo's hand, "Good morning Duo. I brought roses today; I think the white ones were dull. These are orange and yellow."

Heero sat down in his chair, and patted Duo's hand. "You should open your eyes, it is time to be awake and you should look at the flowers before they are placed in the vase." Heero glanced at Quatre, "You should give him directions when you are speaking to him. I think it helps."

"Really?" Quatre followed Heero's motions and patted Duo's right hand. "Do you hear that, Duo? Even when you're in a coma, the perfect solider will give you orders." He chuckled lightly and looked up to Heero. He almost lost his smile at Heero's intense frown. "I'm sorry—"

"I was not a perfect solider." Heero sat back in his chair, and folded his arms. He glanced at Quatre, his frown softened. "I was focused."

"I know that, Heero," Quatre lay the flowers down over Duo's feet. "I was trying to joke." Heero dipped his head, acknowledging him. Quatre sighed, and patted Duo's hand lightly. "It seems, my friend, that we have all forgotten how to joke. You must wake up soon, before we become stodgy old men, unable to smile."

The moment of silence was broken only by the calm beep-beep-beep of Duo's heart monitor. Heero cleared his throat as he shifted in his chair. Quatre glanced up and found Heero glancing at him, contemplatively. Heero tilted his head before opening his mouth to speak. He paused, doubting himself for a moment and that feeling surprised Quatre.

"What is an airline pilot's favourite flavour of crisps?" Heero spoke, his voice deadpan. Quatre blinked for several moments.

"Wh-what?" Quatre was not sure he had heard Heero correctly. "I... I don't know."

"Plain." Heero said and raised an eyebrow. He reached down to pick up a book and settled back into his chair. He read for a few moments, before looking up and taking in Quatre's shocked expression. "I can joke. I know other jokes." He resumed reading his book.

Quatre broke out in a peal of surprised laughter, clapping his hand over his mouth in shock. He began to giggle behind his hand. The tears began shortly after that, and he doubled over in his chair. He rested his head on the edge of Duo's bed, laughing and sobbing, one hand over his mouth and one hand resting on Duo's limp, right hand. He didn't know how long he was like this, before he heard the hard click of a chair being set down beside him. He felt an arm around his shoulders and a hand in his hair.

"It's difficult, knowing how to respond correctly." Heero said calmly. "I know."

"I'm sorry," Quatre sat up, wiping at his face. "I don't know..." As soon as he met Heero's calm, blue gaze, he managed to sober himself. "What have I done?" He drew a ragged breath, feeling the crushing guilt again. "I've destroyed us all."

Heero pulled him closer, and Quatre was surprised again. Tears dripped from his wide open eyes, as he stared at Heero's chest. Heero's chin dug into his head, as Heero comforted him. Heero spoke in a low tone. "I was lost, and I had to find my own way back to peace. I'm going to use Duo as my guiding line. As he recovers, so will I." He pushed Quatre back to stare intently into his eyes. "Wufei had his wife and daughter. You must find your own guiding line." He paused for a moment, his dark blue eyes unfocused for a moment. "Do you remember the dogs?"

"The dogs on the beach?" Quatre blinked slowly, stumbling into the memory. Young Heero playing with the large white hounds. Himself running freely across the beach. "We were so young then."

Heero nodded slowly, "We are not young, but we are not stodgy old men. Not yet." He raised a hand to grasp Quatre's. "Don't give up." He sat back, letting go of Quatre. "When is your next therapy session?"

"Why do you ask?"

Heero nodded, "I've attended several sessions myself. I did not find them very helpful, until I got away from the Preventers trackers. When I knew that nobody was looking for me, I was able to relax more." He nodded again, "You should discuss how you felt about laughing and crying at the same time."

"I was just..." Quatre looked down at Duo, "I was just so surprised that you could tell a bad joke... and then. Then I realised that I could have known this, if I'd spent time with you." He looked at Heero, determination in his eyes. "I want to know you again. I want to know Wufei and his daughter, and Trowa again."

The blonde man sank in his chair, deflating. He seemed to collapse in on himself at the mention of the former third pilot.

"I missed you all, but I missed Trowa the most." Quatre confessed, quietly. He leant forward and grasped Duo's hand, stroking his thumb over the pale hand. "We worked well together, didn't we, Duo?"

Heero got up and moved his chair back to the other side of Duo's bed. He watched Quatre quietly. The blonde man kept his eyes on Duo, finding it easier to speak to the comatose man.

"We did." Quatre nodded, "But I worked better with Trowa." He smiled faintly. "And I missed you all, and I missed Trowa so much... I just, I couldn't – wouldn't admit that. These last few years have been so cold, I've been cold and my life was cold like I was in space, like I was asleep... like I was dead. It was you, Duo, that woke me up. But it was seeing Trowa that brought me back to life. I was angry, properly angry – not impatient, not irked, I was genuinely angry when I saw him. I thought I would hate him, but I don't."

Quatre's head dipped.

"Oh Duo, you always did this. You always challenged me on everything. How is it, even now, you're challenging me?" He raised his head, and met Heero's eyes. "I don't hate Trowa, and I'm angry at myself because I don't hate him." He smiled, a brittle smile and his eyes filled with tears. "I love him, and he knows. But he doesn't love me, anymore." Quatre turned his head, unable to look at either of them anymore. Tears flowed freely now, down his cheeks. He stared at the roses. "I know he used to, but now I can't feel it anymore. He was always good at hiding his feelings, but he could never hide from me." Quatre's face crumpled. "I'm so selfish... I don't want you to die; I want Trowa to love me again. I don't know how I can fix any of this, but I want to. I want my friends to come back, I want to know you all again..."

Heero swallowed hard, surprised by how sad he felt. He nodded slowly. "I know that is what I want. I know that Wufei feels the same." He stood and moved around the bed, to stand beside Quatre. He placed a hand on Quatre's shoulder and looked down into Quatre's wide blue eyes. "We know that's what Duo wants. I can't speak for Trowa, but we know that he is here and he has stayed. You must give us time; you need to give Trowa time." He paused and thought, "Give him time to find the emotions that he wants to follow." He frowned slightly, and nodded again. "You must give him this. If you don't, he will leave again."

Quatre's face crumpled again into tears. "I know! I know! But I can't—"

The man's bright blue eyes shot open, his head jerked up as if he had been shot. He sat ram-rod straight for a long moment before his head twisted to look down at his hand. Heero stepped back and looked at the entwined hands. Quatre's voice was raspy, but getting stronger. "Heero, he's squeezing my hand! He's squeezing my hand! Duo!"

Heero leant forward to look past Quatre's body, and stared at Duo's body. His face was tilted toward them, and his eyes were opened and unfocused. Heero felt his breath catch as he watched Duo's eyes roll upwards slowly before sliding down to look in their direction. He moved around Quatre, and leant down to gingerly cup Duo's head. "Duo? Duo, I'm going to get the doctor." Duo's eyes rolled again and he achieved a slow blink. Heero almost stumbled backward, and raced to the door.

Quatre twisted in his chair, raising his other hand to brush Duo's short hair. "Duo? Can you hear me?"

Duo's eyes were unfocused and seemed to move around a lot, but Quatre was sure he could see him. For Quatre, time seemed to slow tremendously. He could feel each breath leave his body. Everything seemed to stretch out before him. Duo's hand was warm, the day light flooded the room and Quatre reached out with his heart.

"Please? Duo? Please don't let go." Quatre looked briefly at their hands, and leant forward to look into Duo's eyes. "Don't let go, stay here with us. We're here! Stay with us!"

Another slow blink from Duo, and Quatre didn't know if Duo was squeezing his hand. Outside, there was commotion, but here in this moment, Quatre was still. His entire being was focused, and he could not tear his attention away from the unfocused violet eyes of their dear friend. His blood roared in his ears.

"Duo!" Quatre pleaded, "You can do this. Stay awake! Stay with us!"

Duo's eyelids fluttered as if he were straining to keep his eyes open. The door to the room burst open as Duo's specialists entered the room. A doctor reached over to cup Duo's head, tilting it toward her and her light. "Mister Basillica? Mister Maxwell?" She shone her light into his eyes, and looked up at Quatre, "What response have you seen?"

Quatre couldn't pull his eyes away from Duo's face.

"Mister Winner!" The doctor barked at him sharply. Quatre blinked rapidly, and brought his eyes up to meet hers.

"He was squeezing my hand, and he blinked."

"On command?" She asked. "Duo? Can you blink for me?"

Duo's eyelids fluttered, and slowly closed.

* * *

"He didn't open his eyes again." Quatre's hands were stuffed deep into his pockets. The late winter was bitingly cold, and he was impressed that the colony weather control could hold a temperature so low without it becoming dangerous. The street lights were on, and the street was almost empty. Trowa walked beside him, his own hands deep in his long jacket. It was new, but Quatre didn't know where it had come from. "I wish he had. It was like he was reaching out to us."

"He was likely reacting to your voice. We didn't really spend much time with him." Trowa frowned as they walked slowly. Dinner had been a small celebration, slightly awkward without Heero and Wufei. Heero had refused to leave the hospital, and Wufei had excused himself shortly after their initial drinks to go to dinner with his daughter. Trowa shrugged. "Perhaps we should have done some further research into comas; Heero's plan is apparently having results."

"Yes, perhaps." Quatre nodded, coming to a stop by the crossroads. "But as they say, hindsight is twenty-twenty." He sighed, and smiled faintly. "Well, thank you for walking me this far."

Trowa looked down the street, they were at the turning which would lead to his apartment or go straight on to Quatre's hotel. For a moment, Quatre thought faint annoyance appeared on Trowa's face, before the man squared his shoulders. "I'll walk you home."

"You don't have to." Quatre tried smiling, but his expression froze when he caught the flash of something in Trowa's dark green eyes. "Thank you," he said carefully and motioned ahead. "I didn't know if you had to get back quickly."

"I've got the later shift." Trowa said, shrugging. "The walk is good for me."

"Yes." Quatre nodded. They walked slowly in silence. Quatre stared at their surroundings as they passed people in their coats and scarves. He shivered in his own coat. "You can really feel the seasons here." He offered.

Trowa nodded. "Yeah."

They walked on in silence. As they approached Quatre's hotel, it began to rain – first lightly, then threatened to get heavier. They dashed the last few meters to the entrance hall, just before the rain above really let go. They stood, panting lightly, staring out together. The rain was hard and cold. They watched as people ran, caught out in the sudden cold rain. Quatre looked up at Trowa, studying the man's profile for a moment. "You..." Quatre swallowed, "You shouldn't walk home in this."

Trowa nodded his head toward a nearby taxi rank. "I can catch a cab."

"Have you got—?" Quatre cut himself off.

"I've got the fare." Trowa tipped his head toward Quatre. "The job pays well." He continued looking at Quatre, and the blonde man couldn't help the feeling of expectancy. Quatre faltered.

"Well, don't let me keep you much longer." Quatre tried quietly, and almost cringed as Trowa's expression turned cold. Without a word, Trowa stepped forward and pushed open the door. He was almost down the steps and standing in the rain, when Quatre cursed himself and stepped outside as well. "Or you... you could—"

Trowa stopped and turned; his hands deep in his pockets and his expression uncaring again.

Quatre licked nervous lips. "Or you could stay..." he offered haltingly. "Have a nightcap with me?"

The ice in Trowa's eyes seemed to melt and his whole body tilted ever-so-slightly toward Quatre, as if he were about to step up again. A horn blared nearby, and their attention was drawn to a man swearing angrily at a taxi driver. When Quatre looked back, Trowa's expression as cool again, and he shook his head. "Thanks, but..." he jerked his head toward the street. "I need get out of these wet clothes."

They stood, frozen for a long moment. Trowa's eyes narrowed and he nodded. "Good night, Quatre." He stepped backward, and Quatre felt lost at sea. He didn't know what unspoken conversation had gone on, but clearly he didn't say the things he was supposed to have said. His shoulders dropped and he smiled, the smile brittle on his face.

"Good night, Trowa."

He stood on the stairs of the entrance hall, watching as the tall man hailed a cab. He stepped down to the street, and let the biting cold rain wash over him. As his pale blonde hair flattened and his coat became sodden, Quatre felt the hope he'd woken up with crumble away. He closed his eyes and tipped his head back, letting the cold water wash over him. He didn't know how long he had stood like that, but snapped out of his trance when his phone began ringing.

With cold, stiff fingers, Quatre fumbled with his phone and answered without looking at the screen. "Hello?"

"Dinner was nice." Trowa's voice was hushed, Quatre's eyes snapped open. Trowa paused for his answer. "Quatre? You there?"

"Yes." Quatre spoke quietly. "I enjoyed myself. We, um... We..." He closed his eyes, shaking his head in frustration as the words failed him. He tried instead: "It was a good place."

"Yeah." Trowa drew a deep breath, his voice so low that Quatre strained to hear, "We should do it again."

"I would love to." Quatre said, meaning every word. "It was good."

"I can hear the rain." Trowa mentioned, almost casually. "Are you still outside?"

Quatre sniffed, rain dripping off his nose. He looked around, suddenly feeling foolish. "Yes. I should... I should get out of the rain." He chuckled nervously, trying for care-free. He stepped back up the stairs and wandered through the entrance hall. "Looks like I need to get out of these wet clothes as well." He stepped into the lift and leant against the back wall. He stared at the carpet. I'll probably lose you now; I've just hopped into the lift."

"Ah." Trowa said, there was a pause. "Just as well, since I am coming up to my place soon." He paused again. "I just wanted to say, dinner was nice. We should do it again."

"Yeah," Quatre closed his eyes and smiled. "Maybe next time..." he licked nervous lips again, and found a sliver of bravery. "Maybe next time we could share that night cap."

Trowa didn't answer for a moment. When he did, Quatre found himself thrilled by the warm trace in the deep voice. "We should."

The lift dinged, and the doors opened. Quatre stepped out and sighed, "Yes. Well, this is my floor." He smiled, warmly, "Good night, Trowa."

"Good night, Quatre..." There was a sigh, and Quatre wasn't sure if he was meant to hear the whisper. "Sweet dreams."

* * *

He slipped under the covers, his hair still a little damp. Quatre had showered, and it was now very late. As he rested his head on the pillow, Quatre reached out to tilt his phone toward him. A few key presses brought him to his call log. Trowa's name was the last call. He lay the phone down and closed his eyes.

"Sweet dreams, Trowa."

* * *

_::And I'll feel my world crumbling, ::_

_::I'll feel my life crumbling, ::_

_::I'll feel my soul crumbling away, ::_

_::And falling away, ::_

_::Falling away with you::_

* * *

_A/N: __ I thank you in advance for your kind words. Your reviews are an inspiration. I am overwhelmed by the favourites, story alerts and most of all, the kind, kind reviews. Thank you. _


	11. My Graceless Heart

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: I am astounded by your reviews. I used to think that reviews could be only congratulations, and never responded to any aside from thanks in my stories. However, your reviews have been challenging and thought provoking. Originally, this fanfic was plotted for 12 chapters. I've been restructuring my story as we go along, plotting to the end and writing two chapters ahead before posting the next chapter – hence the two week gap at the moment. It is very much a work in progress, and it is fascinating to be giving the courage to follow the emotions that the characters seem to bring out. I've mentioned before that the original version of this story was horribly clichéd ... It will be an exciting challenge to have both a happy ending (Wah! I want one! Duo!) but also one that is suitably realistic, and satisfyingly true to the feelings and events.

Thank you for your reviews, they are more than just ego-stroking – they are challenging, interesting and certainly, inspiring!

**Warnings**: I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 is your safe stopping place.

**Song**: Florence + The Machine – Shake it out

* * *

_::And I've been a fool and I've been blind::_

_::I can never leave the past behind::_

_::I can see no way, I can see no way::_

_::I'm always dragging that horse around::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 10: My Graceless Heart  
**

_::All of his questions, such a mournful sound::_

_::Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground::  
_

* * *

"What makes you think this is special treatment?"

Trowa stared at his supervisor, carefully keeping his anger out of his voice as he answered. "Nobody else has been given this raise." He frowned, leaning forward. "I don't want to be treated any differently; I'm just a guy doing a job."

"A good job." His supervisor shook her head, "Look, there is a reason why you got the raise." She motioned the large computer monitor behind her, and began typing on her desk screen. Her fingers flew over the screenpad, and quickly charts appeared on the screen behind her. "Your pay has been doubled because you do double the work." She frowned in confusion, "I don't know what kind of outfit you think we're running here, Barton. At Second Chance Inc, we don't reward people for being people; we reward 'em when they do good."

She sucked on a tooth.

"You being a Gundam pilot matters, of course it does, but if you had two left feet instead of those magic fingers, we wouldn't be having this conversation." She leant forward over the desk. "I'm damn proud of working at Second Chance Inc, Barton, damn proud. I used to run with a sweeper crew, getting into all kind of shit, but I had skills and that why I can work here, that's what got my name on that door. Second Chance Inc's about second chances."

He tilted his head and she laughed.

"No, sir, if you were shit – don't matter who you be or who you were – wouldn't mean jackshit to me, Gundam Pilot or not, I'd be tossing your ass out." She laughed heartily. "You got this raise, Barton, because you do double the work. You stop doing whatever it is that you do to turn out twice as many machines with almost 100% accuracy, and I swear that raise will disappear. I've seen it happen." She smiled warmly, "Mister Basilica is damn firm on those rules, and I mean to do my bit to make sure that his ship stays tight." She sat down heavily, and motioned the chair. "Sit your ass down, Barton."

"You mean Duo?" Trowa slid into the chair, "When you're talking about Mister Basilica."

"Yeah, we all know his real name, but when he started up Second Chance Inc, he didn't want to be known as Gundam Pilot number 2, he wanted to be Max Basilica – a nobody. He didn't want his Gundam fame to grease his pole either." She tilted her head, "Is this a thing amongst you boys? Not wanting to be proud of being the hot shot pilots who saved the Earth?"

"I don't know." Trowa answered honestly. "I suppose it's difficult to be proud of such a terrible time."

His supervisor shook her head, "See, that. I don't personally get. But you boys dropped out of the night sky, like shooting stars I'm told. You landed on Earth at a time when everything was going to shit for the colonies. Landed in the middle, and stirred up the federation like you kicked a hornet's nest. You could have taken the planet, with those big damn robots, but you didn't. I never understood it. I read up on your machines when I was with the sweepers, I saw your battle data. Between the five of you, you could have destroyed the earth. Taken it for the colonies, but you didn't. You fought the good fight."

She paused, and stood up. She poured them both a cup of coffee, and sat back down.

"I might be outta line here, Barton, and do feel free to tell me where to get off."

He sipped his coffee, winced at the taste but nodded. "I'm interested to find out where you're going."

"Heh." She smiled broadly, her eyes sharp. She leant forward and jabbed her desk with a finger. "You coulda taken the whole planet but you targeted military targets only. You could have destroyed OZ and the Feds, long before it got to White Fang, but you didn't. You fought the honourable fights, you could have gone after their supplies but you didn't." She sipped her coffee. "I heard, early on, that fifth pilot, that Wufei Chang. He fought Trieze. Hand to hand, with a sword or something archaic. Lost and simply walked away. Got in his robot, they said, and walked away. Could have set fire to Trieze's boat, but he didn't. He lost that fight, and he walked away. It cost him his home colony, that decision. He couldn't have known, but that decision cost him his home."

She looked at him directly, her eyes watering.

"He could have killed Trieze and all the people on that boat like rats in a trap, burnt Treize alive. Now, that's some kind of honour there. Mister Basilica's got the same honour in him. He almost killed himself fighting for a colony that he owed jack-shit." She looked angry. "Would I fight for L2? No. I wouldn't give a rat's ass for this place."

"Why stay?" Trowa asked, his hand wrapped around his coffee cup.

"Mister Basilica. Second Chance Inc." She nodded slowly. "He didn't need to come back. Could have made millions just being Gundam Pilot number two. He did not need to come back here, but he did. He hid his hair, hid his name. Worked hard. Just like you."

"Like me?" Trowa frowned. "No. Just look at L3."

"You couldn't have done jack-shit to save L3, my boy." His supervisor was blunt. She gestured out the window. "L3's economy was burning during the war, and the Barton Foundation killed it dead with Mariemaia." She smiled lop-sidedly. "I bet though, you worked hard. You worked hard and helped others." Trowa looked down and away, she laughed gently. "You wanna know why you got this raise?"

He glanced at her.

"Why finish on two machines and start on the third in the time it takes the man next to you to finish one?" She paused and shook her head. "You don't need to do that. Nor do you need to check back over your work, we got quality assurers for that. Nobody else does that, but I've seen you checking back over your work and fixing when you get it wrong. Nobody else checks every part they use for quality. The men you work with, they are inspired by your standards. I haven't seen output be so high since I took over this unit." She blinked, and leant forward. "They offered me the raise. You know that? This raise you got, it's the raise they were gonna give me because the output has doubled in quality and quantity."

"Why don't you take it?"

"Because I know you're the reason behind that, and when I showed them the data, they agreed." She smiled warmly. "Barton, you're a good guy, whose luck has been rotten. You want to be treated like every other guy and reject this raise that you earned every damn credit of? Sure, that's fine. It can go into the Maxwell Church Medical fund, or into a savings account or something. But I ain't taking it, and I think you'll find that every man on this particular crew of the mechanics will reject it as well. It's your money, because you earned it, dumb ass."

"Eloquent." Trowa fought the smile, and reached over to shake her hand. "I'll accept it."

She shook his hand, and he was surprised when she raised a hand to delicately wipe a tear away. She motioned him to stand and follow him to the wall. She pointed a finger at an old photograph. In it, a much younger version of the supervisor was knelt in the foreground with a large group of people around and behind her. In the middle of this group, Duo stood with his arm wrapped around an old man in outrageous Hawaiian shirt. The old man's name floated out of reach in Trowa's memory. They all seemed to be standing on a boat, and Deathscythe was in the background. Trowa was surprised at the rush of warmth he felt at the sight of his old friend, fifteen years old again and waving madly in his priest outfit.

"That sweepers group I ran with, he ran in the same group." She pointed at the old man. "That's Howard, dead five years now. Mister Basilica found me, employed me." She looked at Trowa and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "I just told you the second thing to last thing he said to me when he gave me this office and this position after Howard died, leaving it empty. I was having the same problem as you, didn't want to be special just because we'd shared a ship and a captain. He told me that Howard had said the same to him, when he had trouble being this special Gundam Pilot. So, I suppose it's fitting that Howard's words come to you, Hot Shot."

He stared for a long moment at the picture. He focused on Duo. "Dare I ask what the last thing he said was?"

He turned to look at her, and she smiled brightly.

"It'll be my pleasure, because it's going to be the last thing I say to you today." Her grin broadened. "He said, now... get back to work, dumb-ass."

* * *

Duo's face was blank of all expression, but Trowa was thinking that it looked peaceful. He stood over Duo's bed, uncertain where to sit. He knew someone else was visiting, from the steaming mug on the side and the book that was upside down. He thought that it was probably Heero. The book was about alternative medicine and treatments for coma patients.

It had been a spur of the moment decision really. He had finished work and was on his way home, when he took a different turning and somehow ended up pacing up and down in front of the hospital. Finally, he went in and here he was standing beside Duo's bed. It had been about two months since he had last visited, about six weeks since Quatre had reported the waking moment Duo had experienced. Trowa stood by the bed, his hands deep in his pockets. Duo certainly looked better. His cheeks held some colour, despite his overall paleness. His hair was growing back slowly. Trowa stepped forward and leant over the bed. He stared down at Duo's closed eyes, and breathed out slowly.

Wufei had received tears; Quatre had gotten a brief awakening.

He wondered if Duo was saving something filled with revelation for him. He sighed and pulled over a chair to sit opposite to where Heero was obviously going to sit. He crossed his legs and laced his fingers over his knee and waited. For what? He didn't know, he just thought that waiting was probably a good idea. With Duo unconscious, he didn't really see any point in doing anything. He glanced over toward Heero's book, and wondered what Heero did all day in this indeterminable silence. Trowa looked around the room for clues. Heero's go-bag was tucked neatly under the table where the flowers sat in vases. There were a couple books scattered around the room, primarily on the windowsill and the table. At his 'post', the chair near Duo's bed, there was a bedside stand with a steaming cup of coffee, a note pad with scribbled notes about treating coma patients. From what Trowa could read; Heero seemed to be trying to formulate some kind of plan. He sighed; Heero's mode of coping clearly took a step back into their days as Gundam Pilots.

He looked down at Duo, and wondered how the Gundam Pilot in Duo was coping inside. Being trapped in a body that wouldn't respond, unable to communicate. Trowa closed his eyes, his mind's eye filling with the openness of space for an instant. He remembered what it was like to be trapped in an unresponsive space suit, to be floating alone in space. "At least I could see stars." Trowa murmured as he reached out to brush back Duo's ridiculously short fringe. The small curls flopped right back onto Duo's forehead and Trowa didn't try again. He rested his hand on Duo's crown, mindful of the small wires that remained on Duo. Trowa leant forward.

"Dream of stars, Duo. Do you remember space? Do you remember floating free up there, away from all of this?"

Trowa paused, his own thoughts drifting away from him.

"Or do you dream of the ocean? Of Howard and your days on his boat? Can you smell the sea air?"

Trowa ran his thumb over Duo's eyebrow.

"What do you dream of, Duo?" Trowa wondered aloud. "Do you remember the days when we were free? When we were fighting for a cause?" He looked away and sat back in his chair, "I suppose you still fight for a cause, you have Second Chance Inc." Trowa smiled slightly, "It's a good company. You have good people working for you. I didn't realise that people still worked because they enjoyed it. L3 isn't a good place, isn't healthy for anyone anymore." He looked out the window. "I'm glad you've taken care of my lions. I didn't realise that you even remembered about me..." He frowned, catching sight of his own reflection. "I don't know when I became so... lost in my hate, my anger. I couldn't see beyond the end of the day, just making sure that there was food for all of us." He made his eyes focus on the colony sky. He sat for a very long time, lost in his own thoughts.

He looked at the clean buildings, the skyline untainted by the smog of failing air filters. He had been on L2 for almost a year and a half now, and he still couldn't believe how different the colonies could be. The sheer amount of quiet in the evenings still left him lying awake at night, no thrum of the straining engines to puncture the night's stillness.

"I could have left earlier." Trowa finally admitted. "Catherine, the lions... none of us had to be there. I could have saved us all; I could even have saved L3." He fell silent for a moment, a cold feeling coming over him. "I could have ended all of this so long ago. If only I could have simply bent my knee and apologised to Quatre. When he came to L3, he saved Catherine, saved her from eviction. I couldn't keep up the payments on the apartment." He snorted and looked down the sleeping man, "Duo ... You always find the most unpredictable method of waking us all up again. I could have fixed all of this, so long ago. Quatre blames himself for it... but it was me. He was right, I am pig headed."

His voice turned bitter and he looked away. "I couldn't accept that he just wanted to help, that he really did want to give me everything for nothing."

"He loves you."

Trowa's head whipped around, and he looked at Heero in shock.

Heero tilted his head, "I thought you realised I was here. I'm sorry."

The shock faded from Trowa's dark green eyes slowly, and he swallowed. "How much did you hear?"

"Enough." Heero said calmly. "You could not save L3, even if you had become as successful as Duo. Without the necessary starting capital – which both Quatre and Wufei had before the war – you could not have saved the L3 economy from collapsing. The Barton Foundation saw to that when they started the Mariemaia war."

Trowa looked down at Duo, his face was peaceful. Trowa took a few moments to calm himself, taking in the details of Duo's face. Duo's right eye-lid fluttered for a moment. Trowa nodded to himself. "I know that, but perhaps if I could have—"

"You blame yourself like I blamed myself for killing the peaceful federation generals." Heero picked up his tea and sipped it. He rested back in his chair and looked across the room. "It took me a long time to realise that even if I had not impulsively destroyed that OZ carrier, Treize would have still found a way to destroy it. It was why he sent it out in front of me. It was his red flag to start his mutiny, his excuse. I was simply the tool he used to strike his blow." He smiled a small lop-sided smile, "I killed them, but I am not the reason they are dead." He looked at Trowa, "Your fame of being one of us could have helped L3, but it would not have saved it. If you want, I can show you the economic records."

Trowa tipped his head back and laughed freely. It startled Heero, but Trowa couldn't help laughing. Heero waited patiently until Trowa brought himself back under control. Trowa shook his head, the odd snort and chuckle escaping him until he stilled. He looked at Heero. "Do you research everything?"

Heero's eyes were warm, but his voice was deadpan. "Yes. Yes, I do."

"You're amazing." Trowa shook his head, smiling. He was unprepared for Heero to reach over and hold his arm.

"And so are you." Heero said earnestly. "Duo wouldn't have helped your lions, if he didn't care." He paused, as if uncertain how his next words would be received. He was careful and slow as he spoke. "And Quatre wouldn't help Catherine if he didn't think he could help you."

"If he didn't still care, you mean." Trowa rephrased and held up a hand. "It's ok."

Heero leant back into his chair, and sipped his drink. They sat in silence for a long time, as Heero finished his drink and Trowa stared out the window.

"I couldn't go after him." Trowa spoke, but he faced the window. Heero watched his face reflected in the window, Trowa's dark green eyes were far away. "I was stubborn. I couldn't just go back to him, like a dog. I could have ended it; I just couldn't go back to him like a misbehaving pet. Couldn't take the look of pleasure on his face when I returned to him. Couldn't be a puppet on his string." His face turned dark for a moment. "There was a suggestion once that L3 would be able to stand on its feet again, if only I bent over for him. I couldn't go back with that over us. I wanted us to be together because of love, not because I was a fancy toy and he was L3's wallet."

"He loves you." Heero said quietly. "He still loves you a lot." He tilted his head, trying to catch Trowa's eyes in the window reflection. "Do you know that?"

Trowa began to shake his head, as if to deny it. A shadow passed over his face, and it crumpled in anguish. He bent over and covered his face with his thin hands. Heero was left unsure, Trowa was usually so very in control of his emotions. He thought back to Quatre's outburst, and wondered if they could all probably do with some kind of therapy. Trowa brought himself ruthlessly under control, and sat up straight again. He swallowed hard, and turned to look at Heero. "I knew. I've always known that he loved me. He still loves me, even after almost a decade of silence."

Heero thought about it for a moment and met Trowa's eyes again. "Do you not love him?"

"I've always loved him." Trowa's dark green eyes were tearful, but he swallowed hard again. "I had to walk away. I couldn't be his pet." He looked down, suddenly unable to hold Heero's calm gaze. "I couldn't deal with the shame of not being worthy of being his equal."

* * *

Heero tucked Duo's sheet around his feet and pottered around the room, tidying. Trowa had left over two hours ago, and had left Heero unsettled. Visiting hours were nearly over and Heero had yet to complete the daily routine of putting Duo 'to bed' for the night. He paused by the large vase of flowers, looking at the beautiful orange roses that Quatre had recently left. Both Trowa and Quatre were left with almost ruinous feelings from their time apart, but Trowa's feelings had stemmed from their time together during the war. Heero could understand Trowa far better than he could understand Quatre sometimes. He and Trowa had shared a similar childhood, a life time of war. They had been commodities, mercenaries. Yet, during the war, while Heero had found purpose, Trowa had found love.

Heero looked over at Duo. "What did you find?" Heero moved back to Duo's side, and sat down carefully on the bed. He raised a hand and placed it over Duo's. "What did you find during the war? I found a reason to survive, but I don't think I ever found a reason quite like Trowa's to start living." He frowned as he spoke, "Is that true?"

He looked out the window.

"I know the feeling of the things he spoke of." Heero confessed quietly, "I didn't feel worthy after the war. I felt a profound sense of loss when you all left, but I also felt some relief... I felt as if I did not earn the right to keep being that happy, and I felt ashamed when I began to miss you." He paused and looked down, looked at Duo. "I missed you, Duo... and I knew you had been looking for me. You alone, after all those years, you kept looking for me. Why? What had I done that made you want to find me again? I was so confused and I was so..." He looked for the right word, "I was so frightened that if you found me, would you still want what you had been looking for?"

He frowned and shifted closer. Heero stared at Duo's calm face for a long time before slowly leaning forward and resting his head on Duo's chest. He listened for a long time to the gentle thump of Duo's heart, and enjoyed the peaceful rise and fall of Duo's chest. He let his eyes shut, and he tried to beat away the prickling feelings of guilt as he enjoyed Duo's warmth.

"Will you still want to find me when you wake up?"

* * *

Quatre's mouth felt like it was full of cotton wool, but he valiantly tried to answer the phone clearly. "Hello?"

"I'm terribly sorry to wake you, Mister Winner, but you left specific orders for specific guests to be allowed to see you."

He sighed, "Is it Mister Barton again?"

"Yes, sir."

Quatre rolled his eyes, and grudgingly got up.

"I'll be right down."

* * *

Quatre rubbed his eyes as he exited the lift. It was 3am, and he was exhausted. He looked around, expecting to see a number of staff milling around anxiously. He was surprised when he found the receptionist smiling apologetically. "I am terribly sorry to wake you, Mister Winner, but he was quite insistent."

"Where is he?" Quatre looked around, and his eyes fell on the back of a chair in the foyer. Trowa was sat reading a newspaper, calmly. Quatre approached him slowly, unsure what to make of the scene. Trowa looked and smelt sober. The other man folded his newspaper and looked up at Quatre with some concern.

"Sorry." Trowa blinked as if only just realising the time. "This could have probably waited until tomorrow..."

"Got to shoot all your guns off at once?" Quatre's voice was broken by his lack of sleep. He coughed to clear his throat, and sighed. "Sorry." He tried to brighten his voice with a smile. "Shall we retire to the lounge?"

"I ..." Trowa looked uncertain, looked away for a long moment before snapping his eyes back to Quatre. "How about that nightcap?"

Quatre blinked at the determination in Trowa's eyes. He was so unused to the wide range of emotion Trowa was showing, he was thrown by the fire in the man's eyes. He recovered himself enough to mutter, "Of course." He turned toward the lifts and was shocked when Trowa reached out to turn him around. Quatre had to tilt his head back to look into Trowa's intense green eyes. "Trowa...?"

"I am done with being a dumb-ass." Trowa said, his voice was determined but his eyes were liquid with uncertainty. "I just hope that I'm not too late."

Quatre dared to open his heart, and was shaken by the tentative warmth he felt from Trowa. He couldn't pin the feeling down, but it was something familiar. Quatre swallowed hard, and tried not to get ahead of himself. Trowa's appearance could mean any multitude of things, and certainly this could be their first steps back to their beautiful friendship. He closed his eyes briefly and shook his head. "You've always known," he said quietly and opened his eyes to look at Trowa, "You could always have come back at anytime."

A look of pain passed over Trowa's eyes and he stepped away. Quatre reached out and linked their fingers together, daringly.

"How about that night cap?"

* * *

The nurse draped a spare blanket over Mr Yuy and sighed. She would have to arrange for some kind of cot to be moved into the room for the night. The poor man had fallen asleep on his friend's bed. She looked up at Mr Basilica's machines and double checked that Mr Yuy wasn't causing any distress to the coma patient. They looked like a picture.

Mr Yuy's head was pillowed softly on Mr Basilica's chest, his eyes puffy with tears and sleep.

Mr Basilica lay with his eyes open, staring blankly at the ceiling and his hand cupped over Mr Yuy's messy dark hair.

The nurse sighed as she left; she would leave them for a little longer. It would take some time arrange the cot anyway.

* * *

_::I am done with my graceless heart::_

_::So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart::_

_::Cause I like to keep my issues drawn::_

_::It's always darkest before the dawn::  
_

* * *

_A/N:_ At the end of another chapter, I thank you once again for reading and ask you for reviews. I thank you in advance for your words and look forward to your thoughts. I continue to be surprised by the amount of new "Story favourites" and "story alerts", warmed by the new "favourite authors" emails and finally, to amazed by the reviews. I do encourage you to review; I've mentioned above that the reviews have astounded and challenged me – it feels like a dialogue between us. I had feared that I had thrown this into the void. I've been out of Gundam Wing fandom for so long, I don't even know where to promote this story – my previous haunts are dead! Advice would be very welcomed, if this story is good enough – I would love to archive this story somewhere nice.


	12. Cherish Your Name

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. The notes for the chapters retain the echoes of my high hopes and daydreams of how things would fix themselves. From about Chapter 4, that is where I picked this story back up. If there is one things I have learnt during these last long years, is that things will never go as you want them to go, but will always somehow go the way you need them to go. I am not a medical professional, and I'm going by my own research into many of the topics.

Here it will start to become obvious how tremendously thought-provoking reviews were. Thank you, your kind words are invaluable.

**Warnings**: I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 is your safe stopping place.

**Song**: Song: Sense Field – Save Yourself

* * *

_::Turn out the light, just say goodnight to yourself::_

_::May I remind you, when you find you are all alone, is when you::_

_::You've got to be strong, that's when they call you in the night::_

_::He's got your picture in his mind::_

_::He's got your number on a paper at his disposal anytime::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 11: Cherish your name**

_::Is it really true? Could you save yourself, ::_

_::For someone who could love you for you? ::_

* * *

"Tell me a little bit about you."

The doctor made a little mark on his clipboard, noting the time of their session. He then put the pen down and stared directly at Heero. Heero appreciated that, and recognised the immediate feeling of being able to make a report. He shifted in his chair, trying to get a little more comfortable and tried to separate the training from his speech.

"My name is Heero. I fought as a child solider in the wars. I was recruited by the rebel colonists and sent to Earth." He paused, uncertain. The doctor nodded once, and he continued. "I was a Gundam Pilot. Specifically of the first Gundam, Wing."

The doctor nodded again, and his lips quirked. "The one with the white wings? I always thought that one was the most beautifully designed. I liked the upgrade with the metal feathers."

"I added those." Heero said. "They did not add the increase in speed I had anticipated. They ended up being purely cosmetic."

"You improved your own weapon?" The doctor asked. "Why?"

"I thought to improve it, to make it more efficient."

"Faster?"

"Yes."

"Not deadlier?"

Heero frowned and mentally reviewed the improvements that he had made. He remembered the time he had been confronted by the others about his 'tinkering'. They too had thought he was making Wing more deadly. "No. I just... I just wanted it to go faster."

The doctor smiled faintly. "A boy with a toy." He commented almost sadly. "Tell me about your doctor. He was the man who raised you."

"I was raised by a man called Odin Lowe, an assassin. After a hit went wrong, he was killed and I was found by Doctor J who trained me."

"So, there is a distinct difference for you between the man who raised you and the man who trained you."

"Yes." Heero paused and then clarified. "I have been in therapy before. We have covered much of my early childhood trauma, and I believe that I have sufficient tools to overcome this."

"Ah." The doctor made another mark, and then looked up again. "Tell me what you want my help with."

"I have enlisted your help because you are recommended for veterans and people who continue to suffer post-war mental health issues." Heero paused to think for a moment. "I believe that I have not taken sufficient care of my mental health since the end of the war, and have many issues that I think need addressing."

"What has prompted this need to address the issues?"

Heero looked away for a moment, looking out the window over the cityscape. Within three blocks, Duo's hospital room was just about visible. A smile blossomed on Heero's lips, and he looked at the doctor directly. "I want to get better."

The doctor tilted his head. "Who is out the window?"

Heero answered honestly, "A friend who is looking for me."

* * *

"I 'm not really going to need a whole office to myself." Wufei shifted the bag on his shoulder and looked at the captain doubtfully. Captain Yolita chuckled lightly and motioned the coffee maker on the side. Wufei shook his head as she poured herself a cup.

"With all due respect, sir." She said frankly, "You may have handed in your resignation on L5 and joined us here on L2 at a grassroots level, but your rank still stands. You get an office, sir, and if anyone gives you shit ... well, you've got the authority to chuck every one of us out on our asses."

Wufei's lips lifted in a half smile. "Does Une have anything to do with this?"

"General Une instructed me to tell you that she has nothing to do with anything. She's just glad to hear that you are coming back." Yolita tried to pull an innocent looking face but smirked, "She also said if you can convince Captain Yuy, Commanders Barton and Maxwell, or Lieutenant Commander Winner to likewise return to the Preventers for Active Duty and thus re-instate the – her words, sir – Glorious Gundam Five to make terrorists shit their pants again, she would be giving you the entire floor for your office. Sir."

Wufei grumbled and rolled his eyes and stepped over to the desk to stand in the sunlight. He looked out the window and found his eyes naturally resting on the school where his daughter was currently enjoying her fourth month of school. A smile touched his lips. "What rank did she give me?"

"General Une has instructed me to tell you that she has not given you a rank you did not already have." Yolita snapped off a salute, "Permission to speak freely, sir?"

"Go ahead."

"I served in the final battle, sir. I witnessed your fight against General Trieze, and always wanted to say thank you. You did him an honour by ending it the way you did."

Wufei turned and raised an eyebrow, "OZ special?"

"Through and through."

"What are you doing on L2 in the Preventers?"

"Contrary to popular belief, OZ was about being the best of the best and getting the best out of a man." She straightened a little and met his eyes defiantly. "The Preventers are about getting the best out of this world that Trieze taught us to love. He taught us that by showing us how easy it would be to lose it. I'll never forget that lesson, sir."

"It's a new world, Yolita." He turned away and folded his arms behind his back. "I'm not here to take your job, Yolita. You call me Chang."

"Chang it is." Yolita turned business-like and motioned the computer on his desk. "Let's get down to it, you've been away for a couple of years, sir and we need to get your finger back on the pulse."

* * *

"Where do you think your friends are?"

Heero tilted his head and thought about the question. "I think they are finding their own paths slowly. I've been watching them." He paused and thought about it for a long moment. "I had always considered them to be better adjusted than I. It's taken me a while to realise that only one of us has really adjusted to life after the war and that would be Wufei."

"The L5 pilot." The doctor clarified. "Why do you think he adjusted?"

"He seemed to be able to live on in this situation. I think that if Duo had died that day, he would be the only one who would find the strength to carry on."

"What strength do you need to survive the death of a fellow pilot?"

"His daughter." Heero answered, "She is his strength. In the war, he always fought for the people who had died in his life. His daughter is the first person I think I've met that makes him fight for her life."

* * *

Catherine wiped her brow and frowned. She was off today. She shook her head and lowered her arm. "Take a break, Max." She yelled at the young clown. The man at the target stepped away, and Catherine walked over to retrieve her knives. It felt good to be back at work but she was out of form, slow and needed to train hard again. She tucked the knives away and motioned to the ring-master that she was taking her own break outside. The dull daylight wasn't much better than the artificial lights in the tent, but it was a change. She walked toward the enclosure where the lions were kept and was surprised to find a familiar man standing near them.

Catherine looked around. "My brother not with you, Mister Winner?"

Quatre's expression was carefully blank, "No. He has a job on L2."

"I know that." She frowned doubtfully, "But what are you doing here then?"

"I have a job too." He shrugged, and turned toward the lions. He watched them for a moment. "I'm leading a task force about improving the conditions for the citizens of L3. WEI and Second Chance Inc are combine resources and research into improving the colony weather system." He said calmly. He looked around. "We're currently doing a tour of the colony, but it's being kept quiet." He glanced at her, "Please don't tell Trowa."

"Why tell me, Mister Winner?" Catherine knelt down by the bars. She looked up at the man.

"I wanted to find out how you were doing."

"Fine." Catherine looked away from him, angry but knowing she was unjustified. "I'm sorry, but you're not my favourite pilot." She sighed hard, "You've always been the one who could have ended this."

He knelt beside her, and reached out to touch her hand. "I know, but you need to know that we all could have ended it. Even he could have."

She sighed hard, and looked away. "I know." She squared her shoulders and looked back at him. "So, what part are you and your task force touring around here?"

He smiled faintly. "I took a break from them. I thought I would come and see you."

"And what?"

"I don't actually know." He stood up and stuck his hands in his pockets. "I just felt like coming here, and finding out how you were."

Catherine sighed and stood as well. She brushed off her hands and held them up in defeat. "You can find out over lunch, Mister Winner. I might as well make you some to make up for the slap."

Quatre chuckled lightly, "It's not like I didn't deserve it." He paused and breathed out softly. He shook his head, and his expression was regretful. "I treated you roughly, and I have no excuse other than fear and anger. I should not have taken it out on you."

She blinked and looked at him closely. Quatre began to shy away from her close scrutiny when she straightened and began walking away. She paused a little way away from him, her smile was warmer. "You coming or what, Quatre?"

* * *

"So, the man with a family is the strongest one?"

"Wufei has always been strong." Heero clarified, "I think his emotional strength has improved since the war because his family has helped..." He paused and looked away for a moment, "They have helped to forge him, tempering his unpredictable emotions by giving him a goal."

"I see. You do not believe this of your other fellow pilots?"

"Quatre has much guilt to work through." Heero looked back at the doctor. "If you prove useful, I will recommend Quatre seek out your services. He has been in therapy for anger management." Heero sighed, "I understand his guilt. I share it."

"What makes you say that?"

"When Trowa and Quatre's problems first arose, I did nothing to aid them. I ignored them." Heero's brow creased in pain, "Then when Duo tried to help, I made matters worse by ignoring them more actively and reacted badly when Duo began to despair."

"You use very clinical terms." The doctor tapped his pen on his clipboard as he thought. When he stopped, he seemed ready to ask a question. "Do you still feel upset?"

Heero paused to think about it. "I feel guilty. I could have done more to prevent our separation, but ignoring their problems seemed easier. I walked away."

"You could have done something to help?"

"Upon review of the situation, yes. I could have stayed. I could have spoken to them. I could have pushed them to find a reconciliation point."

"Why didn't you?"

Heero fell silent for a very long time as he thought carefully. The doctor was patient. Heero sighed when he came to his conclusion.

"I was tired of holding things together." Heero met the doctor's steady gaze with piercing blue eyes. "Of being the one who always saved the day in the end."

* * *

Trowa ducked into a doorway, soaked to the bone. The hard rain drove everyone to search for cover. Panting softly, he watched as other people ran past.

"Do you want to come in, son?" A gruff voice said behind him, "Lanky kid like you will probably catch your death of cold." Trowa glanced back, realising he was standing in the doorway of a cafe. He nodded and stepped inside. The cafe was warm and had an old Americana feel to it.

Trowa chuckled as he caught sight of a large photo of Duo with the old store manager. He shook his head, "Seems like he's everywhere."

The old man squinted at him for a moment before nodding, "Mister Basilica is a bit of a good man to know." The old man moved behind the counter and poured a tall cup of coffee. "Besides, I knew him from before he became Basilica."

Trowa looked at the man for a long moment, "Sweepers?"

"Nah, I saw him running skinny on the streets. Used to give him a cuppa joe and a bagel on the occasion he got caught in the rain." The old man looked fondly at the large photo. "Always said he'd find a way to give it back."

"You knew Duo before the war."

The old man squinted at him, and pushed over the cup. He motioned the bagels. "You want one?" When Trowa nodded, and he'd started eating, the old man began to talk. "I know who you are, so yes. I knew Duo. I was a younger man then, and it was hard on the streets. But you know that. I had a cousin who ran to L3, thinking life would be better. Didn't count on the civil war."

Trowa swallowed his mouthful, and looked down at the plate. His expression hardened for a moment, and he looked up to say firmly. "I'm going to pay for this meal."

"Yeah, you are." The old man's voice rumbled with laughter. "Because he always paid his meal too. I heard you boys were alike, I didn't realise you all thought so much alike. You Gundam Pilots. I bet everyone fell over themselves trying to thank you and you hate it."

Trowa's dark green eyes met the man's. The man smiled.

"You did good, son."

Trowa paused in his eating, and wrapped his hands around the coffee. "I was fifteen."

"I didn't say you got off easy." The man turned to start wiping down the counter top. "You did damn good, and you paid a high price. But..." He motioned the street outside, "But you did good to stop the oppression. I'd like to see someone else, take your places."

"Why is everyone so keen to thank us, even now?"

"Here on L2, Mister Basilica works hard to do good by us." The man shrugged, "I think it's the guilt."

"Duo? Guilty of what?"

"The guilt isn't his." The man poured himself a cup, and leant on the counter top. "The guilt is ours. This boy, this man who comes back to our colony. He calls it home, despite all the shitty things we've done. This colony made him an orphan, made his friends die in a plague released by the monsters who ran it. Made his home a pile of ash, and killed everyone who ever showed him love." The man sipped his coffee, "Then we took him, stuff him in a suit and told him: go kill, boy, go kill everything." The man's eyes were unfocused for a moment, and he caught the eye of Trowa. "Ah, don't listen to me. But you got to understand, we did him so much wrong. We ain't ever going to find a way to pay him back."

Trowa stared at the man for a long moment, before sipping his coffee.

* * *

"Do the others look to you to lead?"

"I don't know. My path has always led me to positions of command." Heero tilted his head, and frowned. "By implication, I suppose, my number also implied I was the leader. I have always considered Quatre to be the leader. He seemed the tactically sound one. Knowing how to work as part of a team, and how to use the best of our abilities." Heero looked to the window. "It was not something I had a chance to evaluate, and Quatre seemed more able."

The doctor looked down at his notes, and made small notes. He took his time, and Heero appreciated it. He took the time to reflect upon his recent words. The doctor lay down his pen again, and looked up. "Heero, this may be a difficult question to answer." Heero nodded, and the doctor continued. "When Quatre stopped being able to lead your group in a military situation, what do you think happened?"

Heero stared at the doctor for a long moment. He thought carefully, and decided some background context was needed. "Quatre never joined the Preventers. He went to L4 to start building his business. Wufei joined the Preventers. Trowa returned to the circus. Duo left to build his own business briefly, but when his relationship with Hilde broke down ..." Heero blinked, "He found me and we joined the Preventers together. There was a time when we needed the skills of Trowa and Quatre, and they joined us as well."

Heero thought about it before continuing.

"The cracks had started to appear in their relationship, and we almost failed the mission. Quatre had been unable to utilise us as well as he should have been." Heero paused, thinking. "He struggled and we began to fall out of sync with each other." He drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, trying to remember clearly what had happened. "It was then that questions began to be asked about our mental health, Wufei seemed able to continue but the rest of us seemed unable to function as well as we had used to."

"Let me put this back to you: Wufei had remained in active duty, the others left to pursue their peacetime interests, yourself and Duo returned to active duty after a period of peace. When you two came back, was this something you had wanted or something you felt you had to do?"

Heero answered the question easily. "We had skills. We had to use them."

"Why?" The doctor asked patiently.

Confused, Heero repeated. "We had skills, we had to use them."

The doctor stared at him for a long time. "Let me put the question another way: Why you?"

Heero blinked, and said bluntly. "Because nobody else was a Gundam."

"Your gundams are gone. You were five young men." The doctor tilted his head. "You mentioned cracks in Trowa and Quatre's relationship. What made you say that?"

"They were not as friendly, they argued. They had never argued in front of us before." Heero frowned, and closed his eyes. "It was Trowa. Trowa was discontent; he did not want to be back fighting."

"Why do you think that?"

"He said he was working, busy on L3. The economy was starting to fail and his circus was struggling. He was tired of fighting." Heero's eyes opened and widened. "We were tired of fighting."

"You felt obligated to return to a way of life you have already stated that you were tired of." The doctor nodded, "If I may inject this concept: there is a cult of personality surrounding you boys, but I do not think that people have noticed what effect it has had on you. You are elevated to almost god-like status, capable of surviving anything, endless stamina because you have survived through terrible things. During the war, there was an expectation upon you to give all." The doctor shifted in his chair. "I will confess that I am part of a large circle of psychiatrists who have watched the Gundam pilots for a long time. There is a curiosity about your mental states."

Heero remained quiet.

"Let me pursue another avenue of thought." The doctor nodded again. "I watched the video of you committing suicide."

Heero felt at a loss, and blinked. "When?"

"Perhaps you do not think of it as suicide." The doctor leant forward. "I make reference to the time you self-destructed your Gundam after an order from your doctor to surrender."

"Your statement is inaccurate then, I was merely following orders." Heero shifted in his own seat, frowning. "To let the Gundam fall into the hands of the federation or OZ would have been a poor tactical decision."

"That is a valid argument, but I put this question to you: Did you have to be in the weapon to destroy it?"

Heero blinked, thinking carefully. "No, I suppose I did not have to be. However ... There would have been some significant tactical gain in capturing me, without my Gundam I would have been a liability."

"I would argue..." The doctor began slowly, "That there was a perception that you and your Gundams were not two, but one weapon." He paused to let that sink in, when Heero nodded, the doctor carried on. "And that perception continues today, that the robot was not the weapon but that you were. It persists in the way people talk about you: The Gundams. Even you young men have a habit of calling yourselves Gundams. You have been lured into this thinking that you are infallible weapons." He paused and tilted his head, "Do you really believe this?"

"We were..." Heero looked out the window. "We are what we are. We were necessary."

The doctor nodded slowly.

* * *

"Is there something we could do?"

Quatre paused to think, leaning back in his seat. They were gathered in Wufei's apartment, having enjoyed a simple takeout meal together. Nataku was avidly watching a cartoon and for a long moment, Quatre watched the colourful characters prance about the screen. He blinked and looked back at Trowa. "Well, we could host a fundraiser. That's the kind of thing I can arrange easily." He smiled lopsidedly, "I've taken you to a few, if you remember."

Trowa's eyes slide to the side for a moment as he remembered, and he nodded slowly. "Yeah."

Clearing his throat delicately, Wufei fiddled with his daughter's hair for a moment before speaking. "No offence, but why do we need to raise money?"

"We don't need to." Trowa shrugged. "It's just... Duo can't do it right now, and I've been hearing a lot of people talk about how much he gives to them."

"Duo's company is still making good profit, despite his absence." Quatre pointed out, but nodded. "I'm happy to help organise one. Where would the money be going?"

"MCMF." Trowa answered, toying with his drink. "Duo's medical fund, the Maxwell Church Medical Fund. It does research into preventing diseases, and provides medical insurance for people who struggle."

"What gave you the idea?" Heero asked quietly, he had been nursing his tea for a long time. Trowa blinked and turned to him.

"I suppose the realisation that we have always given some part of us up for others." Trowa leant forward, "But we've never asked for anything in return. Everyone is so thankful to us for ending the war, but we've never actually asked for something. This would be a chance to do some good for ... Well, everyone." Trowa frowned slightly, his thin hand waving as he searched for the right words. "There's a feeling of... guilt, here on L2. That Duo's always sacrificed." Trowa looked down, "I've spoken to people and they want to do something. So, I wondered if there was something we could do. Something that we could use or organise to help Duo carry on doing the thing he does to keep this warm feeling about him."

"What's a fundraiser?" Nataku asked as a commercial break broke her concentration. She looked over her shoulder, at her father.

Wufei smiled warmly, "It is like a large party for lots of people and they pledge to give money."

"Ah," she looked over her shoulder toward Trowa. "What kind of party will it be?"

Trowa blinked, "I hadn't thought that far. I've never thrown a fundraiser before..." He looked toward Quatre, who had started to tap out notes on his mobile. "What do you think, Quatre?"

Quatre paused and looked up. "I'm usually just the one attending it. I'd suggest you find something you can organise easily."

"Me?" Trowa blinked, "Don't you want to...?" He shrugged, "Take over?"

Quatre opened his mouth to reply when Heero sat forward, "No. It's a good idea, Trowa, but you organise it."

Trowa frowned, "I've never organised anything like this."

"I think Heero's right though," Quatre spoke quietly. He smiled faintly, "You organise something that you want to do, I'll help you. Heero?"

"I'll keep my focus on Duo." Heero sat back, "He needs routine and I want to make sure he has that."

Quatre turned toward Wufei, who stroked his daughter's hair. He shrugged, "I will be tied up with the Preventers." He looked at Trowa, "But I will certainly help you where I can."

Trowa sat back, "Where do I start?"

Quatre leant forward, "I know a few guys. I'll get them in touch with you."

* * *

"You think that perhaps that we aren't actually as strong as we have been taught to believe?"

The doctor considered Heero's words. "I believe that you have been indoctrinated into a strange method of thinking. You are strong, but you have been made to believe that together you are impossibly strong. A solution akin to a God Machine, as if you can solve any problem in the universe." He sighed, and put his clipboard aside. He leant forward and clasped his hands, "Yet during this session you have shown clarity of thought and a humility that puts my initial thoughts about you into a blender."

Heero tilted his head, "Are you saying you can't treat me?"

"No, not at all." The doctor smiled faintly, "It will be both an honour and a professional joy to assist your recovery. I hope that you feel comfortable with that."

"I am."

"Now, one person we have yet to speak about." The doctor leant back, and pulled his clipboard back onto his lap. "Duo Maxwell. You have been very analytical about your friends. How about this man who was your friend and is in a coma?"

* * *

"I've asked you to join me here because I feel it is necessary to speak to you regarding Mister Basilica's possible recovery options."

Doctor Hobbs removed her glasses and motioned for the men to sit. In her office, the former Gundam Pilots were not as imposing as she had feared they could have been. To her eye, each looked tired and drawn in a different way. She looked at Judge Chang, he was talking quietly to his daughter on the couch. The little girl was colouring happily, her legs swinging freely. The other men had sat awkwardly or stood away from her. She sighed and looked at her notes. "Mister Basilica is showing increasing signs of coming to some level of consciousness and I believe it is time we started getting you ready for him, in case he does awaken."

"In case?" Mister Yuy looked up from the tablet device he had been reading. "You believe there is some chance he will not awaken?"

"That is the general opinion given his head trauma." She smiled faintly, "It is unlikely that he will awaken, but he has proven us wrong before. I am of the opinion that he is trying to wake, and having read your medical files, I believe nothing less than death will stop him."

She flicked over a page, and read for a moment.

"So, I am taking this opportunity to explain what may be Mister Basilica's reaction when he awakens." She paused, "Any questions so far?"

There was silence, as each man thought and then looked to each other. Mister Barton stepped forward and rested a hand on the back of Mister Yuy's chair. "Heero's been doing some research in the coma patients. Is it something we cannot just read for ourselves?"

"You can indeed, but it may be helpful to have a medical professional to talk you through it." She paused again, waiting for an answer. Mister Barton simply nodded. "Very well."

She looked at the small girl, for a moment. "You should understand that waking from a coma is not like waking from sleep ... Actually, it is, but the process of waking is significantly protracted. It is a long process. He will more than likely wake in stages, and you should be prepared for those stages."

"I have read about the different levels of comas." Heero Yuy spoke up, "I believe that he has achieved some aspects of RLA level 2."

"The Rancho Los Amigos scale?" He nodded to her question, and she smiled. "I'm glad that you've been reading. There are many different types of coma scales." She tilted her head, "You think he is level 2."

"He has some responses to stimulus, he doesn't always respond." Heero said, "However, I believe that he is responding with sufficient frequency that he cannot be truly labelled as completely unresponsive."

"True." The doctor looked around, "I will certainly be willing to discuss this in more detail but perhaps I should continue. Mister Basilica is currently in a non-waking, general response zone. His response rate to tests is below 10%. This means, he does not always open his eyes, even in response to painful sensations. His motor functions and ability speak remain untested." She paused and looked at each of them. "You are taking this remarkably well."

The four men looked at her, and then looked at each other. Mister Winner leant forward, "Don't worry about us. Carry on."

"When Mister Basilica wakes to the next stage, he will enter a localised response zone. This may mean that he is 'awake' or 'asleep' during different times of the day. He may move more, even attempt to watch you as you move around the room. His reactions will be slow, so don't expect to be able to speak to him or be able to hold a conversation." She paused for a moment, and explained "He may be able to respond to simple commands, or recognise you in some way." She sighed. "Given the severity of his head injury, there is a chance that he may not recognise you. I think you should be prepared for that."

"Do you think he will awaken without memory?" Judge Chang leant forward. "Is there a way to test for that?"

"No, not at this time." Doctor Hobbs answered, "As he moves up through the waking stages of his coma, it will become more obvious. Certainly, please expect a lot of confusion. Even if he wakes tomorrow, he will be missing a large chunk of his life – a year and several months have passed since he was shot."

Heero frowned for a long moment before leaning forward. "Will he recognise us? It has been almost ten years since he last saw any of us."

"Really?" Hobbs blinked in surprise, "I don't know how that may affect his ability to recognise you. He will certainly struggle, I imagine. Ten years brings with it some significant changes, particularly since you would have been teenagers since the last time he saw you." She stroked her chin and made notes with her other hand. "After the localized reaction stage, he will enter the confused-agitated stage. This will be a difficult period for you as he will be restrained through this period, and there will be times when he will react badly towards you. He will be highly confused. Please take that into account."

"You talk like we're going to be easily frightened away." Mister Winner's head was down, and when he raised his head to meet her eyes, she was pinned by the determination in his eyes. She looked around and realised that each man had the same determination in his eyes. Barton stood straighter; Judge Chang's eyes narrowed and Heero Yuy leant toward her. His blue eyes were piercing and suddenly she understood how people would find these men intimidating.

"You have to understand. We'll stand by him. He called us, because he needed us to be here." Mister Yuy frowned as if she'd insulted him. "Nothing short of death will make us leave."

* * *

"Duo called us because he knew he needed us to be here for him." Heero said, and then faintly. "I'm not sure how I feel about that."

"It may be part of the issues you believe are affecting you." The doctor nodded and made a note. "We're done for today, thank you for your time, Heero."

"Thank you for yours," Heero stood. He paused and looked out the window before stepping out of the office.

* * *

Doctor Hobbs was surprised by the light knock on her door. "Come in?"

The door pushed open to reveal Judge Chang's young daughter. She stepped in quickly, and closed the door behind her. She was tall girl for her age, and Hobbs had been surprised by the delicate and mature attitude that Judge Chang had taken to his daughter. The girl looked at her for a long moment. "I told my father I had left a crayon behind and had a question for you. He said it was ok to ask you for both."

"I see. Is he coming in?"

The girl tilted her head and shook it, making her loose hair catch on her shoulders. "He said it was ok to come to you." She pulled over a chair and sat before the doctor. "Do you mind?"

"No." Hobbs put down her pen. "What's your question?"

"You said that Mister Basilica, my uncle Duo, might not recognise my father and uncles because he hadn't seen them for a long time."

"Yes."

The girl bit a lip, and crouched down on the chair. She appeared to think then looked up. "What would he need to help him remember?"

"Well... it's not something you can just do." Hobbs explained gently. "It may be that nothing anyone does could..." The girl was remarkably sober as she stared patiently at the doctor. Hobbs bit a lip, sighed. "I suppose the best thing you could do, is help him to connect the dots."

"Dots?" The girl frowned briefly. "Connect the memory of what they used to look like to what they look like now?"

Hobbs blinked, "Uh. Yes, that's what I meant... You're remarkably perceptive. I mean—"

The girl waved a hand, "I know what the word means." She smiled at the doctor. "My father doesn't like to talk down to me, and mummy would always tell me to think big words to make my brain bigger." She slipped off the chair, and retrieved a red crayon which had been delicately placed under a pillow. She smiled brightly as she held it up for the doctor. Doctor Hobbs stared at her contemplatively and the girl almost slipped through the door before she could speak.

"Ah!" Hobbs stood suddenly, and dug in a pocket. She brought out a business card and held it out. The girl approached slowly, and reached out to take the card. Hobbs smiled at the girl reassuringly. "My name's Doctor Hobbs, you can contact me if you think you need any help."

The girl smiled and read the card. "I'm Nataku, Doctor Hobbs." The girl put the card carefully into her pocket. "You're right, I think I'm going to need some help. Thank you."

* * *

"Mr Yuy?"

Heero looked up from his book, and the nurse smiled almost apologetically. "I've been asked to remind you that visiting hours are due to end in half an hour."

He nodded and looked at Duo when she left. The man's eyes were closed. Duo's eyes had been shut since Heero had returned from Doctor Hobbs' meeting. Despite this, Heero had still spoken to Duo, conveying his own thoughts about the wake up process. Duo had not responded in anyway. Heero had watched carefully, even for the little flutter of Duo's right eyelid. There had been no response.

"Duo?" Heero shifted forward, "It's late, and now it is time for me to leave. It's 7.30pm." Heero reached out and rested a hand on Duo's forehead, stroking a thumb absently over his brow. "My doctor recommended that I not only ask after how you have enjoyed our visits, but that I also express my own feelings." He glanced down, stroking Duo's brow. "I've enjoyed the time we've had together." He found a small smile, "It feels peaceful." He glanced at Duo, "For me at least. I do not know what you feel with any certainty."

He glanced at the end of the bed where Duo's chart hung.

"I think perhaps that you may be tired. Fighting against your own body." He glanced back at Duo, "Because I know that's what you are doing – you're fighting to wake up." Heero nodded slowly, "I believe you are fighting hard. I don't blame you for resting today."

He stood and gathered his things, glancing at the clock to check how much time he had left. He returned to Duo's side, and leant over. He pressed his forehead lightly against Duo's, staring down. "You rest tonight, Duo."

Duo's right eyelid fluttered.

Heero straightened, and nodded firmly.

"Yes, mission accepted." He squeezed Duo's hand, "Ganbatte, Duo."

* * *

She was surprised to get the call, but reasoned that Wufei had probably forgotten the time difference. She flicked her thumb over the answer button and grinned in surprise. "Nataku!"

"Hello Doctor Po!" The little girl was stood on a chair, leaning over the counter top to peer into the screen. "I wanted to say hello!"

"And I'm glad you did, but does your father know you're calling me?"

The girl looked through a door and nodded, "Papa said that you would appreciate the wake up call."

Sally smiled and snorted. "Yeah, well you tell him: I'll be getting him back later."

"Why?"

"It's four am, sweetheart. I'm twelve hours ahead of you."

"Oh." The girl's eyes widened for a moment, and then she shouted over her shoulder. "PAPA! You made me wake up Doctor Po!"

Wufei's laugh was strong and Sally couldn't help but laugh as well. She was surprised to hear him sound so happy. Sally leant forward, "Don't worry about it, sweetheart, how are you?"

"I was going to tell you all about my new school, but I don't want to keep you up." The girl bit a lip and then looked down. She pulled up a pile of papers and looked at them fretfully. Sally knew to wait. The girl thought carefully, and then nodded. Her eyes were fierce and challenging as she started to speak. "I want to build a thing that will help Uncle Duo know who my papa is. I want to help him understand where Uncle Heero has been and where Uncle Trowa lived. When he wakes up he might now know who Uncle Quatre is, even though Uncle Quatre is really famous." She put the papers down carefully. "I thought I could help him, because he is going to need help. I didn't know who they were when I met them, and I want to help Uncle Duo get past that." She flicked though the papers she had gathered on the desk and held up a photo for Sally to see. It was a picture of the five boys, the Gundam Five the day they all celebrated the end of the war. Sally was surprised to look back at that time. They all looked so incredibly young, their battered machines gathered behind them and the sun glinting off the medals someone had hastily pinned to their chests. Sally felt her heart break a little; they had all been so young.

"Doctor Hobbs said that it would be good if I could help him to connect the dots." Nataku peered around the photo in her hands. "This is where I am going to start."

Sally smiled, "And you want some help?"

"Yes please, Doctor Po." The girl smiled hopefully, "I want to find all the pictures from then to now."

Sally looked up at her own wall of pictures and smiled. She turned her attention back to the little girl.

"So what do you need, sweetheart?"

* * *

_::'Cause I want to learn, can you save yourself::_

_::For someone who loves you for you::_

_::And loves me for me, give it away to someone who::_

_::Someone who can cherish your name::  
_

_::Cherish your name::_

* * *

A/N: A short note to say thank you once again for reading. Even here, so far into the story there are still people adding me and this story to their favourites. Thank you so much for that. Especially if you also take the time to review, as I love to hear your thoughts – even if this week, I have no time to reply I will make an effort next week! Thank you in advance for your review!


	13. Never Let You Down

**Disclaimer:** You certainly know the score.

**Notes:** This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time.

**Warnings:** I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 is your safe stopping place.

**Song:** 3 Doors Down – Kryptonite

* * *

_::I took a walk around the world to ::_

_::Ease my troubled mind ::_

_::I left my body lying somewhere ::_

_::In the sands of time ::_

_::I watched the world float to the dark ::_

_::Side of the moon ::_

_::I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah ::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania:**

**Chapter 12: Never Let You Down**

_::I really don't mind what happens now and then ::_

_::As long as you'll be my friend at the end_ ::

* * *

He tightened his laces and checked the ear piece. Satisfied that both were in the right place, he took off at a moderate pace. Jogging in the morning helped Heero to focus his mind, and he often used the time to think through what he would talk to Duo about. He left his apartment early, wanting to get at least half an hour's worth of exercise in before opening hours at the hospital. He glanced at his phone and flicked through some options. Relena had left a message with Unterward, who had passed it on to him. He found her number and rang. The time difference between L2 and Earth meant that he would be catching her in the evening.

It rang twice before Relena answered.

"Hello?"

"It's Heero." He said, turning left into the park. "You left a message."

"Heero!" There was a smile in her voice and he was pleased. "I'm so glad you called."

"You called me." He said slowing his pace, he liked running in the park. "What did you want to talk to me about? What's wrong?"

"Does there always have to be something wrong for me to want to talk to you?" She said, almost offended. Relena sighed, "I just... you've been gone for four years, you come back and it's now been almost six months since I last talked to you."

He frowned marginally, "I've been working with Duo." He followed the path, turning so he would be going up the small incline at the centre of the park. "You know that."

"I know, but surely you can make time to talk to me?" Relena sounded upset, and Heero was unsure what to say next. She seemed to wait, and then said. "Heero, you can't possibly dedicate all of your time to Duo. He's in a coma."

Heero slowed his pace to a brisk walk, "He's in a coma, but my research indicates that he will be able to remember interactions while he was under. It's vital that he has company."

"Heero, that company doesn't have to be you all the time." Relena sounded doubtful. "You don't owe him that."

He paused at the top of the hill, and turned to stare across the park. To the north, he could see his apartment. To the south of the park, he could see the hospital. He sighed and resumed jogging, "You mentioned in your message that you wanted to talk to me."

Relena seemed to pause at that, and then sighed. "You were gone for four years, Heero, I missed you. We used to spend time together."

He carried on jogging.

"I was hoping that we could spend time together again." Her voice was hopeful. She carried on, "I heard about your idea for a fundraiser. I think it's brilliant!"

"It was Trowa's idea, he's organising it."

"Ah, it's still a good idea." She paused, "So are you going?"

"Of course," Heero rounded a corner and it took him back out onto the streets. "The idea is that we are having a reunion in Duo's honour."

"I would be perfectly willing to attend." Relena said, "As soon as you know a date, could you let me know?"

"Of course," Heero said, "I believe that Trowa is hoping to capitalise on all the ..." He searched for the right words, "All the major players from the war and their influence. We're hoping to raise a lot of money for Duo's charity."

"Good." Her voice sounded mildly impatient. He didn't understand why until she asked: "Do you plan on taking dates?"

"Ah." He paused at a road. "No. We're going to host a press conference, and then I believe Trowa is planning a main event that doesn't require us. A reception or after party too, I think."

When she next spoke, he found it difficult to pick out the emotion in her tone. "You disappeared for four years, Heero, you've changed. I... I would like to get to know you again." She lightened her tone, "Would you like to meet later next week?"

He frowned as he crossed the road, and returned to the entrance of his apartment. "I'm taking care of Duo, but I am sure we could perhaps meet for lunch."

"I was hoping for –" She cut herself off, "Lunch is fine."

"Good." After his cool down stretches, he made his way up the stairs. "I need to get ready, it's almost visiting hours."

"Is it?" She asked, not expecting an answer. "Will you be there all day?"

"It's my..." He frowned, staring at his front door. He raised the key and turned the lock. "He needs someone, Relena. He needs someone to protect him." Heero moved into his apartment and moved to stand by the window. Across the park, he could just about make out the roof of the hospital. "I can do that."

"Can it be someone else?" She asked quietly, "Why do you have to be the one?"

He paused at her words, and thought for a long moment.

She sighed and began to speak. "Sorry, I shouldn't—"

"No. It's ok." He stepped away from the window. "I went away, Relena, because I was becoming dangerous. I didn't know how I could keep my promise by protecting you from me." He stepped into his bedroom and sat down on the bed, pulling off his trainers. "I don't have any excuses, just my promise. I will always protect you, Relena." He pulled off his socks, and looked up. "But Duo needs someone to protect him now. You're not in danger now, are you?"

"No. I suppose I'm not." She sighed. "I just miss you."

Heero smiled faintly. "I've missed you as well. I tried to keep up with current events, I was always proud of your endeavours."

She seemed surprised, "I... Thank you, Heero."

"I need to go; visiting hours begin in half an hour." Heero said, reaching into his pocket for his phone. "Let me know when you want to do that lunch." He thumbed his phone, and sent a message. "I've just sent you my contact details for here."

"I've got them." She paused, "Heero?"

"Hmm?"

She seemed to think for a long moment. "I... just ... Don't forget to take care of yourself as well."

She hung up on him then, and he pulled off his ear piece.

* * *

The woman was standing, looking out of the window contemplatively.

Heero shrugged off his bag and glanced over at Duo. Duo lay with his eyes closed, undisturbed by the change in his morning routine. Heero frowned as he put his bag down and glanced at the woman. Her face was pale, her eyes hidden by her designer sunglasses. Her clothing was of exceptional high quality, and her hands were clasped behind her back. She turned her head toward him, but resumed staring out of the window. He stood beside Duo, and reached down to touch Duo's hand. "Good morning, Duo. It's 8.36am. I'm sorry; I am late because I missed my normal bus." He brushed a hand over Duo's forehead. "I'm not the only one visiting this morning." He glanced up at the woman, "Have you introduced yourself?"

"Why bother?" She said, her voice was tight. "He's in a coma."

"My research has indicated that Duo could potentially respond well to being included in conversations." He motioned the chair beside Duo, and sank into his own normal chair. "The nurses should have told you that, and I will ask that you respect that."

She removed her sunglasses and came to sit, primly in the chair he'd indicated. They sat in silence for a long time.

Heero glanced at her, and then reached into the bag by his feet. "Well, Duo, I'll begin today by brushing your hair. I spoke to Quatre, and he remembered a time when you were together. He remembered the music you listened to, and found it. I'll play it for you later." He brought out the brush and began brushing Duo's short hair. He glanced at the woman again, and her lips were pulled into an angry expression. Her dark eyes were cold. He brushed Duo's hair, careful as he lifted Duo's head. When he was finished, he stood to empty the brush into the bin. He heard her stand up and walk to the window again. Her angry snort got his attention again before he'd returned to his seat.

"Did it really have to take Duo getting shot to drag your ass out of hiding?"

Heero turned slowly toward her, surprised by the anger in her voice. The dark haired woman scowled at him and turned to lean against the window. She shook her head before reaching into her bag. She pulled out a memory stick, and held it up between two fingers. She stepped forward and held it out to him. "Did it really have to take him almost dying to get you to pull your head out of whatever god-forsaken hole you'd put yourself in?" She asked again, her voice low and angry. Heero picked up the memory stick and held it up.

"Is this for me?"

"Yep." She shook her head, "You bastard." Her smile was tight as she thrust the memory stick into his hands. "You don't even recognise me. But you... god damn, you stand out in the crowd."

He stared at her for a long time, before nodding. "Hilde."

She snorted and stepped forward again. "I'm going to start talking. You..." Her voice was tight, as if she were restraining herself. "You are going to listen." She glared at him, daring him to start talking. When he nodded tightly, her eyes narrowed. "He never stopped looking for you." She glanced at Duo's prone body. "Even when we said we'd give us another go. Even when the years stretched out in front of him. Even when he lost hope, and drank his nights away in front of his laptop." She shook her head, her voice was bitter. "You drove him there, to that dark place. You broke him down."

"I—"

"Don't you dare say you didn't know! You can go to hell, if you think you can lie to me." She looked at him and reached out to squeeze his arm, searching his eyes. "He looked for you. Where were you when he was down? Where were you when nobody could reach him? He threw himself into drink, and then threw himself out when he realised that he wouldn't want to find you like that." She let him go as if he burnt her. She stared into his eyes. "He threw himself into work, so he could find you. The more he could work, the more money he had to throw into finding you. Where were you when he couldn't breathe?" She looked at him, deeply and Heero was lost for words against her cold eyes. "Where the fuck were you?"

He opened his mouth to answer, but nothing came forth. "I... "

She held up a warning finger and clearly had to take a moment to calm herself so she could speak again. "We were good friends, fond of each other, but it was never enough. I don't hate him, because he's so nice to me." She shook her head hard, "He's such a goofy dork and he doesn't even know it. He tried so hard for me, but when he's looking for you, nothing else matters." Her head dropped and she shook her head slowly. "I built a new life, but he couldn't... not without finding you."

"I'm sorry." Heero said, but she shook her head again.

"It's not fair. You turned him out, and he..." She raised her head, "It was never fair. You were always the perfect solider, and he had to follow you. He was always there to back you up." Tears spilled down her cheek. "You always took from him, why did you have to take everything and leave?"

Heero wasn't sure what to do in the face of her helpless anger. Her eyes were filled with fury and she stepped back. She let go of an angry breath and looked at Duo, stepping toward the end of his bed. She stood for a long moment, staring at him. "He never stopped looking for you. All you had to do was let him know." She glanced at him as he joined her. He stared at Duo as well, unable to meet Hilde's eyes as she looked at him. "A text, an email, something, a word... anything. You could have done anything."

"I'm here now." He said quietly, and closed his eyes at her harsh laughter.

She turned on a heel and leant toward him.

"It's too late." She hissed into his ear, and slipped on her sunglasses. She strode toward the door and paused to look back. "That memory stick. Unterward would never give it to you, because Duo probably didn't want you to see what you'd done to him. But me? We might be colonies apart, but I'm still looking out for him. You watch that, Mr Perfect Solider, before you come back and dare to touch him." She pointed at him, "You watch that, Heero Yuy. Don't you dare come back tomorrow morning until you understand what you've cost this man."

He turned to look at her. "What about you?"

She nodded slightly, "I left him because I'm not going to ever be anybody's second choice." She glanced at Duo. "Even if he doesn't know it." Her head dipped slightly, and Heero took a step forward. He stopped when she held up a hand. "Don't." She raised her head, "You don't get it. You were always the inspiration." She shook her head, "But he was my inspiration. He's the one who taught me to do impossible things, to reach out and make fantastic things happen. He helped me to realise what I was fighting for."

She stared at him hard before turning away. She paused at the door and glanced at him over her shoulder.

"What did you fight for?"

* * *

"Oh!"

The nurse's surprise made him look up, and he realised he was sitting in the dark.

"Oh, Mr Yuy." The nurse walked further into the room, "Visiting hours ended an hour ago, I thought you'd gone home early."

He silently shook his head.

She smiled brightly, "Well, I won't tell if you don't. Mr Basilica always looks better after a visit from you, I always say." She motioned the observation window. "But it is time to go, Mr Yuy. I'll be back to check in ten minutes."

The nurse bustled out of the room, and Heero leant forward. "End of my visit today, Duo." He looked down at his clasped hands. "What's on this flash drive?" He wondered aloud, and then looked at Duo. He hadn't opened his eyes all day, and Heero had just sat and watched him during the whole day. "What is here that you don't want me to know?"

He stood and collected his things. He stood at the end of Duo's bed and looked at him.

"I'll be back tomorrow, Duo." Heero said, tightening his hand around the flashdrive. "I'd like to think that nothing could stop me coming in to see you."

* * *

"It's been, something stupid like, three months or something."

The image was grainy, as if Duo hadn't bought a good camera. It was slightly tilted, and Duo was sat in a cramped apartment. He was surrounded with unpacked boxes and bags, piled high. A window was open somewhere, because occasionally Heero could see a curtain flap in and out of the picture. Duo sighed and leant back in the plastic chair. He scratched his head and picked up a box of greasy take-out. Heero thought he looked impossibly young.

"I mean, I don't understand it. How can we go on like this? It's been three months! Quatre won't return my calls; god knows where Trowa's disappeared to and forget about Wufei. He keeps passing me in the corridor and it's like I don't exist." Duo looked hurt briefly, and then his eyes flashed with anger. "And then there's you, Heero! Requesting a transfer, destination unknown! C'mon man! I'm your partner! We're supposed to be standing by each other! I'm your back up!"

Duo waved a fork, the noodles flapping.

"You gotta be careful out there. I'm gonna be sending you these as soon as I figure out where you got transferred to." A smile passed over his lips, "Think you'll escape my gossip? No way, man!"

Heero paused the video, and leant back in his own chair. He closed his eyes and tried to remember the time. Duo had just moved apartments, and had been hoping to use his house warming as a chance to fix things. He remembered deleting the emails as soon as he'd finished reading them, dismissing them as frivolous. He opened his eyes and reached out to start the video again. Duo burst into motion again.

"And I mean, come on! Quatre and Trowa will figure it out, everybody has arguments! Everyone does something stupid!" Duo leant forward, "But we always forgive, am I right? You took bits from my buddy to fix Wing, I still backed you up! We made a great team! Quatre and Trowa just need to clear the air, okay? And then we can get on with ..." Duo's fork turned in circles for a moment, "I dunno, saving the world, getting world peace, saving Relena..."

Duo winced and stuck a finger in an ear.

"Which reminds me, dude, call her. It's like I'm the only one she can get through to." He leant forward, "I'm totally serious, man, call her or something."

The video ended and skipped on to the next one. Looking at the time stamps on each file, Heero had realised that Hilde must have only given him a select few over the years. Though looking at the length of some of the videos, Heero was unsurprised that she had had to edit them. The next one started without Duo in the frame. It was a better camera; the video picture was almost perfect. Heero looked around the screen. Duo's apartment was the same, but tidier. Some of the boxes had disappeared, and it seemed much more homelier than cramped. Duo wandered past, holding a cup of something steaming close to his chest. He looked tired, and happened to glance over at the camera. He seemed to do a double take, and shook his head as he came to sit down.

"I swear..." He grumbled as he picked up his belt off the keyboard. He held up the buckle and shook it, "Well, I was going to start later after a hot chocolate, but here we are." He sipped from the mug, and sighed. "So, where are we now?" He squinted off screen, "Six... no, seven months. Wow." Duo sat back in his chair, sipping his drink contemplatively. "Well, I got my ass busted down to um, desk work. Wufei got transferred last month, he's gone. God knows where Trowa is. He isn't returning my emails. Last co-ordinates on him was L3, so I suppose he made good on his threat. Quatre's definitely on L4, but he's out of reach." He drank again, and Heero stared at his friend's features. Duo's eyes were wary, tired. The smile he dragged up for the camera was broken. "And you, Heero, you're gone. Deep cover I'm told, you requested it." He sucked on a tooth, and looked away. "I'm uh... I'm thinking of quitting, going back to Hilde. She's been making noises, says that she wants to try again on the scrap business." A shoulder lifted in a shrug. "I dunno... I mean, I'm not on active because apparently, without you guys to control me, I'm 'reckless' I think was the term used. I suppose I do things a little too loud for some people. Whatever." Duo sipped his drink and sank lower into his chair. "Heero, man, seriously. I just wish you could have, I dunno, just told me." Duo's eyes crossed as he remembered something. "Oh, and call Relena. Seriously. Call her."

The video ended and the laptop paused for a long moment as it loaded the next video. Heero wrapped his hands around his drink and leant back in his chair. The next video showed Duo's face illuminated by the light of the computer only, behind him boxes were packed again and the apartment was looking very empty.

Duo sighed and simply shrugged. "It's been a year. You're not coming back. I quit a couple of days ago." He looked down briefly and when he looked up again, Heero was surprised to see the hardness in his eyes. "I'm heading to L2, man. Fuck this Earth bullshit, I'm gonna get out of the Preventers because..." He paused and shrugged, throwing on a carefree smile. "Hilde's wanting to give us a second go. I'm gonna build a business, you know. Something awesome, but not with my name. Not as a Gundam. I'm gonna build it, from the ground up. Ain't nobody going to stop me." His eyes got colder, "But don't you dare think that I'm giving up on you. I'll find you, Heero. I'll find you."

The video ended and another started.

* * *

Heero was startled by the sound of urgent banging at his door. He paused the video and got up, stretching and finding himself very stiff. He walked to the door and was unsurprised when Wufei pushed past him. "Is this where you've been?" He turned around in the room, "We lost our table." Heero shrugged and returned to his desk. Wufei stared at the man for a long moment before pulling his mobile out. He flicked through the address book and thumbed the call button. He stared at Heero hard. "Found him. He's at his apartment. Call Trowa."

Wufei signed off, and sighed deeply. He grabbed a chair from Heero's dining table and put it down by Heero. The man was staring at his laptop. "What kept you here?"

Heero motioned the screen, and had to clear his throat. "Hilde gave me this."

"She came to see you?" Wufei glanced at the screen; it was a freeze frame of what looked like Duo. "What is it?"

"The other videos that Duo made, while he was...uh, while he was..." Heero frowned, he found the words hard to say. "He was looking for me."

Wufei glanced at the screen, at Heero and then leant forward. At a keystroke, Duo sprang back into life. Duo grinned brightly, "And you know, the price of scrap here is brilliant. I mean, what people are willing to buy! I've got a feeling. We're on to something good! This... this Second Chance Inc... It's just flying..."

"He looks happy." Wufei commented quietly.

"He's drunk." Heero said, his voice low. "He's been drinking hard liquor." His blue eyes were fixed on Duo's glass. "When this video started, that bottle was full."

Wufei glanced at the bottle to the left of a screen. It was nearly half empty. Duo poured another drink and toasted the screen. "I found you, in Paris. You're there. I've got you, Heero." Duo was giddy, joyful. "Man, this is a good week! I find you, the business is cool!" Duo leant into the screen, his unsteadiness becoming clearer. "And I just got word about Wufei's daughter! She's called Nataku, and she's like a year old! Man, I wish I could meet her!" He spread his arms wide. "I mean, wow. When we go to see Wufei, and we're gonna, man. We've gotta, she's like a whole year old already!"

"This is..." Heero closed an eye as he estimated, "This is approximately just over six years ago."

Duo slipped back into his chair, he pointed his fingers at the screen. "No way, anyone's gonna want to miss this. Now I got a bead on you, I'm gonna start looking for Trowa. Quatre's probably talked to him already. I tried the other day, but could not get past that old cow he's got for a receptionist." Duo's grin was devilish, he wagged his finger knowingly, "But I got to Quatre's personal receptionist. I'm getting there." He motioned with his arm suddenly, "I'm almost—"

The video cut out as Duo's arm hit the camera.

"What are these?" Wufei asked as Heero leant forward to cue the next video. Heero shrugged.

"His diary, his messages to me." Heero looked down, his expression lost under his hair. "Duo never stopped looking for me. He lost Hilde because he wouldn't stop looking for me."

The next video began to play. Duo looked desolated, his eyes were watery and his nose was red.

"You're gone." Duo stared into the camera for a long time. "You're just... gone. I found you, Heero. I found you." He held up some tickets. "Look! These are my tickets, I was coming to Paris. I found you. But now you're gone." He threw the tickets down. "The Preventers lost you days ago, but I had you. I..." His eyes were blank and he shook his head slowly. The long haired man collapsed into his desk chair and sat spinning slowly.

He rotated on the chair for a long time before finally stopping.

When he looked into the camera again, his eyes were hard. "Is that it for us? What did we fight for?" His pale face did something ugly, and rage over took him. Duo's desk chair clattered behind him as he stood and planted both hands on the desk. "WHAT DID WE FIGHT FOR?"

Wufei sat back, shocked by the fury in Duo as the man on the screen railed on. The video ended as a scared looking Hilde ran into the room and she reached forward to close the laptop. A small sound made Wufei glance at Heero. He reached out and held the man's shaking shoulder. "It's not your fault." He licked his dry lips, and shook his head. "It's not just your fault. We did this." He looked at the screen and reached out to close the laptop. "We will fix this."

Heero's blue eyes were watery. His mouth opened and closed, he was unable to find the words. His expression slowly crumpled and he raised scarred hands to cover his face.

Wufei let his hand fall away, unsure what he could do for Heero. His eyes fell upon a photo Heero had framed on his wall. It was them, all of them. A hasty picture of them when they had just survived Mariemaia. He remembered the photo, Duo had been so insistent. They gone out together, just them for once. The restaurant manager had taken the photo and the smiles on their faces were hesitant but hopeful. Wufei stared hard at the Duo in the image.

"We will fix this."

* * *

_::You called me strong, you called me weak ::_

_::But still your secrets I will keep ::_

_::You took for granted all the times I ::_

_::Never let you down ::_

* * *

_A/Ns_: Another short author's note, to thank you once again for your time and your reviews. Here Hilde is, throwing a spanner into the works, I didn't think she would have a place here, but I've seen what being your lover's second choice is like. It is a hard thing, and I hope you can forgive her bitterness.


	14. Hold My Breath

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time. Forgive me this chapter's length; it is the first part of the night. In my head, this has Heero saying "Party Night, part 1" (the opening credits roll).

**Warnings**: I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 is your safe stopping place.

**Song**: P!nk – It's all your fault

* * *

_::It's all your fault::_

_::You called me beautiful::_

_::You turned me out::_

_::And now I can't turn back::_

_::I hold my breath::_

_::Because you were perfect::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 13: Hold my Breath**

_::But I'm running out of air::_

_::And it's not fair::_

* * *

Trowa glanced down at his notes and felt the nerves slip away as training over took. In a short six months, his fundraiser had been organised and gleefully sold out in a matter of hours. The hype of a Gundam Reunion and the possibility of helping the most influential businessman on L2 had certainly helped sell tickets.

It was a perfect storm.

Thanks to Wufei's influence, the Preventers were providing security. It was good because so many of the important, the influential and the infamous people of the war days were coming. For the first time in a decade, Relena Darlian and Heero Yuy could be seen standing together. The grand hotel and the exquisite accompanying grounds materialised on offer just a day after he had lamented to her supervisor the troubles of finding a good place. He was under no illusions what had happened when Mr Unterward appeared the next day with the hotel manager. He looked at the glass of water next to his notes and raised it to sip. The more terrifying display of power and money had been Quatre. They had been at dinner one evening, and Trowa had been sounding out different ideas. Three days later, his best idea stood before him – his old ringmaster, a performance sketched out hastily on the back of a shuttle itinerary. When he had looked at Quatre, the blonde man had not said a word and had walked away.

Trowa hadn't seen very much of Quatre after that, as training and practice overwhelmed him. Preparing the fundraiser had swept them all away, and seemingly had deposited them there on the stage.

In front of him, the podium was bathed in light and when he raised his head, he was almost blinded by the galaxy of exploding stars that accompanied the desperate clicks of cameras. Trowa Barton stared out into the crowd in front of him, and was aware of his face blown up on the large display screen behind him. Trowa drew a breath and let it go slowly.

He leant forward slightly and began to speak: "Thank you for coming this evening. On behalf of the other Gundam Pilots and myself, we appreciate your support... It has been almost two years since Duo Maxwell, also known as Max W. Basilica, was shot and left for dead. He has been in a coma since he was found."

He paused and looked down at his notes.

"When I received his message calling me to his side, it was like a bolt from the blue. I had not spoken to any of the other pilots for nine years. The past two years have been a time of healing, not just for Duo."

He looked over his shoulder, having an awkward flashback to the days when the wars were over. They had stood on stages and had medals pinned to their chests. His eyes lingered on Quatre for a moment. Quatre dipped his head in a nod, and Trowa turned back to the press conference.

"But, just for Duo, we come together now. We are hosting this fundraiser because we're working together for Duo. He has always been passionate about paying it back, and we want to make sure that his work continues."

* * *

"Pull the curtains shut and turn the volume up."

The nurses moved around his room with quiet efficiency. One sat down beside the bed, and lifted Duo's hand. "Mr Basilica? Mr Yuy will not be here today, but he has asked me to sit down and speak to you. We are going to leave the television on." She glanced down at the precise note on her lap. "The noise in the background is the sound of the television. You should open your eyes, Mr Basilica, so that you can watch."

She glanced at the patient. With his bed slightly elevated at the head, it really did look just like he was sleeping. She smiled faintly.

"Mr Yuy wanted us to tell you that he has gone to the fundraiser. He has spoken to you about it. He hopes that you will enjoy watching it."

She looked up at the television screen, the bright press conference was live. Mr Barton looked debonair in his suit, his wayward hair giving him a confident look. Behind him, Mr Winner, Mr Yuy and Mr Chang stood. They were carefully fanned out behind Mr Barton to make an attractive picture, and to draw attention to the framed photo of Mr Basilica. She sighed, and glanced at Basilica. She had to do a bit of a double take.

His eyes were open, and he was staring blankly at the ceiling.

The other nurse leant over him, checking his eyes with a light. "Don't get too excited," he muttered, "He's just in his day cycle."

The female nurse stood, and fluffed Mr Basilica's pillows while she waited for the other nurse to leave. As soon as the door had swung closed, she leant forward. "Don't you listen to him, Mr Basilica." She pressed the up button and brought the coma patient into a sitting position. Mr Basilica now looked like he was staring blankly towards the television.

"I'll be back to check on you later, Mr Basilica. Enjoy the fundraiser..." She smiled brightly; "I might even join you during my break. I hear they got that Trowa Barton's old circus crew! I love circuses!"

* * *

The flash of her camera was almost blinding. Trowa blinked rapidly and knelt down beside the little girl. He placed a hand over her camera when she threatened to take another. "Nataku, I'm going out in a few minutes." He smiled faintly, "I need to be able to see."

"Oh. Okay." Nataku looked around in awe, her camera twisting out of his grasp. She raised her camera and took a picture of Catherine as she approached. Trowa reached forward and grasped Nataku.

"Catherine definitely needs to be able to see!" Trowa chuckled as the little girl struggled impatiently. Catherine knelt beside them, and laughed.

"You can take all the pictures you want after the performance!" She laughed freely at the girl's pout. "Tell you what; our ringmaster doesn't need to see." She pointed at the man in a long red coat. "Why not take photos of him?"

Nataku stilled suddenly, "Is he someone Uncle Duo might have met?"

"I suppose so, certainly that time he saw me performing." Catherine said. Nataku wiggled out of Trowa's arms and tore across the waiting area. Catherine laughed heartily and stood, helping Trowa up as well. "Well, I never thought I'd ever see a Gundam child, that little girl came from that quiet little boy you brought back with you once?" Her gaze turned sad, even though her brightly painted lips stayed in a forgotten smile. "When I saw you and him that night, I never for a moment thought you'd survive or live to see a day like this..."

She jumped slightly as he wove his arm around her waist, and she was even more surprised by the warm look in his eye. He shrugged and looked over toward the little girl taking pictures of everything.

"Thank you." Catherine said after a long moment, and slid her arm around him. She raised her free hand and motioned the circus around them. "You didn't have to get us. You could have just picked a crew from L2. You probably could have afforded it, instead of having to rely on Winner."

"Quatre offered to help me and told me to do the things I could do." He tilted his head, and Catherine was surprised by the sparkle in his dark green eyes. "Besides, you were always the best distraction I could organise."

"Hah!" Catherine laughed brightly and pushed him away, "Don't let the ring master ever hear you say that! He's never forgiven the time you shot up the tent!" She laughed again at his bland expression of innocence. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she pulled him into a hug and sighed. "You look better. God, you look better."

He held her back, "Thank you."

"When did you make things up with him?"

He pulled away to look her in the eye. "We're just ..." He looked away, "Working on being friends again."

She looked at him patiently, and he nodded slowly.

"It's harder this time..." He confessed in a whisper. He closed his eyes as she cupped his cheek.

Catherine sighed. "He brings life to your eyes, even now." She shook her head, "I should hate him for what he's done to you for nine years."

"It's not just his fault."

"I know." She smiled, and her eyes grew sad again. "You were all so young, so alone. At the end of the day, I suppose you could say..." She looked away, "You were all you five young boys had."

"I had you."

"And you still do," She hugged him with one arm and stepped back. "But I could never understand..."

She tipped her head back to look up at the tent fabric. Trowa followed her gaze and was bemused to notice the patching on the tent. Catherine sighed softly.

"They always could."

* * *

"Do you think he will be pleased?"

Dorothy swirled her champagne in her glass and elegantly shrugged. "I do not think that Heero is ever pleased with anything. I think the best that you will get out of him is a grunt."

"Dorothy!" Relena chided impatiently, "You know that Heero is very complex. He won't just grunt."

"He should call you beautiful." Dorothy stared out across the crowd, the performance was about the start. They had not been fast enough to gain a private booth together, but it was fine to share. Lady Une had been delighted to welcome them, and it was good to see both Zechs and Noin again. Relena had been impatient, and disappointed that she was unable to gain access to the booths that the Gundams had been allocated. Even more so, when they had briefly seen the four young men after the press conference. Chang and Winner had been chatty, but Yuy had been distracted by his phone. From what Dorothy had overheard, he was talking to the hospital and checking in on Maxwell. She'd seen his look of relief as he spoke and wondered what Relena had seen.

She sighed and leant over her seat. Relena tilted her head towards her to listen. "Miss Relena, you don't need him to be happy tonight."

"No, of course not." Relena said, but her voice was superficially reassuring.

"Just..." Dorothy closed her eyes and sighed, almost weary. "Just look at him tonight. Look at him properly for once."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, look under the shiny armour." Dorothy leant back in her seat as the lights dimmed, "Is he still your knight?"

Relena stared at her friend's profile for a long time. "He promised that he would always protect me."

"Fine." Dorothy didn't look at her, "But you still take that peek, Miss Relena."

* * *

Wufei had to blink several times after the flash went off.

"Now, I need one of you two together." Nataku was on a mission, it seemed to Wufei, to take every possible photo. For months now, her fascination with photodocumenting every aspect of his life had grown. Sally simply laughed as she sidled closer to him, leaning back against him to make sure that Nataku could get the best shot. Nataku pressed herself hard against the booth's side wall, raising the camera again. She took one photo, and took a long moment to look at the display. Shaking her head, she raised the camera again. "Say cheese!"

"Cheese!" Wufei and Sally dutifully chorused. When Nataku was finally happy with the photo of them, she turned her attention back to the central performance area of the circus. The elephants had lost her attention, but she was back snapping photos as the clowns came out to play.

"What's going on with her and you?" Wufei asked quietly, he studied Sally's profile. "You two have been carrying on a conversation like you haven't been separated for two years."

"We've kept in touch." Sally grinned and looked at Wufei. "Something I'm glad she inherited from his mother. Would it have killed you to pick up your emails?"

"I sent replies." Wufei rolled his eyes and sat back. "Anyway, I got busy."

"Oh, had a life, did we?" Sally chuckled, "Doesn't sound like the Chang Wufei I know..." She paused and sat back as well. "Speaking of the Chang Wufei I know... I heard you re-joined the Preventers, active duty."

"Did Une tell you?"

Sally's tone took an almost bored tone, "General Une has instructed me to tell you that she did not tell me anything, sir." At Wufei's snort, Sally prodded, "I thought you retired."

"I did." He motioned his enthusiastic daughter, "She needed me. I needed her." He smiled faintly, and then leant over to confide, "My daughter's world isn't ready to protect itself yet." His dark eyes hardened for a moment, "Someone has escaped justice and my brother lies in a bed in a coma because nobody has brought that justice to bear."

Sally nodded, and turned her attention to the performance. Wufei sat back and watched with her.

"Duo's a fighter." Sally said softly.

"I know that."

"I've been bending the rules. Keeping tabs." She dipped her head, "You Gundam boys always astounded me. Heero could jump out of a building and survive the fall with just a broken leg. Duo..." She snorted in disbelief, "Duo just pulled himself from death and by all accounts, will probably wake from the coma."

"We've been told to prepare for the worse."

"I know." Sally smiled faintly, "Your daughter told me. We've been talking about coma patients and what happens when they wake up." Sally smiled proudly, "That girl has some amazing ideas."

She looked over toward him, and was struck by the warm, proud smile on his lips. "Riko always taught her the universe could rest inside her head," He said warmly, "If only she opened her mind."

Sally watched the little girl, Nataku was entranced by the performance. Sally looked at Wufei and he caught her eye, smiling happily. Sally shook her head once, and then brought up her handbag and reached in to pull out a sheaf of papers. She handed them to Wufei, and sat back to watch the performance. Wufei turned them over once, finding the Preventers' logo stamped on it. It was a familiar set of papers.

"Transfer orders?" Wufei wondered aloud, and then shook his head. "I'm staying on L2."

"I know that. They're mine." Sally looked at Nataku for a long moment, her expression sobering. "I missed her."

"But..." Wufei looked though the papers, they were effective immediately. "But what about L5? You'd only just completed your transfer there."

"That was four years ago, Wufei."

Sally didn't meet his eyes, her attention fixed on the circus performance. Wufei looked back down at the papers and when he looked back up again, Sally was looking at him without pity, and he realised that he had missed her patience. They had been good partners for a very long time. "You joining me here?"

"Someone's got to kick your ass back into gear, solider." Sally looked almost bored. "Two years and they still haven't found the man who shot Duo?" She turned to him, and her eyes were clear. She held up his daughter's camera. "I figure you need a partner and a fresh pair of eyes on the case."

Wufei had to blink several times, after the flash of his daughter's camera illuminated his bright smile.

* * *

He was used to sudden flashes, so Quatre carefully continued to sip his drink while Nataku fluttered around the reception room. She had found him sitting at a table near the balcony. Beyond the balcony, the big tent was illuminated and he could see the circus being enjoyed by many patrons. After the main performance, which had been held for the main guests of the fundraiser, the circus had remained open for regular punters.

"Could you smile again like that?"

Quatre blinked out of his thoughts and turned to Nataku, she was leaning over the table precariously. She looked over the top of her camera, "I want to get another picture please."

"Why?" Quatre asked, blinking in confusion.

"You had a nice smile just then, when you were looking out." She clambered on to the table, unmindful of the discarded glasses. "You looked like..." She pulled at her little red bag, and dug through a small bundle of pictures. She gave a little cry of triumph when she found the thing she was looking for and lay it down in front of him. "You looked like this."

It was a photo of him, a rare photo of him in Sanq kingdom uniform. A fifteen year old, with stars in his eyes, stared out a window. A faint, but beautiful smile was upon his lips.

"My god," Quatre breathed as he picked it up, "Where did you get this?" He looked up at the girl who was fiddling with her camera. She looked up at him distractedly, and then motioned the bag with her camera. Quatre chuckled quietly, "I mean, where did you get the photo?"

Nataku leant over, and peered at the photo. She pulled it out of his hands, and turned it over. She squinted at the impeccable handwriting and hummed. "Ah, that was Miss Noin. Doctor Po put me in touch."

"She did...?" Quatre found himself entranced by the image of himself. Sanq seemed so long ago. "This was such a brief moment..." He began, "It was a moment of almost total peace. I could sleep at night and there wasn't the sound of war outside the window." He blinked once when Nataku's camera went off. She smiled behind the camera.

"That was a better picture," She said quietly. She reached out and took the picture from him. "I need this, but I can get you a copy."

He smiled, "I would like that."

She tilted her head up, "Would you like one too?"

A soft chuckle close to his ear made Quatre turn. Noin smiled warmly, and slid into a seat beside him. "No thanks, I've got all the copies I need at home."

"Okay!" Nataku clambered back off the table, and took off again.

Noin watched her run into the crowd. "Isn't Wufei terrified of her getting lost?"

"No." Quatre said, he looked toward Noin and raised his glass. "To peace."

"Forever," She touched her glass against his. "Welcome back."

"What do you mean?"

"I saw you guys on the stage and it was like looking back in time." Noin's voice was warm. "You don't know how much the world has been hurting for that beautiful Winner smile."

He blushed lightly and raised a glass, "So how is life in the Preventers?"

"Life is ok." She tapped her finger against the table. "It will be better when we get back the best men we ever knew." She looked at him directly. "Are you happy right now?"

"No." Quatre answered simply, "But fighting has never made me happier than I am right now."

She looked at him, her eyes narrowing. She signalled a waiter and asked for more champagne. "I know you're too polite to walk away so I'm going to ask you out straight: What happened to all of you?"

"One day we were Gundam, and the next we were dust?"

Noin smiled grimly, "You've been talking to Catalonia."

His smile was grim as well. "It's the question on everyone's lips."

They sat in silence, sipping their drinks. Noin sighed and finished her drink after a long time of waiting. She got up with a sigh and began to walk away. Quatre watched her stop and turn around. She leant down over the table, a hand splayed out to balance her. She stared at him with piercing eyes. "When Zechs tried to drop a ship on the planet, I somehow found a way to forgive him." She nodded slowly. "You once blew the shit out of him, and he forgave you."

Quatre smiled, his eyes were cool.

"That was just life or death." He replied. "This is something else."

Noin slapped the table, "Whatever you've done, he will find a way. You were all so ..." She raised her hands in the air, "You were all so awesome together."

"I can't turn back." Quatre smiled lopsidedly, "I think we've got to be happy with where we are."

Noin's eyes turned sad, and she slid back into the chair beside him. She raised her glass forlornly.

"To peace."

* * *

Heero had been drinking slowly at the bar. He looked at his phone every few minutes and looked at the clock. Visiting hours were long over, and nobody from the hospital had checked in with him. He debated driving over. The fundraiser had gone well, but it had taken the whole day. He'd left instructions yesterday that Duo was to be told of the event, and that the television should be left on. He wondered if anyone had closed the curtains. Heero checked his phone again. He'd received a call from Relena, but she had left no message. He assumed that she could come find him if it were really important. He stayed in a low-key, but obvious place on the bar.

He signalled the bartender again. "Another soda."

"Did you go back?" Heero glanced over to find Hilde had slipped into the chair beside him. She placed her order and paid. She was dressed elegantly, her hair swirling up.

"Yes." Heero said calmly. "I told him I would be back the next day."

She smiled, and it was a cold smile as she sipped her drink. "You have some balls."

"If I had known he was in trouble, I would have gone to him."

"Really?" She glanced at him, "I never noticed a phone."

Heero blinked, confused.

"A phone," She said slowly, "Like the one you gave to Relena. Unterward told me."

He sighed and sipped his drink. "I made a promise."

"Yeah."

They stood in an awkward silence for a long time. Hilde shook her head and downed her drink.

"When he wakes up, I hope you're going to have answers." She said, her voice softer now. "He didn't need to come this close to dying to get you all back, did he?"

Heero looked at her, "I'd like to think that it didn't."

She stared at him, looking his face all over. Her eyes fell away, and she turned back to the bar. Sipping her drink, Hilde sighed. "I can't go back to him." She stared ahead, and Heero looked over the bar to see she was staring at him via the mirror. He met her gaze evenly. Her eyes glittered, "I'm going home, I've got my life to live and I know he wouldn't want me there." She snorted, her voice low and defeated. "I've done enough waiting around for him." She turned to look at him. "We were fighting for the same thing, but it's always taken me too long to realise that." She shook her head, "He'll want to see you, when he wakes up."

Her eyes slipped off his face and over his shoulder. A flare of anger came back to her eyes and she looked back at him. "Just don't be gone when he wakes up." Her voice was low and she turned on a heel. She walked into the crowd with her head held high.

"Am I interrupting something?" Heero turned toward Lady Une. The General was looking well, certainly more relaxed since he had last seen her. She turned to him, her eyes calm. "Hello Heero. It's good to see you alive."

Heero looked back into the crowd, but Hilde had melted into the milling people. He turned back to the bar. "Are you here to ask me back to active duty?"

She signalled the bartender, and slipped into the seat next to him. "No. I'm here to give money for Duo's charity, and I'm here to see the beautiful vision that can only be crafted when you boys work together." She sipped her drink, and remarked dryly: "Duo's lack of input is obvious. You four always had little taste in music."

"Hm." Heero hummed and sipped at his own drink. He glanced at her, "Why are you here?"

"I just wanted to see you." She turned to him and reached out to touch his shoulder. "We looked for you, not because we ever thought you dangerous..." Her eyes were soft, and she squeezed his shoulder, "I hope you know that." She looked at him closely, almost reading his face. She came to a conclusion and began to smile faintly.

"You found it again."

At his look of confusion, she chuckled. "Your anchor. You're not lost anymore. Good." She slipped out of the seat and picked up her drink. "I told Relena I'd tell you she's waiting by your car for you."

"Une." Heero began but she smiled and shook her head.

"I'll talk to Wufei," she said and glanced down at the drink in her hand. "I'm not heartless as to ask you right now. Not when you boys are only just finding your feet again."

He watched her disappear into the crowd and sipped his drink. He looked at the phone in his hand, and looked up again, scanning the crowd for Hilde.

* * *

"So, little lady, how many more pictures can you take?"

Nataku tilted her head back, "Hello Mr Marquise." She held up her camera, "I'm out of pictures. So, I'm looking at the bad ones and deleting them to make room."

"Ah, a good idea." Zechs crouched down to sit beside her and looked out through the balcony's fence. "Did you have lots of bad photos?"

"No. It's really hard. There were lots of good pictures." She held up her camera, tilting it to show him the display. "I even got one of Mr Winner smiling."

"That must have been so hard for him," They both looked up at the dry voice. Dorothy Catalonia towered over them, sparkling in her evening dress. With an eyebrow raised, her expression was mildly scathing. "I'm surprised his face didn't shatter."

"Hello Miss Catalonia!" Nataku grinned brightly as Dorothy came to sit beside her.

"It's near midnight, dearest child." Dorothy ran her hand soothingly over Nataku's hair. "Aren't you tired, Miss Nataku?"

"A bit." The girl confessed, "I'm waiting here because the air is nice."

"That it is. The L2 weather system has certainly a clean air to it." Zechs leant back on his hands, tipping his head back. "Where is your father?"

"He's talking to Doctor Po." The girl's smile was wide, "Doctor Po's moving here." She glanced at Zechs, excitement in her eyes. "Are you and Miss Noin moving here too?"

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye while Dorothy chuckled. He sighed, "Nope."

"Papa and Doctor Po are going to find the bad guy." Nataku returned her attention to her camera. "You should think about moving here. They might need help."

"And they will have lots of help." Zechs chuckled, his voice low. "Nothing can stop a Gundam bent on destruction."

"You gave it a pretty good shot in Eypon." Dorothy remarked, and chuckled at Nataku's scandalised expression.

Nataku shook her head slowly. "You shouldn't remind him, Eypon was a bad machine."

"Really?" Zechs asked, curious. "Why do you say that?" He had to smile reassuring as the girl went still and held her breath for a long moment. "It's ok, Nataku. You know it's always ok."

"I've been learning about the Gundams and the ..." Her brow creased, "Not-Gundams...? The weapons that General Trieze built. We're doing it in history."

"And Eypon was the bad machine?"

"Papa's been helping me and I did a bit of reading because we're going to look at ..." She bit a lip and thought for a moment. She must have come to a conclusion, because the little girl shrugged and glanced at them both, "We're looking at what White Fang was. Papa told me that Gundam Wing ..." She glanced up to remember, "Zero... had a machine that spoke to the pilot, and it told them the probability of something happening."

"Yes," Zechs nodded, "That's true."

"Papa said that Wing Zero told lots of people that if they kept fighting, they would die in battle." Nataku looked intently at her camera for a long moment, before looking up sideways at Zechs. "It was scary because it told people about how they were going to die."

Zechs nodded slowly, "Yes. Do you think it's a bad machine too?"

"No." Nataku shrugged with one shoulder, "I just think it was telling people to stop fighting so much."

"Clever machine." She eyed the girl thoughtfully, "I wonder how you'd fair..." Shaking her head of the thought, Dorothy continued. "So why is Eypon the bad machine?"

"Well," Nataku looked up from her camera and then spoke slowly as if explaining a difficult concept; "Dropping a ship on the planet and killing everyone else is one way of getting everyone to stop fighting..." She turned her head to whisper loudly to Zechs. "It's not a good way."

Zechs stared out for a long time, his eyes squinting at the distant curl of the colony. "I see how you came to your conclusion."

She looked at him, confusion riding high in her face and her eyes wide with disbelief. "Did nobody tell you that it was a very bad idea?"

Dorothy's peal of laughter startled Nataku, and Zechs grumbled for a moment before admitting, "Relena did." He raised a hand to cup the girl's head. "I'm glad the Gundams stopped me."

"Me too." Nataku returned her attention to the camera and muttered. "I like kiwi fruits. No Earth, no Kiwi fruits." She shook her head, "Obviously."

"Oh, where were you during the war?" Dorothy opened her arms and hugged the girl. She leant back, "Such a simple thing." She sighed happily, "Relena should have said 'Kiwis, Milliardo, there are kiwi fruits growing there'..."

The three sat in companionable silence while Dorothy and Nataku looked over the pictures in Nataku's camera for a long time. Zechs smiled as he sipped his champagne, keeping his gaze on the brightly lit circus tent.

"How's my sister doing, Dorothy?"

Dorothy sat back from Nataku and looked into the reception room. "Oh, the usual." Dorothy's eyes were trained on the swirling people, the last hold outs of the reception. "She's insisted on going with young Mr Yuy for a drive."

"She's resilient." Zech chuckled into his glass. "You must give her that. She will never give up on an idea..."

"Ah, indeed." Dorothy replied, her voice lowered, "But one day she's going to have to realise that I'm running out of air."

"I told you, you shouldn't. You'll only exhaust yourself waiting." Zech replied, chuckling at Nataku's sudden look of confusion. He raised a hand to cup her head, and pulled her toward him. "My sister, Relena, can be very silly sometimes." He rested his chin on her head, and closed his eyes at the sight of Dorothy Catalonia wiping the back of her hand delicately against an eye.

* * *

_::I would never pull the trigger::_

_::But I've cried wolf a thousand times::_

_::I wish you could::_

_::Feel as bad as I do::_

_::I have lost my mind::  
_

::It's all your fault::

_::You called me beautiful::  
_

* * *

**A/N**: Forgive me this chapter; it was originally the night that never seemed to end. You will need to wait until next week, as midnight tolls and the night winds on. Thank you as well, for helping me not only get to 50 reviews but a staggering 70 reviews! Dare I hope for 80? I mention this because the Gundam Fandom is over 15 years old, I'm 10 years older than I was when I wrote my first Gundam Wing fanfic! I'm surprised and overwhelmingly thankful, that some of you are even coming back to read this story! (though if you are new to Gundam Wing, welcome and don't let this old timer put you off!)

Every single one of the reviews with something wonderful to say. Thank you kindly for your excellent reviews – no matter how short! Knowing you've read it is wonderful for me! It's the third week, where I must dash this off without replying to reviews – I apologise, and can only blame myself for not leaving enough time before bed.

If you do review, know in advance that I thank you for your review, it is much appreciated and I will always look forward to your next review.


	15. Thank NoOne

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes:** This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time. Here is the second and arguably more controversial part. It's after midnight now, and it's time to go home.

**Warnings:** I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song:** Eagle-Eye Cherry – Are you still having fun?

* * *

_::I can set you straight if you let me stay::_

_::I hope I'm not too late::_

_::No you won't regret it::_

_::I can show you the way::_

_::And make you happy today::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 14: Thank no-one**

_::Yes, you know when you've been defeated::_

_::You don't care and you thank no one::_

* * *

He'd forgotten the last time he just lay still.

The scent of straw and the lions was comforting. Closing his eyes, he lay back, stretching out on the top of his trailer. It was a temporary abode, a place to stay while he was practicing with the circus. It was a good replica of the one he used to have, and he was amused by Catherine's attempts to turn time back. The night had been a success; they had achieved the goal they had set out to win and raised even more money than was anticipated. Trowa was even surprised to see how much good will there was out there that was purely based on how happy people were to see just four of the Gundam Pilots standing together. He'd lost count of the number of times they were asked to pose together. He was glad when he had to escape to get ready for his performance in the circus. He was far more at ease performing as a clown in a circus show than being a Gundam Pilot.

Trowa opened his eyes, and folded his arms behind his head. He stared at the fake sky above and marvelled at the light summer night's breeze. Trowa smiled faintly, he could probably sleep out here. That brought back fond memories. He sighed quietly and began to drop off. He was woken by the shake of someone trying the door of his trailer. He heard the key press of a phone, and was surprised when he heard Quatre start speaking.

"Hi, no. He's not here either."

Quatre sighed and Trowa rolled on to his stomach to peer over the edge. Quatre was stood with his back to the door, dinner jacket abandoned somewhere. The blonde man raised a hand to pinch his nose as if he had a headache. "Ask Rashid to drive you back to the hotel, I'll keep looking for him." He listened for a moment longer, "Yeah, bye."

Trowa rolled back on to his back, putting his hands under his head again. He was mildly annoyed by the intrusion after such a full evening. He supposed that Catherine had gotten worried. He dug into his pocket and pulled out his mobile. Four missed calls from her, and two from Quatre. He flung a hand over his eyes and lay still. It was so quiet that he assumed that Quatre had wandered away. It was some time later, that he heard Quatre speaking.

"I suppose... What I mean..." Quatre muttered. Trowa looked at his phone, over an hour had passed. He rolled onto his front and peered down. Quatre was pacing back and forth, his hand out as if giving a speech. Quatre turned on his heel. "Trowa, I... Trowa, I want to..."

He paused and shook his head, "No. Stop saying what you want..." He admonished himself. "Start thinking about him. Thank you for such a wonderful evening... I knew you could—ugh, I'm patronising! Patronising! Thank you for such a wonderful evening... a wonderful... night?"

Trowa glanced up, and watched the Big Tent for a few moments. The lights within were dimming, going out as the evening wound down completely.

"I saw you... You were astounding." Quatre spun on a heel. "Just like..." he shook his head and strode on. "Thank you for a wonderful night, you were astounding... Yes."

Trowa surprised himself by the feeling of a blush. Quatre turned again, pacing on.

"I want you to know... No, If you don't mind... I-I want to ..." Quatre shook his head, fiercely. "I would like to offer a ... a gift. Your performance and dedication inspired me." He paused, a soft smile on his lips. "Yes, you inspired me. I'd like to give a gift. I will match whatever is the final total raised and give that to... You?" Quatre faltered, his smile fading, "He'll never accept. To... sponsorship on L3! To sponsor youngsters to pursue their dreams?"

"You don't have to do that."

Quatre spun in surprise and met Trowa's steady gaze. The blonde man went pale, his jaw tightened and his eyes closed.

"Fuck."

He turned away from Trowa. Trowa slipped down from the top of the trailer, and stood beside the young businessman. He glanced at Quatre, who was now just staring straight ahead.

"Since I arrived?" Quatre asked quietly, he risked a glance to catch Trowa's nod. "Catherine's been worried; she wanted to make sure you were ok."

"Thank you." Trowa dug into his pocket and looked at his phone. He held it out to Quatre, "It's been on silent since the performance."

"Ah, of course." Quatre didn't look at the phone, and it seemed to Trowa that he was more than just surprised to have been caught rehearsing.

"It is a kind off—"

"Thank you for—"

They both paused and looked at each other. Trowa shook his head, but Quatre motioned with his hand. "Please go ahead."

Trowa sighed, "You don't need to do anything." He looked over at the tent. "Without you, none of this would have been possible."

"You're quite mistaken." Quatre's voice was quiet, "I didn't do anything at all. I was wrong about Second Chance Inc. It's doing far better than I thought it was." He chuckled self-depreciatingly, "I must be careful. They'll over take WEI soon."

"The circus...?" Trowa tilted his head, and Quatre shrugged.

"I just know where people can be found."

The blonde man stuck his hands in his pockets, and looked away.

"I didn't think... at this early stage of our... lack of a better term, friendship ... I didn't think we could handle um, a ... flash back to our last argument." Quatre was delicate in his words. He risked a glance at Trowa, "I offered to bring your circus to another colony before." He tried to smile, and it was brittle on his pale lips. He looked away. "Many things happened before and after that, but I would consider that particular point Ground Zero."

"Yes. I suppose you're right." Trowa stuck his own hands in his pockets, and they stood in the summer breeze together. Together they watched as circus staff milled about, locking up the grounds. The hotel sparkled in the distance.

Quatre shifted on his feet.

"Well, I best leave you be." He smiled, and Trowa couldn't see it reaching his eyes. Quatre held out a hand, and Trowa took it.

They stood for a long moment, staring at each other.

"Thank you," Quatre said faintly, "For a wonderful night. You were astonishing." His voice was almost a whisper. "I'd forgotten all the magical things you could do."

"Thank you." Trowa blinked slowly, for coming tonight.

Quatre's blue eyes sparkled in the dim light, and he was steady in his look. "I meant what I said earlier. About the money."

"I know."

Trowa looked down and, when Quatre pulled his hand away, Trowa reached up and clapped his other hand over their entwined hands. He closed his eyes and held on. There were many different thoughts, and he couldn't figure out which on was the most important. He opened his eyes.

He stared at their hands; "I left." He said, confusion overwhelming him. He had to reach for the next words but once he found them, his voice gained strength. "I left because I didn't see how I could ever earn the right to stay."

He looked up to Quatre's shocked face.

"I couldn't stay," Trowa confessed, "I had nothing to give you."

Quatre stared at him for so long that Trowa thought he had made a mistake. Quatre's eyes were watery but he looked too shocked to speak. An immense sadness filled the blonde man's eyes. He took a breath which hitched, and Trowa thought that he might pull away. Quatre blinked once and breathed out slowly.

"I tried to give you everything." Quatre replied quietly, his wide blue eyes fixed on Trowa. "Because I couldn't see how you could be happy with just me. I'm just... nothing..."

He licked nervous lips and looked up. He watched a cloud for a moment, "It's... It's late." Quatre said finally, and looked down to meet Trowa's eyes. "I think that perhaps this... this has been an emotional night, for both of us and..." He licked his lips again. "And I'm sure, in the morning, we're going to want to talk..."

"Just with you?" Trowa whispered; his voice almost hoarse. "Just. With. You?"

He leant forward and with a tug, pulled Quatre into his arms. He shook his head when Quatre tried to pull away, and had to close his eyes when he felt Quatre hesitantly hold him back. It was a long moment, before Trowa could find the words.

"We have to talk." Trowa finally said, "It can't wait until morning."

* * *

"It can't wait until morning?"

The night nurse frowned at Heero and his companion. The sullen young woman looked distinctly unimpressed. Heero leant forward, "I just want to check that he's been put to bed in the right way. I haven't had the chance to check on him all day."

The nurse looked between him and his companion. She sighed and shook her head, catching the faint scent of sweet alcohol on his breath. He didn't look drunk, but from the looks of the fundraiser on the television, a good time was had by all. He ran a hand through his messy hair worriedly.

She sighed again, and nodded.

"Go on, but I want you out in half an hour." She reached over the counter to pat his hand reassuringly. "We always follow your routine, Mr Yuy, and we told him where you were."

He smiled briefly, "Thank you." He looked over his shoulder; "This shouldn't take more than half an hour."

"It's fine." The girl smiled, but it was a weary smile.

The nurse watched them enter the lift and shook her head.

* * *

_"You know me as Max Basilica."_

Hilde looked up. Up on massive screens, the new show was recapping the event. They were showing a clip of Duo, six months before he was attacked. The brilliance of his smile made her look down, but she couldn't help but listen. On the screen, Duo was surrounded by reporters as he made his announcement on the steps of Second Chance Inc's headquarters. He didn't look nervous as he continued.

_"But my name is Duo Maxwell."_ He glanced down for a moment, and took a breath. He reached up to pull dark glasses from his face, and his distinctive violet eyes were piercing as he stared at the journalists steadily. _"I was the second Gundam Pilot."_

The news cut away to scenes from the fundraiser, and Hilde looked at the images of the Gundam Pilots reunited. They stood tall, and they stood proud and she couldn't help the shiver of seeing their confident stares. It didn't matter that she knew behind the Gundam facade, every single one of them was broken in a different way. It was the sight of them together, even missing Duo, the sight of the Gundam Pilots back together that made her heart beat harder. She looked around and watched as people paused to stare up at the massive news screens. There was a look of happiness on their faces, when they realised that the Gundams were back again. Hilde sighed and shook her head.

It was everything that Duo ever wanted and he wasn't even here to see it. She sighed and sipped her coffee, slouching back in her chair. She looked around and had to smile faintly. It was nostalgic sitting here at the spaceport. It had changed a lot since she had been an impulsive little girl. A girl with dreams of protecting her home colony. It hadn't changed so much though; she could see the table Duo had been sitting at when she'd approached him for the first time. It made her smile, remembering his cocky attempt to get past the security unnoticed. She remembered his words, his earnest look in his eyes when he helped her to realise that actually the Gundams were only trying to make it through the heady political battle. Hilde wished she could only remember him as he was, and not what the Gundam Pilots' split had done to him.

"Now boarding at Gate 16a." A gentle voice echoed around the space port. "All passengers for the 0200 shuttle to L2-22R91: please proceed promptly to your waiting area." Hilde finished her coffee and picked up her small bag. She glanced once more up at the screen, and nodded firmly.

"You've got this chance now." She whispered at the screen. It showed a close up of each of the pilots alongside a photo of the boys when they had survived the war. "Don't fuck it up."

Hilde turned her back on the screens, and walked off. She slipped her sunglasses up, and disappeared once more into the crowds.

* * *

Heero glanced in through the observation window before he entered the room. He seemed so worried, Relena thought as she watched him move around the room. He checked that the curtains were fully closed, he checked the tubes and wires that trailed from Duo and he checked Duo's chart and checked it against something on his mobile. He nodded with satisfaction and looked to Relena. He came to stand beside her and spoke to her in a whisper. "He seems to be doing well. I'd like to sit with him for a bit, just monitor his breathing."

He seemed so relieved; she thought and closed her eyes.

Heero carried on, "Ordinarily, I would announce that we are here so he knows, but I don't want to interrupt his sleep."

"He's not sleeping." Relena said and started when Heero made a motion as if she should speak quieter. He looked mildly annoyed with her, and she blinked and stared at him for a very long time. He quickly forgot about her and resumed his checks around Duo. He was staring at the monitors and comparing them against the charts. When he returned to her side, she let go of the breath that she was holding.

"Heero..."

He blinked and glanced very briefly in Duo's direction. A look of concern flittered over his brows and he motioned that they should move away from the bed. Relena let him take her by the elbow and lead her away from Duo's bed.

"I don't want to disturb him," Heero whispered. He was not quite able to stop the checking glances.

Relena looked over at Duo and felt it all fall away.

With a soft smile, she stepped forward and cupped his face in both her hands. She leant forward and pressed her forehead against his. In the soft blue light of the room, she held onto his arms and felt his warm hands on her back as he embraced her as well. She breathed out and closed her eyes, breathing for long moments. When she opened her eyes, she was taken back to that moment when Heero had held her before and she knew she was the one who was going to leave him behind this time.

"I think I understand what Dorothy meant." She smiled and stared into his eyes, feeling calm. "It's taken so long, but... If he makes it out of here, you'll finally have peace. So..." She shrugged slightly. "This is the only thing I can do for you."

"Relena..."

Heero spoke, but she shook her head and clutched the back of his head. She pressed their foreheads together and drew strength from his steady gaze. Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them back fiercely.

"You promised you'd protect me but in order to protect me, you'd have no other choice but to give up your very own peace." She whispered, and drew a hard breath. "I can't let you do that."

In the soft light, his eyes were wide and brilliant blue. "What?"

"Let me go." She said, "I don't need you to protect me."

"Relena," Heero spoke, his expression was confused. "I promised to protect you, I always will."

She stepped back from him, pulling out of his arms and stepped back again. She reached out to brush the back of her hand over his cheek. "He needs you to protect him now. Believe in me. I can take care of myself." She smiled once more and left the room, her head held high. He watched the door for a long time, but didn't follow her.

Instead, he drew a seat and sat down beside Duo's bedside. He looked down at his friend. Despite all the confusion he felt, he drew comfort from Duo's soft, slack expression and the steady rise and fall of his chest. He reached out and wrapped a hand around Duo's limp, pale hand.

"I'm here now, Duo." He whispered, "I think I'll stay."

* * *

She stepped down stairs from the hospital and was just proud that she hadn't started crying yet. She paused to look up at the night sky and felt the tears recede. The cool night air was a balm on her, and she felt refreshed as it blew though her hair. She closed her eyes and drew a breath of the clean air, and felt a small smile blossom on her lips.

The slow clap startled her and she looked down.

Dorothy was stood, leaning against her golden car. Her gloved hands clapped once more, and she clasped her hands before her. "So, you finally looked under the armour."

Relena stepped down and then sat on the step. "You knew."

Dorothy simply smiled, her eyes cool.

Relena looked down the street, her hands clasped over her knees. "How long have you been waiting?"

Dorothy sighed and tilted her head back. She laughed and shrugged. "How long do you think?"

The woman on the steps snorted and let her head drop forward. She was surprised when she heard Dorothy sit down beside her. Relena had to battle the tears. "I loved him."

Dorothy shifted, laying back on the steps and crossing her legs. It was inelegant, but Dorothy surveyed the street with scathing eyes. Her shoulders rolled in a shrug.

"Yes, you did."

"It hurts."

"Yes, it should."

Relena looked at her then, hurt by her dismissive tone. Dorothy watched the street for a long time, before looking at Relena. "I'm not going to pick you up." She said calmly. "That's your own job." Her shoulders rolled in another shrug and she returned her fierce gaze to the street. "But I'll wait for you." Her voice was softer, "I always will."

Relena indelicately wiped her nose on the back of her hand, and sighed. They sat there for a long moment before Relena drew a sharp breath and breathed out slow. "I'm... I'm not like you, I'm not gay, Dorothy." She paused, "I mean I know what you feel, but I'm just not gay as well."

"Yep."

She turned to look at Dorothy, "I'm serious."

"So am I. Your point?"

She shook her head. "You can't just wait for me to be gay." Dorothy's slow smug smile made Relena laugh in disbelief. She shook her head again; "I'm never sleeping with you. You're my best friend, but I am never sleeping with you." She got up and brushed off her dress. She was a few steps down, before she realised that Dorothy wasn't moving. "You can't change me by waiting."

Dorothy shrugged and got up. She delicately brushed herself off and descended the stairs. "That's fine." As she swept past Relena, she was surprised by the slight girl grabbing her by the waist. She stood straight as Relena pressed her head into her back. Relena's voice was muffled, but Dorothy could hear her when she spoke.

"It hurts."

"It will." Dorothy turned her head to speak over her shoulder. "It wouldn't matter if it didn't."

They stood like that, while Relena hid her tears. Dorothy waited patiently, and placed her hands over Relena's clasped ones.

"I'm not sleeping with you." Relena said quietly, "Ever. But ... thank you."

"I'm not going to ask you." Dorothy said in a mildly bored tone. She pulled out of Relena's grasp and opened the limo's door. The driver started the car and Dorothy motioned that Relena should get in. Relena shook her head and dabbed at her eyes with her sleeve. As she was getting in, Dorothy leant over the door. "Sex with me would be amazing."

Relena sat down and glared at Dorothy disbelievingly but it was hard to maintain the glare. Dorothy simply shrugged and closed the door. Relena shook her head and sat back, leaning her head back so she could look up at the hospital. As Dorothy got in, she sighed and refocused her eyes on Dorothy's reflection. "I'm never sleeping with you. You'll always be my best friend, this doesn't change anything."

"Okay." Dorothy said, nodding to the driver. "The hotel, please."

"I'm not gay."

"That's fine. I'm not asking you to be." Dorothy turned, and Relena was surprised by the earnest look in Dorothy's blue eyes. "I love who you are."

Relena sighed and closed her eyes. She shook her head and opened her eyes to look at Dorothy. "You can't wait for me to turn gay."

Dorothy stared at her for a long moment before turning her attention up ahead. A small smile tugged at her lips. Relena sighed and turned away. They drove in silence for a long time, before Dorothy chuckled quietly. "Methinks the lady doth protest too much."

Relena pursed her lips and tilted her head toward Dorothy, who was grinning broadly. Relena looked at her sourly. "I'm going to hit you with my handbag."

"If that makes you feel better about yourself..."

They stared at each other, and Relena snapped her head away to stare out the window, unable to squash her amusement. She closed her eyes, finding it hard to deny that Dorothy's peal of laughter warmed her heart.

* * *

Wufei found his daughter on the bathroom floor.

Her toothbrush hung limply out of her slack lips, and her hand lay in her lap with her camera. He crouched by her and pulled the foamy brush out of her mouth. It was 3am, and they had arrived back far beyond her bed time. He chuckled and gathered her up in his arms, taking care to pocket her camera and to wipe her face. He carried her through to her bedroom, and lay her down. Fondly, he changed her out of the pretty little dress she had worn and pulled on her soft pyjamas. He lay her down and did his best to brush out her hair, plaiting it and coiling it out of her way. He switched on her nightlight, and slid down to kneel by her bed. He folded his hands under his chin, and tilted his head so he could watch her.

She was beautiful in her sleep. He shifted and remembered the camera in his pocket. He brought it out and switched it on. He was amazed by the wide range of people that his daughter had taken photos of. There were many of himself and the other Gundam Pilots. He was surprised by how many she had taken of them unawares. It brought a smile to his face to find one of Heero looking toward the camera, in the midst of a crowd, smiling shyly as he spotted Nataku. An oddly angled picture brought back the memories of Sally helping Nataku to lean dangerously over the booth's edge. It had been worth it, despite the blurry nature of the picture. Quatre's expression of delight as he watched the circus performance was touching to see. He shifted lower, flicking through the photos.

The little girl's eyes fluttered open briefly at the movement of her bed. She started at him dully for a moment. "I know how to stop the war..."

"What war, Nataku?" Wufei frowned slightly, as her eyes fluttered shut again.

"No more Zero..." She murmured. She yawned widely, and held up a floppy hand. "Just Kiwi fruit."

He smiled faintly. "Kiwi fruit."

"It should have been obvious..." She remarked sagely. "It's a better idea. People should have eaten more kiwi fruit because..."

He watched her as she fell back asleep. Wufei leant his head down on her bed and stared at her. The camera shut itself off and he wondered what she would do with all the photos.

He didn't know when he fell asleep himself, but he dreamt of the universe in his daughter's head.

* * *

_::After all is said and done::_

_::Are you still having fun? ::_

_::Well, you know when you've been defeated::_

_::You don't care and you thank no one::_

_::Feeling low you will always need it::_

_::Are you're having fun? ::_

_::Are you still having fun? ::_

* * *

_**A/N**:_ I called it controversial, but this is a turning point and I hope you trust me when I say, these things needed to happen. I wanted to deal with Relena in my own way, she is far more important than I have ever given her space for in my stories. As a character, I respect her far more than I used to. Heero can't both protect her and still protect Duo, so someone had to make a decision. It was a hard chapter to write, and I'm not sure if I really conveyed everything. I should hope it becomes more obvious how important all these moments are later if they are not clear now.

Trust me, I'm a 1x2 fangirl, I know what you're thinking – not enough Duo! Peace, friends, peace... more Duo next chapter.

Finally, again, thank you for your kind reviews, and still the story alerts and favourites – be you new reader or old, thank you! I thank you in advance for your reviews, because they are so helpful and reflective! If I cannot reply to your review directly, thank you and I look forward to hearing from you again!


	16. Have Faith In You

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time. Here is the second and arguably more controversial part. It's after midnight now, and it's time to go home.

**Warnings**: I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place. Perhaps a trigger warning - suicidal intent.

**Song**: Nickleback – lullaby

* * *

_::Please let me take you::_

_::Out of the darkness and into the light::_

_::'Cause I have faith in you::_

_::That you're gonna make it through another night::_

_::Stop thinking about the easy way out::_

_::There's no need to go and blow the candle out::_

_::Because you're not done::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 15: Have Faith in You**

_::You're far too young::_

_::And the best is yet to come::_

* * *

"You see, unless we get some new leads..."

It was a good tape. The images were clear. Unfortunately, the camera had been pointing at the door of the club that Duo had walked out of two years ago. Wufei leant in closer to the screen, watching as the former Deathscythe pilot shoved his hands deep into his pockets. His long braid whipped in the wind behind him. Wufei couldn't make out his face, the lights were to Duo's back and the next light source spilled out from the alley in front of him.

"It's not like we don't want to solve it." Anderson shrugged and scratched the back of his head. "It's just the trail goes cold."

As he approached the alleyway, Duo paused and for a brief moment, Wufei could see surprise on his face. It faded slowly as he turned and stepped into the alley, his hands slowly coming out of his pockets. Duo's gloved hands came up in a gesture of surrender as he disappeared into the alley.

"It's a cold case, Captain Chang." The police officer leant back in his chair and held his hands out, "We can't devote any more resources to it."

Wufei watched as the moments ticked by and a man walked calmly out of the alley, his collar high and hiding his face. That he had light coloured hair was all that Wufei could make out. Wufei had seen the sketch, it was poor. The only hint to the man's affiliations was the spray painted OZ logo and the phrase: 'The Gundams did not save me.'

"Then I'll take it."

Anderson blinked, "Sorry, sir?"

"The case." Wufei said calmly, "I'll take it over." He turned away from the screen, the video looping behind him. "I'll investigate it."

"Uh... It's not a Preventers case." Anderson shrugged, "The agents who were assigned were reassigned a few months back when it was declared a cold case."

"Do you have a problem with me investigating it?" Wufei brought out his phone and started tapping notes. He glanced up when he didn't get an answer. The police detectives were scratching their heads and conferring quietly. Anderson turned to him again and raised his hands.

"We don't have a problem, but this isn't a Preventer level case." Anderson spoke slowly, as if afraid of setting a bomb off with his words. "Isn't this... a waste of your time?"

Wufei's finger stilled over his phone, and his eyes rose up slowly to meet Anderson's piercingly.

Anderson's breath caught and he suddenly understood what it must have been like to be on the battlefield with one of Gundams bearing down on him.

"Stupid question, sir," Anderson swallowed, "Please disregard it."

Wufei returned his eyes to his phone and resumed tapping at it. "I want copies of your investigation, and the evidence where possible. I've already put in my request to become part of this investigation, and you can expect to hear from my office again soon." He put his phone away and stood with his hands clasped behind his back. "I don't expect you to treat this any differently, I'm not asking you to bump this out of cold cases. Just be co-operative when I talk to you."

"Absolutely, sir."

Wufei was almost out of the door when he heard Anderson call out again.

"Captain Chang?"

He paused by the door, and glanced over his shoulder. Anderson looked embarrassed, tugging at an ear as he stepped closer. "Sorry, I didn't... I didn't think." He paused and winced as if worried once again, "I didn't think you Gundams were that close anymore."

Wufei stared at him for a long moment, and the man squirmed under his cool gaze. Wufei stepped away and then stopped. He walked back to the man and stared him in the eye.

"We weren't. We're fixing that." Wufei answered candidly, "But that doesn't mean anyone can take a shot at a Gundam Pilot, and just expect to get away with it."

He turned on a heel and walked away.

* * *

He was unsurprised by the incoming call ringing before he'd sat down.

Wufei logged into his desk computer before answering the call. He looked up as the large screen flicked on, and General Une raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "Over stepping the mark, Captain Chang." She commented. "You can't take that case."

"I'll investigate in my own time." He flicked through the emails on his desk computer, and looked up. "You don't expect me to dishonour my post, do you?"

She stared at him. "You're too close, Captain."

"I'll investigate fully." His lips quirked in a smile, "I left my sword on L5, don't worry."

She sighed. "I can order you off that case." He nodded, and made a small gesture on a nearby tablet computer. Une glanced down to her own desk computer as it pinged with a new email, and sighed again. "Really?"

He paused to pull out his thin reading glasses. "Yes. Really." He ignored her for a few moments as he began to read through the reports.

"If you resign, you can't investigate."

He glanced at her impatiently over his glasses.

Une shook her head and sighed explosively. "You Gundams." She said it like a curse. "Fine." She made a few gestures of her own on her computer. Wufei glanced over to the top corner of his desk computer's screen. Four of his allocated cases disappeared. He looked up at her, and her look was fond. "You can hand over your notes. You'll notice that Doctor Po has already requested this case as well, so I'm lightening your load."

He tipped his head graciously, "Thank you."

"Don't thank me yet." She frowned and looked down for a moment. "The Gundams Did Not Save Me." She quoted, and met his eye. "That's a phrase I've heard before, from former OZ pilots. There are groups out there who do not thank you, people who survived Gundam attacks." Her eyes were wary, "Not all of the survivors see you guys in a positive light."

Wufei drew a deep breath, "We never said we were not killers as well."

Une sighed, "Not everyone understands what you did or why you did it." She looked away, the Earth sunlight catching the highlights in her hair. "I wouldn't be surprised if you find a very unhappy, disabled solider at the end of your road."

"His unhappiness or disability does not excuse his actions." Wufei looked at her, "If he wanted justice, then he had other choices."

She glanced back to him, "Some would argue, so did you." She held up her hand, "I'm not condoning his actions."

He smiled faintly, "I know. But if he wanted Justice, he had other options than to shot an unarmed man in the middle of the night."

"Some would argue," Une repeated softly, "So did you."

He nodded slowly, "And I paid for that. We all did." He glanced down, "But the wars are over."

Une sighed and sat back in her chair; she picked up her coffee and nodded. "You go get him." She said finally, "You get him because people need to know that the Gundams may be gone, but nobody fucks with the pilots."

He laughed at her crude words, looking down to read a new email. "Yes, ma'am."

"And Wufei?"

He glanced up again. Her eyes were sober.

"The world is cold without you boys." She tipped her head, "Haven't you noticed you all bought such fire to everyone's hearts?" She made a gesture with her hand, "When you were together on that stage last week, did you not notice the joy in everyone's eyes?"

"You talk like the world can't turn without us." Wufei smiled faintly, confusion in his eyes. "Can't the world turn by itself?"

She stared at him for a long moment, "You boys never understood, you were always more than just pilots..." She glanced away and then looked back at him. "Speak to them. I want you back, you boys have skills and together..." She shook her head. "We need that kind of fire once again; there are people in the world who would see you continue to be nothing."

* * *

"I'm only mentioning it because I said I would."

Wufei looked around his dinner table. Dinner together was more of a habit than anything else. Quatre had brought takeout, and they were gathered in his dining room. Heero had arrived last, bringing good news from the hospital that Duo was still doing well and that most recent tests had established that Duo's auto-reflexes were still in place. Quatre sipped his drink and swallowed before answering Wufei, "I don't know. I've taken a sabbatical from WEI, but I'm not sure I'd want to return to Active Duty in the Preventers."

Wufei waved a hand, "Really. Please do not be concerned." He waved his chopsticks, "I warned her that Active Duty was my calling; I really don't expect any of you to come back to the Preventers."

"I don't want to be a weapon anymore." Heero said, he looked up from his food. "I'm tired of fighting and being dangerous." He paused and looked down to push some of his food around his bowl. "But... I'd need to know how well Duo recovers... He may need a carer." He glanced up, and nodded. "If he doesn't, I might consider it. But I won't be a weapon."

Wufei dipped his head in a nod and glanced at Trowa.

The tall man was sat back, sucking on his fork thoughtfully. He put his fork down and sighed, "I don't want to fight either." He jabbed his fork into his meal and nodded, "I like being a mechanic. It's nice."

"You should tell General Une that." Nataku looked up from her plate, and met Trowa's eyes. She nodded, "General Une is a nice lady, she'll listen. She said that you should never do something if your heart isn't in it."

Wufei smiled warmly at his daughter, as Sally chuckled. Sally reached over to ruffle her hair, "She said that, huh?"

"Yep." Nataku raised her chopsticks in the air, "And I've been doing my history project on when the Gundams came to Earth and did you know? When General Une was 19, she was called Lady Une."

Sally's lips quirked in a knowing smirk, "Was she really, sweetheart?"

With a withering look, Nataku frowned at her, "You know that." Nataku picked up a carrot and chewed on it thoughtfully. She glanced at the former Gundam Pilots and nodded sagely, "I can understand why you might be afraid to say no to General Une." She glanced up at her father, "Because when she was called Lady Une, she was a very scary lady." She looked around the table, and nodded again. "And Sjobol's aunt was in the air corps of OZ, and he said that she said that one time Lady Une..." She paused and drank, she paused to look around the table. She whispered, "Lady Une shot a guy..."

Nataku looked around the table and frowned at the faint looks of amusement. Sally patted the little girl on the head, "Sweetheart, everyone around this table and pretty much anyone who fought in the war has shot a guy."

The little girl's look was scathing. "I know that." She gestured the whole table and spread her hands, "But did any of you shoot a guy after you dropped him out of a plane?" Trowa's sudden spluttering cough caught her attention. Quatre patted his back as Trowa coughed. Nataku nodded sympathetically, "I know. I would totally be afraid to say no to her, but she's really nice now."

"Sjobol's aunt told you this?" Trowa said after he recovered, laughter in his eyes.

"No," Nataku said impatiently, "Sjobol's aunt told him, he told me."

"Is it true?" Heero asked quietly, glancing at Trowa. The man nodded.

"Oh, yes." He said, as if it should have been obvious. "Septum."

"Ah!" Heero's eyebrows shot up, "Septum. I didn't realise it was Une." Heero nodded, and sipped his drink. "Good."

"As in General Septum?" Nataku leant forward, curious, "He disappeared..." She looked up as she recited. "His disappearance made the Alliance between OZ and the Federation unstable because the last time he was seen; he was flying away on an OZ plane and... and everyone thought he had... defected to... the..." Her eyes crossed, her voice low. The look of realisation set in. "Oh!"

Wufei reached up to pinch his nose, "I'm not sure I like your history project anymore." He patted her hand, "Do you really need to know all the gruesome details?"

Nataku blinked and looked at him, her young face carefully blank, "I like being thorough?"

He stared at her, and she met his gaze evenly.

"And I'm learning about your history because Uncle Duo will need to remember stuff." She tried to nod convincingly.

He continued to stare at her until she grinned awkwardly.

"It's not cool." Wufei said, his face straight.

Nataku's grin disappeared.

"It's not at all cool." Nataku looked back at her plate, and pushed her food around. "It's not cool that my papa got to ride around in a big giant, flying robot." She glanced up at him, "And it's not at all cool that the people around this table helped to save the world in their big, giant, flying robots." She looked down again, "Two of which had really cool wings and one had a beam scythe, one had a clown mask and could do awesome flips, and one had a cloak and was the leader of, like, a hundred little robots and yours looked like a dragon." She stared hard at her plate and whispered, "It was not cool." She pouted and nodded slowly. "Not at all."

There was a contemplative silence, marred only by Trowa stirring his food thoughtfully.

"Technically, my robot couldn't fly. I didn't let that stop me." Trowa commented quietly, and struggled not to laugh at Wufei's sour look.

Quatre had a perfectly straight face as he commented, "And it was, like, only forty little robots." He smirked at Wufei's annoyed look.

"And I liked flying a lot." Heero's gaze was far away, "Did you know that Duo's beam scythe worked under water?" He glanced at Nataku, his face completely expressionless. "If you're going to mention it in your history project, Duo's exact words were Pretty Damn Cool." He couldn't help the smile when Wufei threw up his hands in exasperation and the others began to laugh.

Wufei shook his head; he glanced at his daughter and smiled. "It was a little cool."

The little girl looped her arm through her father's and looked up at him. "Not all of it was cool, some of it was horrible." She looked at each of them and hugged her father's arm. "But I can look back at that time, and I can think you are cool because you made it." She squeezed his arm, "Don't forget that."

"Being eight is the best age." Quatre raised his drink to her, and smiled brightly. "You've got so many amazing things to come!"

* * *

"So, is this your history project?"

Wufei leant back against the kitchen counter and cupped the mug in his hands. He stared at his daughter as she worked. She looked up at him and shook her head. "No, this is the thing I'm making for Uncle Duo." She picked up the craft scissors and cut around a printout carefully. Glue and paper and sparkles were scattered over the table, and Wufei smiled faintly. He'd lost his kitchen table about four months ago to her craft project and was amused by the symmetry between the way his daughter worked and the way he did. His kitchen table had become dedicated to this project of Nataku's. Photos of the Gundam Pilots were scattered everywhere and he was so surprised to see the wide range of images. He sat down at the table and carefully picked up a picture of a young boy. It was a securicam photo – very poor in quality, clearly taken with a hidden camera. The boy was unaware of the photo and he was half way out of a mobile suit. His hair was very familiar, and Wufei had to bring the image up closer to him. "Is this Trowa?"

"Uh-huh," Nataku's voice was distracted. She stuck down the cut out, and looked at the picture her father was holding. "General Une found it in some old L3 surveillance files. It was taken when Uncle Trowa was about my age; she thought he was about eight or nine. He was a mobile suit pilot for some..." She paused as she struggled to remember, "For some mercenaries who were fighting during the L3 civil war." She shrugged, "I dunno how she found it."

"Do you have any other photos of us from before we were pilots?"

"I've got some of Uncle Quatre; he was kind of easy to find pictures of..." She sounded a little doubtful, as she pulled up one such photo. "He was not very happy; do you think I should find one of him smiling?"

"No," Wufei shook his head, staring at the photo. Quatre was young, but not as young as Trowa's photo. Quatre held a violin and was staring at the camera with a bored expression. "You should keep this; it will help show how he has changed." Wufei stood and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a box. He opened the box and pulled out a data chip. He slipped it into his tablet computer, and tilted the machine to show his daughter. It was a wedding photo, and Nataku's mouth fell open as she reached out to hold the tablet computer. "What... was..." She glanced at him, "Was this Nataku?"

He smiled at her and nodded. He reached over and tapped the screen, zooming in on the woman's defiant expression. "Meilin Long, it was the name she hated. She was my wife," He gestured on the screen and it shifted to show him. "That was me, I was fourteen."

She smiled brightly, pressing the screen to zoom in. She frowned slightly and looked up, "You look like you'd rather be somewhere else."

"Reading, probably." Wufei smiled fondly, "I didn't like her... not at first. But then she taught me something important." He reached out and stroked his daughter's hair, "It's worth fighting for the things you love."

Nataku looked down at the photo, "Can I put this in Uncle Duo's book?"

Wufei looked down at the large scrap book spread on his table. "Of course." He looked at the open spread, "Where will you put it?"

"In your section." She flicked over a few pages, and Wufei was touched to find a double page spread that was almost finished. Pictures of him ranging from the war to this very day made him trace his fingers along the images. His daughter's blocky hand writing numbered the years and the dates where she could.

He glanced at her as she fiddled with the tablet computer. He could hear the printer going in the next room. "What are you doing with this?"

She slipped out of the chair and handed him the tablet computer. "I'm connecting the dots." She smiled toothily and ran to the printer.

He looked down at the photos in his daughter's book.

* * *

He looked up at the photos on his crime wall.

The smell of coffee hit his nose, and he turned to find Sally Po holding out a cup for him. She sipped at her own as she stood beside him. She looked over the crime scene photos and the sketches. "So, I've spoken to some old Federation contacts. From what I hear, OZ are the ones who use the phrase 'The Gundams did not save me'." She shook her head. "Be honest with you, the Feds have always been more pissed at OZ than at the Gundams. Treize was clever with that little stunt he pulled at New Edwards, but we saw through it."

Wufei nodded, "I wish we had."

"You were fifteen." Sally said, her eyes narrowing as she leant forward to look at one crime photo. "How could you have expected to have seen through that?"

"You weren't much older." He reminded her.

"Were any of us?" She straightened, "No luck on tracing the gun?"

"No, it's certainly old." He pointed at the photos of the bullet casing fragments that had been retrieved. "Definitely an old OZ gun."

"They did love that little fancy-dancy flare, engravings on bullet casing?" Sally put a hand on her hip, "Oh, to have been able to have so much spare time!"

Wufei smiled, "It's good for us." He pointed to a new image; it was a mock up of what the bullet casing may have looked like. "Yolita tells me that different factions had different designs. This might get us somewhere."

"You know what?" Sally shifted her weight slightly and nodded, her eyes narrowed as a sharp smile pulled at her lips. "I'll put a call into Fire and Wind... see if we can't get those two to whip up a firestorm."

Wufei looked at her. She grinned at him.

"If anyone is going to know about fancy poncy designs, it's gonna be Zechs and Noin's got some clout with ex-OZ, she'll find it."

* * *

"I, uh, I quit drinking."

Duo's voice was muffled by his hands. In the video, he was sat at his desk at home; he sat with his fists pressed over his mouth. Heero looked around the screen; the room was untidy but not as bad as it had been. The video clip was some significant time after Duo's last video. Heero glanced down at his notes and what little information that Unterward had provided. The video was recorded shortly after Hilde leaving. The man in the video was small, his entire body seemed wasted. Duo's hair was washed, and loosely gathered into a ponytail. His violet eyes were downcast and there were bags under his eyes. Heero thought he looked old now, finished and done. Duo drew a thumb over his lip and clasped his hands, lacing his fingers as if in prayer.

"I um..." Duo's voice was soft and strained, there was a quiver in it that made Heero feel ill. Duo had never ever sounded so afraid. "I quit drinking about a week ago." He frowned hard, and shrugged. "I'm sober, which is good. My uh, sponsor recommended that I record my progress..." He smiled self-depreciatingly. "I took it, as an excuse to uh, start recording these again. I um... I didn't... He frowned and shook his head, It's been a year, since uh, since I last recorded a message to you. Which is good."

He closed his eyes briefly, a ghost of pain passing over his features. "I mean... I, uh, I don't want you to see me, like I was." He leant forward, leaning on his folded arms. "I know if you'd been here... it would have been like," He lowered his voice and rare amusement appeared in his eyes as he mimed a back handed slap, "Like: Baka! The mission! Rawwwaarrr!"

Heero caught himself smiling fondly.

"Anyway, thank god I had Unterward and my company... My, uh, board of directors were pissed that I'd let it get so bad." He breathed in and out, "They uh, didn't know. Nobody did, I suppose. I hide stuff pretty good." He reached up and scratched his cheek. The motion made his loose sleeve slip down, and Heero's eyes were caught on the bandage around his wrist. "I'm not sure if ... well, what would have happened if Unterward hadn't found me, I'm not sure what would have happened. I was uh... I was drunk, and..." Duo looked into the screen, his eyes sad. It seemed like a really good idea at the time..." Duo nodded slowly, "I don't know what I was ..."

Duo closed his eyes for a long moment.

"I'm not a liar." He opened his eyes and stared into the camera, "I figured if you knew I was in trouble..." Duo sighed and it seemed to deflate him, his shoulders drooped. "Why would you want to come find me? I'm a drunk, and um... I'm not great ..." Duo licked cracked lips. He drew a breath and blew it out slowly. "And I'm, yeah, I'm talking to a guy I haven't seen in six years..." He looked at the camera, "It was the lions... I lost 'em, Trowa's lions are gone. I figured if I could track 'em, I'd be able to find him. And Wufei's wife died, but I only found out... she died weeks back... I didn't know." He looked around, a lost look in his eyes. "And they, um, they blocked my number to WEI. They're not taking any calls anymore. It was all of this and then ... I just started drinking and I didn't want to stop." He raised his arm, and wiped his nose on his sleeve. He cleared his throat. "I apparently – I don't remember – but I apparently went missing for two days, and Unterward found me... I'd lost a lot of blood, but he found me in time."

Duo picked at his sleeves and then leant forward to lean on his folded arms.

"There's going to be a time when nobody is going to find me." He sighed, as if the words were hard to say. His violet eyes were sad. "There's going to be a time when it's all going to be too much."

Heero sat back in his chair and he paused the video. For a long time, he almost walked away. It took a few minutes for him to lean forward and press play.

"There's going to be a time when I'm gonna be stupid, Heero." Duo swallowed and he looked away, a look of peace flittered over his features and he looked back. "And you guys aren't going to be there to stop me or save me." His violet eyes were sad still as he smiled faintly, "I'm making up my will. If the worst happens, and it will because ..." he shrugged helplessly, "It's me, Heero. It'll happen. Anyway, Unterward will make sure you guys get what I'll leave behind. He's good at that." Duo smiled happily, "He'll walk right up to Quatre Winner and slap him, if he has to." Duo chuckled, "That's why I hired him. He slapped me, slapped some sense into me and he'll do the same for you guys."

The pale man looked into the camera and smiled faintly, "You'll never see this, but you'll see the other tape." He looked away, his voice faint. "I like Unterward, but..." he glanced back at the camera, "He doesn't know what it's like being a Gundam, you guys will know what to do with me." He stared into the screen, and then reached forward. The video ended.

Heero looked down at his notes and put his pen down carefully. He picked up his phone and walked over to stand by the window. He stared out while he let the phone ring. When the other person picked up, Heero worked hard at remaining calm. He stared out across the park. "When did Duo attempt to commit suicide?"

There was a pause before Unterward answered, "That information is not available publically. I'd be interested as to how you found that out."

"You're not going to answer my question?"

"I respect my client's wishes. He did not want that information known." The man's voice held a trace of anger. "I'd be very interested in finding out who does not respect my client enough to respect his desire to keep that particular event out of public knowledge."

"Hilde gave me his video diary. She thought it pertinent that I know."

There was another pause and then a sigh. "Ah, Miss Schbeiker." There was another long pause before the man spoke again. "You should know: she has no great love for you, Mr Yuy."

Heero tilted his head, "You don't sound like you have any great love for her."

"While I respect my client's friends, I will not arbitrarily like someone who was so deep in my client's confidences... who then left when she knew my client was endangering himself ... and thought it not important enough to at least raise a red flag before she too disappeared into the ether." He sighed heavily, "Miss Schbeiker continues to own shares in the company. My client wanted her to be kept informed, but if I may be so bold, Mr Yuy...?"

"Go ahead."

"He did not leave her a video." Unterward cleared his throat. "The event you are talking about happened approximately two years before he was shot. Unknown to myself and others in the company, Mr Basilica had become dependent on alcohol and had fallen into an undiagnosed depression. We had become accustomed to Mr Basilica taking personal days when he felt he had a lead. It was unusual for him to take one without letting someone know. At the beginning of the second day, I went to check on him at his apartment." The man paused, and cleared his throat again. "Forgive me; it was not easy finding him so."

"I'm sorry." Heero turned away from the window and moved to sit down. He glanced at his laptop. "In the video, he talked about getting better."

"Mr Basilica successfully completed his program and has been sober. He was diagnosed with depression which was being treated and to my knowledge; he also successfully completed a course of anti-depressants." There was a waver in the old man's voice, "Trust me when I say; we didn't let him hide after that."

Heero smiled faintly. "Thank you."

"Mr Yuy, I am not an old gossip." Unterward's voice was determinedly steady. "What I have told you about Miss Schbeiker is to help you to place her actions into context. She was very fond of my client, and is no doubt trying to protect him. She has always held the opinion that people should know what she believes that you have done to him. What it took for him to stand in front of his company with a smile every day. He paused, But she's never understood and I think I can speak for my client, in this time when he has no voice..."

Unterward's voice cracked with emotion.

"I have watched his videos as well. If you watch with his eyes and not hers, you will swiftly notice that he never blames you for his choices." The old man fell silent for a long moment, and Heero could hear a shuddering breath faintly. Unterward cleared his throat again, and returned to the call. "He never blamed any one of you... He just missed you, missed you all terribly and hoped for your good health, and worried for your losses." Unterward paused again, and this time could not hide the soft sob. "I'm terribly sorry, Mr Yuy, but she wasn't there when he picked himself up, when he dusted himself off and continued on."

The line fell silent for a long moment, as Unterward cleared his throat again and blew his nose.

"May I be bold again, Mr Yuy?"

"Of course, Mr Unterward," Heero sat back and closed his eyes.

"She is not the one who has sat beside him every day and believes that he will wake again."

* * *

_::If you can hear me now::_

_::I'm reaching out::_

_::To let you know that you're not alone::_

_::And if you can't tell, I'm scared as hell::_

_::'Cause I can't get you on the telephone::_

_::So just close your eyes ::_

* * *

A/N: extremely short author's notes tonight because I changed my mind at the last minute and wanted to update this week – next week, there may be a slight delay as I go on holiday and spend a couple of days plotting the next few chapters properly.


	17. Start it Going Again

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. I believe in Heero's mantra: follow your emotions! Now, to pull the DRAMA TAG (dun, dun, dunnnn!)

**Warnings**: I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song**: SNoW – NightmaRe

* * *

_::Tell me what time it is now, tell me it's a dream, hold me::_

_::My heart's stopped, start it going again, please::_

_::You're by my side::_

_::You're probably dreaming a different dream::_

_::I don't need the sun::_

_::I love your smile so much now::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 16: Start it going again**

_::I love you; I love you so much::_

_::Find me in this dream::_

* * *

"Is this you?"

Trowa looked over toward his sofa, squinting to make out the paper that Quatre held up. "Hang on." He finished pouring the wine and brought the glasses over. Quatre was curled up on the armchair, and happily accepted the wine. The blonde man held up the paper again. It was the scan of a photo that Wufei's daughter had received from Une. Trowa nodded once as he sat on the sofa. "Yes. That's me."

Quatre sipped his wine and looked at the image with amazement. "How old were you?"

"I don't know." Trowa answered, he stretched out his feet onto the coffee table. "I was maybe 8 or 9, Une apparently dates it to when I was about that age."

"Wow." Quatre whispered, "What were you doing?" He reached out to give Trowa the image. "I mean, how...?"

"They found me." Trowa took the paper and held it up. "They gave me food, but I had to work. They couldn't afford any dead weight and my fingers were thin and long enough to clean mobile suit gun barrels." Trowa pointed to a man in the background, "He was my captain. He gave me my first name."

"Which was?"

Trowa snorted, "Nanashi."

Quatre blinked and looked at him quizzically.

"He was Japanese." He shrugged, "I later found out, the literal translation is No Name."

"Oh. Wow." Quatre blinked, his eyes were a little glassy from the wine they'd been drinking. "I can't even begin to imagine what it must have been like for you." Quatre ran a hand through his hair. He looked at the papers Trowa had left carelessly on the coffee table. "I knew that you had spent some time as a child solider but..."

"You didn't know." Trowa shifted to throw the image down. "I didn't tell you." He sipped his wine, "And it's not exactly polite dinner conversation."

Quatre chuckled lightly, "No, I suppose not." He leant forward, "Were there other children?" He picked up another image, this of the men that Trowa had worked with. He'd already looked through most of the pictures; there weren't any others of Trowa.

"One." Trowa shrugged, "But she was a spy." He glanced at Quatre and shrugged again. "L3 was a bad place for a while."

"Do you know what happened to her?"

"Not really." Trowa brought his feet off the table, and leant forward. He rested his elbows on his knees and looked over the images. "She fed information about our position to the enemy." He reached forward and moved the image of himself so that Quatre could see the cross dangling from his throat. "She gave me this and it was the only thing that stopped me from dying. She got my whole unit killed." He sipped his drink slowly, "We parted ways when I realised the cross was a transmitter."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Quatre stared at the photo. He glanced up at Trowa. "What did you do afterwards?"

The man put his glass down, and spread his hands as he shrugged. "I went to the space ports. I thought about leaving. Got swept up in the Gundam project, and the rest is probably history."

"All part of little Nataku's history project." Quatre smiled lop-sidedly. "I wonder what her project is really about."

"You saw through it too?" Trowa chuckled and picked up his glass. "I think Wufei is humouring her."

"I think she just wants to find out where we've been..." Quatre leant back in the chair, sipping his wine slowly. "How we got to the point where we are now. What happened for nine years...?"

"You'll tell her?"

Quatre met his eyes with a surprisingly sober look. "If she asks, I won't lie to her." He smiled faintly, "She deserves more than that. We deserve more than that."

Trowa sat back and sighed. "Yes, I suppose so." He swirled the last of his wine in his glass. "Thanks for coming to dinner tonight; I'm sorry about the restaurant."

He smiled when Quatre laughed lightly. "I should really get used to being not so special... L4 has spoiled me." He sipped his wine, "You'd think after two years, I'd get used to the notion that no, I really can't just get a table because I'm Quatre Winner." He blushed lightly, and Trowa had to look at his glass, feeling awkward by the flush he'd felt at the sight. Quatre gulped down the rest of his wine and stood. He set the glass down carefully. "Thank you, Trowa, for asking me to join you tonight." He smiled as Trowa walked him to the door. "We should do this again. The hotel is lovely, but..."

"I can imagine it gets a bit dull." Trowa nodded, helping Quatre on with his coat. He paused and then nodded; "Perhaps we could make this a regular thing."

Quatre's smile was brilliant, "Yes!" He slipped his fingers over his mouth, and blushed again. In a calmer voice, he said, "I would love it."

They stood awkwardly at the door.

"Good night, Trowa." Quatre cleared his throat, "I really mean it, let's do this next week, again."

Trowa seemed to blink and Quatre almost gasped as the taller man pulled him into a hug. Quatre had to tilt his head back to stare over Trowa's hunched shoulder. He reached up - almost afraid - to tentatively wrap his own arms around Trowa's back. Quatre breathed carefully, and felt Trowa breath out just as carefully. Just as Quatre was relaxing into the embrace, he felt Trowa begin to pull out of his arms. Trowa's lips ghosted over his cheek and the tall man stood back. A look of worry passed over Trowa's face like a dark cloud, and he whispered. "Sorry."

Quatre shook his head, unable to say a word. He was pleased when Trowa seemed to understand.

"Well..." Quatre said, finding his voice, "I should go."

Trowa nodded, "Yeah, it's late."

"Sorry," Quatre apologised like a reflex. "I... Good night, Trowa."

Trowa nodded slowly, his dark green eyes seemed fixed on Quatre. "Next week?"

"Yes." He opened the door, and turned to smile warmly, "It's a dat—" He closed his eyes, and breathed out. "I mean, yes, next week."

Trowa stared at him and nodded.

Quatre spun on his heel. "Night, Trowa."

"Night."

* * *

He was just at the end of the pavement outside Trowa's apartment, when his phone buzzed in his pocket. It was a text from Trowa.

'_We're ok'_

He looked up, and turned to see Trowa sitting on the window sill of his third floor apartment. The taller man raised his hand, and Quatre could make out the glow of his phone before it faded. Quatre raised his own phone in a wave, and turned away again. He couldn't help the broad smile. He tapped at his own phone, and sent a message back.

It read: _'Thank you.'_

* * *

"It's 9.45pm, Duo." Heero closed his book and glanced at the man. Duo lay with his eyes open, and had done for most of the day. The nurses had taken to raising and lowering the head of Duo's bed into and from a sitting position depending if it was day or night. Duo had spent much of the day with his head tilted toward the window, raised into a reclined sitting position. Heero smiled and brushed his hand over Duo's short hair. It was longer now, needing to be brushed back. Heero still considered anything above shoulder length to be short for Duo. He wondered about getting hair ties, as he looked up and over toward the window. "Did you enjoy the sunset? Your colony has gotten very good at simulating the sun setting, I've been very impressed." He rose from his seat and began to collect his things. "I've over stayed visiting hours again, but the doctors appear to have approved extended hours for me. I must thank them." Duo's right eyelid fluttered and Heero smiled faintly. "Yes, I will thank them for both of us."

He walked over the table where the flowers were stored in their vases and pulled his bag up onto the table. He started packing his things away when a movement caught in his peripheral vision. He turned his head toward Duo and felt some surprise as he noticed that Duo now appeared to be staring in his direction. Heero smiled. "I'll be back tomorrow. Don't worry."

Heero closed the bag and pulled it back over his shoulder. He walked back toward the bed, and picked up the small things he'd left behind. He glanced at Duo, unsurprised to find the man still had his head turned away. His pen rolled down and dropped on the floor. Heero knelt down and picked it up.

A small sound made him look up.

Duo stared back, his expression slack.

Heero stilled completely. He found it hard to draw a breath, but when he did, it was shuddering. Duo's eyes were unfocused, and his face seemed indifferent to Heero's wide eyed shock.

"Okay." Heero breathed, he blinked and found himself again. "I'm going to get up now. Duo, I'm going to get up."

Duo's right eyelid fluttered.

Shifting the bag off his shoulder slowly, Heero nodded. "I'm going to get up and I'm going to walk to the window. Okay?"

He got up slowly, dropping his bag. Duo's eyes didn't follow him. He took a few steps away from the bed, and moved to stand by the window. He stared out across the city, and knew somewhere out there his apartment was waiting, that Wufei had put his daughter to bed, and that Quatre and Trowa were working on their fragile friendship. Heero wondered what else was out there in the dark of L2. He forced himself to focus on the dark buildings and not on the reflections of the bright room.

It was agonising, waiting by the window.

Heero closed his eyes and turned from the window.

He heard a soft grunt.

He opened his eyes slowly and his breath caught in his throat. He thought his heart might stop.

Even so, it was worth the wait.

Duo's head shifted heavily, it seemed like it was happening in slow motion and flopped down again.

Heero swallowed hard and felt his knees almost give.

Duo's expression was blank, but he stared at Heero.

* * *

Quatre was towelling his hair when he heard his phone ringing. Still dripping from the shower, he stepped out of the bathroom and answered. "Hello?"

"Hey." Trowa replied. "About earlier."

"Oh, yeah." Quatre turned in the room, pacing. He held the phone between his shoulder and ear, and tucked the towel tighter about his waist. "I'm sorry; I've got a dumb mouth that just seems to run these days."

"Huh." Trowa cleared his throat; "Actually, I was going to say..." He paused, "I was going to say: maybe we could call it a date?"

His voice was so soft that Quatre wasn't quite sure he'd heard correctly. He tilted his head the other way and dropped the phone. "Shit!" He swooped down to the floor and picked up the phone, fumbling with it for a moment. He held the phone away for a moment and took a deep breath to calm down. "Hi. Again." He frowned at himself, "I dropped the phone."

"If..." Trowa sounded uncertain, "If you rather we just called it dinn-"

"No." Quatre interrupted, "You... caught me a bit unawares. I'd just got out the shower so I'm standing here and my towel was slipping and I dropped the—" He cut himself off, and smacked his forehead softly. He took another breath, "I'd love to call it a date."

"You sure?"

"Uh... Yes?"

"You don't sound particularly sure."

"Neither do you."

Trowa's soft laugh was a joy to hear, and Quatre couldn't help the chuckle that escaped him. Trowa's voice was so soft when he spoke again. "I want to try again." Quatre blinked, he breathed for a few moments, and was surprised when he heard Trowa curse quietly. "Sorry, I mean..."

"No." Quatre held up a hand even though Trowa couldn't see him. "No, it's fine. I... I'm just ... wow."

Trowa sighed. "Yeah. Look, I ..."

"Trowa, it's fine." Quatre closed his eyes and wiped a hand over his face. "You said it wouldn't work again."

"You said we could brave the night." There was a small smile in his voice, "When I text you, I... didn't say what I meant to say."

"What did you...?"

"Come back."

There was a moment of silence.

"... What?" Quatre blinked, breathing slowly.

"I wanted you to come back." Trowa's voice was faint; he coughed and then said louder. "I wanted you to come back."

Quatre dared a smile. "Why?"

There was a long pause, and Quatre couldn't deny the hot feeling he felt when Trowa spoke again, his voice low. "I'd forgotten the taste of you." Quatre shivered at the need in Trowa's voice. "I wanted to tell you to come back."

Quatre's smile widened and his eyes slipped closed. "Oh. Oh..." He breathed, "Trowa..." He found himself chuckling, "Oh, it's probably best that you didn't..."

"We wouldn't want to rush," Trowa's voice was knowing. "Would we?"

"Oh Trowa..." Quatre shook his head and then let it fall back.

"I better go."

"Why?" The smile on his face widened, and Quatre dared: "We could say so much more."

"We could." He heard Trowa swallow, "But we've both had a drink." His voice dropped lower, "And the phone doesn't do your voice justice."

Quatre felt a thrill.

"So," Trowa sounded a little breathless. "Let's call it a date."

"A date," Quatre whispered back. "Next week?"

"Next week." He could hear Trowa's smile, "Sweet dreams, Quatre."

Quatre shook his head slowly, not really wanted to say good bye. He swallowed, and straightened. "Thank you," he said finally. "Sleep well, Tro..."

* * *

Trowa frowned and pulled the phone from his ear. The line was still open.

"Quatre?" He blinked and spoke louder. "Quatre?"

There was a sigh from the other side of the line, and Quatre murmured something indistinguishable. Trowa paced out of his bedroom and started toward his living room. He paused to pick up his keys and coat, "Quatre, can you hear me?"

"Hang up." Quatre's voice was faint, "We should hang up."

"What?" Trowa paused at his door. "Why?"

The moment passed and Quatre's voice came back strongly. "Hmm? Trowa? Didn't we end this call?"

Trowa stepped back from his door. "No, you trailed off and then started mumbling." He frowned, "Are you ok?"

There was a long pause, and when he answered; Quatre sounded confused. "Why do I have a coat on?"

"You said we needed to hang up." Trowa explained, sitting down on his sofa. "Why?"

"I did?" Quatre's voice seemed to double in confusion. "I don't know."

* * *

Yawning, Wufei stretched and sat back. The dinner room table was buried under the paperwork of Duo's case. Sally glanced up from her crime scene photos. "You okay?"

"Yeah," he cricked his neck. "Just done for the evening I think." He folded away the gruesome photos and gathered up the reports. "I can't read anymore and it's late."

Sally moved her arm, and looked at her watch. "Yeah." She smiled, "Mind if I hit your couch tonight? I missed the metro."

"You can take my bed, I'll take the couch."

"Such a gentleman!" She laughed and waved dismissively, "I can sleep on the couch!" She looked around him, "Well, hi sweetheart, what are you doing up?"

Wufei turned to find his daughter rubbing one tired eye with her fist and holding his phone in her other. "Your phone was ringing. I think it was Uncle Heero."

Smiling, Wufei patted her head and picked up his phone. He had a missed call from Heero. Sally smiled and knelt in front of the girl, "Come on, sweet heart. Bed time, again!"

He watched the two disappear around the corner before dialling Heero. He waited as it rang twice, and Heero breathlessly answered.

"Come to the hospital!"

Wufei blinked at the excitement in Heero's voice. "What?"

"Come to the hospital, and call the others!" There was a faint call in the background, "I've got to go, call the others! Get to the hospital!"

Heero hung up on him, and Wufei pulled his phone from his ear. He stared at the device until the screen faded. He turned his head, "Sally?"

"Yeah?"

"I need to go out, can you watch her?"

Sally came back out, holding his daughter in her arms. She tilted her head quizzically, "What's wrong?"

Wufei turned to look at her; "I think something happened to Duo."

* * *

"There, see?"

Doctor Hobbs pinched her nose, "Mr Yuy, you need to back off."

"But he's awake!"

"He's aware of your presence." She raised a light to peer into Mr Basilica's eyes again; "He's not demonstrated any other waking symptoms." She strained hard not to roll her eyes as she heard Mr Yuy move around the room again. In front of her, Mr Basilica's head shifted uncomfortably as he turned his eyes to follow. She flicked her light over his left eye again. While his pupils dilated and contracted, he did not seem to show any surprise or pain at the bright light. He just continued to stare blankly in the direction that Mr Yuy happened to be standing in. It was the tenth time that night, and she was at a loss to explain it. It seemed very much that Mr Basilica was following Mr Yuy, but seemed unable to follow anything else that moved in the room. She glanced up and Mr Yuy leant in too close again, he looked at her.

"He's aware, how close is that to the next level of consciousness?"

"I simply won't know until we've performed standardised tests, Mr Yuy."

They both glanced down when they heard a soft grunt.

Mr Basilica's eyes were swirling aimlessly, his eyelids straining to remain open. His eyes rolled in his head, and he made a small grunting noise again.

"What does it mean?" Mr Yuy seemed in control, but she could see glimpses of panic beginning to creep into his eyes.

Mr Basilica grunted once more, and his head fell forward heavily. Doctor Hobbs lifted his head gently, and was unsurprised to see that Mr Basilica's unusual purple eyes had slid shut.

"It means, Mr Yuy, that's he's done today."

She carefully manipulated his head to allow it to lie back on the pillow comfortably. She peeled back one eyelid, and peered in. She straightened when she was satisfied he proved to be ok. She looked at Mr Yuy squarely, "He tried very hard today, and you testing him like that, that's a lot of effort for someone who has been under for almost two years." She motioned Mr Basilica, "He made a big step today to tell us once again that he's not down or out yet." She smiled, "I'm glad." Doctor Hobbs looked down at her patient fondly, and then looked at Mr Yuy. "It's a little too early to tell and I'll feel better once we've done some tests, but I think I can safely say: Welcome to Level 3 – Localised Response."

My Yuy stared at her intensely and nodded fiercely. "Can I tell the others?"

She glanced at the clock, "It's a bit late."

"But I can tell them." He repeated, firmly. "I already called them, they're coming."

"Yes, well, of course." Doctor Hobbs nodded at him, "I'll run tests in the morning. We need to let him rest."

Mr Yuy's eyes were unreadable, she had thought he would have been happy but Doctor Hobbs couldn't quite make out the emotion on his face. He turned from the bed and walked purposefully toward the door. Doctor Hobbs returned her attention to getting Mr Basilica comfortable. She heard the door closed and was surprised when Mr Yuy returned to the other side of the bed. She couldn't read his face, but was moved by the watery look in his eye. She stepped back at his look and backed away. Mr Yuy bent over and rested his forehead against Mr Basilica's. She was surprised by how gently he brought his scarred hands up to cup Mr Basilica's face.

"You can do this." Mr Yuy's voice was rough with emotion, "Rest now, and we fight tomorrow."

She closed her eyes and sighed, "Mr Yuy..."

When she opened her eyes, he was standing straight and looking down at Mr Basilica with a fiery determination.

"It's too early to say if he will recover any further," Doctor Hobbs cautioned, "He may not wake more than this."

She almost gasped when he turned his hard blue eyes on her. "Last year, they took him off life support and gave him an hour to live." He strode to the door, moving as if nothing could stop him. He paused at the doorway, and looked at her. Triumph was in his eyes.

"He can do this."

* * *

Heero was standing outside the hospital. The sight of him made Wufei slow his pace. Heero didn't seem very concerned. Behind Wufei, Quatre and Trowa slowed to a jog as well. They all met halfway on the hospital stairs. Wufei was struck by how serene Heero seemed. Quatre was breathless as he surged forward to grab Heero, "Duo?"

"He's alright, don't worry." Heero held up his hands, "I'm sorry... I know that it's late."

"What happened?" Trowa asked, his frown not quite disappearing.

Heero stared at each of them for a long moment, and then surprised all of them by the pride in his voice. "He's not awake... but he watched me walk around the room."

He watched their expressions carefully as the information sank in. Quatre's blue eyes were impossibly wide and he launched forward, almost tumbling past Heero. Heero had to drop his bag, and reached out to grab Quatre.

"He's not awake right now, and he needs to rest. We can go tomorrow."

Quatre stared at him for a long moment, his bright eyes shimmering with tears. He drew a breath and Heero nodded. They looked back at the others and found Wufei sat clumsily on the stairs. It looked as if his legs had given in, and Heero well understood it. Trowa scratched his head and lowered himself to sit beside Wufei. Quatre stumbled down the stairs and came to sit inelegantly beside Wufei. Heero walked slowly and sat beside Trowa, lacing his fingers together over his knee and watched the street.

The four men sat on the stairs, uncaring of the cool, dark night.

"Doctor Hobbs... She doesn't see it..." Heero said, his gaze was far away, beyond the street. "But I looked in his eyes, and I can see him. I can see him, fighting."

Trowa glanced at Heero. "Thank you, for being there for him."

Heero shook his head slowly, "I haven't done anything... this is all him. It's always been him." He looked at each of them; "Duo never once gave up on us. He's not going to give up now."

"Heero." Wufei's voice was rough, "Don't you ..." He swallowed, "Don't you dare sell yourself short." He smiled faintly, "Tell us more. What was it like?"

"I was just..." Heero looked amazed, "I was just packing up and he was looking at me. And I thought... he was just staring but, I moved and he followed me." He held up a finger and clarified, "It took a while and it was hard for him, but he did it."

Trowa stretched out his long legs and rested on his hands, he let his head tip back. He listened as Heero described his dilemma – he had been unwilling to leave the room, but couldn't remember the Call Help button. Quatre stepped into his line of sight, his kind face surrounded by the fake stars of the colony's roof. Trowa was surprised by the smile on his own lips.

Quatre beamed happily, "Well. I can't sleep, not after this." He glanced toward Heero, "Let's go somewhere and celebrate." He looked around and, as if for the first time, noticed the empty street. He glanced at his watch, "Or perhaps... tomorrow." He laughed quietly, "It's really late..."

They got up and dusted themselves off. The four men paused on the stairs; the smiles on their faces were shy and happy. Wufei paused on the steps and looked up toward Duo's floor. He drew a long breath and breathed out, "I've got to get back. Sally's put Nataku to bed, but she'll wait up for me." He looked at Quatre who seemed a little lost in thought.

The blonde man nodded to himself, and then looked at Wufei. "I'm tired of staying in a hotel." He glanced up toward Duo's floor as well. "I think I want to be closer," He looked at Heero. "I mean, if you don't mind me visiting more."

"It's not my choice." Heero shook his head, "You know you're welcome." He made a point of looking at Trowa and Wufei, "You all are."

Wufei smiled, and looked back at Quatre. "Well, there are apartments left in our complex. I could enquire."

"Please do."

They walked in companionable silence until they reached Wufei and Quatre's cars. Heero looked at each of them. "I'll let you know when it's good to visit; Duo's going in for tests tomorrow." He nodded, "I'll call with the results as soon as they're in."

Quatre unlocked his car, "Thanks." He glanced at Trowa, "I'll drop you off." He glanced back at Heero and Wufei. "Good night. Wufei, please email me details."

"Of course!" Wufei raised a hand as he moved around to the driver's door. "Goodnight, both of you."

* * *

Quatre reached forward to switch his engine off. Trowa seemed lost in thought and didn't seem to know that they'd parked in his apartment's parking complex. Quatre sat back and looked at Trowa. "It's been an amazing night."

Trowa nodded before answering. "Yeah." He tilted his head back and stared at the point where the roof of the car met the wind shield. "We drank quite a lot tonight. You shouldn't have driven."

Quatre looked away. "Yeah." He chuckled helplessly, "I thought Heero was calling to—"

"I know." Trowa's voice was low, but it was hard. "Come in. Stay the night. Don't go."

Quatre stared at the wheel. He swallowed.

Trowa's voice was soft, "Not for sex. We're not ready... but..."

Quatre risked a look at the man's thin hands. One opened and closed as Trowa tried to find the right words to say. Quatre understood anyway. He reached out and took Trowa's hand.

"Yeah."

They looked at each other.

Trowa slipped down and leant toward him, his head dipping down toward his chest. Quatre leant forward, catching him and squeezed the hand he held. Quatre stretched to rest his chin on Trowa's crown, and closed his eyes. They sat in the car, saying nothing and just breathing. Quatre felt a warmth in his heart that he'd missed for a very long time. He smiled.

"Yeah."

* * *

Wufei wasn't surprised to find Sally sitting in the hall by his front door, but he was surprised by the tears in her eyes. It made him swallow hard, and he slipped to his knees beside her. She was brave as she swallowed and raised her head to stare him in the eyes. Her courage had always moved him, and it moved him now. She seemed braced for the worst but was still here for him.

"Duo?" She asked carefully.

He shook his head, unable to speak at first. His eyes spoke of delight and he swallowed. "He's okay." He managed, "He looked at Heero. Followed him around the room."

Sally's shoulders lost their tension and she reached up with both hands to hold his shoulders. "A localised response?"

At his nod, she shifted fluidly to kneel in front of him.

"Oh god... that's..."

The joy on her face made the tears in his eyes escape, and her hug was so welcome.

"That's a waking symptom." She whispered; happiness in her words. "That's a waking symptom!"

Wufei couldn't help burying his face in her shoulder and leaning heavily into her embrace.

* * *

Heero's finger hovered hesitantly over the laptop button. He swallowed and glanced at the clock. It was almost 5am. He breathed out, and nodded. The red light on the cam turned on, and he looked directly into it. He hadn't intended to start recording yet, but he couldn't sleep. He'd lain in bed, unable to shake the words that repeated in his head. He'd began typing it up as a mission report, for old time's sake, something he'd often done to console himself. It wasn't enough tonight. He took a breath, and found a small smile.

"Today, you opened your eyes." He said quietly, "And you looked at me. You looked at me." He sat back in the chair, trying to understand his feelings. There was something, low in his gut that pulled. He swallowed, and savoured the words again. His eyes slipped shut. "Oh... You looked at me."

He swallowed again. Something made him almost breathless.

"And I think, Duo... I really do think..."

Heero leant forward, and stared into the camera steadily even though he didn't feel steady.

"I think you could see me."

* * *

_::I forgot that if you don't have faith::_

_::Nothing will begin::_

_::Hold me tight, tight, even if it's just for a minute, a second::_

_::Please whisper that I was just having a nightmare::_

_::You were by my side::_

_::And you're still by my side now::_

_::Even when the alarm goes off::_

_::All I'll hear is your voice::_

* * *

A/N: I thank you again for your reviews. It always feels great to put this out on a Friday night and then discover the reactions the next day. I'm always excited to see the new interpretations and the discussion that you draw from it. Thank you. I'm also delighted to find out that yet more people have added this to their favourites, or set up story alerts. It's fun. More importantly is how much courage you give me. It sometimes feels like you've read my story notes when you suggest what might happen or when you ask questions. It makes me have to plot carefully, be more careful with what I write because I don't want to disappoint you or myself by writing the clichés, the style of fanfiction that I wrote. So, **thank you. **_Thank you in advance for your review! _

Alas once more, too late tonight to reply to all the reviews. I shall make the effort to write back over the weekend.


	18. Decode the Universe

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time.

**Warnings**: I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song**: Belanova – Tus Ojos

* * *

_::Looking to your eyes, ::_

_::I can decode the universe, ::_

_::The smooth wind, the blue sky, ::_

_::I finally understand, ::_

_::That this world rotates, ::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 17: Decode the Universe**

_::And that someday I will die, ::_

_::But with you... ::_

* * *

Quatre's feet were warm, and Trowa couldn't help running his own foot over them.

It was so good to feel the press of Quatre's leg against his own, the sound of the other man sleeping had woken him earlier than usual. His bed was warm, and Trowa lay curled on his side. They faced away from each other, but that was how it had always been. Trowa stared at his clock; he'd need to get up within minutes. His shift started in an hour and a half. Quatre shifted behind him, and Trowa's eyes fluttered shut at the pressure of Quatre's back against his. After the night, they'd come back to his apartment. It was a wordless agreement that they'd both sleep in Trowa's bed, and they'd undressed with minimal conversation. It had been awkward at first, but Trowa needed to sleep. He didn't know when he'd slipped off.

He must have slipped off again, because he was surprised when his alarm started going again. He reached over and switched off the alarm.

"Working?" Quatre's voice was muffled by the blanket over his chin.

"Yeah." Trowa got up, "But you can sleep in."

Quatre curled into the space Trowa had left. "Yeah." He seemed to think, "But I've got work to do." He moved and sat up in bed, the blanket falling down from his chest. "I've got to go."

Trowa scratched his head and nodded, "Sure."

Quatre watched Trowa as he got ready. "Do you want a lift to work?"

Trowa nodded, "If it's not too much trouble?"

"Quite fine," Quatre smiled, "And dinner tonight? I'd like to thank you for letting me sleep over."

Trowa paused and came to sit on the bed, "It's fine. You don't need to."

"And if I want to?" Quatre leant toward him with a smile, "Does dinner sound like a good idea?"

"Well, if you want to," Trowa leant forward as well, "Then it sounds like a very good idea."

They stared at each other for a long moment. Quatre's smile was enticing, and Trowa couldn't help staring at his lips. He made himself glance at the clock, "It seems that I'll have some time... if you give me a lift, that is."

"Another good idea, then." Quatre stared at him, blue eyes fixed.

Trowa moved to kneel on the bed, and licked dry lips. He felt his body tighten at the sight of Quatre's eyes flicking down to watch his tongue move. He leant forward, tilting his head. He brushed his lips over Quatre's daringly, and was rewarded with a sharp gasp and lips parting. He pulled back to look into Quatre's face, and saw the man's flushed features. "Is this another good idea?"

Quatre's eyes fluttered open and Trowa had to stifle a groan at the sight of need in Quatre's eyes.

The ringing of Quatre's phone surprised them both.

Trowa sat back on his heels and looked over his shoulder. Quatre's phone rang insistently. He looked back at Quatre and saw the regretful expression. Trowa was surprised by the lightness in his heart, and he smiled at Quatre. "It's fine to answer that."

The blonde man in his bed seemed to blink, thinking for a long moment. Pale arms reached up, and Trowa leant into Quatre's body. He closed his eyes and listened to Quatre's heart beating. Quatre sounded breathless as he answered, "It's fine for whoever it is to wait."

* * *

Wufei raised a quizzical eyebrow as he stared at his phone. It was unlike Quatre not to answer his phone, but as Quatre's voicemail came on; Wufei left a simple message. "There's a few apartments left, call me when you get this." He pocketed the phone and turned his attention to his daughter. She fluttered around the kitchen, almost bumping into Sally as she ran out to her bedroom. "Nataku, slow down!" Wufei called out as Sally deftly danced out the way. Sally chuckled and waved off his apology before he could make it.

"Let her be excited. She's got a big day. Friends are arriving from Earth and her Uncle Duo is waking up!" Sally picked up the coffee Wufei offered her. "Did you sleep well?"

"Not really." He shrugged; "I clearly need a better sofa."

"Ha!" Sally laughed, "Well, sure. But how often are you gonna be taking the sofa?" She looked at the clock, "We better get going. We wanna miss that morning traffic."

Wufei sipped his own coffee, and shrugged. "It's not that far to the shuttle port."

"No, but I'd still reckon on at least half an hour's delay." She glanced at her mobile, thumbing through an email. "Noin and Zechs will call when they've docked." She glanced at him, "Une's set them up with apartments in Preventers Central."

Nataku raced back into the room. "Are we going yet?"

Wufei knelt down by his daughter, "Have you packed everything you need?"

"I got my camera, and I got a book for the drive." She patted her bag, "Do you think we can stop by Uncle Duo on the way?"

"I doubt it." He reached up to ruffle her hair, "We could stop in when Heero calls us about Duo's tests. You know that, why do you want to go earlier?"

His daughter's smile was beautiful, "I had an idea this morning: he might not be able to remember what it's like being in a coma. I thought we could hang out with him for a bit and take a picture of him now." She shrugged, "And nobody should have boring coma pictures."

Wufei smiled faintly, "It's a good idea. Your mother would be proud."

"And knowing Duo," Sally picked up her bag and went to stand by the door. "He'll be disappointed if we miss any of his amazing feats of death-defying."

* * *

"And is that Mister Winner of L4's WEI?"

Trowa stared at his supervisor as she stood at the doorway, her arms folded. He looked behind him to catch Quatre learning over his passenger side. Trowa raised a hand to wave, and Quatre nodded and drove off. His supervisor snorted, "Wanna spill the beans, Hot Shot?"

He looked back at her and shrugged. "Not really."

"That's your call." She nodded once in acknowledgement, "You let me know if anyone presses too hard."

He blinked as if surprised by her calm response and she reached out to touch his shoulder.

"What you do in your own personal time is your business." She explained, "I'd be pleased as punch to hear you two healing over the rift, but ultimately, ain't nobody's business."

"Thanks." He said, and they walked into the building. He clocked in and changed into his overalls. She was waiting outside for him, "Something up?"

"Yep. We've got a big contract to work through, and I need some input from a man who knows." She motioned the large machine that occupied their storage area. It was dusty, old and in desperate need of maintenance. Trowa stared at it for a long time before realising it was a colony rain maker.

"I've never worked on colony weather control." He said doubtfully.

"Yeah, but you've lived on L3." She nodded, and held up a clipboard. "Second Chance Inc and WEI are teaming up..."

He looked at the clipboard and read the work order. "They're going to upgrade L3's weather systems?"

"Yep," She squinted up at the machine. "We're starting today, because it's finally hit stage 4: Implementation." She turned back to him, and stared at him. The look of confusion on his face was slowly turning to anger. She punched his shoulder, "And before you even begin to think this has anything to do with you getting special treatment –" His head jerked up, and she stared into his eyes, "You check out the date on stage one, planning and research for this project started over a year ago."

His expression became blank.

"You need to talk about it, Hot Shot?"

He glanced at her and then shook his head. "It's..." A small smile hesitatingly tugged at his lips, "It's just it's... it's a good idea."

"And that makes it ok again?" She said doubtfully.

His nod was elegant.

She shook her head slowly, "Sometimes I wonder if you guys need decoder rings... your world must be so Gundam." She smiled widely, "Mister Basilica used to say that ... It's alright, it's a good idea. And he'd just move, right on."

Trowa shrugged and looked past her and up at the massive rain maker. She stared at him, and was amazed by the transformation as his mind seemed to kick into gear and he analysed the rainmaker. "Most of this can be cannibalised for scrap, but I doubt it can be returned to L3 as a working rain maker."

"You've got that right; we're going to break it down. Second Chance has a stock of rainmakers, and WEI's already transporting them." She stood beside him and motioned the rain maker, "Our contract is to make these things into something more useful and to break them down. L3 has sold the old weather systems for scrap. Second Chance and WEI have donated the new systems on a trial basis, as L3 have agreed to be the final testing stage for the new and more efficient weather control systems that Second Chance have been designing."

"They are being paid to run the systems?" He smiled faintly and looked at his supervisor.

"Well, decrepit old colony is a perfect place to demonstrate how good the new colony weather systems work, really." She smirked, "And if this works, then Second Chance and WEI have a vested interest in making L3 a good place for other businesses to visit ... you know, because it's going to become their showcase."

"That's going to take years." Trowa stared at the old machine.

His supervisor clapped her hand over his shoulder. "Got anything better to do, Hot Shot?"

* * *

Heero stared through the observation window. He swallowed.

Duo was in a reclined but sitting position, his head turned to the wide window. The sunlight was soft on his face, and his eyes were open. His expression was utterly slack, but it seemed to Heero that Duo was staring at the sky. There was a soft cough behind him, and Heero turned to find Doctor Hobbs standing with a clipboard. She smiled wearily.

"You're early. We're going to start his testing at 9am. Are you ok?"

Heero wasn't sure how to answer. He hadn't slept. He looked down and shrugged. Hobbs' hand was warm on his shoulder, and he looked up to find her looking at him, concern in her eyes. He cleared his throat, and stepped back. "I couldn't sleep." He turned back to the window, "Has he rested?"

She joined him at the window and stared into the room. "I suppose so." She paused, and looked at him. "Mr Yuy, this is where it will become so much harder for you." She gestured at the coma patient. "This is an illusion, he's not awake, and he probably won't even react to you entering the room. He can't talk to you." She looked at Duo, her expression concerned. "This stage is hard, because the expectations you have of him sitting there with his eyes open cannot possibly be met. He's not watching the sky; he probably can't even process what he is seeing." She looked at him again, "It is far more likely that some kind nurse tilted his head to the window and sat him up." She touched his shoulder again and squeezed to make him look at her. "Please don't expect him to be awake yet."

"I don't." Heero said, but he knew he was not convincing.

She smiled sadly, "I know. I know you think that because he's Gundam, he's further along... he's not." She looked back at the coma patient. "Even Gundams cannot do the impossible."

They stood for a long moment together.

Duo blinked slowly, and shifted his head. His short auburn hair shifted as his head came to a rest. Now, it seemed Duo was staring at the observation window. His expression was blank. Hobbs gasped, and Heero couldn't help the little chuckle.

"He was the god of death." Heero murmured to her, as he moved toward the door. He glanced at her, and smiled faintly. "Impossible was his speciality."

He entered the room, and was unsurprised as Duo shifted his head to stare at him. Heero moved slowly toward Duo, and sat down carefully. He noticed that Duo hadn't responded to his shift and had turned his head to stare out the window again. Heero glanced at his watch.

"Good morning Duo." He looked up at the man, "It's 7.45am. I have come very early, because I could not sleep and you have a day of tests today."

He reached into his bag, and smiled faintly, when he noticed that Duo was now looking towards him. Duo's head rested heavily on his pillow, and Heero noticed that Duo's violet eyes did not seemed focused on anything in particular. Heero raised the brush and moved it into where he thought Duo's line of sight was. "I will begin your day by brushing your hair."

He reached forward carefully, and cupped Duo's chin gently. He moved the man's head and began to brush slowly. Duo made a soft noise, somewhere between a sigh and a grunt. His eyes slid shut. Heero paused for a moment, and then spoke quietly. "That's ok. Rest."

Heero ran his thumb over Duo's cheek.

"I'll be here all day. You've got a series of tests to undergo." He frowned slightly, "Some of them may cause you pain. It's to test your reactions."

He paused and lifted his hands from Duo's head. He placed his hands in his lap, and looked at the brush for a very long time. When he looked up, Duo's eyes were still shut and his expression was still blank. It seemed like Duo was simply sleeping. Heero swallowed and glanced over his shoulder. There was nobody at the observation window. He shook his head and closed his eyes. "According to my research," he began softly. "You are in a localised reaction stage."

Heero sighed and opened his eyes.

"This means that you might be able to react to me." He put the brush down carefully on the side table, and closed his hands over his knees. "More specifically, you might be able to respond to simple commands." He blinked, and drew a breath. "Doctor Hobbs has warned me not to get my hopes up." He lost his focus on Duo, and licked dry lips. "But she doesn't know you. She doesn't know what you can do." He brought his eyes back to Duo's face, and breathed for a long moment. "And she doesn't know that that I can't... not hope. You've proven them wrong before." He reached forward and grasped Duo's limp hand. "Prove them wrong again. Today."

Heero dipped his head.

"I've got an idea... and I want you to show me if it was a good one. Ready?"

He gritted his teeth for a moment, and had to dig deep for the courage to speak again.

"Duo." He swallowed. "Look at me."

Heero watched Duo's face carefully, looking for any sign. The day light was warm, and Heero listened carefully to Duo's heart monitor. Outside, Heero could hear the hospital carry on. He glanced down at Duo's pale hand, and stroked his thumb over the other man's skin. He looked back to Duo's profile, and let go of the breath he was holding.

Duo's eyelids fluttered open, and slowly turned his violet eyes toward Heero.

Heero felt like his own heart had skipped a beat and he had to swallow hard.

"Hi Duo." He said carefully, "I'm here."

The focus Duo had on him was brief, and soon the man's eyes trailed off him to stare at other things before Duo sighed quietly. His eyes slipped shut.

Heero nodded to himself, and patted Duo's hand lightly. He turned his attention to the wide window, and felt the smile on his face widen. "We've got a full day ahead, Duo." He glanced back to Duo, and whispered. "Ganbatte."

* * *

Trowa sat on the stairs outside his workplace and tiredly watched other people walk by. It had been a long but rewarding day. He felt worn out, but there was a pleasing ache in his muscles. As if he had earned this time to be sitting still. He glanced up at the orange glow of the sky, and wondered which machines in the colony sky were responsible for that. Maybe he'd ask Heero. Heero had called from the hospital, and had had good news regarding Duo's tests. Trowa was waiting for Quatre to pick him up, and they were going to head straight to the hospital to visit with Duo. Heero's voice had been light on the phone, a tone that he hadn't heard in many years. It was relief that Trowa had heard; pure relief. He was broken out of his contemplation by the insistent ring of his phone. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked at the callerID in confusion. Answering, Trowa raised the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

"Is this Mister Barton?" A cultured voice asked.

Trowa sighed and raised a hand to pinch his nose. "How did you get this number?"

"Mister Barton, please be assured that L3 has never forgotten –"

"How did you get this number?" Trowa asked again, "Don't start, just answer the question."

"Your number was made available to the L3 Governing Body." The man sighed, "Mister Barton, I know that you are an immensely private person."

Trowa remained silent.

The other man coughed, "I'm calling you, on behalf of the L3 rejuvenation project, to thank you in advance for your invaluable input—"

"I haven't done anything." Trowa interrupted the man. "I won't do anything."

"Mister Barton, I don't think you understand how important you are."

A car pulled up in front of him, and Quatre got out of the car, smiling brightly. His smile faded as he took in Trowa's expression. He moved closer, and stopped when he was standing in front of Trowa. He looked down with concern as Trowa continued to listen. Trowa closed his eyes as the caller continued to explain how important it was for the L3 pilot to now return to L3 to lead the people as they went through the majestic rejuvenation of their colony. Warmth brushed his knee, and he opened his eyes to find Quatre kneeling in front of him, head tilted to listen. Trowa pulled the phone away from his ear and allowed Quatre to hear.

A look of pure fury crashed over Quatre's face and cold blue eyes snapped to stare into Trowa's eyes.

His pale hand uncurled and Trowa dropped the phone into Quatre's expectant hand.

Quatre held the phone to his ear and listened carefully. Quatre tilted his head, and Trowa was struck by how absolutely angry Quatre was. The blonde man stood, and Trowa could see his free hand clenched and shaking with rage. Quatre's blue eyes were far away as he began speaking.

"And now, you are going to listen to me, Mister Nelder." Quatre's voice was cold and calm. "Oh, yes, I am here." He paused, and Trowa could hear Nelder blustering. Quatre waited until the man had fallen silent. "Mister Nelder, if you had read the contract between L3, WEI and Second Chance Inc; you would have read very clearly that L3 was not to attempt to engage any of the Gundam Pilots. Not a single one of us." He paused and shook his head slowly. "Put your superior on, Mister Nelder. No. I am done talking to you."

The man blustered again, vainly. Quatre held the phone away from him, and then hung up. He handed Trowa back his phone and pulled his own out of his pocket. He held a hand up when he noticed Trowa opening his mouth. "Give me a moment." Quatre's voice was still cold. He dialled and he placed his mobile against his ear.

A slim blonde eyebrow was raised as the other side answered quickly.

"I take it you were expecting my call." Quatre spoke with a tone of boredom. He rolled his eyes impatiently. "No, Minister Levinstadt, I have no interest in listening to you cover his ass. I personally do not intend to have dealings with people who cannot read their contracts. We were very clear on this stipulation, were we not?" He listened again, "Then, Minister Levinstadt, that implies that your staff are not under your direct control and that you are incompetent." He listened again, tilting his head the other way. "Minister Levinstadt, I have limited time and patience. The Rejuvenation Project is a personal project for me, and I do not intend to simply allow it to fail because of one man's failings." He paused and glanced at Trowa, "Mister Nelder will be removed from his position as he obviously cannot be trusted to follow his contractual obligations, and Minister Levinstadt? You will make it absolutely clear that no other Gundam Pilot's privacy shall be violated again like this. We may have been named for the colony of origin for our machines, but that colony does not own us."

His carefully calm voice dipped colder and rage seeped through.

"You control your people, Minister. You do not control us."

Turning away from Trowa, he listened for a long time.

"That's reassuring to know, Minister. I'm sure my company will be in touch soon."

He hung up and slipped his phone into his pocket. For a long moment, Quatre stood still. Trowa remained where he was, and simply watched the tension in Quatre's shoulders. He was surprised when Quatre lashed out, and kicked the wheel of his car hard. The pale man brought a white fist to his mouth and shook his head hard. He turned away from the car, and leant against it. For a long time, Trowa watched Quatre silently rage. The man's blue eyes were alight with fury.

Quatre pointed a finger at Trowa, and struggled to speak. He finally bit out, "You were meant to be safe." His hand clenched in the air. "You were meant to be safe!" Quatre ground out again, "That... that was our agreement - Fuck!" He turned from Trowa, and paced away. Pale fingers reached up and pulled at blonde hair, as Quatre's face crumpled with anger. Trowa wasn't sure what to do, when Quatre crouched on the pavement and swore again. "FUCK!"

Quatre's mobile rang again, and the small man stood. Trowa was astounded to see Quatre ruthlessly bring himself under control and answer the phone in a cool voice. "Yes?" Quatre paced back to his car, and sat on the hood. "Oh, really? Well, email the apology, and I'll pass it on to him." He blinked and shook his head, "No. I do not want to. I don't care. They can fire the whole fucking department, it does not change the fact they broke the contact and called him ... Yes, they called him. On his personal phone." He listened for a moment, "Connect with Second Chance Inc. I'm not going to pull out over one man's mistakes, but I'd like the lawyers to go over the contract with them." He drew a deep breath and tilted his head back. "He was meant to be safe, Rashid. We all were." Quatre closed his eyes and raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Yes, fine. Thank you."

He hung up and slipped the phone in his pocket again. It took a long moment for him to look at Trowa. Trowa stood, and stepped over to lean against the car bonnet beside him.

"You..." Quatre gritted his teeth for a moment, "You weren't meant to find out."

Trowa thought for a long moment. "I did, anyway." When Quatre glanced at him, he rolled a shoulder, "My department deals with large scrap. We got a new work detail today and got the rain makers."

Quatre closed his eyes and sighed. "Oh." He shook his head, "When you said you were a mechanic with the company..." He shrugged helplessly, "I assumed that meant you were with the cars..."

They stood together for a long moment.

"I'm not doing this to buy you back." Quatre said, his voice low. Trowa turned his head, and was surprised to see the man staring ahead with watery eyes. "Oh god, please don't think that." He licked dry lips, and a tear slipped down his cheek. He shook his head slowly. "I just needed to do something... I just... needed to..."

Trowa stood straight and moved in front of Quatre. The blonde former pilot couldn't meet his eyes, and his bottom lip trembled. Trowa dropped his bag, and reached up with his thin hands. He cupped Quatre's face and whipped a tear away with his thumb. Quatre dared a look into Trowa's eyes, and Trowa found a small smile. "Thank you," he whispered, "It's a good idea."

Quatre swallowed, the look of fear receding in his eyes.

Trowa leant forward and brushed his lips once over Quatre's.

"Trowa..." Quatre breathed, not yet daring to close his eyes.

"It's a very good idea," Trowa breathed, purposely speaking close. He got a thrill when he felt Quatre shudder. "I've got another idea."

It was the warmth in Quatre's eyes, and the way his edges of his mouth lifted in a shy smile. It made Trowa's breath almost hitch. Quatre dared to whisper, "You're still on for dinner?"

The taller man shook his head once, and moved forward again to press his lips more firmly against Quatre's.

* * *

"Hey, Chief! Look!"

The supervisor looked up from her phone and in the direction Mac was pointing. She could see Barton kissing that blonde Gundam pilot softly. She whistled softly, "Good on you, Hot Shot."

She smiled broadly, and glanced at Jenson beside her. He had four fingers in his mouth and was poised to whistle loudly. She raised a hand and pulled one his hands away from his mouth. "You so much as think about spoiling their moment and I will rip the heart out of you. Y'hear, buster?"

Jenson chuckled, "Loud and clear, boss."

Mac punched Jenson's shoulder and they started down the stairs, "What are you thinking, dude? They're Gundams, they'd probably like shoot your head off without so much as coming up for air."

The supervisor shook her head and glanced up at the golden sky above. There was a beautiful evening coming. By the time she'd looked back, she saw that Quatre Winner was getting into the car and that Trowa Barton had noticed her at the top of the stairs. She waved at him, "Pleased as punch, Hot Shot."

The shy smile he gave her was slow but warm.

* * *

_::And in this story, ::_

_::Time does not exist, ::_

_::Because in your arms I invented the universe::_

_::And finally I understand ::_

_::That the past and the future exist only now::_

_::And I love you... ::_

* * *

_A/N:_ Thank you for helping this story to get to 100 hundred, wonderful reviews. Thank you! I'm totally overwhelmed by it all, and almost can't really believe it. I continue to fail to reply to each of them, and for that I apologise. Please know that I am always looking out for your review, and I thank you in advance for whatever you comment on! Please continue to review!


	19. Before when Life was Real

**Disclaimer:** You certainly know the score.

**Notes:** This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time.

**Warnings:** I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Story:** Oscar Wilde – The Nightingale and the Rose

**Song:** The Delgados – The Light before we land

* * *

_::In truth, there is no better place to be, ::_

_::Than falling out of darkness still to see ::_

_::Without a premonition::_

_::Could you tell me where we stand? ::_

_::I'd hate to lose this light ::_

_::Before we land::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 18: Before when life was real**

_::And when I feel like I can feel once again ::_

_::Let me stay awhile::_

* * *

He'd just been drying his hair, when the urgent banging started.

Heero dropped the towel, and began moving. His movements were sharp and swift. Taking a moment to listen, he realised that the person banging his door was short. He stooped just before he reached the front door, grabbing a hold of his guns from his go-bag. He paused for a fraction before swinging the door open. In the same fluid movement, he held one gun out while dragging the child at his door into his home. He heard her grunt painfully, but swept out of the apartment. He raised the second gun in the time it turned for him to turn his head, and he soon stood perfectly still. A glance down both directions of the corridor revealed no potential targets.

"Ow..." Nataku's voice was quiet, but did not sound like she was afraid. "Stupid ..."

Heero twisted his head left and right, still waiting for targets to appear.

"Heero." Nataku's voice sounded behind him. "Stand down. Situation green."

He blinked and lowered his weapons. He turned around and looked at the little girl behind him. Nataku had landed inside his apartment and was now sat inelegantly. Her hands were held awkwardly in front of her. She stared at him calmly, despite the cut on her forehead. Heero tilted his head, and crouched in front of her. She swallowed hard but still met his eyes. "Stand down." She repeated, her eyes flicked nervously to his guns. "Situation is green."

Heero stood and flicked the safety back on to both guns. He put them back into his go-bag by the door, and pulled out a small medical kit. When he turned back, the girl was sitting on his small dinner table. Her hands were held out for him expectantly. She had grazed both hands in her fall. Heero summarized that she would probably still be able to continue, but could do with some antiseptic. He cleaned her hands quickly and efficiently.

"I'm sorry, Uncle Heero." Nataku spoke in a quiet voice, and it made him pause in his ministrations. He looked at her, and she blinked back tears. "I forgot." She swallowed, "I'm sorry I frightened you."

"I'm sorry also." Heero said finally, "I did not mean to treat you roughly." The little girl nodded and sniffed. Heero tended her forehead. He paused again. "You're not frightened?"

"Mummy and Doctor Po taught me not to surprise papa." She looked at him steadily, "I bet like papa, you don't like surprises or loud noises."

Heero resumed his treatment of her forehead, "No, I don't like them." He positioned a plaster over the small cut, "We spent two years being hunted by OZ, capture could have meant death or worse. When you knocked, I thought perhaps it was because your father had been disabled and you were fleeing." He placed his hands on her shoulders and leant over to make eye contact with the girl. "I know that you were excited, I'm sure your news is important, but when you come to speak to me, you must do so in a calm manner. You will find this to be true of all of us."

She swallowed and nodded. Heero straightened and moved to pack away his medical kit. Nataku slipped off the table, loudly for his benefit, and moved to stand next to him. She tilted her head as she looked at his go-bag. "Papa keeps his in the same place." She frowned thoughtfully, "Do you really still think that you will have to leave so quickly?"

Heero zipped up his bag and stood. He thought for a moment, and then nodded once. "Yes. Peace has been taken from me before. I expect it may happen again."

She looked away from him and stared at his bag for a long time. She crouched and hugged her knees. Heero crouched beside her and was unaccountably relived to notice that she wasn't crying. Her young face scowled in thought. Heero waited. Long minutes ticked by before the little girl came to a conclusion. "I want to make a place where you don't need a bag so close to the door." She finally said, and then stood straight. "It'll be a safe place."

Heero looked at her with some surprise and then nodded firmly.

She returned his nod, and her face brightened into a smile. "Now, I know that you were going to visit Uncle Duo today, but if it is okay, there is somewhere I need to go today."

"Your father?"

"He's working, and he said it would be okay if I asked you to go with me." She dug her hand into her pocket and withdrew a folded piece of paper. She unfolded it, and held it in front of him. Heero scanned the page which seemed to be a news article of a bombing. Noticing the date, Heero saw that it was a story from almost fifteen years ago. He glanced at Nataku, her dark eyes were sober.

"What is this?" Heero asked, confusion in his voice.

Nataku sighed and turned the sheet so she could read it. When she looked at him again, he was struck by how serious she was.

"Uncle Duo was never raised by traditional community or a rich family..." she frowned, "He was never found by a solider or served in a mercenary army." She glanced down at the paper, and then met his eyes again. "He was found on the streets and he was raised by the church."

She turned the news article to him again, and Heero's eyes fell on the by-line.

"_Maxwell Church destroyed in bombing. 245 killed."_

He looked up at her, and was surprised by the fear in her eyes. She swallowed, "I think he was the only survivor..."

* * *

"It's very... empty."

Trowa looked around, and shrugged his shoulders. They were standing in Quatre's new apartment. Quatre was stood by one of the windows, and raised a pale hand to scratch awkwardly at his blonde hair. "I just got the keys," he chuckled helplessly, "I was just a bit keen to check it out." He shrugged, "Sorry, this isn't how you probably wanted to spend our date or your day off."

Trowa shook his head and shrugged again, "It's a good place." He moved to open a door, and poked his head in. The second bedroom was slightly smaller than the master, but still boasted its own bathroom. "I thought you wanted the one three floors up."

"Hmm?"

Trowa leant out of the room again, "The one with the balcony, three floors up."

"Oh," Quatre sounded distracted as he knelt in the window seat of his living room to stare out the window. "I wanted more room."

Trowa frowned, "The living room was bigger in the other one..." He jerked a thumb to the room he was standing by, "This just has a second bedroom instead."

There was a pause before Quatre answered, "Oh, well... I liked the view from Heero's room, so ..."

"Hmm." Trowa hummed as he moved through the empty apartment to join Quatre. It was clear that Quatre wasn't comfortable with the real reason, and their relationship was too new for Trowa to push further. He found Quatre sitting on the broad window sill in the living room, enjoying the light on his face. The blonde man smiled warmly, "I think this is my favourite part of the apartment."

Trowa smiled and stuck his hands in his pocket; "Certainly looks like you'll get lots of light." He sat down beside Quatre, and they both stared back into the empty apartment.

"Yes." Quatre replied softly, "I was hoping ..." He shrugged one shoulder, "Hoping maybe, you'd like it too..." He swallowed and rushed on, "How was your journey here?"

Trowa blinked, "It was fine. The metro's pretty effective." He paused, unsure. "I took the opportunity to look up the time table... The metro stops around 10pm, so..." he shrugged, "Looks like our dinners will have to be shorter."

"I looked them up too." Quatre cleared his throat making Trowa look up. Quatre pointedly didn't look at Trowa as he started to speak, "The second bedroom... uh..." He frowned and shook his head, "I was planning on putting a second bed in, so you..." he lifted his shoulders in a shrug, "You could crash over... you know, just..." Quatre gestured with his hand, "I'll just put that idea out there."

There was a moment of silence before Trowa shifted closer.

The taller man folded his arms, and Quatre dared a look up at his profile. Trowa's dark green eyes were warm and a smile played by his lips. Quatre blinked as he felt Trowa lean against him. It brought up the fragment of a memory, and Quatre understood. He leant against Trowa and tipped his head against the man's shoulder. His eyes slipped shut as Trowa tipped his head against Quatre's crown.

Quatre's heart flooded with a warmth he'd missed.

"You could have bought the one with the balcony; I would have still asked to stay."

"I didn't want to assume..." Quatre replied quietly, "And I didn't want you to think that you didn't have a place to stay."

Trowa's body shifted as he reached out with an arm to wrap around Quatre. "Thank you."

* * *

"It was the name." Nataku said, her head tilted back. "I couldn't figure out why he called himself Mr Basilica."

They stood before the memorial church. It was a large building, carefully rebuilt. The sign outside proclaimed the Memorial church had been built on the grounds of the former church, in honour of the 245 lives that had been lost. It had been built by the only survivor, Duo Maxwell. It told of the history of the former church, that it had been an orphanage and a sanctuary. It was open to the public, and inside was a museum.

Nataku broke him out of his thoughts as she spoke again. "I asked my teacher, and she said that Basilica was another word for Church. She said she thought that Uncle Duo's real surname was Maxwell, that it might mean he was talking about the Maxwell Church. And his charity is for the Maxwell Church, but there isn't any churches around here now called Maxwell so I looked it up." She looked up at him, "Can we go in?"

Inside was a replica of the church with many different parts of the church walls covered with names and information about the occupation of L2. People moved around the museum, and Heero was surprised how busy it was. Nataku let go of his hand and trotted to the nearest wall. She read the carved names avidly.

Heero moved down the centre aisle, looking up at the carefully constructed glass window. There was an image of a kindly looking shepherd conversing with a beautiful angel. There were many people in the room, all moving and speaking in quiet, respectful movements. The pews were filled with many different people, sitting in thought. He saw a space ahead, near an elderly woman. She had her head bowed in prayer. When he reached the front pews, he sat down and glanced over his shoulder to look for Nataku. She had moved on to the next wall, and was carefully taking photos. A movement in front of him made him snap his eyes forward again. The elderly woman stood before him, hands carefully holding a small envelope. She smiled faintly, and sat closer beside him.

She stared up at the window for a long time, and a tear worked down from her eye. She mouthed the words, "Thank you", to the window, swallowed and met his eye again. She drew a breath to speak and lost her courage. She nodded once and then tried again.

"My name is Lucile, I'm from Earth." She didn't seem to expect Heero to talk. She looked up at the stain glass window. "I've been coming here almost every day, every year, since I heard that Mr Basilica had been shot. I'd never come before because I resented him. How could he live on when my daughter had died? How could he become a killer when she had loved him so?" She sighed softly and looked at the envelope in her hand. "But I realise now, he's only ever done as she taught him to do. To fight evil and to do good."

She handed him the envelope, and looked over to Nataku.

"Is she your daughter, Heero Yuy?"

"No." Heero blinked, "She's Wufei's."

"Ah, the fifth pilot." She smiled faintly, "I hope he never knows the pain of a daughter lost." She looked at him again, pale blue eyes watering. "I had always thought that he had forgotten her." She turned her eyes upward and he followed her gaze. Her voice was soft. "But he remembered her. Look at my Helen, filling the room with light once again."

Heero stared at the image of the blonde angel with the soft smile, and blinked when the woman next to him stood.

She looked down at him.

"It has been fifteen years to this very day. I have hated him for over a decade." She nodded to the envelope. "Give him that please. I don't have the right nor the strength to face him, not anymore." The tremor in her arms told him this was the truth. Her expression was glad, but rent with sadness. "I need to return to Earth, I'm so glad you came at last. I had almost lost hope. I had told myself, that this would be the last day. I don't want to die in space." She began to turn away, but paused and looked over her shoulder. "If he should ask, my address is on the back." She stared at him, her eyes sad. "Thank you for what you did... for what you all did. Though..." she glanced up at the stained glass window. "I wonder if you think it was worth it now..."

Heero watched the woman as she walked away and then stared at the envelope in his hand. Nataku returned and found him staring at the envelope. She got into the pew beside him and showed him her camera. He glanced at her and was surprised by her grim expression and the tears on her face. The little girl huddled against his arm, and swung her legs out. Heero moved and sat beside her. "Why did you want to come here today?"

"I found out that this had happened fifteen years ago, that at this church... Two hundred and forty five people died during a fire fight and bombing incident." Her voice was low, but he could still hear the quiet horror in her voice. "At the time, the Alliance reported it as lots of terrorists who had been hiding in the church. Later it became clear that a lot of children were amongst the dead, the people who had served the church as well as the priest had been killed too. There had been only fifty rebels." She looked at him, dark eyes sparking with anger. "Why did they have to kill so many? Why kill at all?"

Heero opened his arms and pulled her close. For the longest time, he could not think of the words to say. The little girl beside him could not hope to understand what had happened. A memory came to him then, of Doctor J and a rare moment when the man had looked at Heero with sadness. Heero could remember the words that he used to explain it all. Heero closed his eyes and began to speak.

"The year was After Colony 175; the leader of the colonies had been assassinated. His name was Heero Yuy..." He frowned slightly, "He died because he wanted freedom for the colonies..."

* * *

"All night long you must sing to me, and the thorn must pierce your heart, and your life-blood must flow into my veins, and become mine."

Doctor Hobbs blinked in surprise when she entered the room. "Mr Unterward?"

The lawyer paused in his reading, looked up from his tablet computer and raised an eyebrow. "Ah, Doctor Hobbs." He turned his head toward Mr Basilica, and smiled warmly. "He looks remarkably healthy."

Mr Basilica lay with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. His expression was peaceful. Doctor Hobbs moved into the room and began performing the checks she's arrived to do. She glanced at the lawyer. The man's hands were folded calmly, and he watched as the doctor moved. Hobbs nodded, "He's doing remarkably well." She smiled, "He seems to be working against the odds."

"He is a Gundam." Mr Unterward murmured, he coughed and cleared his throat. "I had expected to see Mr Yuy here."

"He has taken Captain Chang's daughter on a day trip. He said he would be visiting ..." She paused and glanced at the clock, "In about an hour. I believe that more visitors are scheduled; I received a communication from the Preventers. It seems that Captain Chang will be bringing guests as well in the next few days."

"The Preventers?" He nodded thoughtfully; "They are pursuing the investigation then."

"I had thought it had become a cold case now."

He glanced up, "I think perhaps you keep forgetting the calibre of the men with whom you are dealing. They are Gundams."

"Even Gundams cannot do the impossible." Doctor Hobbs' expression turned pained, "We cannot keep expecting this of them."

"I saw him." Unterward's expression turned faraway. "On the screen, when they captured him. I don't even remember what I was doing that day, why I was in the street... I just remember thinking that he was so young."

"Just a child." Hobbs whispered, "Yes, I remember. I had never been more ashamed of the colonies. They had celebrated when he was on Earth, rampaging in their name..." Her expression turned bitter, "Then only to betray him, when he came home."

"And yet, he survived. They survived and then they fought. And then they fought again." His eyes were locked on hers, "And then they gave their all to save us. And then he stood, and came home again." He glanced over his shoulder, out of the large window. "I have lived on this colony all of my life. I did not see snow until he forged the path for it to happen." He looked back at the doctor, "Do not tell me that he cannot do the impossible. You need only look at him."

Hobbs stared at him for a moment, and then turned her attention to the man in the bed. "He may never wake beyond this point."

Unterward's smile was fond. "Do you even believe that any more?"

She smiled, the expression was light on her face. "No, I suppose not."

Unterward returned his look back to his tablet computer. "Then I will continue reading. Are you finished?" He glanced up at her. At her nod, he nodded and made a gesture on his device. "Then, where were we, Mr Basilica? Ah... 'Death is a great price to pay for a red rose,' cried the Nightingale, 'and Life is very dear to all. It is pleasant to sit in the green wood, and to watch the Sun in his chariot of gold, and the Moon in her chariot of pearl...'"

Doctor Hobbs sat down in the chair opposite, and listened as the elderly man continued the story. She looked down on the young man; his strangely coloured eyes were blank.

* * *

They stood at the door together, and Heero wondered why it had taken him so long to get there. He glanced at Unterward who lifted the key to the lock, and opened the door. They'd met at the hospital. Heero had arrived after dropping Nataku off at the Preventers' headquarters. She's asked to see her father and after her emotional day, Heero could not deny her. Wufei had questioned the girl's cuts and bruises, but had understood when Heero had answered simply: "She surprised me."

Wufei had knelt then, wrapping his arms around his daughter and muttered reassurances and warnings into her ears.

Now, Heero stood at Duo's apartment door with Duo's lawyer. Unterward had met Heero at Duo's side, and had invited him to the apartment. It had been part of Duo's will that the apartment go to Heero, and Unterward had wondered if perhaps there was something there that Duo had intended Heero to find. He's also hoped that Heero might find something to help him. The old man stepped back from the threshold and glanced at Heero, "I shall wait here." He glanced into the darkened apartment. "It was his space, and he used it to remember you. Perhaps you will find something that will help him, and that will guide him back to this place..."

Heero switched on the lights and stepped into the apartment. It was clean, Unterward had seen to that. The apartment had been kept dusted, tidied but there was evidence here and there that time had passed. Heero found a sun bleached magazine open by the window; its words were barely readable. Heero stopped by the windows to look out across the city. Duo's apartment was a large one; the former pilot had lived well. Heero stared thoughtfully out of the window for a long time before his eyes focused on the reflections of the rooms behind him. He turned slowly, taking in the little things left scattered around. There were cogs and twisted pieces of metal around the room. Heero leant in on a framed piece on the wall. It was a fragment of the dragon claw of Shenlong.

He walked around the apartment, finding more little fragments.

It was clear that Duo had treated the memory of them all like his memories of the Maxwell Church. His apartment was almost a shrine to the Gundams. Heero stared at the golden tip of Wing's antennae for a very long time. He opened the door to Duo's study and was humbled by the meticulous notes and photos that Duo had collected about each of them. He stared into the room from the doorway, and had to turn away. Even from his position, he could see that Duo had tried to track them. It had clearly become an obsession, one that had almost destroyed the former Deathscythe pilot. Heero closed the door. He could not enter that room, not while he knew what Duo had sacrificed.

He left the apartment, and could not raise his head to meet Unterward. "He never stopped... never stopped looking...?"

"No, Mr Yuy." Unterward closed the door and locked it. "He never stopped looking for any one of you."

"How..." Heero frowned and finally raised his head, "How did you succeed?"

Unterward looked at him, a touch of ice in his dark green eyes. "He never got so furious at you all, never so angry that he would have torn you all to shreds for failing him at such a moment of need." Unterward turned away, "In this, Mr Yuy, I succeeded where he could not..."

The lawyer paused for a moment, and then held out the key to the apartment.

Heero took the key and watched the lawyer turn and walk away.

* * *

Heero stared at Duo.

It was extremely late, and the nurses didn't know he was there. Heero had returned home after his visit to Duo's apartment and had found it impossible to sleep. It had been easy to get into Duo's room unnoticed. He stood at the end of Duo's bed and stared at the man. Duo looked like he was sleeping, his short hair flared around his head and Heero was reminded of the angel in the church. The memory sparked another, and Heero reached into his pocket for the envelope. He opened the battered letter and stared at the old photograph. The creases where the photograph had been folded did not hide the faces of the young woman and the child. He stared at the bright eyes of the child. He guessed that the woman was the Sister of the church, and that the child could have been Duo. He folded the photo and returned it to the envelope. He placed it on the table where Duo's gifts and flowers were stored. Heero moved to sit beside Duo, and stared into the dark of the room.

He sighed.

"I have an answer now." He glanced down at Duo, the man looked peaceful as if asleep. "You never stopped looking for us because you knew we were all still alive. That death hadn't taken us, like it had taken so many others." Heero leant over the bed to press his forehead against Duo's. "But I have so many other questions... You need to be here with me, I need you to answer me..."

A sudden anger took him.

"Duo."

He closed his eyes tightly, fighting the emotion that swirled in him.

"Come back now."

He moved to place his hands either side of Duo's head and glared down at the sleeping man.

"That's an order!" He whispered urgently, "Wake up now!"

The moments trickled by slowly, and Heero breathed out. Duo's expression seemed less peaceful, as if he was frowning slightly. Heero held his breath as Duo's eyelids fluttered and opened slowly. In the dim light of the hospital room, Duo's eyes were dark and unfocused. Focus came slowly. They stared at each other.

"Duo..." Heero breathed, "I..."

Duo's lips moved as if to speak, but his eyes rolled instead and closed. Heero sat back in his chair, and moved to hold Duo's limp hand. He raised it to his lips and closed his eyes. He drew a deep breath and it shuddered against Duo's cool skin as he let the breath go.

"I need you, Duo..."

* * *

_::Before we let euphoria ::_

_::Convince us we are free ::_

_::Remind us how we used to feel ::_

_::Before when life was real ::_

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the late update and the short notes. Thank you in advance for your review!


	20. The Promise I Made

**Disclaimer:** You certainly know the score.

**Notes:** This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time.

**Warnings:** I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song:** Gackt – Metamorphoze

* * *

_::The wavering vibrations tied me down::_

_::As the fragments of you fell into the deep darkness::_

_::In a world where not even running is allowed::_

_::I only wanted to protect you::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 19: The Promise I Made**

_::More than anyone else's kind words, it is your memory::_

_::That heals the pain that no one else could erase::_

* * *

Nothing.

"_...come back now..."_

Black.

"_... order..."_

Black.

"_... wake up ..."_

Black.

"_... now!"_

Black.

Grey.

Black.

Grey.

Black.

Grey. Brown.

Black.

**White!**

**Pain!**

_Beep._

Click.

Gone.

Red.

Fade to black.

Grey. Blue. White.

_Beep._

Black.

"... that's an order..."

_Beep._

Grey... ceiling.

_Beep._

"...wake up now!"

Black.

Grey ceiling. _Beep._ Blue sky. _Beep._ White?

Black.

_Beep._

White pillow. _Beep. Beep._ Blue sky. _Beep._

Black. Eyes closing. _Beep._

Beep?

White pillow. _Beep._ Black screen. _Beep._ Green lines?

_Beep._

Heart monitor.

_Beep._

Sharp smell.

_Beep._

Clean.

_Beep._

Antiseptic.

_Beep._

Hospital.

_Beep. Beep._

"_... lost in a dark place..."_

Captured.

_Beepbeep._

Heart elevated. _Beepbeep._

Black. Close eyes.

_Beep beep._

Calm down.

_Beep._

Door opens.

_Beep._

Door closes.

_Beep._

Concentrate.

_Beep._

Blue sky, no buildings in sight from window.

_Beep._

"..."

Beep.

Noise.

Talking.

**Focus!**

"... Mr Basilica..."

_Beep._

"... will be late today..."

_Beep._

Movement.

"... he will be bringing..."

Green wall. Sitting up?

"... a treat... we'll have a ..."

Nurse 1. Female.

_Beep._

Nurse 2. Male.

_Beep._

No obvious insignia.

_Beep._

OZ? Alliance?

_Beep._

Does it **_matter?_**

_Beep._

Captured.

_Beep._

Legs. Unresponsive. Numb.

_Beep._

"_...the perfect solider will give you orders..."_

_Beep._

Hands. Unresponsive. Numb.

_Beep._

"_... Come back..."_

_Beep._

Nurse 2. Best target.

_Beep._

"_... shoot myself..."_

_Beep._

Get up.

_Beep._

"_... parking lot..."_

_Beep._

**GET UP.**

_Beep._

Legs. Numb. Responsive.

_Beep._

Nurse 1. Distracted by machines.

_Beep._

Pen. Top pocket. Nurse 2.

_Beep._

Close eyes. Plan it.

_Beep._

Exit door.

_Beep._

Establish location.

_Beep._

Escape.

_Beep._

"_... that's an order!"_

_Beep._

Hands. Responsive.

_Beep. Beep._

"... his heart rate..."

_Beep. Beep._

Body numb. Lethargic.

_Beep. Beep._

Damage minimal.

_Beep. Beep._

Nausea. No broken bones.

_Beep. Beep._

Drugged?

_Beep. Beep_.

"... get the doctor..."

_Beepbeep._

Go.

_Beepbeep._

**GO!**

* * *

"Hey Heero!"

Quatre's smile was wide as he spotted Heero. He waved at the dark haired man, and got a wave back. Heero stood at the top of the stairs and looked down as Quatre joined him. Once again the former Sandrock pilot was carrying flowers, a bouquet of tulips this time. "I thought a new splash of colour might get his attention." Quatre explained when he caught up. "Sorry, I'm late."

"You're on time." Heero shrugged and looked up at the building, "I'm early."

Quatre glanced at the man and frowned, "Another sleepless night?"

Heero looked at him for a long moment and then nodded, "Yes. I have an appointment with my therapist today; I will talk to him about the insomnia."

Quatre's hand was warm on his shoulder. "If you need anything? I know we've all be caught up in various things, but if you need help with anything, Heero, just ask." Quatre looked down, "Between moving in and the project with Second Chance, I suppose I have made myself over-busy..."

"I think perhaps I'm struggling with ..." Heero paused, trying to find the right words. He looked out across the busy street. "He's so close to waking up... I am worried that when he does wake up, that he may find it... difficult to recognise us. He's been searching so long for us; will he be okay with us just being there?" Heero met Quatre's eyes earnestly. "Did he really have to almost die for us to come back to him?"

Quatre looked down and then met his eyes again, his light blue eyes concerned. "I don't honestly know. We can't lie to him, but I should like to think that we could have come back... if he found us."

Heero nodded, and then turned to the hospital door. "I warned the nurses that we may be a little late. I wanted to spend a little time getting my thoughts together properly."

* * *

They exited the lift and immediately put on their guard. The floor was buzzing with tension, two strong looking orderlies ran past them. Quatre and Heero shared a look and moved toward the nearest nurses' station. The nurse on duty looked at them and picked up the phone. Her voice boomed over the PA system. "Doctor Hobbs, Doctor Hobbs – Mr Yuy and Mr Winner are at the nurses' station." She placed the phone down, and pursed her lips. "It's good that you're here." She said tersely. "I need you to wait here please."

"What's happening?" Quatre leant forward, putting his flowers down. "Is it Duo?"

"Mr Basilica woke up this morning—" She didn't get much further before Heero sprinted off. "WAIT!"

Heero dashed down the corridor, and could hear the shouts and grunts of people under strain. There was a doctor sitting, holding his head and clearly dazed. Doctor Hobbs shouted one more order into Duo's room and turned out, heading toward Heero. "You were supposed to remain at the nurses' station." She spoke sharply, and then took a moment to breath. "I'm sorry, you can't see him, Mr Yuy."

The look on his face made her drop her clipboard and jump into his way. She held his arms tightly.

"I don't know how, but he is awake. But he's confused, and he's agitated. He doesn't seem to realise he's in a hospital and he doesn't realise we're trying to help him!"

Heero pushed past her, and moved into the room. It was chaos. Four orderlies held a thrashing man down on the bed, and there was a nurse out cold on the floor. Another nurse was sitting on the floor, her neck bleeding and sobbing hard. On the bed, Duo's arms and legs flailed everywhere. Behind him, he heard Hobbs shout: "Get him out of here!"

"Duo!" Heero shouted as hands clamped down on him, "Duo! Stop fighting!"

"Get him out of this room!" Hobbs called out and Heero resisted hard. They almost had him out of the door.

"DUO! Situat—" The orderly behind him threw an arm around his throat and Heero kicked out behind him. There was a shout and a grunt as the man when flying out the door. "Situation is—Get off me!" He threw his arm out wildly, and was unable to shake off the second orderly. The first got up and threw himself back onto Heero.

"Mr Yuy! You're not helping!" Hobbs shouted, and called down the corridor for more help.

Heero caught a glimpse of Duo's face. A lip was swollen and cut, blood was frothing in his mouth. His purple eyes were sharp and furious.

"DUO!" Heero felt his feet leave the ground as the men finally got a good hold of him. "STAND DOWN!"

They dragged him out of the room, and there was a final shout. The orderlies held him against a wall, and Heero caught a glimpse of Quatre running down the corridor. The blonde spared him a glance and then walked into the room. "Mr Winner!" Hobbs shouted after him exasperatedly as she too entered the quiet room. Heero strained his neck to look in the observation window. Duo was limp on the bed, eyes closed. Hobbs was checking his pulse and said something to a nurse who looked on with a tense expression. Quatre approached the bed and checked Duo's pulse himself. He looked up at Heero and held up a thumb. Heero nodded and sagged against the wall, and listened as Hobbs and Quatre began to argue heatedly. He couldn't make out the words.

"You can let him go now."

Heero looked up to see the bloodied nurse. She nodded to the two orderlies. "I'll sit with him."

The two men stepped back and nodded, one of them looked down at him. "Sorry, sir. He'd managed to take down three people before we got a grip. We didn't need two Gundam pilots going berserk." He looked at the other man, who rotated his shoulder. "You alright?"

"Yeah." He nodded to Heero, "Good kick."

"Sorry." Heero said and slid to the floor. The nurse joined him, and Heero caught a glance of the slash across her neck. "That looks—"

"Worse than it is." She cut in; she raised a bloodied bandage pad to her neck and put pressure to the wound. "He could have done worse to me, if he'd been operating at full strength. As it is, he just grazed me."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. We should have realised he was acting more lucid than usual." She was short with her words, and Heero could appreciate that she was shocked. She leant back against the wall, and tipped her head back.

"He used a pen on you." Heero noted, his voice thoughtful. They looked up as a gurney arrived and the orderlies carried the unconscious nurse out. Heero's head tilted, "Took the male nurse's pen out of his top pocket, slashed at you, kicked at him, then attempted to escape." His eyes dropped to the floor where there was a blood splatter. "Fell at the door, clearly wasn't as stable as he thought he was." Heero glanced at the doctor on the floor, his head now getting treated. "Saw the doctor coming to help, and took him down."

"Sounds about right." She looked at him out of the corner of her eye, "How did you know?"

"It's what I would have done. No weapons, captured and drugged."

They both looked up as Quatre came to crouch before them. "They've drugged him again." Behind him, a new set of orderlies arrived with restraints. Quatre's expression darkened. "They're putting him into restraints. Hobbs said you'd be able to explain why."

"Level 4, confused-agitated." Heero blinked and his face went blank as he reported. "It's a waking level of his coma, but Duo won't be able to process what's happening around him. Due to this confusion, it is likely that he will experience high levels of agitation." Heero frowned, and nodded slowly, "Restraints are recommended for people at this level because there is no other way of keeping them safe. He'll be highly focused on his own needs; he likely thinks he's been caught."

Quatre nodded and the nurse looked in confusion between the both of them. "Why is it an automatic assumption that he will think that?"

The two men looked at her and then shared a look. Heero shrugged, closed his eyes and leant his head back against the wall. Quatre looked at her, and she was astounded by the cool look in his eyes. "You didn't fight in the war?"

"No." She replied, "I was..." She blinked and looked away, "I was fifteen." She closed her eyes, "Sorry. I mean..."

"It's fine." Quatre cut her off. "Capture by the enemy forces has always meant one of two things: Torture or death."

The nurse was silent for a moment. "They never said..."

"How else would they get their information?" Quatre asked simply, he shrugged and reached out to put a hand on her shoulder. "You should get your neck seen to; you're going to need a few stitches." She nodded and rose unsteadily. Quatre grasped her elbow and supported her. "Here, I'll help you." He looked down at Heero. "You ok?"

"I'll wait here." Heero didn't open his eyes. "They've drugged him?"

"Yes."

"What will they do when he wakes up again?"

Quatre looked over his shoulder toward Duo. Doctor Hobbs was bent over examining him, and an orderly was checking the restraints at the foot of the bed. Quatre shrugged carefully, "Pray the restraints will hold, I guess."

The nurse looked between them and the heavily restrained man on the bed. She frowned deeply, "You don't think the restraints will hold?"

"When faced with torture or death..." She looked down at the former Gundam Wing Pilot. His face was blank of expression and his eyes seemed to be looking at a faraway place now. She felt a shiver down her spine when he continued, "You better believe we learnt to get out of the restraints."

The nurse looked vaguely sick, "But you were fifteen..."

Quatre smiled kindly and looped his arm around her waist, walking her forward as he did.

"And we were Gundam," he said, his voice warm belying his cool eyes. "And it was war."

* * *

Heero stared across the city from Duo's balcony. It had been a week.

He'd taken to visiting Duo's apartment rather than sitting at home. None of them had been allowed to visit the coma patient while the medical staff were treating Duo in his confused and agitated status. Unterward had been allowed in for a brief period of time, and had reported that Duo did not seem to show any signs of waking since that unexpected morning. Hobbs had contacted Heero after that to report that Duo seemed to have calmed down and seemed to be in a state reminiscent of the localised reaction – there were times when his eyes open, and there were times when his eyes were shut. He did not seem to react to anything. Heero was doubtful but it seemed to be the general consensus that Duo had slipped back into his coma.

Heero looked down at the key he was twirling in his hand.

He hadn't told any of the others about the apartment.

The sunset was beautiful but he didn't take any real pleasure in it. There were rooms that Heero had not dared to enter. Duo's bedroom still looked like the man had only left that morning. Heero had met the cleaner, who'd simply explained that Mr Unterward didn't want his client to feel that he'd been tidied away. The study was the other room that Heero could not bring himself to enter. It was enough to find the meticulously catalogued photos and fragments of their lives around the house. The hall was damning enough. A range of images and news cuttings for each of them, celebrating their successes.

He looked over his shoulder into the darkened apartment. Duo had tracked them as far as he could. Trowa's frame was the first to run out of recent news, then his own. Duo had tried, but ultimately when they each disappeared, so did the news cuttings. Duo didn't even have a recent picture of Nataku. He closed his eyes.

His therapist had suggested that Heero spend some time identifying the positive things that had come from Duo's accident, to identify what good had come from their reunion. It was difficult at first, and Heero had found that he had needed to place a lot of blame behind him. Duo was going to be waking soon, and he would need Heero to be strong again. To put aside his guilt and his shame at not being strong enough to contact his friends, to be the former pilot that Duo clearly remembered.

He turned the key in his hand.

It was hard to justify why he had refused to contact Duo, and it made him think of Hilde. He understood her anger, and feared that it was merely a precursor to the fury that Duo must have felt. Then he thought about Unterward, his reminder that Duo cared for them all ... but even then, there was an undercurrent of anger in Unterward. Duo would be justified if he refused them. Heero's therapist had suggested that they would all need time to adjust to Duo's return to waking. Eventually, Duo would see the good but it would be difficult for them all.

"You tried so hard." He said, glancing at the open laptop. The video had simply continued recording, even though it seemed he'd fallen into silence for a long time. "I mean, you really kept going despite the odds. I just... I just can't help but wonder what you would have done if you'd found us. What will you do now? I'm trying to see the positives." He looked at the key in his hand, "But are there any? I mean..."

He frowned and looked at the city.

"Are there any positive outcomes from this situation that validate what you... what you've sacrificed over the years to obtain them?"

His phone rang, snapping him out of his thoughts.

Heero looked down at the table beside his laptop.

It was the hospital.

* * *

Doctor Hobbs was waiting by the nurses' station when he arrived. She looked weary, but smiled when she saw him. "If you'd let me finish, Mr Yuy, you would have heard me tell you that you could visit tomorrow."

He tilted his head, "But I can still visit now?"

Hobbs closed her eyes and sighed, the smile was wry. "Yes, Mr Yuy. You can visit now." She walked with him slowly to Duo's room. "He has been lucid approximately three times since that first awakening. He has not spoken on any of the four occasions. I've been present for two of the occasions. He has tested the restraints and has not been able to break them. I observed that he does not have the strength to break the leather restraints."

"Are you watching him?"

"The team leader, Doctor Hemsworth, has implemented a suitable restraint time table. His team perform timed observations every thirty minutes." She paused at the door and looked at him, "You sound concerned."

"I don't think you are taking sufficient care." He stared through the window. Duo lay still in the bed, his eyes staring at the ceiling. "This is not enough security."

She looked at him sympathetically. "Mr Yuy, I assure you, as far as we can tell, Mr Basilica is unable to repeat the same effect. His last reported lucid period was four days ago. He has been almost catatonic since." She glanced down at her notes, "He does not respond to light, sounds, temperature changes or pain." She opened the door. "I am loathed to say this, but increasingly our tests are becoming negative for reactions." She sighed as she approached Duo's bed. She looked down at the man sadly; "It's my opinion that he has taken a step back. We are barely getting a localised response at all."

Heero frowned and sat beside Duo.

"Duo..." He picked up Duo's limp hand, and stared hard at the man, "Look at me."

His expression remained blank, and Duo continued staring at the ceiling. Hobbs sighed and shook her head, "I'm sorry. I don't think you're going to get that response any more. If anything, this further proves that he is unable to react." She sighed and sank down into the chair, her eyes compassionate. "I want you to prepare yourself. This might be his end point."

Heero frowned at her.

"He might not have any more to give." She looked down at Duo and then back to Heero. She sighed and looked down at her clipboard. "I am going to begin applying to check for awareness."

At Heero's look, she pursed her lips and nodded.

"I'm going to check for signs of Locked-in syndrome, minimal awareness or persistent vegetative status." She raised a hand to draw off her glasses and sighed. "I wanted time to prepare you for this, but I think it's time to shoot straight. In three weeks time, we will run a battery of tests."

"Why?"

She stood from her seat and walked over to the window. Heero joined her and together they looked out over the city. She sighed and looked at him. "May I call you Heero?" She said quietly. At his nod, she continued, "You don't need to be brain dead, Heero, to be gone. It has been two and a half years since he was shot. His body is resilient, but I'm not convinced his mind will be. He has had a significant cranial trauma."

"Surely his waking—"

"His waking last week highlighted the possible psychosis that could be what we could expect if he wakes again. At the moment, he does not show any kind of waking symptoms and frankly is worse than he was a year ago. He at least had some kind of reaction to light, but now..." She turned to stare out the window, "Now there is nothing..."

She looked at the reflection of Heero. The man was lost in thought. He frowned and looked at her. "I cannot agree to anything until I have spoken to the others. You will need to explain to them clearly what you plan to do in three weeks' time."

"Of course."

* * *

"What are you doing, little lady?"

Zechs crouched down beside a prone Nataku. The little girl was lying on her back. She had her fingers laced on her stomach and a determined expression. She stared fixedly at the ceiling.

"She's performing an experiment." Zechs looked up at Sally. The medical doctor smiled faintly, but the expression did not reach her eyes. "She wanted to know what it was like being in a minimal awareness situation." She shrugged, "I told her it was a bit like ignoring everything there is around you."

He looked down at the little girl, "How long has she been doing this?"

"Be impressed, this will be her second hour." Wufei's voice was distracted. Zechs looked up, and looked over toward the main desk in the office. Wufei had given up his large office to the four preventers, but had kept the sofa by the window. Nataku had joined them for the day, her school holidays making it difficult for Wufei to find people to care for her. Zechs looked back at the girl. He reached out to push a lock of black hair from her brow gently.

Her expression saddened and tears gathered in her eyes. Her lip trembled in an effort not to react and Zechs sighed. "I'm sorry."

The girl closed her eyes, turned over and hid her face in a pillow.

Noin looked up from the report she'd been reading and watched as Wufei silently closed his own report, pulled on his coat and walked over to his daughter. He picked her up wordlessly and carried her out of the room. Zech moved as if to follow, but stopped as Sally grabbed his arm. "Don't. It's a hard time for them." She turned to the table and sat down at her desk. "We'll help more by continuing."

"What will they do?" Zechs sat down, "It's been three weeks since he fell back into the coma."

"They'll pick themselves up. They'll dust themselves off and then they'll carry on." Sally said, her voice hard with emotion. "I understand that Heero's prepared to become Duo's permanent carer."

"It's not fair." Noin closed the report with an angry snap. She took a moment to compose herself. "They fought so hard."

"As I say, the best we can do for them is to keep looking." Sally's expression turned cold, "We can take his revenge."

* * *

The wind was fresh on their faces.

Wufei had always loved the high places, and appreciated that L2 had decent wind makers. The roof of the L2 Preventers headquarters was his favourite place to gather his thoughts. He looked at his daughter; she sat on the bench with her eyes closed. The wind pulled and played with her loose hair. A dark expression passed over her face like a shadow and the little girl's fists clenched. She leapt from her seat and paced out on the roof. She seemed to vibrate with unspent energy and he recognised the fury in her.

"It's not FAIR!" She roared finally, almost doubling over with her shout. She screamed formlessly, and then shouted again, "IT'S NOT FAIR!"

Her rage consumed her and she screamed until Wufei came to stand beside her. He stared down at her, seeing her unspent tears and the spots of red in her face. "Stance." He said, and it seemed to break her anger for a moment. The girl straightened, but the rage came back swiftly. Her first blow left a bruise but he blocked it easily. He raised an eyebrow and his other hand. "Again."

On the roof, in the wind, Wufei allowed his daughter's rage and helped her to channel it. Her kicks and punches were reckless, her dodges sloppy but he allowed it. He knew she had to expend the rage. Hugs and comfort could come later, once the rage had left and only her tears remained.

* * *

When all was done, and the colony sun had begun to set, Sally looked up from her papers when Wufei returned to the office with his daughter. Both were dusty, their hair unkempt. Wufei placed his daughter on the floor, and stared for a moment into her eyes. She nodded to him, and rang back to the sofa. Wufei straightened and returned to his desk. As he settled to work, the little girl dragged her bag out and began working on her own tablet computer. "Are you well, little lady?" Zech looked at her with concern.

The girl looked up from her device, and smiled faintly. "Yes, I have homework to do."

Zechs frowned and turned back to Wufei. The former pilot met his eye and simply said, "Sometimes one needs to scream about the injustice in the world before one can work to fix it." Wufei's eyes dropped back to his paperwork, and he resumed working.

"You'll raise your daughter to be a Gundam." Zechs' frown deepened, his voice filled with disapproval. "She's just a little girl."

Wufei paused in his work and raised his eyes to meet Zechs'. "I'll raise my daughter to be better." He seemed almost weary as he spoke, "I have made the mistakes, she will learn from them."

The men stared at each other for a long moment, before the moment was broken by Noin's return. She strode into the room with some determination. She leant over the table and her smile was fierce. "We have a lead." They looked at her as she slid into her chair. "Someone has been bragging. Talking about how they nailed a Gundam."

She typed some commands into her desk computer, and looked up as the main display came on. A list of names and an insignia appeared.

"I don't have a name, but I do have a link to this faction of pilots. They had an unfortunate run-in with Sandrock back in the day..."

"What's the grin for, Fire?" Sally asked, looking at Noin.

Noin turned to Zechs, her grin was razor sharp. "They're White Fang sympathisers."

* * *

"So, will Zechs talk to them?"

Trowa glanced at Wufei, who dabbed at his lips with a napkin before replying. "Yes. Hopefully we can then get a name, and then get a lead on whoever did it."

Silence followed, and the men sat around the table found nothing to say. They had been waiting for a while. Quatre sighed heavily, and reached for another bread stick. "Shall I try Heero again?" He looked over to the entrance and shook his head, "Never mind." He raised a hand to wave Heero over. Heero sat at the table heavily, and looked exhausted. He drank a glass of water before he spoke to them.

"They've diagnosed minimal awareness." Heero said finally, and then swallowed. "They think the trauma of waking up has forced him back into the coma and after four weeks, they've diagnosed that he has minimal awareness." He looked around the table, knowing the expressions of defeat were mirrored on his own face.

"They're wrong." Quatre said finally. "He's not gone."

Heero gestured with a hand, "He's not reacting to anything."

"They will want to withdraw treatment again." Trowa replied, "I'm not sure I can do that. Not again. Not when I know he's proved us wrong before."

"I'm going to take over full time care for him. They can withdraw care, but they can't withdraw the machines keeping him alive without our consent." Heero drew a deep breath, "I'll talk to Unterward about adapting Duo's apartment for him."

"It's not fair."

They looked at Wufei, who sat with his hands clenched. His dark eyes were furious when he looked up.

"I can't believe he would just give up like this!"

* * *

_Beep_.

Black.

_Beep._

Quiet.

_Beep._

Dark.

_Beep._

It was night again.

_Beep._

_Beep._

29 minutes have past.

_Beep._

**"_...Stop fighting..."_**

_Beep._

_Beep._

Door opens.

_Beep._

On time.

_Beep._

Restraint check.

_Beep._

Vitals check.

_Beep._

Door close.

29 minutes to go.

_Beep._

* * *

_::We make mistakes over and over again, but::_

_::The only thing I want to protect is the promise I made to you::_

_::And now...Even now, more than anyone else's kind words::_

_::I want to hold you in my arms once more::_

* * *

A/N: I think that updating on Saturday will become a regular thing. My apologies, but it was getting a bit too difficult to get the chapter up before I fell asleep. I shall hope that this does not lose me readers! But more importantly, Duo wakes! Duo attempts to escape! Duo is difficult! I look forward to your review!


	21. Embrace our Revolution

**Disclaimer:** You certainly know the score.

**Notes:** This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time.

**Warnings:** I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song:** BT – The Revolution

* * *

_::The revolution that we fought::_

_::Stand in the face of our grieving::_

_::Caught in the deep line of our people::_

_::On the greyest nights::_

_::Or wage war however necessary::_

_::See your means liking into our fight::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 20: Embrace our Revolution**

_::This type of game comes no surprise::_

_::Ready & wise::_

* * *

"It's um..."

He looked off to the side.

"It's 6.45am, I'm up. The day looks like it's going to be sunny with patches of cloud."

Heero paused and frowned. The red light on the camera was steady, but he didn't feel like that.

"You were diagnosed with minimal awareness seven days ago. Unterward is looking to adapt your apartment, in case the hospital rule that it's time to withdraw treatment. I suspect that may well be the case."

He ran a hand through his hair.

"I'm going to take care of you. Quatre is coming with me today, so we can sit down with Doctor Hobbs and Doctor..." He glanced off to the side to check the name on the appointment sheet. "Doctor Hemsworth. We're going to discuss what happens next. We asked them to run the tests again..."

He sat back in his chair and shook his head slowly.

"This isn't it for you, Duo."

He stared into the camera, frowning.

"I don't believe it."

* * *

The lift doors opened and Heero stepped out. He paused for a moment, glancing around. Hospital staff moved around helping patients and ducking in and out of rooms. He looked around, frowning and feeling off. Behind him, Quatre stepped around him smoothly, eyes still on his phone. "Trowa's working, but says he'll drop by during his lunch break. Wufei says he's working nearby, so he can join us when he's wrapped up with Noin and Zechs. He wants to know if we're ok with Sally being present."

Not getting an immediate answer, he looked at Heero. The man was still standing in front of the lift doors, looking around with a frown. "What's wrong?"

"They're..." Heero looked frustrated and shook his head, "They're off here too."

Quatre stilled and glanced around as well. Heero had been tense since they arrived. Downstairs there were more staff milling about than usual. Now there seemed to be a problem up here. He looked back at Heero. "How?"

"They're behind their routine." Heero shook his head, "Something must have happened."

Quatre let him past, and stood still for a while. He began to see what Heero meant. At this time, certain nurses would be at different points of the corridor and helping different patients. It was unlike the situation downstairs. This wasn't a ward where many things changed, many long term patients ended up in this ward. It meant that routine was a staple of the place. They'd been asked not to visit for the past four days because of the extensive testing that the former pilots had requested to back up Doctor Hobb's diagnosis. Quatre joined Heero at the Nurses' station. He smiled at the matron on duty. "We're here to see Mr Basilica."

She smiled broadly, "Of course. It's a good day to see him."

Quatre blinked, confused, "What do you mean?"

She motioned a box at the end of the station. It was filled with leather restraints. Doctor Hobbs and Doctor Hemsworth agreed that there was little danger of him being a danger to himself or others after being diagnosed with minimal awareness. She smiled again, "We took them off two days ago." She glanced at a screen on her station. "Ah... You may want to wait a few minutes..."

"Why?" Quatre asked, a frown on his brow.

She motioned the screen and Heero leant over to see. It was a CCTV image of Duo's hospital room. The observation window's curtains were closed. The nurse explained, "Probably still having his sponge bath..." She paused, a faint trace of disapproval in her voice, "Though I would have thought he would be finished by now..."

She looked at them in confusion as both men stared at her, then at each other. Heero Yuy's face crumbled in annoyance as he slapped the counter top. He span around once, looking around. "That's what's wrong - There's someone missing!"

"What?"The nurse stepped back as the man ran off and Quatre leant over the counter to stare at the screen, "What does he mean?"

"Call Doctor Hobbs." Quatre said sharply, and brought out his phone. As he began dialling, he glared at her. "Do it. Now!"

* * *

Heero ducked between people and ran to Duo's room. The observation window's curtains were closed. He burst through the door and skidded to a halt. His hands went straight to his head, as the shock made him reel. Within a breath, Heero set aside his shock and the screaming fear. He needed to be effective. His hands dropped from his hair, and he drew a deep breath.

Duo's bed was empty.

He looked around, taking in as much information as he could.

Window open.

Bed clothes discarded hastily.

Drips had been removed, bloodied.

Signs of a brief struggle.

Heero dropped into a crouch. He stared under the bed for a moment.

Spots of blood. Nose bleed?

Nurse's clipboard on the floor by the bed.

Footsteps behind him.

Heero's eyes slid shut for a moment and he swore. He turned and caught the phone Quatre threw to him. It was already dialling, rang twice before it was answered. Heero stood straight as he began speaking. "Hospital room, fifth floor, morning shift change over. Nurse missing. Escape options?"

* * *

Alice had never worked with Trowa Barton during his time as a Gundam pilot, but she recognised the Mission-Mode from when she'd serviced Deathscythe with Howard. She's spotted him walk past her office, eyes sharp and he was listening carefully to his phone as he past. She grabbed her motorcycle helmet, ran out of her office and caught up with him as he jogged out of the building and down the stairs. "Hey, Barton!"

He paused briefly on the stairs and looked up at her.

"Got to go, Chief." He said, offering no further explanation.

"It's Mr Basilica?" She replied, and dug into her pocket. He easily caught her keys and then her helmet. "Take my bike." She called, "Do what you gotta do, Hot Shot!"

He spoke into the phone, something low and quick before nodding to her curtly again. She was left in awe as he ran, gracefully leapt into the air, sprung off a car and landed perfectly on her cycle. He took off as if he could make the bike fly.

"God's speed, Hot Shot," She whispered and glanced in the direction of the city. In the distance, the faint sound of Preventer Rapid Response Unit sirens could be heard. She blinked, amazed as Trowa popped a wheelie and drew more out of the engine than she ever could.

* * *

"SECURITY TO LEVEL FIVE!"

The PA system boomed, and chaos seemed to descend. Doctor Hobbs felt her heart leap into her throat as she waited for the lift doors to open. She squeezed through them as soon as there was enough space and looked around in confusion. Some security personnel ran past her, repeating their orders into the radio. "Cover the exits."

Hobbs ran down the corridor and skidded to a halt as Mr Winner stepped out of the room. He barely glanced at her as he spoke into the phone. She only caught: "... Get access to CCTV, I'm getting you network access now..."

He walked past her, and she stared into the room. Mr Basilica's bed was empty, the window was wide open and Mr Yuy stood at the bathroom door. His head was tilted like he was performing a complex calculation. She joined him, and gasped as she realised he was staring at the body of a nurse.

Pushing past him, she was relieved to find a pulse.

The man groaned faintly.

"He's just unconscious." She said over her shoulder. Heero Yuy tilted his head the other way, and his eyes roved over the nurse.

"What's going on?" She looked up at him, her eyes wide.

The faint smile on Heero's face was disturbing; his eyes continued roving over the nurse. "He faked it."

"Who?" She blinked. "What?"

Quatre Winner joined them, and his eyes roved over the nurse as well. Hobbs stared at the two men as they looked at the scene analytically. Quatre pointed to the nurse. "Scrubs, but not the shoes."

"No." Heero replied. "Took the pen, left the watch."

"Not enough time to get it right?" Quatre frowned. "Sloppy."

They turned together and looked at the room. Heero spoke again, "Took his chart. Left the nurse's."

"Cover." Quatre replied. "He didn't leave enough time to get it right. He's rushing?"

Hobbs rose from the floor of the bathroom and couldn't help grabbing Heero's arm. "What are you doing?"

"Window?" Quatre glanced at Heero, who shook off Hobbs and paced to the open window. The phone in Quatre's pocket rang. The blonde man passed it without looking to Heero and he answered it.

"Here? Good. Update: nurse in bathroom, took scrubs but not the shoes. Took the pen but not the watch. Query: Open window?" Heero turned to Quatre and relayed the caller's answer. "Distraction."

Quatre looked unimpressed. "Ineffective."

"You mean he could have gone out the window?" Hobb asked, bewildered. She moved to lean out of the window, looking both up and down. She turned back to the room. Quatre looked at her and his expression turned to understanding.

"Didn't expect us to be here." His smile was sharp. "He'll need to adapt his plan."

Heero nodded curtly, and spoke into the phone. "Options for adaptation?" As he listened, his own phone began ringing. He dug the phone out and threw it to Quatre. Quatre caught it easily and answered.

"Zero-five? Got something?"

They were acting like a machine, Hobbs thought, as she watched Quatre think about the answer and then looked up at Heero. "Wake the nurse." He turned to Hobbs, "How long ago was this nurse's check?"

Hobbs gaped at him, blinking. "I ... I don't know. I'd need to check at the nurses' station."

Quatre left the room before she finished speaking. Hobbs followed him. He hung up the phone without saying anything. The nurses' station was surrounded by the Rapid Response Preventers, and Chang Wufei approached Quatre with a tablet computer. On the screen she could see a clip of their CCTV. It was a shot of Mr Basilica's door. The curtains of the observation window closed as the nurse prepared to clean Mr Basilica and minutes later, Mr Basilica walked out dressed as the nurse. It cut smoothly to another camera showing Basilica stepping easily into a staff room. Wufei looked at Quatre. "I think it's taken longer than he expected to discover his absence."

"The variables in his plan aren't playing out, there wasn't enough confusion caused by the missing nurse." Quatre watched as Basilica stepped out moments later, dressed as a civilian. "I would have thought a doctor." He glanced over his shoulder and shouted out. "ZERO ONE! NEW VARIABLE – CIVILIAN DISGUISE!"

"Doctor Hobbs." She blinked as a woman took her arm firmly, leading her away from the former Gundam Pilots. "My name is Doctor Po." The woman explained, "We've spoken on the phone a couple of times."

"Yes... I..." Hobbs struggled to get her thoughts in line. "What's going on?"

"It's been a long time since the last time I got to say this..." Po smiled sharply, "You've got a Gundam Pilot on the loose."

"It's not... He's been diagnosed..." Hobbs closed her eyes and composed herself. "This is not possible, Doctor Po. The man is minimally aware. He can't be on the loose."

She glanced over toward the other former Gundam Pilots. Winner dispatched the preventers that had accompanied Chang Wufei, sending the hospital security forces with them. The lift dinged and the third former pilot sprang out. He moved past them all and went straight to the room. Po encouraged Hobbs to sit down, and stood by her. Within seconds both Yuy and Barton returned from the hospital room and immediately moved toward her. Barton knelt before Hobbs and stared at her. He frowned at her.

"What's different about today?"

"What?"

"Why would he choose today?" He motioned the hospital floor with his hand, "You took the restraints off. He could have escaped yesterday. He had every chance to escape since you took them off. What is special about today?"

"I-I don't..."

"Think about it." Barton tilted his head. "Listen carefully: escape today. This morning. Take the clothes of a nurse, but not his shoes. Not going far, only to the staff room. Get changed into civilian clothes, street clothes. Leaving the hospital but don't know how many enemy forces are around. My escape hasn't caused the amount of confusion necessary to make escape a viable option. Need an event that will cause more confusion." He paused as if realising something. "There are more staff on duty than usual." He twisted and looked up at Quatre. "There are more staff on duty than usual!"

Quatre blinked and turned to Wufei and Heero. "Under what circumstances would a large organisation need more staff on duty?"

Their fingers flying over keyboards, Heero and Wufei attacked the computers at the nurses' stations.

Trowa Barton leant forward. "This will be faster if you can tell me the answer." His voice was low, "What is different about today?"

She shook her head, looking bewildered.

"More staff than usual. This morning."

Hobbs began shaking her head, "I-I don't kno—" She froze and stared at the clock. "Oh my god..." Her breath caught and her lips moved.

Trowa stared at the doctor, seeing the word 'fire' form on her lips.

Her face crumpled as realisation came crashing into her.

"Fire drill." She whispered at first, and then said again louder, "There's a fire drill!"

"When?" Trowa pushed. "When is it happening?"

She opened her eyes and shook her head.

A loud alarm began low and got louder. The Gundam Pilots stood still as everyone around them moved quickly and efficiently.

Trowa stood and walked towards the former pilots.

They stood staring at each other.

All around them, the hospital emptied.

* * *

He'd dropped the brown jacket for a doctor's lab coat on the third floor. Focusing his attention on one of the fake patients was easy, and he sailed past the bewildered security forces as the fire drill had begun. Within twenty minutes he was alone in an alleyway. He'd ditched the lab coat as soon as he could. He found a suitably covered doorway, and slid down the wall. He was panting hard, the nausea was back and his head was pounding. His muscles felt strained by the act of walking and he had to assume that there was more damage to his body than his initial assessment had taken.

Duo Maxwell tilted his head up, and stared at the blue of the colony sky. It must have been L1 or L4, one of the richer colonies, but at least he was in space.

"Great." He whispered. He could barely see straight, let alone contemplate getting up again. He'd have to get one of the others on the line to help him. It wouldn't take long for the ... OZ, Colony volunteers or Federation? The hospital security forces were easy to make, but he didn't recognise the more highly trained soldiers at the exits. Whoever they were, it wouldn't take long for them to make his escape during the fire drill, even less time for them to start fanning out across the city to look for him.

He lifted an arm, and worried about the lack of strength and the tremors of exhaustion in him.

"Shoulda paid more attention to the drips." He berated himself, "What the fuck? It was sloppy. Man, G's gonna tear me a new one."

He closed his eyes and curled up.

"Oh man, I don't feel so good..."

* * *

"You don't fake minimal awareness. The tests... He can't have faked them!"

Hobbs had been repeating herself for almost an hour. Doctor Sally Po pinched the bridge of her nose and took Hobbs by both shoulders and shook her once sharply. "Doctor Hobbs. You're not talking about a regular guy here. You're talking about a very determined Gundam Pilot." She tilted her head at the other woman. "I'm gonna tell you a couple of classified facts."

She slipped an arm around the woman and pointed at Quatre.

"Gundam Pilot Zero-Four: Stabbed in the abdomen, severe internal bleeding, continued fighting and piloting his suit for several hours anyway."

She turned the doctor and pointed at Trowa.

"Gundam Pilot zero-Three: Blown up, survived the explosion and the resulting space exposure in a suit, resulted in ONLY temporary amnesia... still somehow managed to pilot a suit."

She turned them again and pointed at Wufei.

"Gundam Pilot Zero-Five? Locked in a cell, hands cuffed, air supply was cut off and he survived for a couple of hours and suffered no ill effects. The brain is dead after five minutes without oxygen."

She turned them again to Heero would was lying on the abandoned bed, staring at the ceiling.

"And Gundam Pilot Zero-One? When I first met him, he'd been shot at, blown up at least twice. When I examined him, every single bone in his body had been broken at least once before. He jumped out of the hospital building, 10 floors up and landed on the ground below. Broke his leg. By reports, he set it himself and continued walking. Months later, he blew himself up IN his own Gundam. One month later, reappears perfectly fine and not a scratch on him."

She shook Hobbs by the shoulders gently.

"You can't explain that." Sally's voice took on an edge of sarcasm. "And if a Gundam Pilot wants to fake a couple of tests to further the goal of escaping from his prison, you had better believe the one who always escaped capture like he was a GOD OF DEATH..." She held Hobbs' gaze, "Then Gundam Pilot Zero-Two is going to do it, and do it without breaking a sweat."

It took a few moments for Hobbs to catch up. "He was in a coma for two and half years... he shouldn't even be able to walk."

Sally put her hands on her hips, "And I think you have vastly underestimated the amount of training and god-knows-what-else that these men have been through since they were children. Doesn't it bother you?" She motioned at the former Gundam pilots, "Their fitness levels haven't actually changed much once they reached 18, they are at the peak of physical strength. I read your own reports, you noted yourself that Duo's musculature hadn't changed, even though he'd been a coma." She paused and thought for a moment, "He'll be weak but I reckon he will be able to walk."

"Not far." Hobbs said, her brain switching gears. "He may be able to walk, but he'll tire quickly."

"Hasn't moved for two years, six months." Heero finally said, his voice distracted. It seemed to trigger something in the others. Hobbs blinked as the Gundam machine seemed to click back into motion.

Wufei tilted his head, "He'll be looking for a place to hide."

"Somewhere dry and defendable." Trowa said from the window. "He would have been watching the weather patterns."

Quatre began pacing as they spoke. Wufei continued, "He'll be compromised physically. He did not take any weapons from the security personnel."

"He didn't take any medicine." Heero laced his fingers together and closed his eyes. "He must have completed his initial assessment and found little damage."

"His current medical condition?" Quatre paused by Hobbs.

"I'd need to examin—"

Quatre resumed pacing. "Make assumptions and extrapolate from there, doctor."

Hobbs sighed sharply and then put a hand on her hip as she took a moment to think.

"Think aloud." Sally Po murmured, "They'll feed it into their ..." she waved a hand, "...into their calculations."

Hobbs blinked and then sighed again. She began speaking. "He'll be dizzy, almost constantly nauseous. He'll likely have the shakes, his body will be unused to movement and even muscle memory and automatic motions will be alien to him. He won't be able to eat, he won't remember how. His digestive system will be unable to cope with solid food for the next month."

Quatre made a 'carry on' gesture, and Hobbs looked at Heero on the bed.

"You said he forgot things, the shoes, the watch..."

"They were necessary to complete his disguise." Heero opened his eyes and raised himself to lean on his elbows. "That he forgot them is concerning."

"He will be highly focused on what he needs. Eating, relieving pain, sleeping or wanting to go home. Beyond these basic needs, he will be extremely confused. He won't understand what is happening around him, which is probably why he will fall back on the most basic assumptions about what's happening to him..." She shook her head, "I'm amazed that he was able to plan his escape, he shouldn't be able to concentrate for any period of time given the fact that he was in a coma for two years."

Quatre Winner paused in his pacing for a fraction of a moment, and then continued. "He needed the pen for the cover of writing on a clipboard, but didn't need the watch because he knew what the time was." Quatre nodded distractedly, "What else did he need?"

"He needed to escape." Trowa said, "Needed to get out of here."

"Needs to get somewhere safe." Wufei nodded, "No weapon, no Gundam, no supplies."

"He'll need to contact one of us." Heero sat up and crossed his legs. "Which one?"

"Depends where he thinks he is." Trowa glanced over his shoulder and stared at the colony sky. "He'll know he's in space, and he'll know he's on a colony."

"He'll contact Heero." Quatre stopped pacing and looked at the former Gundam Wing pilot. "You're the one most suited for immediate extraction. You've extracted him before, you'll do it again." The other pilots seem to wait on Quatre's next thought. The blonde former pilot raised a hand to pinch his nose. After a long moment, he frowned deeply and then shook his head. "We need to wait for him to contact us. Go home."

Trowa moved instantly followed by Wufei, who glanced at Sally. Sally nodded and clapped a hand on Hobb's shoulder. "I think you and I need to team up, you'll need someone who's dealt with the Gundams before."

Quatre glanced at Heero, "Go home." He repeated, "You can't do anything here."

Heero stared at him for a long time, before turning his head to look out the window.

The sky was blue.

* * *

A rattle of a can dropping and the hiss of a cat made Duo open his eyes.

He realised with a start that he'd fallen unconscious. He was still sprawled in the alleyway, carefully hidden behind a dumpster. He blinked to clear his eyes and was surprised to find he was still nauseous. He considered the state of his body and found new damage from his escape. His joints were swollen as if he was unused to the exercise; he wondered how long he'd been in the hospital. He hurt as if he'd been running a couple of marathons.

He struggled to look up, but managed it after a couple of tries. His vision was blurred but he could easily see that it was night now. He tried to move, but found his legs were useless now. Everything hurt far too much for him to risk changing his location.

Confused, Duo couldn't figure out why his initial assessment had been so out. He didn't have any broken bones, but it felt like his whole body was rejecting everything. It was a supreme effort to shift his hip enough to dig out the mobile phones he'd stolen from the staff room.

He cannibalized one to augment the other.

He needed to get help.

He didn't understand why nobody had found his poor hiding place, but he needed help if he was going to get back to operational status and back into his Gundam.

* * *

Heero lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

The local police had been too busy trying to contain the fire drill to do a proper sweep of the local area. In the confusion, it was clear that Duo had made his getaway. He sighed. They should have asked for more information about the tests. Should have predicted that this could happen. He threw an arm over his face and was disgusted to feel the long forgotten feeling of Mission Failure. It had been years since he'd felt that. A creeping, awful sensation, knowing that he'd failed.

He threw himself off the bed and prowled the room for a long time.

It took a few moments of pacing to get his mind to quiet down and for him to start focusing on facts.

Duo had escaped.

He'd taken civilian clothes.

Taken advantage of a fire drill.

More staff than usual.

Would have been from different shifts.

Took the pen because he knew he'd need it.

Didn't take the shoes because he knew he wasn't going far.

Knocked the nurse out and hid him.

Didn't try for a fast escape like last time.

What failed last time?

Heero stopped dead and sat down at his laptop. It took a few moments of typing, but he brought up his old mission log writing program.

Began typing, writing up Duo's last attempted escape.

He's been caught because he'd under estimated his strength level.

Heero's fingers hovered over the keyboard for a long time as he thought about that statement.

Duo then rested for a month, spent a little longer making sure that he could move. Faked consciousness tests.

Learnt the movements of the hospital.

Faked unconsciousness. Minimal awareness.

People talk more when they think you're unconscious.

Heero's fingers paused. That would be how he probably learnt about the fire drill. So, he needed to escape, faked minimal awareness and waited until they undid the restraints instead of trying to escape them himself. Conserving strength.

Didn't take the shoes, knew he wasn't walking far – didn't need the shoes.

Didn't need the watch.

Didn't need to get the cover right for long.

Did need the pen.

Did need the scrubs.

Did need to change in to street clothes.

Needed to contact one of them.

Didn't need a weapon.

Needed to contact one of them.

Heero stared at his phone.

Duo had escaped, thinking he was captured. Possibly confused about what the time period it was.

Heero turned his head to look back at his laptop and began typing, digging out the old connections and programs. He'd upgraded his laptop, but like the go-bag by his door, he'd always packed an image of his previous laptops onto the new one. He opened his comm. program, signing in as Gundam Pilot Zero-One and waited for the communications to update.

Message after message flooded his inbox.

All of them from Duo.

Nine years worth of communications via their old connections flooded in, overwhelming the comm. program and it crashed.

Heero kicked over his chair as he stood suddenly, hands laced in his messy hair and pulling hard in frustration.

"Damnit!"

* * *

_::This powerful::_

_::This revolution is our revolution::_

_::And we embrace our revolution::_

_::Sign on the show::_

_::This lies on false revelation::_

_::This is our revolution::_

_::And our revolution has come::_

* * *

A/N: I'm not sure what to write, without spoiling the next couple of chapters. Duo, you're so difficult! Once again, every review is something wonderful to me, and I'm genuinely interested to find out what your reaction is. I look forward to your review!


	22. Badly Mistaken

**Disclaimer:** You certainly know the score.

**Notes:** This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time.

**Warnings:** I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song:** Lovett – Eye of the Storm

* * *

_::I know that I'm wrong... ::_

_::About everything I said. ::_

_::But here it goes again. ::_

_::You wanted more, ::_

_::Than you thought, ::_

_::I would ever give. ::_

_::But you were badly mistaken. ::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 21: Badly Mistaken**

_::I told you lies, ::_

_::And said what you were meant to hear, ::_

* * *

The knocks were light, but their repeating pattern was enough to wake Nataku.

Slipping out of bed, she listened carefully. She crept toward her door, taking care to move her bare feet as her father had taught her. She opened the door to her bedroom. A hand appeared in front of her face in a stopping gesture. She looked up to see her father, and saw him turn his head to glance at her. His lips mouthed the word "STAY" very clearly, and he silently crept forward. She watched as he moved through the shadows of the hall. He moved swiftly, moving with practiced ease.

The knocks on the door repeated again.

He clicked the safety off his gun and held it up. He moved forward, his bare feet making no sound at all. He placed himself flush against the wall next to the door, and knocked the door with his free hand_. Knock-Knock. Knock-knock. Knock._

There was a pause before there was a hard knock high on the door and one low on the door.

Wufei breathed out, flicked the safety on his gun and then turned to open the door. "It's late, Heero."

"Sorry." Heero glanced over his shoulder, before stepping in. "I need access to a computer on the Preventers Servers."

Wufei raised an eyebrow. "It's unlike you to ask for such permission."

Heero frowned; "I need time on the server. I don't need to be caught and interrupted." Rare amusement appeared on Wufei's face and Heero snorted impatiently. "I designed some of the security protocols. I know what I need to do will get me caught."

Wufei nodded and glanced over at his daughter. "Get dressed, warmly."

* * *

"Give her to me."

Wufei glanced at Zechs, who had his arms open. Gently, the former Lightning Count took possession of Wufei's daughter and cradled her. "It is far too early for her," he said, a trace of reproach in his voice. "Poor little lady..." He stepped away and took her over to the sofa. Noin shook her head and snorted.

"He's such a daddy." She muttered and leant over to look over Heero's shoulder. "So, what are you doing?"

Heero's fingers didn't pause as they flew over the keyboard. He didn't answer but Wufei did. "We had a specially designed program, it was our communication channel. It constantly scrambled and redirected our signals to make it impossible to track the location of the pilot who sent it or the pilot who was receiving it." He nodded to the program that Heero was running on one screen and then pointed at another. "The program that Heero is writing is transferring the messages as they download to a new program." He paused and tilted his head. "You could just write one that auto-deletes the old messages."

Heero's fingers paused for a moment, and then the man shook his head. "I want to read them."

Wufei sighed and nodded, "I wonder if I opened my comm... Would I be faced with the same problem?"

"He was using any method of contact us." Heero continued typing at a lightning rate, "It's ridiculous of us to assume that he wouldn't have tried this method as well."

Noin raised an eyebrow. "You couldn't have known."

Heero's voice was bitter and low. "I should have."

Noin opened her mouth to speak again, but a touch on her shoulder from Wufei stopped her. She shook her head and changed tact. "So, what will happen when the messages are transferred?"

"I've written in criteria which will leave only active messages from the past two months open to me."

"Two months?" Noin frowned and looked to Wufei who was nodding in understanding. Wufei looked at her.

"Assuming he woke up earlier, he could have attempted to contact Heero for extraction before."

Heero's typing came to a sudden stop. He pressed a few more buttons and then sat back. Noin glanced at him. "What's wrong?"

"I'm done. Now I need to wait for the machine to catch up."

There was a pause before Noin asked: "If you won't come back for Active Duty, would you consider Cyber Security?"

Her question was sincere, but there was a smile in her eyes. Heero turned in his seat to look up at her, and Wufei's mouth fell open in a look of disbelief. Noin held up her hands in a gesture of surrender and took a step back when Wufei punched her shoulder hard. She laughed, "I just..." She clapped a hand over her mouth and shook her head. A laugh escaped her and she shrugged. "General Une has instructed me, that's all I'm going to say. It's my only excuse."

Heero turned in his seat and stared at Wufei, who shook his head, disbelief in his face. Wufei caught his eye and rolled his own. "She's determined."

"Cannon at the colonies." Heero muttered and returned his eyes to the computer screens in front of him.

Noin rested a hand on his shoulder. "Missed that sense of humour, Heero."

The scrolling lines of code came to a stop and the machine beeped.

There was only one message.

* * *

There was a familiar click.

A gun.

Safety on.

Two fingers under his chin, the hard press of a pulse check.

"Hey buddy..." Duo managed to whisper. He opened his eyes, and could make out some messy brown hair and two blue eyes. He managed a grin and knew only half of his face managed the expression. He was losing control fast. The weeks in bed since the last escape hadn't been long enough to recuperate, but it had been enough to escape. Enough to know he was free. "Buddy... Good thing you're here..."

Even to his own ears, his voice seemed to be slurring over the words.

He licked dry lips.

"I'm not gonna make it, but I don't got a weapon." He had to speak slowly. Needed to make himself clear. "Do it, then get out of here."

Duo shook his head, and even that small motion brought the headache back at double strength.

"You can't get me out, I'm done for."

He looked up as a hand tangled in his fringe, tipping his head up. He tried to smile again.

"You gonna omae o korosu my ass..." He managed a pathetic chuckle, "Better enjoy it, ain't never gonna get another chance, buddy..."

He reached out, weakly and hooked fingers on to the man in front of him.

"You gotta win, Heero, the colonies... we're counting on you..."

Duo closed his eyes, took pleasure in the last breath leaving his body.

"HE'S OVER HERE!"

The shout was louder than the gunshot he was expecting.

His eyes shot open, and suddenly he was crowded with people. Soldiers in that strange uniform. A medical officer in the same uniform knelt in front of him, and pushed an oxygen mask over his mouth. He struggled as much as his body could, and he was seized by pain. He thought he saw Wufei, but it was wrong. He was in a uniform. Hands were on him. Unconsciousness threatened, his body at its maximum pain threshold. His eyes closed and the world turned black. He knew with every crashing wave of darkness, the window of his escape closed further. The world span. Heero flickered into view. The man he thought was Heero suddenly wasn't. He cursed himself. The man was too old! The world blurred, and he knew his already blurry vision was being obstructed with tears.

Black.

He fought, needed to get away.

Black.

A pinch in his arm, and he knew he was done.

Black.

He was on a gurney, being strapped down.

Black.

Red lights. Dark shadows.

Black.

Not-Heero, looking haunted. Not-Wufei wrapped an arm around Not-Heero's shoulders.

Black.

Movement.

Black.

From the dark place into a place of white light.

Black.

Someone was shouting.

Black.

He tasted blood.

Black.

Nothing.

* * *

"Where can I start...?"

Doctor Hobbs stood at the end of the bed, Mr Unterward beside her. Heero couldn't lift his head. He listened as she began listing the damage Duo had done to himself with his escape attempt. The colony morning was grey and rain pattered against the hospital window. Heero closed his eyes. The night had been long. Duo had been in surgery for the pressure in his skull, the heart attack he'd had in the ambulance. His joints were inflamed, tendons were strained. He'd coughed blood, but it was from a cut on his tongue. It was from where he'd bitten the side of his tongue, it was deep and needing stitches but better than the other reason why he might be coughing blood.

Heero swallowed. His own body ached from too many hours awake and stressed.

Duo was in a medically induced coma now. His breathing regulated by a machine. His chest rose and fell thanks to the machines that stood guard around him.

Heero raised his head, and stared hopelessly through the observation window.

Quatre and Trowa stood; their hands around each other.

Nataku clung to her father's neck, pale and looking too shocked to start crying. Wufei stood still, blinking slowly. His dark eyes were glassy. The night was taking its toll.

They swam in his vision and Heero had to blink to clear his eyes. There were tears on his cheeks.

Quatre's expression creased in pain.

The window swam again. Heero blinked again.

It cleared briefly, and Heero saw Nataku scream but she was silent.

The room tilted and Heero was confused.

He saw the little girl reach for the window and Trowa turn to run.

The floor was hard and sudden.

He looked at the ceiling and was confused.

Trowa was there, upside down. His mouth moved to say his name, but there was no sound.

* * *

"... bloody fool."

Heero struggled to open his eyes at first, it seemed they opened slowly and then began to focus. He could see the grey sky, and it was still raining. He blinked once and more focus came back. He turned his head slowly, feeling dizziness. He looked up at Sally; she was making notes on her clipboard. She met his eye steadily, and smiled faintly. "Welcome back, you bloody fool."

"How long?"

"Six hours." She finished making her notes and sat down beside her. "I've sent the others home." She looked over her shoulder, "They're camping out at Wufei's until they hear from you." She nodded to a mobile phone by his bed. "You'll call in a minute, but first..."

She tapped her clipboard twice, and looked unimpressed.

"Quatre told me about the insomnia, anything else I should know?"

Heero licked dry lips and closed his eyes. "I didn't eat anything yesterday."

"The day before?"

"Not much. I think my last full meal was four days ago." Heero sighed, "I've been finding it difficult to eat."

Sally sighed for a long time, and nodded. "You're in for observation today. I'm going to proscribe you a dietary plan." She met his eye, "And you're going to damn well eat it, or I'll bar you from visiting Duo."

"You're—"

"I am now. He became a Preventer Case, so I'm now attending with Hobbs." Sally leant forward, "Don't you dare think you can get past me." He smiled faintly at her, and she nodded. "It's time for you to call Wufei's and assure Nataku you're not dead. I don't care about you boys 'cause you can survive it, but that little girl goes through any more this month and I swear..." The woman looked lost for words for a moment, "I swear I'm... I'm going to smack you all up with as many restrictions as I can medically find viable."

Heero managed a small chuckle and then sobered. "Duo?"

"He's in intensive for the next 48 hours, then he's going to be under 24 hour observation until we consult with you pilots about how to restrain him." She cocked her head and looked at him. "The restraints we had on him, they won't hold if he's awake and determined to get away, will they?"

Heero turned his head away and stared out the window for a long time.

He closed his eyes when he came to his conclusion.

"No, they won't."

* * *

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Pause. Knock. Pause. Knockknockknock. Knock._

Trowa opened an eye and looked at the girl slouched on her father's couch. Nataku's eyes were red and glassy. Like all of them, she'd been awake for too long. The evening was drawing on, it was getting late for the little girl. Yet, with quiet and grim determination, she remained on the sofa – waiting with the rest of them. Her fist was loosely clenched on her abandoned tablet device and she was knocking on the back of it. The pattern of her knocks were familiar enough to wake him from his soft doze.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Pause. Knock. Pause. Knockknockknock. Knock._

She looked at him and tilted her head.

_Knock. Knock. Knock. Pause. Knock. Pause. Knockknockknock. Knock._

He sat up and reached out to knock on the table. _Knock-Knock. Knock._

The girl frowned, but knocked hard once and then again softly.

Trowa laughed softly and sat back. "So, you heard Heero last night."

The girl frowned deeper still and then nodded. "You did it wrong." She sat up and moved to kneel by the table. She made a fist and began tapping the table. _Knock-knock. Knock-knock. Knock._ She looked at him, "There were five knocks. "

"Ah. I did it right, you did it wrong." He smiled tiredly, "Can you figure out why?"

The girl frowned and looked down at the table. "You did... oh!" She raised her head, "Three knocks. You're pilot number three!" She looked confused. "But Uncle Heero knocked twice."

"The hard knock is the pilot, the soft one is the number."

The girl raised a hand to scratch her head. "Papa didn't knock hard..."

"Your father was inside the safe house." Trowa slide out of his seat to sit down by the table. He leant on his elbows as he spoke, "The first set of knocks are to gain access to the safe house if the door is locked at night and if it after an expected return time. The second, given by the pilot inside is to identify, the third set – the reply from the person asking – identifies who they are." She nodded as the information sank in and Trowa smiled, "Now. Try this, click your fingers and knock four times on the table. Do it in pairs of knocks, like your father did but without the last knock."

She did so and jumped when there was an answering set of knocks from elsewhere in the house. Nataku's face lit up in a bright grin and she rapped out the signal asking for permission to enter the safe house. There was a long pause and Quatre appeared from the kitchen, cradling a cup of coffee. He looked between them for a long time before looking down at Nataku with some amusement. "Is he teaching you signals?"

At the girl's look of surprised delight, Quatre sank down to sit beside her and clicked his fingers. He knocked on the table five times and waited.

There was another pause and Wufei stuck his head out of the kitchen. He raised a hand to point at Trowa and then at Quatre. "Stop teaching my daughter stupid things."

It was hard to maintain a straight face when the little girl let out a peal of delighted laughter.

Wufei shook his head and retreated back to the kitchen, sitting at the breakfast bar and resumed reading. There was little in the newsfeed about Duo's escape. Unterward was very good at keeping it quiet. He looked up as there was another peal of laughter from his daughter. Wufei was glad that Trowa and Quatre were here with him. As exhausted as both he and his daughter were, he wasn't sure how he would have been able to cope. Beside his tablet, his phone began buzzing and he picked up the call and put it on speaker with a gesture. "Chang."

The video feed came on, and Heero's voice was faintly embarrassed. "Hi."

Wufei turned his head and looked down at the little screen. "Not one word." He picked up the device and walked through the apartment, carefully holding it up so Heero could see where he was walking. He arrived in the sitting room where Trowa and Nataku were making notes about how to signal, and Quatre was absently drawing in her colouring book. Wufei knelt by his daughter and held up the camera phone to frame her. "You say sorry to her first." Wufei said gruffly. Nataku looked between her father and the little screen, reaching up as she recognised Heero.

"Hi, I'm sorry I scared you." Heero said as she cradled the device closer.

Nataku sniffed and raised a sleeve to wipe a tear away. "That's ok. If you're ok?"

"I am." He nodded slowly, and tilted his head. "Duo's going to be ok as well."

"Sally said that you were made of different stuff, you'll always survive," She said. The little girl began to explain, "But that sometimes you got tired..."

"I did. I was very tired."

She looked at her father for a moment, and then pulled on a brave expression. "Uncle Trowa showed me some signals..."

* * *

"When I say I'm releasing you to go home, I really do mean: Go home."

Heero didn't turn to her, just kept staring through the window. A nurse was bent over Duo, checking the bandages and drips were in place. He was not the only one watching her. A preventer stood by the window, watching her carefully. "Is he armed?"

Sally sighed and shook her head. "No. Une wanted him to be, but I don't think Duo needs more fuel to his idea that he's been captured."

Heero nodded slightly and shifted the bag on his shoulder. "How long are you keeping him under for?"

"We're projecting a month right now." Sally sighed hard, "He's messed up his body and pushed too hard. It's going to take time for the swelling to go down, and that's not even taking the sprains into account." She looked at him critically, "Go home, Heero. I mean it." She raised a hand and put it on his shoulder. "I'll call you when you can come back in."

Heero stared through the window, his eyes lingering on what little of Duo's face he could make out from under the complex breathing equipment. His head was bandaged, but they hadn't had to cut his hair. He watched Duo's chest rise and fall for a few minutes before turning to Sally and nodding.

Zechs was waiting in the foyer for him, and the drive back to the apartments was slow going due to the traffic. Heero stared out of the window, watching people dash through the rain. Zechs;' fingers were tapping the steering wheel impatiently. The silence between them was vaguely uncomfortable. The radio babbled on, but it didn't serve to help them.

"You know... you're no use to him dead." Zechs finally said, his voice tight with impatience. "You should take more care of yourself."

"Oh." Heero turned his head to look at Zechs' profile. The white haired man looked tired under his sunglasses. A brief look of amusement passed over the man's face.

"If you're finding it difficult to find the motivation to remain active..." Zechs began.

"Not you as well." Heero slouched in the chair.

"General Une has instructed me not to tell you that she knows that there are openings in the Active Duty forces of L2 Preventers..."

Heero raised a hand to pinch his nose, "General Une needs people with better timing..."

"Hmph." Zechs grunted and gestured with one hand, "Just putting it out there... You need something else to think about."

"I don't want to think about fighting. Duo is more important."

Zechs risked a glance at the man and shook his head as he returned his gaze to the road. "You'll need to find something else to think about..."

* * *

_No emergency. Just contact me. 02._

_No emergency. Just contact me. 02._

_No emergency. Just contact me. 02._

_No emergency. Just contact me. 02._

_No emergency. Just contact me. 02._

_You there? No emergency. Just contact me. 02._

_Just contact me. 02._

_Please. Contact me. 02._

_No mission. Just contact me. 02._

_Paris? Not funny. Contact me. 02._

_Are you mad? No? Call me. 02._

_Come home. 02._

_New mission: Contact 02._

_Joke. Just contact me. 02._

_Contact me. 02._

_Contact me. 02._

_Contact me. 02._

_Contact me. 02._

_Contact me. 02._

_Contact me. 02._

_Contact me. 02._

_Contact me. 02._

_Tell me you're alive. 02._

_Status? 02._

_Status? 02._

_Heero. Contact me. Duo._

_Heero. Contact me. Duo._

_Heero. Contact me. Duo._

_Heero. Contact me. Duo._

_I just want to know you're alive, Heero. Please._

_Heero, please call me._

_I'm on L2, I can come to you. Give me a location. _

_Give me a location. Contact me. 02._

_Give me a location. Contact me. 02._

_Give me a location. Contact me. 02._

_Give me a location. Contact me. 02._

_Give me a location. Contact me. 02._

_Give me a location. Contact me. 02._

_Give me a location. Contact me. 02._

Heero sat back from his laptop and stared at the messages he'd downloaded from the Preventers' server. Months and years of messages. They stopped about six months before Duo was shot. Heero tipped his head back and stared at his ceiling. He wondered about the six month gap, the rest of the messages had been fairly consistent. One sent almost every week. Many of them were the same. There were some minor changes in the message, moments where Heero guessed Duo must have changed and lost hope... or was drunk. He could pin-point the suicide attempt. The message rate had increased; their tone desperate as Duo sought confirmation that Heero was still alive. Then there was a blank period of two weeks. The dates corresponded with the videos Heero had.

He got up from his laptop and walked to the window. He stared out into the darkness of the city and wondered what to do. He'd stopped his video recording after a week when he found he had nothing left but excuses to make. He didn't want Duo to see him like that. If he was going to tell Duo those excuses, then it could wait until Duo was awake again.

Heero closed his eyes and leant his forehead against the glass.

Behind him, the messages continued to download.

* * *

_Well done! Proud of you._

_Keep trying, Q. Never gonna get a foot on L2._

_Won it again, huh? Good job._

Quatre stared at the messages; he had significantly less than Heero had. It had only taken a couple of hours to download the hundreds of messages that were on the comm. server for the other pilots. A cup of hot chocolate drifted into view, and Quatre looked up to find Trowa standing behind him. The taller man smiled faintly, and nodded to the netbook. "You should read that in the day time."

Quatre leant forward to drop the netbook on the table and brought his legs up onto the sofa. He accepted the drink and sipped, grimacing at the heat. He blew over the cup as Trowa joined him, curling up at the other end of the sofa. Quatre cradled his drink, "We could have ended this."

"Yes..." Trowa replied, his gaze steady. "We could have ended this sooner, but we didn't."

Quatre's gaze dipped to watch his drink swirl in the cup.

Trowa continued, "I almost think we could have ended this, but we wouldn't be here together."

The blonde raised his eyes to meet Trowa's.

"We needed to fall apart, and we needed to grow up." Trowa paused to sip his drink, "We needed to have this happen... because otherwise how would we realise how small our argument was?" He motioned the netbook, "Duo could have been right, we could have fixed things by talking it out... But I think there would have been cracks left."

Quatre sighed, "Perhaps." He sipped his drink and looked around. "It's pointless now... I just..." he closed his eyes, pained, "I hate thinking about the years he spent alone..."

"He found a way to survive. We all did."

Quatre met his eye, "But did the path have to be so dark? So cold?"

"I don't know. Maybe." Trowa turned his head, and looked around the room. The television played silently. The documentary they'd decided to watch together flickered between images of them and their Gundams. Old footage of them, just after the war, made Trowa close his eyes against it all. "Without the life I led, I would never had been there to meet you." He opened his eyes, and stared at Quatre's profile. It was remarkable how little he had changed, his hair was the same and his face was young. His eyes were old now, there was sadness constantly lurking in his gaze. Trowa set his cup aside and stood up. He walked to the window, and stared out into the darkness of the city. Moving swiftly, he lit a candle on the window sill and watched the small flame flicker.

Pale hands wove under his arms, and wrapped around him. He felt Quatre rest his head against his shoulder.

"It hasn't just been Duo who has spent years alone..." Trowa said finally, staring out. "We have all paid this price, Duo was the only one bright enough to realise he was unwilling to pay."

He raised his hands to cover Quatre's, and manoeuvred to turn and face the blonde man. Quatre's eyes were filled with regret. Trowa closed his eyes and leant his forehead against Quatre's.

"It's a road we've travelled now," He whispered, and swallowed. "There's no going back."

Quatre's eyes shot open when a tear landed on his cheek.

He stared at Trowa as the man silently cried. He raised his arms and wrapped them tighter around the taller man.

"We walk forward then." Quatre found his courage, "We carry on."

He closed his eyes and thought of Duo in his hospital bed.

"We won't walk alone again. I promise."

* * *

_Congratulations, Wufei!_

_What did you call her/him?_

_A girl? Watch out, Wu. You're in trouble._

Wufei smiled faintly, and drew his thumb over the screen to get to the next message. The hand on his shoulder made him jump and the phone tumbled out of his hand. As he stooped to pick up his phone, he looked up. Noin looked at him, her eyes concerned. "I called your name twice..." She said by way of explanation. "Are you ok?"

"Just..." he waved the phone at her, "Got to the bit where he's heard about my daughter."

Noin stared at the device and then met his eyes soberly, "He must have realised you guys weren't monitoring the comm."

"Yes, he must have." Wufei looked out the window, the city was grey today. "That didn't stop me from looking for the notes Riko used to hide in my lunch box." He swallowed, "For months after she died... I was still surprised not to find a note." He smiled sadly, looking away. "And he knew we were alive..."

Noin put her hand on her hip and stared out. It was raining again. She watched the city move below. Wufei shifted and seemed to shake himself out of it. "Is Zechs making any headway with the letters?"

"No, most are just vague threats and demands for compensation." Noin narrowed her eyes. Duo had received a slew of letters over the years from various people who'd seen through his Basilica identity. Most were mundane, but some were genuine threats to his life. She frowned, "He hasn't read through them all, but he has noticed that the more recent ones are worse than the ones Duo received earlier in his career."

"How recent are we talking?"

Noin motioned Wufei to join her, and they walked back to the desk where Zechs was sifting through the emails. On the large screen, one of Heero's programs sorted the huge amount of scanned written letters and emails by looking for specific phrases. Zechs looked up as they came closer. Noin nodded and Zechs stood. He made a gesture on his tablet, and the large screen projection changed to a timeline.

"It's not obvious from the individual communications themselves, but something happened approximately six months before he was shot." Zechs frowned, he made another gesture and different letters came up. "He got an increase of hate mail, but it turned more toward the military side of things. More from soldiers."

Wufei moved closer to the screen and stared thoughtfully. He blinked as a thought occurred to him.

He stared down at the phone in his hand.

* * *

Sally looked up from her notes when she spotted Mr Unterward.

The man was outside Duo's room, staring in through the observation window. His expression stern.

She nodded to the guard on duty, and left the room. She looked at the elderly man.

"Mr Yuy told me that you weren't allowing visitors." He tipped his head, "Forgive me. I needed to assure myself that he was still alive."

"Of course," Sally joined him at the window and stared at the young man in the bed. Duo's chest rose and fell rhythmically. Unterward glanced at her.

"He didn't realise where he was, did he?"

"No. I don't think he did."

"You've known him. Since he was a child?"

"I knew him when he was a Gundam Pilot." She replied, "You've known him for longer than I did."

The elderly man's stern features were softened by the fond look in his eyes. "He was so careful about his identity, but we always knew who he really was." He laughed quietly, "Sometimes it was like there was a white elephant in the room." He dipped his head and she looked away. He coughed, cleared his throat and his voice was stern again. "He was badly mistaken before. I hope this mistake has not cost him again..."

Sally smiled faintly and leant against the glass, "I've always said, the Gundams were made of a different stuff..." she glanced over her shoulder. "They always survive."

* * *

"Is survival enough?"

Heero placed his hands and rested his mouth on his knuckles. He stared into the web-cam. "Is it enough to breath? If they withdraw your treatment, will I be care enough? Will me being there be reason enough to keep living?" He looked past the laptop, and stared at the old photograph framed on his wall. In it, they all smiled nervously at the camera. The sixteen-year-old Duo's grin was reckless and bright.

"Is it enough to know that I will protect you?" He frowned and looked away from the photo. "I left you... you were my partner and I ran from you."

He sat back, rubbing his lips with one hand. In his other, he picked up Duo's key and turned it slowly in his hand.

"Am I too late?"

He blinked and stared at the camera again.

"I have got so many questions." He shook his head slowly, "And I know I was wrong to run."

He looked up at Duo's photo again.

"There's this emotion..." his hand slipped to his chest and he pressed against his heart. "It's telling me to run, telling me to stay... telling me all kinds of things, but it's telling me you know what it means."

His fist clenched, his eyes closed.

"I need you to wake up, Duo."

He reached forward and made a gesture on his mouse pad. Duo's last message to his comm. channel popped to the front of the desktop again. Heero's eyes passed over the muddled directions easily and rested on Duo's last words. The key chain rattled as he turned the key again.

_I need you. Rescue me, Heero._

* * *

_::For all that it cost, ::_

_::In the end there was no price to pay. ::_

_::For all that was lost, ::_

_::That storm carried it away::_

* * *

A/N: I recommend the song. It's hauntingly beautiful, and certainly expresses the hopelessness of losing. I look forward to your review!


	23. Made Me Promise

**Disclaimer:** You certainly know the score.

**Notes:** This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time.

**Warnings:** I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song:** Within Temptation – Memories

* * *

_::Made me promise I'd try::_

_::To find my way back in this life. ::_

_::I hope there is a way::_

_::To give me a sign you're ok. ::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 22: Made me promise**

_::Reminds me again it's worth it all::_

_::So I can go on. ::_

* * *

He turned the key in his hands and then looked up.

"You're going to be woken up today." Heero struggled to find a smile, but was determined. "It's been three weeks, four days but they've checked you over and they're confident that you can be woken safely." He sighed and looked down at the notes Sally had sent him. During the time he's been away from the hospital, Heero had tried to continue his research and understand in more detail the constant updates that Sally had given him. "Sally and Hobbs think that you'll wake to level 4, which is where you were before. That's good."

Heero opened his mouth to say more, but was interrupted by a light knock on the door. He turned back to the laptop.

"Time to go."

* * *

"Good morning, gentlemen."

Unterward smiled politely as he waited for them to reach the top of the stairs. He glanced at Wufei, "Your daughter?"

Wufei nodded, "She's got a day in the park with Noin and Zechs." He glanced at the sky, "It's nice day for a picnic."

"Of course." Unterward nodded and tipped his head, "Should you struggle to make child care arrangements..." He pulled out a card, "Second Chance has an extremely good day care facility where Mr Barton works." He glanced at Trowa, "if that's not an imposition."

"No," Trowa motioned the door of the hospital. "Shall we?"

Sally met them in the foyer of the hospital and travelled up with them in the lift. "We've started the waking process." She said, "Doctor Hobbs is monitoring Duo as they wake him. I'm going to take you through a few of the things we can expect and I also want you to take some time with Doctor Hemsworth to review the restrains procedure." She smiled faintly, as the lift doors opened. "I think they've had a bit of a scare when the Preventers' medical records were transferred."

"Really?" Quatre asked, "I would have presumed that they would already have Duo's medical records."

"They had the censored records. The need-to-know stuff." Sally motioned a different direction, "They didn't have everything."

* * *

Sally stood at the front of the small consultation room. She'd finished explaining and now waited for questions. Unterward looked up from the record and tapped a sheet with his finger.

"I'm confused about this notation here," he adjusted his glasses and then looked at her. "R. E. D.?" He shuffled some of the sheets, "It's noted on many of the records."

"Retired. Extremely Dangerous." Wufei said, he gestured to the other pilots. "They all are."

"We are?" Quatre frowned and turned to Wufei. "That's a stand-by execution order."

Wufei straightened in his seat and looked at Quatre, "Yes. It is."

"We are dangerous." Trowa placed a hand on Quatre's arm, recognising the familiar anger in the other man. "They're right to recognise it."

"But that's assuming any one of us could go rogue!" Quatre protested, but a sigh from Heero stopped him from going further.

Heero looked at Quatre, "Duo woke up, disabled a person, escaped a low level secure facility without so much of a thought. When we found him, he thought it was the war." He frowned, "I don't want to think what he could have done if he hadn't underestimated the severity of the coma's effects."

There was a soft knock at the door and a nurse put his head into the room. "Doctor Po? Doctor Hobbs thinks he's ready now."

Sally nodded to the man, and then looked to the people around the table. "I'm going to take Heero into the room, and I want the rest of you to wait outside." She glanced down at her notes; "I don't want to overwhelm him again..."

* * *

Heero paused by the door and glanced around. Hobbs was talking quietly with Hemsworth; a nurse was checking Duo's drips and Sally approached the end of the bed. Duo's bed held him in a reclined but seated position. Though looking pale and exhausted, Duo seemed remarkably calm. He was restrained. The blanket covered him, and there was a leather belt over his legs, waist and chest. Both of his arms were held at his side with further leather restraints.

"Good morning, Duo. How are you?"

He stared at her for a long moment, before replying. "Fine, I suppose, Doctor Po." His eyes flicked to Heero and then back to Sally. "You said you would have questions?"

Sally blinked, but responded, "Did I?"

He nodded, "Yeah, this morning."

Sally glanced at Hobbs and the other doctor exchanged a glance with Hemsworth before nodding grimly. Sally smiled faintly. "Do you recognise me, Duo?"

Duo looked at her for a moment before a smile appeared on his lips, "Of course, Doctor Po." He tipped his head toward the two doctors by the window, "Doctor Hobbs and Doctor Hemsworth..." he smiled warmly at the nurse, "Nurse Helen."

The nurse blinked and glanced at Sally. Sally nodded as if she'd known he'd say that, "The nurse's name is Andrea."

There was a moment of coldness in Duo's eyes, before the smile returned again. "I think she knows her own name."

"When did the nurse tell you her name?"

"Yesterday."

Heero blinked and looked at Sally. She, like the other doctors, seemed to be expecting this. He frowned and looked back at Duo. He didn't seem to realise that he was lying. Sally continued, "You were in a medically induced coma yesterday, and you've been in one for a month. You would have been told that by Doctor Hobbs today."

"Well, seems like yesterday to me." Duo shrugged easily, "You discharged me, and I must have gotten her mixed up with the nurse who took me down to the lobby."

"I discharged you?"

Duo seemed impatient. "Yes, I mean, dumb idea doing it during a fire drill, but I guess there's no point in doing a drill if everyone's expecting it."

Sally seemed to think about what he had said. Heero clenched his fists and resisted the urge to speak, it was clear that there was something else going on. Sally expected Duo to answer like this. She looked at Duo and smiled reassuringly, "Duo. What's my first name?"

He stared at her, and for a moment, Heero could see that Duo too seemed to be aware of the strange tension in the air. He tilted his head, and smiled sharply. "Sally. We met on the Peacemillion toward the end of the war."

That threw her, but only for a moment. "What reason did I give for discharging you? You're clearly in no state to walk."

"You told Nurse Helen that it was because you thought Mr Basilica here could take care of me."

Sally glanced at Heero and then back to Duo. "I've corrected you once; the nurse's name is Andrea." She tilted her head, "Do you remember when I told you that?"

Duo stared at her for a long time and then turned to look at the observation window. The smile froze and then fell from his face, forgotten. "I'm tired now." He shifted in his restraints, "and these hurt."

"OK, Duo."

He frowned at her, and then nodded to Heero. "What's his job?"

"What do you mean?"

"What's he here for?" Duo's eyes flicked toward Heero, and Heero almost took a step back.

Sally looked at Duo for a moment, "You don't recognise him." She didn't mean it as a question. She thought for a moment and then looked down at her own chest. When she looked up, she had a sad smile. "You've got good eyes, to be able to read my name badge from there." She sighed, "I thought you remembered me."

"I met a Sally Po on a ship once, and she was a medical doctor." Duo shifted uncomfortably, "It's not so much of a step." He tried to hold up his hands, "this is a bit much, isn't it?"

"Yes, they are." Sally said finally, but she nodded to Hemsworth, "I think they'll stay." As Hemsworth nodded and left, Sally returned her attention to her patient. Doctor Hobbs stepped forward, and lifted Duo's chart to make some notes. Sally continued, "I'm Doctor Po and this is Doctor Hobbs, we are your attending physicians." She glanced at Heero, "Any suggestions?"

Heero was staring at Duo, and didn't answer. Sally opened her mouth to ask him again, but the man shook his head as if shaking away his thoughts.

"He's already worked one restraint loose and is in the process of working the drip in his left arm out." Heero swallowed and closed his eyes; "I'll talk to Hemsworth about improving your restraint procedure."

When he opened his eyes, Duo was glaring at him. He stared at Duo; unsurprised by the ripple of rage that over took the man. Duo let his head fall back and took a deep breath. "I'm tired now." He repeated, anger in his voice, "I have a headache."

"That's fine, Duo." Sally said, stepping forward. "Like everyone you're going to see from here on out, Heero is just trying to make sure you're healing."

Duo's head came up suddenly, and he stared at her with shock. His eyes flicked to Heero again, and the sharp smile came back. "Ah, you've shown your hand." He lay his head back again and closed his eyes, "So what? OZ? White Fang? Romafeller? What is this?" He cracked open an eye and smirked, "You think I'll just give anything up?"

"What do you mean?" Sally asked, concerned.

"Yeah, you look like the Sally Po I met, but him?" Duo snorted, "try again."

"What do you mean?" Heero asked, a sinking feeling hitting him.

"You're not Heero! If you were Heero, you'd be getting me out of here or killing me." Duo's head snapped up and he pulled against the restraints. He struggled for a moment, but fell back on the bed panting softly. He turned his head from them both and stared out the window. "You're not getting anything out of me."

"This is not a holding facility, Duo." Sally stepped around the bed, and sat down beside him. "This is a hospital, you're a patient." She reached out to softly touch his arm. "You've been in a coma for two years and seven months..."

"Oh, convenient." Duo kept his head turned from them all. There was an awkward moment of silence, before the man spoke again. "So, if this is really a hospital, and I'm just a regular-joe patient..."

"Which is correct." Sally nodded.

Duo nodded and lifted his head to nod toward Heero, "then get him out of here."

Sally blinked and glanced at Heero.

Duo looked between them both, "I'm a patient, right? I have the right to refuse visitors." He looked at Sally, "I don't want him here."

Sighing, Sally nodded. "You do have the right to refuse him, but..."

"I don't want him here. He's making my headache worse." Duo turned his head away.

Doctor Hobbs sighed, and turned to Heero. "Time to go." She walked him out of the room, and paused to close the door. She walked with him to the nurse's station, and gestured him to sit down. "Do you need some water?"

"What's happening?" Heero looked up with her, confusion making it difficult to identify his emotions.

She looked down at him with sympathy, "It will not get easier until he has resolved the gaps in his memory. He doesn't recognise you."

"I ..." he whispered, "I haven't changed..."

Hobbs knelt down in front of him and took a hand. "Heero... He hasn't seen you in ten years." She patted the hand, "We're going to run some tests. You need to go home and rest. Talk to the others." She smiled reassuringly, "You've read up about level 5?"

That seemed to bring a spark of hope back and banished the look of defeat. "You think he's so far?"

"Confabulation – he's lying but isn't aware of it, trying desperately to cover the gaps in his memory. Did you notice?" Hobbs smiled kindly, "he's able to hold a conversation, but it's difficult. His attention span is not great, and he isn't able to make sense of what is really happening." She stood and shook her head, "I'm astounded. He seems able to turn every diagnosis I have on its head." She reached out and squeezed his shoulder. "I will contact you and the others; we need to discuss his rehabilitation."

She frowned slightly and then sighed.

"This isn't going to be easy on any of you; it will be frustrating until we find a way to crack this."

* * *

It was late, extremely late.

Heero leant against the door after it closed and stared into the dark apartment. It had changed a little from where Unterward had brought specialists in to evaluate what they'd need to do. Heero switched on a light and wandered into Duo's apartment. He paused at a framed picture of him. It was a service photo; his nineteen year old self stared out of the picture, uncomfortable with the uniform. Around the frame were more small framed images and news cuttings. He stepped back from the wall, and moved into the living room. He sank down into the couch, and stared at the ceiling.

Another night of sleeplessness.

He'd lain in bed, staring for the longest time. Unsure about what he was going to do now.

Every day for the past week, he'd attempted to visit Duo and every day he'd been calmly rejected. Sally had been waiting for him today, and he knew now that there was no going back until Duo allowed it. Heero sat up and walked around the room, pacing. Duo didn't recognise any of the pilots. Each of them had gone to visit, and each had been politely received and equally rejected. He paused at the door of the study. Unterward had mentioned that Heero might find something in here; that the apartment had been left to him. His hand rested on the doorknob and he drew a breath.

The door swung open easily.

Heero recognised the room from some of the later recordings that Duo had made, but still took the time to look at each wall. Quatre's was the smallest collection; Duo had known where he was. Wufei was next, Trowa's was incredibly empty. It was his own that left him feeling shaken. He had a whole wall dedicated to him. Duo had sat at his desk, and every part of the wall in front of him was filled with information about Heero.

Heero sat down and looked up, the trace had been logical and progressive. Duo had come close to finding him.

He looked down at the desk, scattered papers everywhere. He pulled a logbook from the top of the pile, noticing its battered and used condition. A memory stick fell out and Heero had to duck to fish it back up. As he did so, the book slipped and fell upside down on the floor. He picked up both with a sigh and looked at the page the book had fallen onto. It took a few moments of reading, but when Heero understood what he was reading, his mouth fell open.

Duo had found him.

The double page spread was of Heero's location, right down the false name and the prison cell he had been living in for the four years he'd gone off grid.

Duo had found him.

Heero glanced at the memory stick and then powered on Duo's computer. The four screens flickered on and the machine updated itself, and Heero stared blankly at the memory stick. He plugged it in and waited. There was only one thing on the memory stick, a program. With a frown, he scanned the program with Duo's anti-virus and found nothing remarkable. It had been written by Duo about six months before his accident. He ran the program, and it opened up. It seemed to be an automated fetch-and-return program, finding several different files and opening them on different parts of the four computer monitors that Duo had set up.

"I found you."

Heero blinked and twisted his head to see a video take over the whole of one monitor. Duo smiled kindly. His eyes were tired, his smile was exhausted. His expression was one that spoke of a desire to stop. The Duo he saw in this video was the Duo he'd seen in the first video recording that Unterward had given them.

"If you can see this, it means I'm dead." Duo continued, "And it probably means you didn't see me before I died." His violet eyes trailed off the camera, as he thought for a moment. "I'm sorry, Heero. I found you, but you know... Everyone I've ever known or loved has left me... has died. And I don't blame you guys for getting out of dodge before it got you too."

Heero raised a shaking hand, and pressed his trembling fingers over the sad smile of his partner.

"The files you see opening up are the information packs you need to find the others, if they're not already with you. I found them too, but... I should have realised that this stink of death is never gonna leave me." Duo looked away, "I know that if I contact you, break you out, whatever... it's not going to end well." He frowned and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he stared steadily into the camera. "Every time I called someone family, be it Solo or Helen... Death has always come for them." He smiled faintly, "and I was starting to think... you guys, you guys were close..."

Duo nodded slowly.

"It was a warning, when you guys left. I know that now. It's taken me so many years, but I figured it out..." Duo stared out, "so I'm going to content myself with knowing you're alive and I'm gonna let you go."

The man in the video stared blankly for a moment.

"It's not going to be happy with that, and I know there's only one thing left to do." The smile was regretful. "Unterward will find you, get through it all. But I'll leave it to him to figure out." He paused and the smile disappeared, "I've run and I've been hiding... and I've been lying. I think it put death off the scent, but now I found you..." He chuckled darkly, "Death and me... we're old buddies, I know what it wants."

Duo shook his head slowly.

"Take care of the others, Heero. That's all I want..."

Duo paused and closed his eyes tightly. He shook his head again, and leant forward.

Heero was struck by the shimmer in Duo's eyes.

"That's not all..."

His voice was a whisper, and Heero leant forward, entranced.

"I wish I'd seen you, one more time."

In the recording, Duo's expression crumpled and he reached out to turn off the camera.

"Heero, I miss you." Duo's violet eyes brimmed with tears. "Farewell."

The screen went blank.

* * *

When Heero got home, he went straight to bed.

He didn't even bother to take his clothes off, just paused long enough to kick off his boots. He wasn't tired, but knew he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't keep his head up, couldn't keep his tears from falling. He couldn't even call any of the others, he just lay under the quilt and put his hands in his messy hair. He pulled and the pain distracted him briefly. He couldn't control his emotions any more, and it was tearing him apart. Duo had needed him, and he'd run away. Duo was awake and didn't want him near. The Duo he knew was both here and far away, didn't know him but remembered him.

His morning alarm went, and he stared at the digital readout. He'd been awake for another night. His stomach turned at the thought of getting up, going to the hospital. Only to be denied, and be left to wallow in his guilt another day. He had failed Duo, failed him as a partner. Failed him as a friend and as a brother. He'd left Duo alone. He'd stolen from Duo before and had been foolish not to realise that when he left, he'd stolen again. It was like history repeating itself: he'd stolen parts from Duo's Gundam to fix his own and had left Duo's machine broken and defenceless. He'd done it here, stolen the feelings of friendship, took them and used them to steel himself as he ran away. Left Duo alone and defenceless against the years of isolation.

He was a fraud. He'd come back to protect Relena, and then had tried to protect Duo.

With what weapons?

His ability to research, his mission planning, his intellect. It meant nothing.

Nothing!

Duo had never given up, but now everything he'd given up had been for nothing.

Who had he looked for, for all of these years? How could he have possibly thought that Heero had been worth it?

He was nothing, nothing worth the years of pain that he'd caused Duo. He had not been worth waiting, looking or praying for.

He was a killer.

He killed.

He was a weapon.

He had built nothing. Saved no-one.

Relena had rejected his promise of protection, she'd seen through him.

He couldn't even protect Duo.

Nothing he had done over the last few years had meant anything, his research flawed, and his time spent doing only things that gave him some comfort and illusion of being useful and helpful. Once again, he'd taken from Duo and given back nothing useful. A failure, through and through. Good for nothing, a stupid boy who'd hope to bring peace to his friend.

Heero reached out and switched the alarm off, then disabled the alarm entirely. He pulled the quilt over his head, and twisted his hands into his hair again.

He curled up, and closed his eyes.

He couldn't do it anymore.

* * *

Sally stepped into the hospital room, and paused by the door. Since they'd dismissed the constant Preventer guard at his side, the nurses had noticed something strange. The nurses had started to report that Duo was becoming increasingly difficult to deal with at this time in the morning. As it was his most lucid period, Sally and Doctor Hobbs were keen to solve the problem. Hobbs had tried different nurses and after a period of adjustment, he would reject each one's ministrations. He seemed to be adjusting to the idea that he was a coma patient in a hospital. It was to be expected that he would need help. After the morning's difficulties, Duo seemed to lapse into a silent state, unable to engage with others. He spent a long period of time staring at the sky. The only visitor he didn't seem to object to what Mr Unterward, whom he recognised as his lawyer, but didn't recognise the company he worked for.

Duo looked vaguely calm but also distressed. He shifted in his restraints and seemed confused. He looked at her, and then frowned. She stepped forward and stood at the end of the bed. "The nurse told me that you wanted something."

He frowned at her again, his expression growing more confused. He tilted his head and looked past her. She looked in the direction, and saw the clock. "Ah," she said. "It's 8.36am. Visiting hours have begun, perhaps you wish for Mr Unterward to visit again?"

"Must have missed the bus." She heard Duo mutter behind her. She turned back to him.

"Pardon? "

He looked at her, and she realised that the expression was one of brief relief. Duo seemed to speak more to himself, "he's always late if he misses the bus."

Sally stepped forward, trying not to hold her breath as a spark of hope lit in her heart. "Who, Duo?"

He looked at her, as if startled, as if he'd forgotten she was in the room. The uncomfortable expression returned, and he frowned. "We need to begin the day."

Sally blinked, "How do we do that?"

"You know how!" He said, now too uncomfortable to meet her eye.

She moved forward and sat down beside him. "I don't, Duo... and I think you know that I don't know."

He turned his head from her, looking out the window. She looked at him for a while, and reached out to touch his hand.

"Tell me..." She began, "close your eyes and tell me what you can hear right now..."

His breath hitched and he struggled for a moment to keep his eyes closed. A frown passed over his face, and Sally glanced at the clock. "It's 8.39am..."

"It's 8.39am, Duo..." Duo said, faintly as if repeating something from memory, "I'm late because I missed my usual bus." The frown disappeared, and was replaced by a faint smile, "today I'll begin your day by brushing your hair..."

His eyes fluttered open, and Sally could see a familiar blankness creep in. She sighed and reached out to brush a hand over his hair. It was longer now. The nurses had been kind and had tied it back into a tidy pony tail.

"He's late..." Duo said, his voice faint. "Later than normal. What did he say in his message?"

She lifted her hand, and tilted her head. She knew what he meant, but wondered if Duo knew. "Who, Duo?"

He frowned and looked at her, pain creased his brow. "You know who."

"I do, but you don't, do you?"

Duo looked away from her, the blankness firmly in his eyes.

"He'll leave me a message, he always does."

* * *

_::Together in all these memories::_

_::I see your smile. ::_

_::All the memories I hold dear. ::_

_::Darling, you know I will love you::_

_::Until the end of time. ::_

* * *

**A/N:** Had a few stressful weeks and my first non-constructive flame in my inbox, put me off for a while but then I realised: If you can't read my warning, then I'm not going to get worried about offending you. Short notes 'cause I'm not doing great, but as always I look forward your reviews and beg forgiveness for this late posting. Take care.


	24. Like It Never Happened

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes:** This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time.

**Warnings:** I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song:** Walk Off The Earth – Somebody I used to know

* * *

_::Now and then I think of when we were together::_

_::Like when you said you felt so happy you could die::_

_::I told myself that you were right for me::_

_::But felt so lonely in your company::_

_::But that was love and it's an ache I still remember::_

Fade to Black

By Doctor Megalomania

Chapter 23: Like It Never Happened

_::You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness::_

_::Like resignation to the end::_

* * *

"What usually happens at 8.30?"

Duo stared at her, before looking away. "I don't know."

"The nurses say you are expecting someone, who are you expecting?"

"No-one." Duo answered, his voice was sullen. He stared at the grey clouds.

Doctor Hobbs made a small notation, before continuing. "What can you see outside the window?"

"Clouds."

"What do they remind you of?"

"The curtains aren't fully open. He left instructions."

"Who left the instructions?"

He lifted his head to look at her, his expression beginning to turn angry. "You know the answer."

"I do, but do you?"

"Is this a game?"

"Would you like it to be?"

"No. I want to go home."

She didn't have an expression, and simply made a note. She looked at him, her head tilting. "Do you know why we not discharging you?"

"I'm ill from ..." Duo shook his head, "Why can't I just go home? I wouldn't be so sick if I wasn't here."

Hobbs only blinked, and asked her next question. "What happened to you before the coma?"

"How is this supposed to help me?" He frowned at her, frustrated by her patience. Part of his therapy was focused on drawing him out of the coma by helping him to remember things. Duo felt his lip curl, he could remember that information but he could not remember what he'd had for breakfast that morning. Doctor Hobbs was sat before him, but he only knew this because of the peice of paper she'd handed him. Their session had started twenty minutes ago, her name was printed clearly. He ran a finger over the start time of their session. 8.30am. Visiting hours.

"We start the day by brushing my hair." Duo said, annoyance in his voice. "And the curtains aren't fully open." He frowned as she set aside her clipboard and rose. He watched the doctor as she opened the curtains properly. The noise of the moving curtains prompted something else and Duo frowned deeper. "You haven't told me what he said in his message."

"What message?" Hobbs stared out the window, her expression thoughtful.

"He always leaves a message if he's going to be late."

She turned toward him. "Who leaves the message?"

Duo stared at her for a long time, and felt the name slip away. Dark hair and blue eyes appeared in his memory, blurred and far away. He knew the name but couldn't remember how to say it. He knew she knew. He knew that was what the therapy was trying to help him with. He opened his eyes to a clink beside him. He looked over and stared at the nurse.

Hobbs was gone. He frowned. "Where did the doctor go?"

The nurse tilted her head, mild confusion on her face. "Doctor Hobbs? She left after you fell asleep."

"When?" Duo looked at the nurse, "I just closed my eyes for a minute."

The nurse's smile was kindly, "You've been asleep for four hours now." She turned back to her cart, "I've brought your lunch. You must be hungry."

Duo didn't answer her, and turned his head to look out the window. The grey morning had turned into a greyer afternoon. The smell of the soup faded away and he blinked. He wondered about the lost time. He had been told that his mind would struggle to process information, but that the alterations to his body by the Gundam Scientists would combat it somewhat. It didn't make sense. It concerned him that time slipped.

"You should try to eat something today, Duo."

He looked toward the end of the bed, and tilted his head. Sally Po stood, making notes to his chart. He wanted to speak to her, but couldn't remember the right words to say. He was so tired. She came closer, her expression sympathetic. "It's nine pm." She said, seemingly finding it easy to read his mind.

Duo swallowed and nodded slightly. Words seemed hard to say, and he wasn't sure what she wanted. Sally reached out and touched his hands.

"I know it's difficult at the moment. Your more lucid period has passed, and it must be difficult to process information." She looked at the drips. "That's why we're making sure you're getting the nutrients you need, but you need to get used to eating again."

"He said he'd bring food." Duo said finally, grasping at a memory. "He said he'd only be an hour. It's late now."

Sally sighed slowly. "He did? Today?"

"Yes."

"Duo. Nobody has come to visit today."

"He was here." Duo found it easier to hold on to the memory when he didn't look at her. Looking at her would mean looking away from the memory of the man. With so many memories slipping away, Duo couldn't afford to lose another.

Sally's voice was firm. "Duo. Nobody came to visit you today. You turned away Heero when he came to visit."

"You keep sending the wrong people." Duo tried to fix his eyes on the sky, but found it more and more difficult. His eyes kept trying to look at her.

"What if I bring Heero with me tomorrow?"

"You can't bring Heero."

"Why not, Duo?"

He frowned, "You know why." His memory of the man slipped away and he glanced at her with anger. "He's not here. None of them are."

She was staring at him, and he felt a wave of sadness. A small noise escaped him. His memory cracked and collapsed again.

"I want to go home," he moaned, "I want to go home!"

* * *

He woke up and stared at the pillow for a long time.

Heero didn't have a clock by the bed, but it wasn't like he needed one. His helpful training meant that his internal body clock was never wrong. He closed his eyes against the mocking whisper. He tried to go back to sleep, enjoying the peace it brought. Heero never dreamt anymore. It had been difficult at first, but eventually he'd developed a sleeping plan that meant that he would exhaust himself just enough to fall into deep dark periods of slumber.

Part of him wanted to get up and clean. He ignored it.

Part of him raged about his responsibilities. He silenced it.

He wanted to sleep. He wanted to hide here, in his room. His phone was still on; anyone could contact him at any time. It was just that now, he needed to be alone to process what he had done wrong in the last ten years. It was a long list, and he needed to face everything that he was guilty for. He lifted his head to look toward the window, confirming it was still night. Time to sleep again, he thought. No need to chase his demons yet.

He went to sleep and hated himself some more.

* * *

"What usually happens at 8.30am?"

"He should have arrived by now." Duo folded his hands, staring at her patiently. It was a new question, a change from their usual routine.

Doctor Hobbs nodded, "The nurses told me you were expecting someone. Do you know who it is?"

"No-one." He blinked, confused again. He thought back to what he'd just said. "But he should have arrived by now... ?"

Hobbs made a small notation and nodded. She looked up at him, and waited like she was waiting for him. He frowned slightly and looked away to the window. He saw her nod in her reflection. "What can you see outside the window?"

"The sky. Clouds."

"What do they remind you of?"

"The curtains aren't fully open." Duo frowned, "You're doing it wrong. He left instructions."

"Who left the instructions?"

Turning to look at her, he felt his expression turn hard. "You know the answer."

"I do, but do you?"

"Is this a game?"

She glanced down at her notes, nodding. "Would you like it to be?"

"No. I want to go home."

She didn't have an expression, and simply made a note. She looked at him, her head tilting. "Do you know why we not discharging you?"

"I'm ill from ..." Duo shook his head, "Why can't I just go home? I wouldn't be so sick if I wasn't here."

Hobbs only blinked, and asked her next question. "What happened to you before the coma?"

"How is this supposed ... to help ... me?" He trailed off, uncertain. A memory flashed in his mind. "We've had this conversation before."

"Yes, we have." He was surprised by her faint smile. "It was kind."

"Why?"

"That's the first time you've noticed since we started this course of treatment." She made a note and lay down her pen. "Your short term memory is very poor. We've had this exact same conversation every day for the past two weeks. Apart from some minor phrases here and there, you've always said the same things. You never seem to remember the day before." She tilted her head, "What is different about today?"

He stared at her for a long time. She disappeared in the time it took him to blink. Then Sally was there and it was evening again. The doctor was sitting, occasionally glancing at him but reading from a clipboard. He looked at the clock and swallowed.

"What happened to the last six hours?" His voice was low, and there was a fragment of fear.

Sally blinked and looked up from her notes. She tilted her head. "You have been staring, it seems that you are experiencing some catatonic states – specifically stupor. We're not certain what is triggering these states." Concern flittered over her face, "I'm sorry, Duo. This is not normal for your level of coma. It must be frightening."

He felt his head begin to jerk and rock, it took several tries to get the words out of his head. "Wouldn't... wouldn't be happening..." his face crumpled in frustration, "If I wasn't here!" He began to rock in earnest, "And the curtains should be shut now! Shut now!" He drew a ragged breath, "You have the instructions!"

Sally sat still, and glanced at the notes in her lap. "But who left the instructions?"

"You know who." Duo replied, finding the words harder to say. It was becoming jumbled up in his head, and it was hard to follow. He caught a glimpse of the man in the window. "And who is that?"

"Who, Duo?" Sally's eyes widened slightly in surprise.

Duo swung his head toward the window again, the man in the window moved again. "Him, he's sitting in this bed but he can't be. I'm here."

Sally moved closer, dropping her clipboard on a table. She sat on the bed, mindful of the drips and the restraints. "Duo." She began in a low, calm voice. "That's a reflection. A reflection of you."

Duo felt it slipping away again, and the words turned to treacle in his throat. "I don't look like that... he knows. That's why you need to follow the instructions..."

* * *

The knocking on his door was persistent and after almost twenty minutes, Heero was hard pressed to continue ignoring it. He dragged himself out of bed and shuffled toward the door.

"Who's there?"

The knocking stopped, and Sally called through the door. "It's Sally, open the door."

"I'm not dressed." Heero shuffled closer to lean against the door.

"Then put some clothes on." Sally sounded like she was joking. "I want to talk to you."

"Then talk."

There was a pause. "Duo's not doing too well, Heero. I think he needs you to come back."

"He doesn't know who I am anymore."

"No, he doesn't." Sally admitted, there was a quiet sound like she was sitting down in front of his door. Heero slid down to join her on the floor. "But he remembers you. Remembers what you did for him."

"I didn't do anything." Heero muttered.

"You what?" Sally said, "I didn't catch that. Why not open the door?"

"I didn't do anything," he repeated louder. "I'm not going back."

There was another pause. "Why not?"

"I'm busy. I've got to do something." Heero glanced at his laptop, knowing that it was frozen on another one of Duo's videos.

Sally's voice turned a shade angry. "Bullshit."

He didn't reply.

"Heero, that's bullshit. You know he needs you."

"Send one of the others."

"He needs you, Heero."

"Send one of the others. I'm not going."

"Damnit, Heero!" Sally thumped the door, "What's going on?"

"He doesn't need me. He needs one of the others – they know what to do."

"Oh yeah. Oh yeah!" Sally's voice took a nasty, sarcastic turn. "I'm supposed to send one of the others – because that's exactly what he needs. People who don't look like the man he's waiting for every morning."

Heero stood up and walked away from the door. He left Sally and returned to his bed.

He was tired again.

* * *

"What usually happens at 8.30am?"

"No-one." Duo blinked. His answer left his lips before he realised he spoke. He looked around the room, his eyes catching on the curtains. "They need to be more open."

Doctor Hobbs didn't reply to that, and seemed to wait until he was looking at her. He sighed impatiently, "I told the nurses I was expecting someone, do you know who it is?"

Hobbs blinked, her expression was surprised and she glanced down at her notes. Her brow furrowed in thought and she nodded to herself. "No-one. But he should have arrived by now."

He stared at her for a long time, feeling sick. For the longest time he thought he might throw up, but found the next words to say. "That was my line. We've had this conversation before."

"Good." Hobbs smiled kindly, "do you remember when?"

"No." It was a moan, and he realised with some creeping horror that he was afraid. Not of Hobbs, but of the hospital. It seemed to be a recurring nightmare. Hobbs swallowed, her eyes misty.

She swallowed hard and explained, "I've been coming to you every day for the last two weeks. I have asked you the same question every day. You do not remember. We have the same conversation, every day. Yesterday was the first time you remembered that we'd had the conversation before. Today, you have noticed earlier that there is something wrong." She glanced around the room. "I have a suspicion why this might be. What made you think something was wrong?"

He floundered, fear turning the words to ashes.

Hobbs waited patiently, and he stared at her.

Licking dry lips, Duo tried to push the words out. "Th-The curtains. They're more closed than usual."

Hobbs nodded as if expecting this. "You don't remember anything about your new daily routine, you do remember the instructions that were left to the nurses while you were in the earlier stages. This is certainly unusual. At this stage, it is expected that you will struggle with your daily routine, but it is not expected that you should remember any routine." She glanced away, "Heero did some good research..."

"Heero's not here." He said, his voice faint in his mind. "Heero's gone."

Whatever Hobbs said to him next was lost, his eyes slipped shut and he fell into darkness again.

* * *

Her door opened, almost silently but it was enough to pull her from sleep. Her father crept into the room, and knelt by her bed. Nataku opened her eyes and stared tiredly at her father. He looked very sleepy, she thought. It reminded her of her mother's funeral, her father had looked very sleepy then as well. The thought tore at her heart and tears welled up. Her father shook his head, and reached out to pull her up and toward him. He moved to sit on the bed and she sobbed hard in his arms.

"Shh, Nataku. I'm sorry to have woken you... Shh..."

She tried to speak, but was overcome. She had not seen much of her father in the past couple of weeks; he'd been consumed by the search for Duo's shooter. Between school and child care, Nataku had rare moments like this where her father came to see her before collapsing into his own bed. It pained her to see her father so worn again. She felt herself being lifted, and carried out of her bedroom. It took long moments of pacing, but eventually her tears slowed and stopped. They stood before the grand windows of the living room and stared out across the city. She made her eyes focus on her father. "I'm sorry... You're tired."

"I'm tired, but I will not rest well. Not while my daughter cries." Wufei glanced at his daughter, his smile was exhausted but warm. "Especially, not while I fail to make her happy again. I did not mean to scare you. I just wanted to see you."

"I know." Nataku swallowed hard against the new tears, "I just thought that you look so tired and the last time you looked so tired, mommy had died and-and..." She swallowed again, failing to stop the tears this time. "I don't want you to be so tired!"

He rocked her again, holding her tight and she sobbed into his shoulder. Wufei paced patiently, muttering soothing noises. A light clicked on, and he turned to find Sally shuffling toward the kitchen. Wufei dropped into a crouch and helped his daughter to stand. The girl was tired beyond her means, and he could not find the words why he'd become so invested in finding Duo's shooter. He could hear the kettle begin to boil in the kitchen. He looked at his little girl and reached out to embrace her. "I work to find justice for Duo." He said, closing his eyes. "It isn't right, and this is something I can do to make it right."

"I know." She mumbled, "but you need to be careful. Everyone's so worried."

"Yes." Wufei agreed, he pulled back to look her in the eye. "Tomorrow I will finish work on time, let's go to the park together."

She was still tearful, but he could see it was more from being over tired now. Wufei scooped her up and took her back to her bedroom. She was asleep again before her head hit the pillow. Wufei watched her for a few moments longer before checking her nightlight and leaving the room as quietly as he could manage. He was just pulling the door too when the smell of tea caught him. He turned to find Sally holding two mugs. She smiled lopsidedly, and passed him one.

"Thank you for taking care of her." Wufei sipped the tea gingerly.

Sally shook her head, "It's not a burden, though she's right. You do need to be more careful. She needs you to be in good shape."

"I just need to do this." Wufei moved to his sofa and sank down gratefully. "We've gotten a little closer to the OZ pilots and I think they may know something. Noin and Zechs are doing their best, but it's difficult with so little evidence."

Sally drank her tea thoughtfully. "Nataku seems to be worried about the others."

"Trowa and Quatre are deep in mending their relationship." Wufei leant back, "They have much anger to work past and many cracks to heal—"

"Heero seems to be cut off." Sally interrupted him, a touch impatient. "I tried to see him the other day."

Wufei waved a hand dismissively. "He's found a new mission, something about the video logs from Duo. He told me that he was looking for something, working on information that Duo had left. He thinks it may help Duo to—"

"I think something's wrong." Sally raised a hand, "don't you think?"

"With Heero?" Wufei frowned, "No. He's in mission mode. You've seen it before."

"He doesn't usually refuse people." She countered, "And he won't visit Duo."

"Duo's awake now, and you said it yourself: Duo needs time to adjust." Wufei's frown deepened. "He refused us, and both you and Hobbs said it would be better if we kept our distance for now."

Sally stared at her tea cup, watching the reflections on the surface. "I'm starting to wonder about that diagnosis."

* * *

"What usually happens at 8.30am?"

Duo's stare was blank. Hobbs pursed her lips and glanced at the curtains. Today, she'd instructed the nurse to leave them closed. The previous days had proved that Duo associated the opening curtains with the day's beginning. He achieved a slow blink, and turned his head away from her. His unusual coloured eyes were disconcerting. There was no sign of conscious thought in those purple eyes. Hobbs frowned and glanced at the closed curtains. She stood and moved to open them.

"You said you were expecting someone."

Hobbs turned at his voice, and looked at him. Now, Duo seemed alert. He watched her carefully as she moved to sit down. She checked her notes and frowned. "Duo, what do you remember about yesterday?"

His eyes narrowed, "You said you were expecting someone."

"What do you remember about our last conversation?"

She watched as his gaze faltered and slipped off her. He stared for a long time at the floor. "You said... we..."

Hobbs waited for a long time. It was clear to her that his thought processes alternated between sharply aware and fuzzily confused. She could see when it happened, his attention becoming fixed on one point as the former pilot tried to rally his thoughts. When he looked back at her, it was clear he'd forgotten what he was going to say. Hobbs sighed. Duo was struggling to string thoughts together, memories were clearly fleeting and coherent thought must have seemed impossible to capture.

She sighed and looked down at the photos in her folder. The Preventer issued photographs of the Gundams in their last set of official photos stared back at her. They were formal, the boys peered out from starchy uniforms with only Wufei looking comfortable in them. She stood and brought the photo page to Duo. She slipped into the closer chair, and held them up for him. "Who are these people?"

Duo reached out as best he could with his restraints and took the photo page from her. He stared at the images in his lap, his fingers passing over each boy fondly. "Heero. Me. Trowa. Quatre. Wufei."

Hobbs nodded and made a note. She glanced at Duo, his violet eyes focused on the images. "What uniform are they wearing?"

"Preventer." He tapped a logo on Trowa's shoulder. "See?"

"I do." She reached into her folder and withdrew another photo. She handed it to Duo, who placed it over the photo page. He stared at it, recognition fading from his face. Hobbs watched it disappear but still ventured to ask. "Who do you see in this picture?"

"I don't know. He looks like a Preventer."

Hobbs nodded, "how can you tell?"

He tapped the shoulder logo with a finger. "Logo." He snorted in faint amusement. "He looks like what I image Wufei will look like in something stupid, like, twenty years or something."

"That is a picture of Wufei Chang." Hobbs ventured. Duo snorted, disbelief clear in his tone.

"No, this is a picture of Wufei." He held up the photo page and tapped the new photo dismissively. "That's not Wufei, he's too old."

"The photo page contains images taken over ten years ago." She reached out to hold up the image of the older Wufei, "this was taken last year when Captain Chang was reinstated to the L2 Preventers."

Duo nodded slowly, and then tapped the pictures in his lap. "These are my friends..." he glanced at the photo she held, "That's just some old guy."

Hobbs lowered the photo and sighed. "Do you know what year it is?"

"Yes."

"And you accept that that photo page was taken ten years ago?"

"Yes."

"So, why can't I be holding a picture of Chang Wufei, ten years older?"

"'cause that's just some guy." Duo's gaze was firmly on the old photo page. "Some guy who isn't Wufei..."

* * *

Heero opened his eyes again. It was 8.30am.

He stared for a long time. Looking at the morning light on the wall.

A killer.

A thief.

Undeserving.

Failure.

He closed his eyes again and tried to sleep.

* * *

Duo opened his eyes. It was 4am.

He stared at the curtains for a long time. He didn't know why this time made more sense, but he would hold on it.

The day time was when his thoughts were muddled and confused. The night had always made more sense.

He shifted his arms and felt the restraints, shifted his body. The restraints were not complex. They would take time to remove but they were not complex.

He could escape again, but he thought about the day time. His mind would slip away again. Even now, it was difficult to concentrate.

The curtains were not fully closed and he could just about see the twinkling lights of the colony – they always looked like stars.

Sleep came again, chasing away the useful thoughts.

His eyelids drooped and Duo slipped away into sleep.

The words escaped him, but he didn't know what he was saying.

"Did you get the message... Heero...?"

* * *

_::So when we found that we could not make sense::_

_::Well you said that we would still be friends::_

_::But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over::_

_::But you didn't have to cut me off::_

_::Make out like it never happened::_

_::And that we were nothing::_

* * *

A/N: Thank you so much, I am astounded by the kind words. Certainly, all the positive reviews have extinguished the flame entirely. Short notes, as I don't want to harp on but THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! And an extra thank you, in advance, for your review!


	25. Punished for my Sin

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: This was a story I started almost a decade ago. Many things changed. When I started writing this, I didn't know the feeling of the things I tried to describe. I hope that I can convey those feelings now, clearly and truthfully. Nine years is a very long time.

**Warnings**: I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song**: Abingdon School Boys – Desert Rose

* * *

_::No lights are coming in... ::_

_::But it's not the light::_

_::Nor the wind I'm missing::_

_::Wanna hold you in my arms::_

_::But I'm leaving you, put out of my misery::_

_::I'm a criminal::_

_::Falling out of love::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 24: Punished For My Sin**

_::Just wanted to know::_

_::If you really need me::_

* * *

His phone rang.

Heero opened his eyes and stared at the device.

His phone rang.

Heero closed his eyes and rolled over.

His phone rang.

* * *

"Yuy. Leave a message."

Under her blanket, Nataku pulled the phone from her ear and stared at it. She hung up. There was no sense in leaving another message. Mind set, the little girl crept out of her bed and replaced her father's phone on the kitchen table. She glanced toward the kitchen clock and made up her mind. Today was the day. Outside the window, the colony sunrise was beginning.

It took a matter of minutes for her to be dressed, and she quietly slipped on her coat and shoes. She reached into the closet, and pulled out the bag she'd stowed there some days ago. It was for this precise emergency. She stared into the dim corridor and waited. Her father's alarm began going, and she set about opening the door. She was through it and closing it before her father had stopped his alarm. She'd taken the time to learn that about him in the past week.

Stepping back from the door, the girl adjusted her backpack. It was heavier than usual. She turned on a heel and started down the corridor. She took the stairs because she'd noticed there were fewer cameras and had remembered that her father had had some trouble finding Duo when he escaped the hospital because there had been few cameras in the stairwells there as well. As soon as she stepped out, she turned and walked promptly toward the bus stop. She glanced at her watch and then up as the bus arrived on time.

The driver had looked at her with some concern, but she smiled toothily and began telling him about visiting her uncle in hospital. She was struggling to keep the tale up, but she did it for long enough that the driver soon forgot his concerns for his impatience to move on to the next step.

The bus ride took half an hour, and she counted off the stops carefully. Nataku hopped off the bus and ran straight up the stairs. She paused in the hospital foyer, and moved to the side of the room. Heero did that, she'd noticed, when he was new to a place. She pressed her back against the wall and waited, watching how the room worked. She spotted a family and moved to join them.

She kept her head down as they stepped into the lift, and followed them out. It was the wrong floor but she remembered what her father said about Duo's escape. She held her head up, looked at the nearest sign and walked off. Nataku looked confident as she moved, and was surprised by how many people noticed and dismissed her movements. She got to a stairwell, and made her way up.

When she arrived at Duo's floor, she had to be more careful. When she arrived at the nurses' station, she breathed hard as if she'd run and grinned brightly. "I won the race!"

The nurse recognised her, and looked toward the lift. "Well, wait here for your father, ok?"

"Okay!" Nataku sank down in front of the station and waited. She watched her watch for a long time, watching the minutes tick away and people arrive and go. After five minutes, the nurses' shift change began and Nataku moved. She crept from wall to wall, making her way to Duo's room.

She finally slipped the door open and moved inside.

Glancing over her shoulder, she was glad to see that Duo was still asleep. Nataku took a step back and put her back pack on the ground. She took a few moments to understand how the door locked. It could be locked from the inside by turning a knob, but could be opened from the outside with a key. Opening the door slightly, she ducked her head out and checked if the coast was clear. She stepped back again and rummaged through her bag. She pulled out a small tub, and popped it open. The small ball of playdoh took a few moments to warm up but she was able to stuff most of it into the outside keyhole with a sharpened pencil. She closed the door and turned the lock. Nataku moved swiftly, taking a chair and tilting it to jam the door handle. Licking her lips nervously, she looked around and moved another chair to the observation window. Nataku hastily pulled the curtains shut and jumped off the chair. She stepped back toward her bag and surveyed the room again.

"You know, the lock thing will only work for a few moments..."

She blinked and turned around. Duo was propped up on his elbows as best he could, staring at her dully. "Why are you here, little girl?" He tilted his head slightly, "Who are you hiding from?"

Her eyes narrowed as she looked at him, and Duo was struck by the girl's smirk. "I don't think my disappearance has caused the level of confusion that will mean that I'll be found here yet."

"Big words for a little girl." He raised a hand, and waved the remote in his hand. "I can get a nurse."

She walked toward him, picking up her bag on the way. "You can do that, but as you say, the door will hold for a few moments." Climbing on a chair, she reached past his drips carefully to press the button which would raise him into a sitting position.

He glanced at the clock. It was 8.12am. He looked at her. "What are you doing here?"

She swallowed and lifted her bag up. Stepping carefully onto the bed, she moved to sit awkwardly on his chins. He stared at her.

"I'm restrained for a reason." He stated when the girl began pulling a large book out of her bag. She paused and looked at him, a withering glance that threw him back to another time. He tried a different question, "What's your name?"

"Chang Nataku." She said, throwing her bag to the floor now that she had a book in her lap. She folded her hands over it, and stared at him levelly. "I'm here because of justice."

He blinked slowly, and for a moment saw Wufei in handcuffs, sitting calmly as the air supply became depleted.

When he opened his eyes, the girl was still waiting calmly.

"You're Wufei's daughter?" He breathed, "but..."

"I spoke to Doctor Hobbs, she said that you might need help." The girl dragged a lock of her look hair back over an ear and leant forward. "You have dots. I made a book that has the lines."

"You really are Wufei's daughter." His smile was wry as he shook his head, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

She frowned at him and turned the big book. It was a hand crafted affair, a crude children's craft book with a cardboard cover. She'd drawn on the book, glued on stars and pictures of the colonies. He smiled kindly as she handed it over, but gasped when he saw the front cover.

It was a satellite picture: a darkened earth, the sun behind it. The stars were barely visible, but more important were the four red lines and the one red dot in the middle. A memory fired in his mind: strapped in his Gundam, lights of other machines. Operation Meteor had begun...

He glanced up at her, "Where did you get this?"

"I had help, from lots of people who want you to get better." The girl looked at him, her expression too grave for a child of her age. "Because everyone wants to help you, Duo Maxwell."

He opened the book and rested a finger on the largest photo inside. It was a picture of a man in a bed, his head was shaved and he looked like he was dying. "Who is this?"

She moved off the bed to kneel on the chair, moving so she could see the book in his lap. "That's you."

He pointed at another picture nearby, one taken from a newspaper. It was him, with sunglasses, braid over one shoulder. "That's me." He read the description, "Before I got shot...?" He looked around the page, and found a pixellated image of another man. He was turned from the camera, his collar high, his light coloured hair the only information available. The photo was circled and a line connected it to a news article. "This man shot me?"

"That's what papa thinks." She looked at him, "He's looking for him, papa will find him."

He glanced at her. "You think so?"

"Know so." She nodded firmly, "There will be justice."

Duo smiled faintly and turned the page. In the middle, there was a photo of the five pilots together. It was dark and snowing, behind them the Gundams were leaning against each other and burning. Wufei was wrapped in a long preventer's coat. He looked exhausted. Beside him, battered and bruised, Trowa stood. The tall boy was looking away from the camera, his expression looking strained. Quatre was in the middle, looking stressed as he held on to Heero's arm. It looked more like Heero was about to sag to the ground.

Duo ran his finger over himself.

His sixteen-year-old self looked at the camera, one hand held up in a victory sign and the other clamped around Heero's waist. He followed the little bit of purple string that had been stuck to him to a photo on the edge of the page. It was another photo of a man in a hospital bed, short chestnut coloured hair curling on the pillow. He couldn't be sure, but he thought the man in the bed was supposed to be him. He went back to the main photo and followed the yellow string from Quatre's head to another photo on the edge. The blonde hair was familiar, but the stern face and the cold eyes were not.

"This is your book now."

Nataku startled him out of his thoughts and he looked at her. She smiled hopefully; "Doctor Hobbs said that you might not remember at first." She pointed to the book. "It's going to take some time, so I made a big book with lots of pages."

She pointed to a carefully drawn box with writing in it. "I also put in pop quiz questions. You need to write down the answer, but you check if you got the right answer by looking in the back."

He flicked over the pages to reach the bag, and chuckled when he got to a sealed envelope.

"I put the answers in the envelope so you couldn't cheat."

He glanced at the girl, amused by her grin.

Duo flicked back to the photo with the other pilots on it, and followed Wufei's red string. It led to a wedding photo, a laughing man with a flame haired bride in his arms. "It's orange..." he said in surprise, running his finger over the woman's flying locks.

Beside him, the little girl laughed happily, "that's because—"

"She thought it was bombastic." He interrupted her, his voice distracted, "I remember you telling me." He blinked, and glanced at her. The girl looked surprised and he frowned, "But when did you tell me...?"

"He was right..." she breathed, a slow smile dawning on her little face. "Uncle Heero said you might remember."

"Heero?" He looked down at the photo and followed the white string. It led to an older man standing in the middle of a crowd; the smile on his face was fond and shy as he spotted the camera. Duo tapped the photo, "I've seen this guy before..."

* * *

_Knock. Knock. Knock_. Pause. _Knock_. Pause. _Knock-knock-knock. Knock._

Heero lifted his head and stared toward the door of his bedroom.

The knocks came again, more impatiently now.

Heero lowered his head and buried his face in the pillow.

The knocks came once more, and was then followed by Wufei's identity.

Heero closed his eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

Wufei identified himself once more.

There was a pause, and Heero was glad that Wufei had gone away.

There was an almighty crash as the door was kicked in. Heero rolled out of bed, and reached under to pull out his gun. By the time he was standing, Wufei had entered his bedroom and stood with his own gun pointing at Heero. They stood like this for a long moment, until Wufei glanced over his shoulder. "Nataku?" He shouted, and then swore when he got no answer. He lowered his gun and stared at Heero until the other former pilot lowered his own.

"She's not here." Heero found speaking difficult, his mouth felt lined with fur.

If Wufei noticed, he didn't care. "She's not at home." He stepped forward and thrust a paper at Heero, "She left me this."

Heero took the paper and glanced down to read it. He frowned and looked at Wufei. "I haven't spoken to her; I don't know what she means."

"She said you'd know, so I suspect she's left you a message." Wufei paced agitatedly toward the window and pulled the curtains aside. He threw open a window, and turned to glare at him. "I was under the impression you were working on something. You swore to me that you were ok."

"I ..." Heero frowned and shook his head, "How long has she been missing?"

"I don't know, before I woke up." Her bed was made and her sheets were cool. There was a piece of toast on the counter, but the toaster was cool as well. Wufei dug out his phone and unlocked it. A few gestures later, he held up the phone to show Heero his call log. "She called you this morning, at 5am."

"I didn't answer." Heero sank to his bed and picked up his own phone. He found several messages and looked for the one from Wufei. He put the phone on speaker, and Wufei stepped closer.

"I'm sorry," Nataku said, "I needed time to talk to him." There was a pause before the little girl spoke again and a rustle of paper. "Call me, I have my phone."

The message ended, and Heero looked at Wufei. "Have you called?"

"Of course I have," she hasn't answered. Wufei brought out his phone again, and stared at it in confusion.

Before Heero could speak again, they heard a pair of quiet clicks. The safety coming off a gun. Both Heero and Wufei stood up, and moved to either side of the door. At Wufei's nod, the pair of them turned and advanced into the living room. They came face to face with a pair of guns. For a tense moment the four men stared at each other, before Quatre sighed and lowered the gun. He looked at Heero, frowning, "Your door's been kicked in."

Heero lowered his gun and tilted his head to Wufei, who simply growled. "He didn't answer when I knocked."

Trowa tilted his head and handed the gun to Heero. "We took them from your go-bag." He looked back at Wufei, "Is this about your daughter?"

Wufei holstered his gun and nodded. "You know something?"

"I know her phone's been ringing. It was outside my door." Quatre handed the borrowed gun to Heero as well, and dug the girl's phone out of his pocket. "What's going on?"

Wufei took it and unlocked it. There was a video file on the desktop called Papa. He thumbed it and it opened.

"I am in so much trouble." His daughter stared at the phone calmly, "I know. I am grounded forever. I know. But I just needed a little more time. It's important. I'm at the hospital." She glanced down and then looked up with a furious look. "It wasn't right, and I can do something to make it right."

The video ended and Wufei pulled out his own phone. He strode toward the front door, phone held to his ear. "Po? She's there. Find her!"

* * *

"Hey! Look, don't be mad."

Duo tapped a thumb nervously on the cover of the scrap book. The four men were just leaving, the Chinese guy looked mad enough to explode but the girl hadn't been scared. She'd just taken a deep breath and stood tall as they got the door open. She didn't even flinch when her father came racing in. At his voice, they all paused and filled back into the room.

Doctor Po tilted her head, "Pardon?"

"I said..." He frowned and glanced down at the photo of Wufei. It was the former pilot's first Preventers service photo, seventeen-year-old Wufei looking dorkily out of place in the grown up uniform. He traced the red thread to the photo of the man he saw in front of him. In this new photo, this older Wufei was knelt by his daughter posing in karate outfits.

"She, um..." he swallowed, "She hasn't done anything wrong."

He looked up and made himself look at the man. He was Wufei, but so much older. Strands of white stood out starkly from the river black hair. He flicked between the book and the man, rubbing a finger over the red thread as if it would offer reassurance.

Wufei blew out a long breath and it seemed to deflate his rage somewhat. He looked down at the little girl by his side and she looked up at him. Her expression was grim, "I'm totally grounded."

"Absolutely forever." He replied quietly, but he stroked back a lock of her hair over her ear lovingly. He cupped the girl's head, and pulled her toward his hip in a protective gesture. He glanced at Doctor Po, "Is the lock badly damaged?"

"No. It just needs a lot of cleaning." Po glanced down at the girl and whispered, "Playdoh?"

The girl raised a hand and made a key-turning-in-a-lock motion. She whispered back. "Stop the key from turning."

"Do I even want to know where you got that idea from?" Po raised an eyebrow and shook her head. "No. I don't think I do." She made a shoo-ing motion. "Enough of this circus."

Wufei picked up his daughter first and left, then the tall man and the blonde man followed him. Duo frowned and forced himself to acknowledge that they were Trowa and Quatre. Finally, the ragged man left. Duo swallowed and stared hard at the photo of Heero. Even the 'present-day' version didn't look entirely like that man, but he figured it was worth a shot. "Heero?"

The ragged man stopped, dull blue eyes stared at him. His mouth was set in a straight line.

Duo started to speak and then paused. He glanced down at the young Heero, the boy in the photo and traced the white thread to the older Heero. He looked up again and saw the man drop his head and begin shuffling away to the door. "Heero!" Duo said again, "Look... I think..."

"Rest, Duo." The man said, raising a hand to scratch his scraggly stubble.

Duo could only watch as the man walked away.

* * *

Heero wasn't sure what had woken him, but he padded out of his bedroom anyway. It wasn't a threat; it was just an insistent beeping. It had woken him from a brief dream of the war. He walked out into the living room and found his laptop where he'd discarded it, under the coffee table. He flopped gracelessly onto his sofa and opened the machine. It took a few moments for the machine to resume from its standby state, but it swiftly lit up. A notification blinked in the bottom right corner, and Heero stared at it for a long time.

It was from the comm. server.

He signed in as the Gundam Wing pilot and waited for the message to download. It was short, but Heero still spent a very long time reading the message.

'Rest now. We fight tomorrow.'

His fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment, and he swallowed. He began typing slowly.

'Duo? Is that you?' He sent, and waited for what seemed like a long time.

The machine pinged again, and the message downloaded automatically.

'Is that you, Heero?'

"Yes," he whispered, and then typed his reply.

'Rest now. We fight tomorrow.' Duo's next message repeated.

Heero tilted his head and replied. 'Fight what?'

Duo's final message made him swallow hard and weep with relief.

'Your beard, apparently. Ganbatte!'

Pilot 02 signed off the server, and Heero closed his eyes.

* * *

The long suffering sigh behind him made him turn.

The nurse folded her arms and stared at him incredulously. He turned slowly in the chair and held up his hands in surrender. She shook her head, and Duo caught sight of a healing wound on her neck. "Hi," he began. "Sorry..."

She snorted and held up a single hand, "No. Don't apologise." She shrugged, "I don't even know why I'm surprised. You've been getting more and more lucid every day." She looked past him at the computer. "Who were you talking to?"

"Gonna dob me in?"

She moved around him and pushed the wheelie chair. "That depends on how much trouble you're going to give me... You're going back to bed, mister."

"Thought I'd contact my buddy, see if the beardo from earlier was him."

"Beardo?"

Duo shrugged, "He was supposed to be Heero, but he had a beard... which was weird. Made him look like a weirdo, and not Heero so therefore he's a beardo." He lifted his arm and scratched absently at a scab. "I'm gonna need to clean my arms before we put the drips back in."

She pushed the chair down the corridor. "You know... the drips are in place because you need the drips." She looked down at him, as he chuckled. "How exactly were you going to get them back in place and get the restraints back in place before my next check?"

"I coulda done it." He leant forward to open the door and allowed her to wheel him toward the bed. He stood shakily and was surprised when the little nurse steadied him.

"You know, you'll recover much faster without all the escape attempts." She helped him into the bed, and began doing up the covers. "You realise I'm going to put you back into your restraints."

"I do." He tilted his head, and nodded to gesture at her neck wound. "I do that?"

Her hand touched her neck briefly, and then she nodded. "Yes, the first time."

"Sorry. I only sorta remember it, but I'm sorry." He eased himself down and presented his first arm for the restraint. "I mean that."

"I know." She did the cuffs loosely and then looked at him. "I've got to tell them about you getting free."

"Yeah, I know." He nodded and then yawned, "If it's any consolation to Hemsworth, I've been getting out of tight places since before I could crawl. Now I seem to be getting my marbles back, pretty much nothing in his bag of tricks is going to keep me in bed now."

"Yup." The nurse sighed heavily, "I figured that might be the case." She moved around the bed and began doing up the cuff on his other arm. "You're gonna get yourself doped up to the eyeballs, if you're not careful. They'll chemically restrain you if these don't do the job."

"Fine, fine." He smiled and shifted to get comfortable before she did the torso strap. He stared at the ceiling. "What's your name?"

"Clarice." She replied softly.

"Hi Clarice." He smiled faintly, "Do me a favour and let them know, I'll stay in bed if I get access to a computer sometimes."

"You won't have a choice with the chemical restraints."

She was startled by his dark chuckle and darker grin. "You think those will hold any better?"

Clarice sat beside him, and clasped her hands in her lap. "Mr Maxwell. You need to take better care of yourself." She looked over the restraints, "These aren't here to stop you from getting away..." She looked at him plaintively, "They're to stop you from hurting yourself."

He tilted his head and stared at her for a moment. He sighed and looked away, "I just want to go home."

Clarice rose from the bed and patted his hand, "You'll go home faster if you stay in bed and rest."

She was about to close the door to his room as she left when a thought occurred to her. Duo watched as the young woman pattered her uniform down, pulled a face and marched back to him. She held a hand out expectantly, and he had to laugh. He uncurled his hand and held out her key card. Clarice took the card with a huff and spun on a heel.

"Get some sleep, Mr Maxwell!"

* * *

_::They are freezing my heat::_

_::From the scar, I'm suffering::_

_::'Cause I'm leaving you, being::_

_::punished for my sin::_

_::No one lives forever (forever more) ::_

_::I can't stay anymore::_

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the patchy updates – I've got a bit of writer's block on the next couple of chapters. As to be expected, Duo is being difficult. Thank you for your kind reviews!

Also: I notice the new image thingy on - but unfortunately suck at original graphics creation. Should you wish to offer some suggestions or indeed want to make a graphic for Fade to Black, I will happily accept your help and talent!

Translation note: Ganbatte - (Japanese) - Good luck/Do your best/Come on! (I've seen various translations, this is the meaning I've taken from it)


	26. Don't Feel a Thing

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: This is largely a story where I'm hoping to follow the reactions, rather than the expected plot. Thank you for joining me.

**Warnings**: I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song**: Boa – Duvet

* * *

_::And you don't seem to understand::_

_::A shame, you seemed an honest man::_

_::And all the fears you hold so dear::_

_::Will turn to whisper in your ear::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 25: Don't feel a thing**

_::And you know what they say might hurt you::_

_::And you know that it means so much::_

* * *

"What does the red string mean?"

Duo traced his finger along the coloured string, following the photos from what he remembered to where he was. "It's Wufei's life," he answered finally and glanced up. Doctor Hobbs was sitting toward the end of the bed, her hands folded in her lap. She smiled faintly.

"What does that mean?"

"It means I can follow from where I remember him, some scrawny, angry guy..." Duo smiled faintly, "You know, if he wasn't shouting he just shut up. He was the one who saw through Trieze's plot first, called us assholes and fools for falling for it." He turned a page, following the string through various other pages, until he hit a double page spread filled with lots of red string splitting in different directions. The little girl was present in many of the pictures and old-man-Wufei overtook his memory. Flashes of orange hair caught his attention. He tapped a picture, tapping the image of the orange haired woman carefully. "She was his wife."

"What can you tell me about her?"

"She was this woman he rescued," He frowned, "they got close when she joined the preventers and got married pretty quick. I always thought it was unlike Wufei to make such a decision so quickly."

"When did you think that?"

He tilted his head and thought carefully, a string of a memory moved just out of his grasp. He wasn't talking to one of the other Gundams, it was...

It flew away and he looked at her with a frown.

"That's ok, it'll come back later." She motioned the book, "Why do you think she chose those colours?"

"I haven't asked."

"I didn't ask what she said," Hobbs tilted her head, "I asked what you thought the colours meant..."

Duo sighed and flicked the book to the second double page, the one that was the first picture of all of them, then and now. He tried to focus on the strings but his thoughts span off in different directions. He was finding it difficult to see the value of Hobbs' discussion based therapy. She didn't seem to take any real direction and it seemed more like a conversation. She just chased down the threads that he suggested, rather than trying to force him in any one direction. His fingers trailed over Trowa's green thread. It was green like his eyes, the shade not exact but a good attempt to match.

"Trowa has green eyes." He said, "That's probably why she chose green for him..."

A flash of a memory came, his stomach clenched and he felt momentarily sick. Wufei had called Trowa a traitor for that punch, but it had really been a method of getting the updated information about their new Gundams to them in the prison cell. The memory made his stomach clench again and that sparked another memory. Heero wasn't shocked by the force of his punch, but he was surprised by how much force Heero had thrown into the punch. Duo blinked and looked down at the book. His fingers trailed over the white string.

Heero's eyes are blue, she didn't pick that colour.

"What colour did she pick?"

"White."

"What's white mean to you, Duo?"

His finger trailed over the string and he closed his eyes briefly. White was pure, white was the colour of the nun's skin as she lay dying. White was the snow on Christmas after the fight and through the snow, Wing was landed awkwardly. Heero's Gundam knelt like a dying angel; its once brilliant white wings were torn to shreds. Heero leant heavily on his arm, his blue eyes almost closed. They were surrounded by people, and one shouted out for them to pose for a picture. The flash had been brilliant and white. Flecks of white snow in Heero's hair. Behind them, the Gundams groaned, heavy metal shifting. Duo had looked back in time to see one of Wing's white wings shift and fall off, sending the snow flying. And in the dark alley, the man had a white eye, scarred and wide open.

His eyes snapped open. "Gundam Wing had white wings."

"What did you see?" Hobbs leant forward, "Something else than Gundam Wing?"

"A man with a scarred white eye."

Hobbs sat back. She looked over to where she put her clipboard, "The man who shot you?"

Duo followed her eyes and looked at the recording device. "I don't know."

She seemed to look down, uncertain if to follow that particular string. He looked down at his book and stared at old-man-Wufei. "Nataku thinks Wufei will find him."

"Does she?"

"She chose red for her father."

"Why do you think she chose red?"

He ran his finger over the red string and made an effort to think about the colour. Red was the light on the wall behind Heero as he bent down, the lights from the preventers' cars. It was a dull red, mixed with white and blue. Like Wufei's Gundam. Almost like Wufei himself, blue shirt, white trousers... face red with rage. Rage was a familiar feeling; he always saw red when he was angry. Red like the blood on his hands when he knelt by Helen. The words 'The Gundams did not save me' were in red on the wall. Red was in the picture of the woman Wufei used to carry around with him, Duo had seen him offer prayers to the woman. Red was the colour that Nataku (or Shenlong or whatever it was that Wufei called his machine) had carried on with when they upgraded it. One late night, months after Heero and Duo had joined the preventers, Wufei had explained it once: Red was the Chinese colour for luck and for joy. It was the colour of happiness. He opened his eyes and followed the thread through to Wufei's page. The thread danced from image to image, it looped and swirled. It circled around images lovingly and he knew what the girl had meant.

He smiled softly. "I think she chose red to let me know that her father was happy at last. That she is happy."

"What purpose does the message serve?"

He blinked, and a shard of memory came to him. How the coffee had turned bitter and he stared at the newspaper. The article was small, but still anything to do with Wufei caught his eye. He wished he hadn't found out about his wife's death this way. On top of everything else, this was another blow. Duo opened his eyes, and looked at the woman with orange hair.

"Bombastic..."

He heard the word in his mind, and closed his eyes to see the memory. Nataku's voice and then Wufei's follow, "She exploded into my life, Duo..."

A memory of a blurred image, a woman and a laughing child. The phone was in front of him and he couldn't reach it. He wanted to speak, but couldn't but was relieved when Heero spoke for him.

"She looks beautiful, Wufei."

Duo didn't cry, not again, not after that first run of tears when the little girl had leaned into his field of vision. Her little face round and beautiful, her voice like a song. He'd cried to see her, to hear Wufei and Heero talking together again.

* * *

Doctor Hobbs waited a little longer, but Duo didn't open his eyes again. Exhausted, the man had fallen into another period of sleep. She glanced at her watch and nodded. Duo's periods of lucidity were extending, but it was costing him more. She stood and stopped the recorder, its digital display showing that he'd managed just under two hours of slow and gentle conversation. She had allowed Duo to set the pace, trying to only ask questions to allow him to follow the threads of their conversation. She glanced at her patient and moved to pick up the precious book before it slipped from his grasp. She was astounded by the memory tool it had become, helping Duo to make leaps and bounds between what he remembered and where he was now.

She walked out of his room and returned to the consultation room which had been given to Doctor Po for the treatment of Duo.

Doctor Po was sat at the conference table with Preventer Noin and Preventer Marquise. Captain Chang was stood staring thoughtfully at a whiteboard. Po waved at her as she entered. "How did it go?"

"Better than we predicted." She smiled at Wufei, "Your daughter has been incredibly helpful. Her scrapbook works very well with his mindset."

"Her mother and Duo shared the trait of thinking outside of the box. I can only credit my daughter with the idea." Wufei smiled kindly and took a seat. He motioned Sally, "I hope you don't mind. She needs to be kept informed about Duo's criminal case as well."

Hobbs nodded and held up her recorder, "I may have a little bit to help you with that." She sat down and plugged the device into the desk computer. She typed in a few commands and the computer digitally transcribed the recording. She searched for the words 'white eye', and found the segment she was looking for.

The preventers listened carefully, and Noin nodded, making a note in her tablet computer.

"A man with a scarred white eye?" Zechs Marquise repeated. He sat back and thought carefully, "There wasn't a man of that description in the group I met with."

Noin nodded, "Facial injuries like that were frequent with the pilots." She made a motion toward her face. "Not all of them saw the point of the goggles."

Sally stroked her chin, "I wonder what else he might remember..."

"He doesn't think aloud." Hobbs pointed out, "I doubt we can get anything from him. He thinks a lot, I don't think he has the ability to convert his more image-laden thoughts into description yet." She flicked through the transcript, scrolling and pausing over their conversation. "He seemed fairly distant."

"He doesn't know you." Wufei leant back in his chair, "Probably doesn't trust you." He frowned, and muttered, "Probably doesn't trust any of us yet..."

Hobbs glanced at him, and then looked at the transcript. She considered and dismissed the notion of discussing Duo's comments about the man's happiness. She considered him, and then nodded. "A personality shift is not unexpected in head injuries but it's too early to tell."

Wufei considered her words, and then glanced off to look at the clock. He frowned as if something hadn't happened that he was expecting. The phone began to ring, and the frown disappeared. Hobbs was confused until she answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Nurses' station, Mr Yuy is here to see Mr Maxwell."

"Ah," she glanced at Wufei who was looking at her expectantly. "Mr Yuy's here." She repeated, glancing at Doctor Po. Po nodded and rose from her seat. Hobbs returned to the phone, "Doctor Po is on her way."

The Preventers rose as well, and moved around the table to gather their things. Hobbs looked at Po as the woman spoke in quiet tones to Wufei. There had been some concern surrounding the former Gundam Wing Pilot, Hobbs hadn't inquired as he wasn't her patient. Sally Po looked impatiently at Wufei and then finally nodded, acquiescing to his request apparently. Po glanced at her, "I'll be back later. Let's discuss the recording."

"Of course," Hobbs stood from the table, "I'll be on my rounds until one."

"Sounds good."

* * *

Wufei walked ahead of her, his expression boarding on stern.

"He has been following the dietary plan." Sally reminded him, "And I've spoken to his therapist. He's back on track."

Wufei frowned and paused for a moment. "He didn't tell us something was wrong."

"Likely from his point of view, nothing was wrong enough to tell you." Sally replied. She raised a hand to touch his shoulder, "He needs support, not your censure. He worked hard to be beside Duo every day for almost a year. You don't know what 'mission' parameters he set for himself, or when he assessed himself as a failure..."

Closing his eyes, Wufei sighed. "I do recognise that I'm angry because I did not think to check on him, to be there for him." Wufei's fists clenched. "Another brother I have failed."

Sally shook her head and motioned them forward. "I think perhaps all of you need to sit down and talk." She stared down the corridor and spotted Heero standing patiently by a wall. He was looking away, his features were gaunt and she was taken back to the wars. A thin boy, all coiled muscle and focus on nothing but the mission. When he turned his head to look toward them, the smile he gave them did not quite reach his eyes. He still looked tired, but it seemed that he was recovering. He was tidy, clean and shaved. He was dressed in a suit, even though he didn't need to dress up. Wufei's raised eyebrow must have asked a silent question.

Heero shrugged and motioned the tie, "One of my well-being exercises is to make an effort with my appearance."

"You look very handsome." Sally put a hand on her hip and smiled, "I'll just go check if Duo's ok for visitors."

Wufei watched her walk away, before turning back to Heero. "You look better. Breakfast?"

Heero's smile reached further this time, "Yes."

"Good. Tomorrow, have breakfast with me and I'll drop you off."

Heero glanced in the direction of Duo's room. "You're assuming he'll want me to visit tomorrow."

"You said it yourself, he will need company. With Barton and Winner working, with me on the case, you're the only one we trust to give him that company."

"We?"

"I discussed it with the others," Wufei raised a hand to clamp it on Heero's shoulder. "We trust you, more than any one of us. Barton and Winner are still too fragile, their argument broke us. They need to find their strength first. I must find justice for Duo before I can rest with him." He squeezed Heero's shoulder, "You, brother, you stood by him. He still trusts you, seeks you out."

He paused and frowned, seeing the doubt in Heero's eyes. He slipped two fingers under Heero's chin and brought the man's eyes up to meet his own.

"He sought you out, remember? He has always ever only looked for you with any seriousness. He never stopped looking for you."

That seemed to bring a spark of life back to Heero's eyes and banished the doubt. Wufei dropped his hands, and Heero nodded. "Yes." He frowned briefly as a dark thought passed over his face. Wufei wondered about it, but didn't get the chance to ask as Heero raised his eyes again. "Can you call the others? We need to meet tonight; I need to talk to you."

"About?"

Heero glanced off in the direction of Duo's room and spotted Sally returning. He lowered his voice, "Unterward gave me the keys to Duo's apartment."

"You found something?"

Heero nodded slowly, "I'm not sure what it means. Six months before he was shot..."

He paused as Sally arrived with them. He glanced at Wufei and shook his head.

Wufei raised a hand and cupped Heero's elbow, he nodded once and they turned to Sally. She smiled faintly, "He's asleep still, but I don't think there is any harm in letting you sit with him for a while."

"I need to get back to the office," Wufei said. He nodded to Heero, "I'll arrange dinner tonight, I'll call you with the details."

"Thanks."

They watched as Wufei walked away. When Heero looked to Sally, he was surprised to see her looking at him. She tilted her head. "You look like you're back on the mission again."

Heero licked nervous lips. He nodded once.

She narrowed her eyes briefly, as if squinting at him. Her expression was sympathetic. "I've seen it before, you know."

"What?"

"Mission failure." She looked at him steadily. "Saw it during the war, Wufei knows it well. He shut down too. Quatre, Trowa and Duo... You've all got your little kill switches, mission failure seems to be one." Her eyes narrowed again, "It frightens me. Knowing that you are all so brilliant, but you've been taught the price of failure and you all fear it so." She raised a hand and touched his shoulder, "I talked to your therapist. Gave him a link into the psych department of the Preventers. He'll use it to develop some behaviour modification exercises."

"He told me. He mentioned you were worried about my 'mission'." He paused and met her eyes, "You don't need to be. Duo isn't the mission..." Heero looked away. She took a step forward.

"What is the mission?"

He looked back at her, his blue eyes almost blank. "I don't know... I think it's to find peace, at last."

She looked at him, concern in her eyes.

He nodded slowly, "But it's going to take all of us." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I need him..."

Sally's expression turned sad, and she looked away down the corridor. "That's not peace you're looking for..."

"I just need him to be okay." Heero said, and swallowed. "I need him to be okay again."

* * *

The room wasn't quite right.

This fact itched at Heero's senses and he had to force himself to sit down. The curtains were not quite fully open; the flowers' water needed changing. Duo's hair was brushed, but not braided correctly. Heero sat back in his chair and frowned, the routines he'd set up for Duo had fallen out of sync. His eyes came to rest on the large scrap book. It was Nataku's project of almost a full year. He reached out and carefully looked at the book. The threads took a few moments to understand and he was surprised by her perceptive use of them. His pages were largely empty; Nataku had lost him when he'd disappeared in Paris for four years. The story picked up again after Relena had called him back, and she explained about his new apartment and his 'job' as Duo's carer. It was strange looking at his life, and he was surprised to find a picture of Odin Lowe. The image of the man was old, Odin being a very young man in the image. His OZ uniform made Heero blink in surprise, and he made a mental note to find out how Nataku had gotten the photo. He stared at the gaps in the pages. There was nothing for four years of his life, to explain to Duo where he had been.

Duo had found him.

Had known for six months before he had been shot.

Heero wasn't sure when he had picked up the pen, or how long he had been writing for. He just started writing about where he had gone, how he'd disappeared. He was just running out of space and was considering turning to the inside front cover to write when a noise made him pause. He looked up when the door opened, and the nurse smiled at him. She looked toward the bed expectantly. "What do you need, Mr Maxwell?"

Heero turned his head and was even more surprised when Duo smiled weakly at the nurse, "Some lined paper for him, please."

She nodded and closed the door. Duo's chuckle was awkward. "Could you press the button to help me sit up?" He waved a hand, "They haven't put the remotes within reach." Heero turned in his chair and helped Duo get into a seated position. He took the opportunity to look over the minimal restraints they'd left Duo in. Mostly, it seemed that they wanted to keep him secure in the bed. They had no longer restrained his arms.

"Got bored of having to do them back up." Duo offered by way of explanation when he caught Heero looking. He pointed at the book. "May I?"

" Of course," Heero finally found his voice and moved the book onto Duo's lap. Duo ran his fingers over Heero's words, reading snatches here and there. Where the pages had lacked the photos, Heero had written in small cramped writing where he had been and why he had done those things. Duo traced over the rushed words with a finger. "Gonna take me a while to read this. I'm gonna enjoy reading this again at home."

"Sorry."

"Don't be." There was a small smile on Duo's lips, "I need stuff to do. It's boring being a coma patient..." He looked up, his lip curling in distain. "I mean, I'm awake... I'm not even a coma patient anymore."

"You're currently classed as a coma patient until you hit the upper levels of the scales." Heero said, feeling adrift with Duo's acceptance of his presence so easily. "You've hit the waking levels. This is good."

"Well, good would be going home." Duo looked faintly annoyed and looked away from him. "I'll be fine when I get home, out of this place."

"That's a symptom."

Duo blinked and looked back at him. "What?"

"You don't recognise that the hospital isn't making you sick, you're stuck on the idea that home will mean you will get better."

Duo frowned, "I'm fine. I just need to go home."

Heero looked down for a moment and then looked up at Duo. "What did you ask the nurse for?"

Duo stared at him for a while and then sighed. "I don't know." He looked at the book and stroked the glittery cover. "I remember her coming in, but I don't remember what I asked her."

Heero nodded and offered tentatively. "My research has indicated that is also an expected symptom." He swallowed as Duo stared at him. He carried on. "You'll find it a bit difficult to process and store information until you hit the next waking stage." He blinked at the slow smirk that appeared on Duo's lips. "What?"

Duo blinked, the expression disappearing. "What?"

"You seemed amused."

The frown breezed over Duo's face, and he seemed to glance away. Heero wondered if Duo could remember what he'd been amused about. Duo looked back and smiled, "It was your beard. It's gone now."

Heero reached up automatically. "Yes, I shaved."

"You know, with a beard, you didn't look like ..." Duo glanced at the book, "Uh. Well." He shrugged, "You didn't look like the Heero I knew or the Heero in the book." Duo smiled helplessly. "Thanks for shaving it; it's easier to see you as Heero and not just some beardo."

Heero blinked, "beardo?"

Duo chuckled, "Yeah, well... You didn't look like Heero because you had a beard. That looked weird." Duo lifted his hands, moving them in a wave. "You didn't look like Heero; you looked like a weirdo... with a beard, so therefore you're a beardo." He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender and shrugged, "But now you don't have a beard, you don't look weird so now you must be here-oh... ok, so that didn't go as good, but don't worry, buddy, I'm working on—"

Duo was startled when Heero barked a harsh laugh. He looked at the man as Heero covered his mouth, surprise on his face. He was even more startled as the man's blue eyes filled with tears. The next noise that came from the man seemed like a sob, and Duo looked at him with concern. "Hey, it's wasn't that bad."

Heero shook his head, unable to speak. He looked like he couldn't decide whether to cry or laugh. It took long minutes of breathing, but eventually the conflicting emotion seemed to pass. Duo tilted his head, "Are you ok?"

The man swallowed and clenched his hands tightly. It seemed to be a hard effort to raise his head and look up at Duo, but he managed it. "It's just..." he swallowed again, "It's been a long time since I heard you speak like that."

"Really?" Duo was doubtful, and stared at the man. He looked at the open pages of the book, trailing his fingers over the white thread. The photos were few, and the writing was dense. It was hard to doubt the man sitting beside him was Heero, but he was so emotional. A memory skimmed over his mind and the words were out of his mouth before he'd thought about them. "What did your therapist say?"

Heero blinked and Duo stared at him wide eyed with mortification.

"I'm sorry, that..." he looked down at the book. "That was a terribly personal question." A frown gathered on his face, "And I don't think we talked about your therapy today..."

"We haven't." Heero found his voice. He leant forward, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Where did you hear that...?"

Duo's eyes lost focused as the man stared at the end of his bed. Heero watched closely, watching as half formed words appeared on Duo's lips. Duo spent a long time thinking and Heero was on the edge of his seat. He almost jumped out of his skin when the door opened and the nurse came in. "Here you go, Mr Maxwell."

Duo smiled warmly, "Thank you. It's for Mr Yuy." She passed the papers to Heero, and he looked between the paper and Duo. Duo continued smiling, "Nurse Jones?"

"Yes, Mr Maxwell?"

"Have I ever told you a joke?"

She paused by the door and glanced at Heero. They both turned their attention back to Duo. She shrugged, "No, I don't think you have."

"Here's one." Duo's focus on her drifted, "Do you know what an airline pilot's favourite type of crisp is?"

The nurse blinked in confusion as Duo turned his head toward Heero, and Heero's mouth fell open. She wasn't sure what she was seeing, but it meant something to the two men. Duo's eyes were bright as they met Heero's. A warm smile spread over his lips, and he spoke clearly. "Plain."

There was something else here, clearly. The nurse watched as Heero cupped hands over his face and his shoulders began to shudder. She glanced at Duo, staring at Heero with his strange coloured eyes. "Do you need anything else, Mr Maxwell?"

"I think we got what we need." Duo said, without looking at her.

As the door closed, Heero pulled himself back together. Dropping his hands from his face, he turned in his seat to stare into Duo's eyes. The man's head was resting heavily against the pillow, and exhaustion was beginning to set in. Duo's blinks were slowing down. "Hey... tell me something... when did I hear you telling jokes?" His hand flopped on the book. "You never used to..."

"My research indicated that you might remember conversations while you were under..." Heero swallowed, reaching a hand up to brush a lock of hair away from Duo's brow. "What do you remember?"

Duo's eyes closed at the contact, and a ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. "Do you always research everything?"

Heero blinked, the words sparking a memory. He smiled faintly, "Yes. Yes, I do."

With some effort, Duo opened his eyes and stared at Heero tiredly. "You're amazing."

Heero swallowed, resting his hand to cup Duo's cheek.

"And so are you."

They whispered the phrase together. Heero closed his eyes and dropped his head. He felt the emotions swirl in his heart at Duo's soft, tired chuckle.

"Hey Heero..."

He raised his head, and Duo seemed to be struggling to keep his eyes opened. Heero shifted to lean his forehead against Duo's carefully. "Rest now."

"I will but..." Duo's voice grew fainter as sleep took him. "You okay...?"

He had to swallow before he spoke, but Heero raised his head to whisper against Duo's forehead. "I'm fine."

"I mean..." Duo struggled, "To wait? You okay to wait?"

"Here?" Heero opened his eyes and stared at Duo's hair, strands of hair spread out over the pillow. He smiled. "I'm okay to wait."

"And tomorrow?"

"I'll be back." He closed his eyes and just breathed in.

"Good... I... wanna read the rest..."

Heero pulled away and looked down at Duo. "Rest?"

Duo's hand flopped on the book again. "You got more to say?"

"Yes."

"Then get writing, soldier." Duo's eyes slipped shut, "I'm out..."

Heero picked up the pen again, and began writing.

* * *

It was late when Wufei got home.

Dinner had been a warm affair, warmer than he could ever remember. Duo was missing from their table, but Heero brought such hope with him. He'd come straight from the hospital, and he flown into descriptions of his day with Duo. It had been hard to walk away from Heero and the others after dinner, but Wufei knew that Sally had just as a busy day as he had. She had been kind to take Nataku at such short notice.

"How was it?"

He looked up from removing his shoes and smiled at her. "It was like Heero was alive again." He hung up his coat and stepped further into the apartment.

Sally nodded toward Nataku's room, "She's been pretty good."

"I'd be surprised if she wasn't considering how deep into the dog house she is." Wufei motioned the kitchen. "I'm going to get some tea, would you like some?"

"Funnily enough, I just boiled the kettle." Sally chuckled, and moved with him. They settled at the breakfast bar, and Wufei looked down at the kitchen table. Nataku's craft project over; he'd reclaimed most of it, but for a remaining pile of cuttings and photos which seemed to be slowly being assembled into a poster. "Another one?"

Sally sipped her drink, and looked at him. "You should look at it properly."

Surprised by the serious tone, Wufei looked at the poster. It seemed to be more of a time line. "What is this?"

"I didn't realise it at the time, but she's been doing more than creating a scrap book." Sally sighed, her voice worried. "I think she's also been trying to help you..." she pointed at the end of the timeline poster. It was when Duo had been shot.

"She's investigating?" Wufei looked at Sally with concern, "She—"

"She just wants to help her father." Sally sat down again, taking the poster from Wufei and waited for him to join her.

"Has she been looking—"

Sally held up a hand. "No. Most definitely not." Sally smiled faintly, "You made her promise not to look in the files and folders you brought home so she's been doing it by herself." Sally sipped her drink, "We had a long chat about it tonight when I found it in her room."

He looked concerned but looked at the poster anyway. "She's too clever."

"Nataku is very good at connecting the dots. She's trying to be helpful." Sally said calmly, "And she has been. She doesn't know it, but she's found something we didn't."

He glanced at her.

Sally tapped a space. A photo of Duo standing in front of a podium. It looked like it was a screen capture from a news program. Wufei looked at it, frowning. He'd seen this image before. He glanced at the date, it was six months before Duo had been shot. "That's ..."

"Funny, isn't it? That number of months just keeps cropping up." Sally said, reaching for a tablet computer. She continued as she tapped at it. "Six months before he was shot... Duo's hate mail gets more dangerous, more threatening... Six months before he was shot, Duo makes an unusual announcement despite years of never appearing in front of media outlets if he could help it..."

"Six months, the messages stopped." Wufei said, his voice a whisper. A frown appeared as a thought occurred to him. Sally's cry of triumph startled him, and he lost the thread of his thought. He looked at the woman, as she tilted the device toward him. It was a video from the internet.

"Found the announcement."

They watched it through once.

"Play it again."

Sally frowned but tapped the screen again. Wufei stared at the device in her hands, watching the news broadcast closely again. In it, Duo was smiling brilliantly at the camera. He was surrounded by reporters as he made his announcement on the steps of Second Chance Inc's headquarters. He didn't look nervous as he spoke.

"You know me as Max Basilica." Duo said, the smile on his lips knowing. "But my name is Duo Maxwell." He glanced down for a moment, and took a breath. He reached up to pull dark glasses from his face, and his very recognisable violet eyes were staring steadily at the camera. "I was the second Gundam Pilot."

Wufei took the device from Sally and sank down into his seat.

"And here I am. Right here on L2 to tell you that I'm proud to be a part of this wonderful company. Since peace has come to both the colonies and earth, I have been happy to walk the streets of this great colony alone. That wasn't something you used to be able to do, and I should know. To see what I have done, what we have done for this place, I want to take this chance to say: I'm pleased to be here. As both a Gundam and a resident of this colony. Since the wars ended, I've had a good life." He laughed, carefree. "If I die tomorrow, I'll die knowing that the Gundams saved everyone and brought peace to the world. I'll die happy."

Sally looked between the device and Wufei. "What's he doing?"

"The Gundams did not save me." Wufei's expression darkened, "He knew the phrase."

"He probably read some of the hate-mail. But are you sure he's making reference to that?" Sally shook her head, confused, "He just seems to be talking."

The man pressed play on the announcement and looked at her, as Duo began speaking again.

Wufei's expression was grim. "He was always very good at talking."

* * *

_::And you know I didn't mean to hurt you::_

_::And you know that it means so much::_

_::But you don't even feel a thing::_

_::I have fallen::_

_::I have faded::_

_::I am drowning, help me to breathe::_

* * *

A/N: Ah, an awkward 'middle of the week' update. My apologies for being rubbish. I had to pause in writing for a while; I was writing utter crap and didn't want to impose that on anyone. This update comes to you before my weekend away, in an attempt to not put it off any longer. I have a policy of not posting a chapter until I'm a decent way into two chapters ahead, but if I stay away much longer I fear I'll lose the nerve. Duo is very hard to write in a non-comedic or non-clichéd way.

Also, this tumblr thing. I'm new to it, but would like to get to know people who are in the fandom and know how to make tumblr spit out the delicious 2x1. Anyone willing to help? I'm darliq.

As ever, I hope for and look forward to your review and thank you in advance for your words. .


	27. Becoming the Monster

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: This is largely a story where I'm hoping to follow the reactions, rather than the expected plot. Thank you for joining me.

**Warnings**: I mentioned in a previous chapter that I had warnings. It is simply that I am a slash writer; some characters are gay in my view. If you disagree, or perhaps want to have a suitable place to stop: Chapter 9 was your safe stopping place.

**Song**: Ill Nino – I Am Loco

* * *

_::God please::_

_::Don't take away from me::_

_::The only fucking thing::_

_::That I learned to believe::_

_::I am becoming the monster::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 26: Becoming the Monster**

_::You promised to keep him away::_

_::Now I feel like he's living in me! ::_

* * *

"... begin your day by brushing your hair."

The sensation of the brush through his hair was soothing. It jogged him out of sleep, and he opening his eyes slowly. His throat was dry, and he tilted his head. Old-Man-Heero was focused on braiding his hair. Duo watched the man as he tied off the braid with practice ease. Old-Man-Heero's hands were scarred. Duo took the time to watch them. The Heero he used to know had scars, in the same places... but the scars had been red, and new. This old-man's scars with white with age, and no longer looked like the pilot had just stepped out of a burning Gundam. Years had passed. The wounds on this man had had time to heal.

The scarred white eye was blank and staring. The other eye had been narrow and focused. Even in the dim light of the alley, he could see the man's dark brown eye narrow with hate.

"Brown."

Old-man-Heero blinked, starting as if not really expecting Duo to speak. He blinked and spoke, "Pardon?"

"Brown eye." Duo grasped at the slipping memory. "The man in the alley. He had one brown eye."

Old-man-Heero nodded slowly, "Do you remember anything else?"

Duo stared at Heero's hands. He stared for a long time, but sighed. "No."

"That's ok. It will come back to you."

Duo glanced at the old man, and tried to see the stroppy teenager that Heero had been. His eyes slipped off Heero and onto the observation window. He could see his own reflection, and could just about make out that Heero wasn't the only one who'd gotten older.

"Are you ok?"

Duo glanced at Heero. The man tried to smile, but it waned and Duo's expression turned sad. "I know the man in the reflection is me..." he shook his head, "But he's not me. I don't look like that."

"It is difficult, but that is you." Heero stood and switched the hairbrush for the scrapbook. He brought it over and opened it to the pages of Duo's coma photos. Purple string zigzagged around the page, going from month to month. The images started off clinical in nature, but soon it became clear when Nataku visited and took her own photos. Duo tapped his first coma photo.

"This is someone else." He said, "But I know it's supposed to be me." Duo raised a hand, and touched his head. "Did they have to shave my hair?"

"Yes," Heero answered directly. "They needed to retrieve the bullet fragments."

Duo swallowed, and stared at the photos. His finger trailed over the string. "There was a time when I would have rather died than let someone take my hair..."

"I know. It was a tremendous shock when we first saw you." Heero spoke quietly, wary of tripping Duo out of his thoughts. "It regularly moved Quatre to tears. It made it difficult to identify you, I didn't like it." He raised a hand, reaching out but not touching Duo's loose hair. It was still short by Duo's standards, but brushed below his shoulders. "I was pleased when we noticed it was growing back."

Duo blinked, "You weren't here at first, with the others..." he flicked a page. "You wrote that... that they had to find you."

"Yes."

Duo read a passage from Heero's account. "But you say you came back because Relena called you..." A frown passed over his brow, Duo looked at him, "Didn't you know I was hurt?"

"No." Heero swallowed, "I came because I thought it was Relena who was in trouble."

"Would you have come back if you'd known it was me?" Duo turned his attention back to the book, his question seemed casual.

Heero stared at his hands for a long moment, watching them clench and loosen. He thought carefully about his answer, having posed this question several times but never being able to come up with an answer. He looked at Duo, who remained with his head bowed, reading.

A smile quirked at Duo's lips, and he spoke calmly. "You don't know, do you?"

"I know that now, I would have come without hesitation." Heero said. His emotions run riot in him, and he was confused. Duo's smile seemed bitter, and that frightened Heero. "I'd like to think, I would have come."

Duo's eyes slipped shut and he stroked his thumb over a white string in the book. "I looked for you."

"I know."

"Did you?" Duo opened his eyes and looked at him, "Did you know I was looking?"

Heero swallowed again. He managed to nod.

Duo's bitter smile made his eyes seem cold. Heero could only swallow, and he drew a breath.

"I know it will be difficult for you to forgive me."

"Forgive you?" Duo looked away, "I've always known the princess was important. More important than anything really, she's peace. She needs us to protect her, needs you."

Heero thought for a moment, "She doesn't need me anymore. She's let me go."

"Let you go?" Duo looked at him, a faint frown creasing his brow, "She needs you."

"She doesn't need me." Heero repeated, and looked at Duo. "You do."

Duo sighed, his frown fading. "I'm getting better. I can cope."

"Coping is not something you have to do." Heero licked dry lips, and leant forward, "We're all here... I'm here, and no matter our reason for returning, we're here to help you." He glanced down, "It's not a mission, there is no war." He looked at Duo, with hard blue eyes. "There is just us, and you just need to focus on getting better."

Duo's unusually coloured eyes stared at him for a long moment. "You've changed, man. I mean, it used to be—"

"I know." Heero nodded, "but I understand now, what you've always offered me." He reached out to grasp Duo's hand, "I'm not sure I can do it well, but I want to try. We're ..." he caught himself. "We were friends, Duo." He nodded, uncertain, "and now you need me to be a better friend to you."

Duo's eyes lingered on the scarred hand that covered his. "Friends, huh?"

Heero nodded.

Duo shifted his hand away. He looked for a moment as if he would speak, but closed his eyes and turned his head.

* * *

Unterward's office was warm, despite the grey cloud outside. Wufei stood, waiting for the man to arrive. His hands were wrapped around his tablet, as he stood arms behind his back. He stared out the window behind Unterward's desk, running through possibilities in his mind. The case was progressing slowly, but Wufei had the sense that there was a thread to be captured and pursued. The door opened and closed quietly behind him, and Unterward tipped his head as he moved to stand behind the desk.

"Thank you for seeing me so promptly." Wufei nodded once sharply.

Unterward smiled slightly and nodded, motioning the seat. "I hope that my office has been helping with your enquiries, Captain Chang."

"Indeed they have," Wufei sat down and tapped his tablet. "I'm going to need to record this conversation."

"Of course," Unterward tipped his head, and arched his fingers together. "I presume you're here to ask questions."

Wufei took a moment to gather his thoughts as he nodded. He opened a notebook. "We've been trying to piece together Duo's life before he was shot, and have encountered a rather strange reoccurrence." Wufei stared at the man, "Six months before he was shot, a number of things seem to happen. I'm not here to discuss those, but I am confused about one particular event."

"If I can offer any help, I will." Unterward's expression was neutral, as he sipped a glass of water.

"Six months before he was shot, Duo held a press conference." Wufei tapped his pen against his note pad, "During this press conference, he revealed that he was the second Gundam pilot—"

"And revealed his name and location." Unterward nodded slowly, he was unsurprised. "I recall the event." He sighed, "I'm not sure what I can tell you about it."

Wufei paused for a moment before asking. "What prompted this revelation?"

"I don't know." Unterward glanced away for a moment, thinking. "It was after a personal day. He seemed focused and determined."

"Was this normal?"

"Of course. He often returned from personal days, refocused and determined to succeed." Unterward tilted his head, "A fresh reminder of his failure to find you all seemed to drive him forward."

Wufei stared hard at the lawyer. He blinked for a long moment, realisation setting in. There was nothing in the man's voice or expression, but the emotion was there. Subtly. "You ... you actually don't like us, do you?"

Unterward's smile was quietly brittle. "I am unaccountably fond of my client. He is kind, hardworking and an outstanding person." Unterward stared at Wufei, his gaze never wavering. "He has worked and worked, sacrificed and wrung himself dry for this colony and its inhabitants. He fought for us. He has never asked for anything in return from this colony." Unterward paused, and he sipped his water. His gaze dropped for a moment, as he thought. When he looked up at Wufei, the preventer was hard pressed to ignore the flash of cold fury in the old man's eyes. "Gundam, he said, was your name and he believed in you all. He only ever looked for all of you, to find you all again would have been the only reward he would have gladly taken." The brittle, cool smile returned. "It's hard to like cowards who left a friend behind."

Silence reigned in the office for a long time. Wufei looked past the lawyer for a long time, watching the city outside the man's window. Wufei nodded and met Unterward's uncompromising stare again.

"Fair point." Wufei kept his expression straight, pushing down at the urge to shout.

Unterward's smile faded, and he nodded.

"Never-the-less, I would see the bastard who shot my client brought to justice." He tilted his head to the other side, "And I understand that you are the man to do it. I believe in the name of Gundam, as he did. I know that you will hunt the dog to the ends of the earth." He glanced down for a moment. "I mentioned his determination and his focus, because that day it was not directed at the business. It was directed at you. Normally, he would shake off his melancholy by placing his business first. Now he seemed determined to ..." Unterward paused, "I'm not sure 'protect' is the right word. He seemed concerned that the name of Gundam had been forgotten, that your argument had somehow tarnished what you had all done and that he needed to bring the world's attention back to the Gundams."

"He wanted to bring attention to the Gundams?"

"If I were to try and guess at his motives, I should think it was the first large scale attempt to shame you all out of hiding." Unterward spread his hands, "By calling attention to himself, he would reignite interest in the name of Gundam."

Wufei made a small note in his tablet.

"Not unlike the fundraiser, I suppose." Unterward carried on. "It was a move calculated to prompt you to move."

"It didn't work." Wufei frowned, "I didn't see this press conference and as far as we can tell, it never left L2."

"As I say, it was calculated, but perhaps not well designed."

Wufei's hands stilled over the tablet. "Duo was a communications expert. If we were meant to see it, we would have seen it."

"A desperate and lonely man after 9 years out of his field of expertise, Captain Chang, it's not unexpected that he'd misstep."

Wufei looked at the lawyer, "You don't think that."

Unterward was very calm, but his eyes were cool. "If you were meant to see it, he would have pushed harder. He didn't." Unterward looked down for a moment. "If the message was meant for someone else..."

"Do you know who?"

"I do not presume to know the mind of my client."

The two men stared at each other.

"He wouldn't tell you." Wufei tilted his head, and knew by Unterward's grim look that he'd guessed right. "You knew he was sending a message, but you couldn't get him to tell you who he was sending it to."

"My client has always been adamant that he would never lie to me. This also means he can simply not tell me things." Unterward nodded slowly.

"You should have told us."

"I didn't think the events were linked. He was shot six months later."

"By a Gundam hating thug!" Wufei bristled. "Six months after revealing he was a Gundam pilot!"

"How do you know the motivations of the would-be killer?" Unterward sat back, "He could be using Gundam as an excuse. If he were so keen on killing Gundams, Quatre Winner and yourself were much easier targets." Unterward waved a hand, "You may have hidden yourselves from my client, you never hid your names like he did."

Wufei's eyes slipped shut and he raised a hand to pinch his nose.

"I know," Unterward continued, "Because I went through the same thoughts. It seems too wonderful, all wrapped up in a bow. However, Mister Basilica has everything, everything that you could all possibly want with the tiny exception –"

"He didn't have us." Wufei opened his eyes, "You concede the message is suspect."

"I concede only that point. I don't know who he was talking to, but certainly he was talking."

Wufei leant back in his chair. "It's still a lead."

"Thin and empty, Captain Chang." Unterward motioned the tray on his desk, "Will you take some tea?"

* * *

The fingers in his hair were soft, gently playing with the strands. When he sighed, they withdrew and he opened his eyes. For a long time he stared at a blonde man, who smiled back at him.

"Hey." The blonde man's voice was soft, his tired blue eyes gazing at him with a little concern. "Hey, how are you doing?"

"Who-" Duo swallowed, "Who are you?"

The gentle fingers withdrew, and pain flooded the blue eyes. "I'm ... I'm a friend, visiting... I should let you sleep more..."

Duo frowned and struggled to sit up. He pulled the large book from the table and opened it carefully. The blonde man sat back, folding his hands into his lap. Duo glanced at him, resting his own hands over the open book. It gave him a nudge in his mind, and he looked down at the open double page. In the centre, the five boys were gathered and around the outer edges, a picture of older men. He followed the yellow string. Licking his lips nervously, he risked another look at the quiet blonde man. He was staring thoughtfully out of the window now, his blue eyes narrowed in a quiet kind of anger.

"We were gone for too long." He spoke before Duo could. "Weren't we?"

Duo wasn't sure how to answer, shrugged and opted to let his mouth speak his mind. "Yes."

The blue eyes narrowed, and pale lips twisted. "Heero said you were having some trouble recognising us."

"I am." Duo tapped the book, tapped the yellow string. "You're Quatre."

The man sighed and looked toward Duo again, "Yes. I'm sorry, I should have waited until you were awake."

"It's ok." Duo shifted to reach his bed remote, Quatre watched him with a tilted head. Duo struggled, but eventually managed to reach it. When his bed was upright in a seated position, Duo looked at the blonde man. "There was a time when you would have fussed, would have insisted that you get it for me..."

The blonde man blinked a few times. He sighed and looked out the window, "It didn't even occur to me. I'm sorry."

Duo snorted; "There was a time when I woulda believed you were actually sorry."

The blonde man started, but his blue eyes were not shocked. They sat in silence for a moment, while the blonde man's carefully crafted worry slipped from his face. Duo nodded grimly, as the blonde man began to actually look like the Old Man Quatre in the book. Old Man Quatre nodded and his small smile was sardonic. "You could always see straight through, right through everything."

"You're not the same boy I knew, the boy I knew would have been apologising himself sick and cursing himself for not thinking of everything..." Duo raised a hand and shrugged, "But then again, Old Man Heero isn't about the mission, Old Man Wufei has a daughter... and I'm alive, even though Death had plenty of time to kill me... I wonder how Trowa's changed."

"He hasn't..." Old Man Quatre checked himself, "No, that's unfair. We have all changed, you're right."

Duo looked down at the book, "When I last saw Quatre, he was a mess but I could see you... you were creeping into him." He glanced at Old Man Quatre, "Even before the final argument, you were coming."

Old Man Quatre's head tilted slightly, "I needed to become harder. My business needed a leader, not a rebel."

"And the world didn't need Little Miss Peace anymore, her Prince from the Stars, nor a God of Death." Duo touched the centre picture, reverently. "The Raging Warrior had to put away his sword and the Two Faced Turncoat had no mask to hide behind." He smiled slightly, "And so we died."

"Ash and dust, Dorothy called it." Quatre reached out to touch the image, his pale finger lingering over the young and serious Trowa. "We were all such shooting stars, but now we are nothing ... ash and dust." He sat back and looked out the window again.

Silence fell over them again, and Duo flipped a page over to reach Heero's pages. He read for a few moments, while Quatre stared out of window. Duo glanced at the clock, "Where's Heero?"

"He's visiting his therapist. I told him I'd sit with you."

"Thank you."

"It's no trouble, I wanted to see you."

Duo's smile was small. "I'm not thanking you for that."

Quatre blinked and looked at him, "For what then?"

"For not lying to me anymore..." Duo's small smile was tired, "For not trying to be the boy I knew. I like it when the monsters are out. Those boys..." he tapped the picture. "They're far behind me, lost in the ash and dust." His odd coloured eyes were glassy, and his hands stilled. His voice dropped to a whisper. "Heero wants to be friends."

"Yes," Quatre looked down. He sighed, "I think we all want to be friends again."

"Really?"

Quatre didn't look up, but took a moment to think. He nodded, and met Duo's eyes when he had come to a decision. "Yes, we want to be friends again. We have a long road ahead of us all, and we have walked some of the way." Quatre leant forward, and reached out tentatively. Soft fingers tangled in Duo's fringe, as he spoke. "You're going to have to run to catch up."

Duo's smile was faint as sleep began take him. "Ah, but I was always the fastest..."

A shadow of pain passed over Quatre's face, and when he spoke Duo knew he could believe him. "I'm so sorry, we weren't there." The blue eyes turned sharp, "But we're looking..." Cold fury lit up in Quatre's blue eyes. "And when we find him—"

Duo's sleep-laden laugh was dark. "Nobody sees Gundam and lives."

* * *

Trowa was surprised when Quatre didn't come to the door as was normal. The tall man took off his boots and shrugged out of his coat, the apartment was dark like Quatre wasn't there, but Trowa could smell the sharp, distinct smell of Quatre's tea. Grabbing a towel from the bathroom and drying his wayward hair, Trowa followed his nose to Quatre's bedroom. The blonde haired man was sat in the window sill, cradling a cup of tea and was lost in his thoughts. The rain was hard against the knocked on the door frame firmly.

Quatre roused out of his thoughts enough to focus on the reflection of the tall man, and tipped his head in greeting.

"May I come in?"

Quatre turned in the window sill and stared at him for a moment before nodded, "Yes, of course."

Trowa stepped forward and moved to join Quatre by the window sill. He sat down on the floor, pressing his back against the wall. "What are you thinking about?"

It took a moment for Quatre to answer, "I visited Duo today."

Trowa nodded in the darkness. He wasn't afraid to admit that he wasn't yet ready to see Duo. He had been surprised when Quatre had volunteered to visit Duo for the duration of Heero's therapy day. He'd let work consume him, the L3 rejuvenation project and the massive machinery was enthralling as it ticked along its incredible path. He tilted his head toward Quatre, looking up to see the city's lights illuminate the man's pale features. "What are you thinking about?"

Quatre's lips quirked in a strange smile. "I'm thinking about what he thanked me for."

Trowa was silent, and Quatre appreciated that.

"He thanked me for being who I am now, instead of trying to be the boy I was. It made me think about how far we are along this path." He looked down at Trowa, meeting the man's dull green eyes. "Would you thank me? Would you not prefer to have that boy back?"

Trowa thought about it for a long time. So long that Quatre went back to staring out of the window. Trowa's voice was soft as he spoke. "No. I don't think I would. That boy wanted to take my home and move all of it to L4, that boy thought that money was a bridge between us and it was a ravine. I don't think I could have ever been able to be here now, because he would never have been able to understand why moving my home would have killed me."

Quatre stared out the window, watching the rain splatter against the glass.

"That boy thought I could have been happy leaping out of the life I had earned for myself, and landing in a soft cushion of privilege. He must have dreamt of it, the desert prince and his wildling clown. Ah!" Trowa chuckled and he was angry. "How very romantic the dream must have been."

"It was." Quatre replied. "I thought it a beautiful dream."

"I didn't want to be tamed and made to dance." Trowa sighed, "I was spitting mad at the notion of being broken, reigned and trotted out before your fine society friends. I couldn't stand it. It made my skin crawl, and I could only imagine how it would go. Me? I can garrotte a man with a shoe lace and I can clean, reassemble and shot a gun with my eyes closed. My finest skill is my ability to lock down my emotions so tightly, that I can kill, seduce or fool everyone and anyone. I was so sorry for myself." There was disgust in his voice and Quatre wondered who Trowa was more disgusted with. Trowa shifted and moved to kneel next to Quatre. "What place was there for me by your side? I would have only embarrassed you in the end."

Quatre stared out the window. Uncertain what to say, he stared at the reflection of Trowa in the window and knew that the man was taking his time to look at his former lover. Quatre closed his eyes as he let his mind play out the possibilities, and knew that he didn't need Zero to make it clear.

"We would have tried. I would have tried." Quatre said, his voice low. "But..."

"But we couldn't have won. I was too angry." Trowa reached up to touch Quatre's hand, feeling the mug was cold. "We would have done worse than just faded away..."

"You suffered during those years."

"We all suffered in different ways." Trowa dropped his head and then moved to stand up. He moved to sit beside Quatre and the blonde man shifted his feet to the floor. They both stared into the darkened bedroom now. "We needed those years, needed to suffer, to grow up, to leave the Gundams behind."

Quatre shook his head, "There should have been a better way."

"There was." Trowa replied, he chuckled, "But we couldn't have seen it. Wufei was too angry still, I was too ashamed, you were too relieved, Heero was too lost and Duo was the only one who had a damned chance and then we took it all away by leaving." He caught Quatre's look, "He just wanted to be friends... Not Gundam, not heroes, not saviours, not anything special... he just wanted us to be friends."

Quatre thought about it, and nodded. "We skipped that part, didn't we?"

"Yes, we did." Trowa shook his head, "I worshipped the idea of you, but I don't think we ever just got down to being just friends. Not like we've been doing now."

Beside him, Quatre smiled faintly as he stood. He put his cup of tea down on a nearby table. He took a moment to stare at the man in the window sill. "We were too young."

"We were too young, but we were needed then." Trowa's lips quirked as he looked away, "I couldn't do it all again. I know why the Doctors sent us at that moment; I can't say I could do it ever again."

"Yes, I understand what you mean. But..." Quatre stepped forward, "I don't regret any of it. I regret the pain, the words I said... But I don't regret our days together."

Trowa's smile was soft, "Yes. We are who we are, and I think we are better for it."

"I told Duo, he had to catch up with us..." Quatre's head dipped as he snorted softly, "I think we're only just catching up with him."

He heard Trowa rise from his seat, and move toward him. "It's late, we should talk more but... It's late now."

"That's ok," Quatre nodded. He took a step forward and reached up to wrap his arms around Trowa's neck. He felt a flush of youth again, as Trowa gathered him up in his own long arms and pulled him close, pulling him to stand on just the balls of his feet. Quatre stared up, his chin just resting on the taller man's shoulder. "I like to think that we've both been able to put our pride on the shelf. I hope that I am a better man now, than I have ever been before."

"And I'm glad," Trowa turned his head, his voice muffled by Quatre's neck, "Because you wouldn't thank me either for being the boy I was."

Quatre thought about that and then closed his eyes. "No, I suppose I wouldn't."

They stood like that for a while.

* * *

_::Just kill me - I can't breathe::_

_::I am guiding myself right to the end::_

_::I can't learn - come to terms::_

_::With the sickness that makes me crash and burn::_

_::I'm crying, I feel like I am dying but I'm trying::_

_::I beg to myself put my pride up on the shelf::_

* * *

A/N: Short notes, I thank you for your reviews last week - and will thank everyone properly - and I look forward to your reviews for this update. Thank you in advance!


	28. Getting Me High

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes:** This is largely a story where I'm hoping to follow the reactions, rather than the expected plot. Thank you for joining me. And I should probably mention, I'm not a medical professional – as you probably guessed – and treatment I put here, is based on my own experiences and internet research.

**Warnings:** I'm a slash writer; in my view some characters are not heterosexual. This may be different from your own interpretation of the characters. I hope you enjoy the story, despite our disagreement and I thank you for staying with me, despite Chapter 9 being your safe stopping point.

**Song**: Marilyn Manson – Heart Shaped Glasses

* * *

_::And I don't mind you keepin' me::_  
_::On pins and needles::_  
_::If I could stick to you::_  
_::And you stick me too::_  
_::Don't break::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 27: Getting Me High**

_::Don't break my heart::_  
_::And I won't break your heart-shaped glasses::_

* * *

Duo stared at the ground, furious and panting hard. The loose hairs from his short braid fanned out around his head, and sweat dripped down his nose. His lip curled and he slapped the ground. Looking up a little further, he could just about see the toes of Heero's black boots. Old habits die hard; they were good combat boots, the boots of a soldier. Duo could imagine the rest of Heero made it look like he was standing nonchalantly against the wall, but his feet always gave him away. The man was ready to burst into motion, fight the good fight. White shoes stepped into his line of sight, and Duo felt hands under his arm pits. With a snarl he attempted to jerk away, but the hands were insistent and pulled him to his knees. He shrugged them off then, and knelt for a while. His whole body shook with the strain of merely kneeling there. His arms were limp by his side, and his thighs were jelly.

"Let him think."

His physical therapist, Doctor Carlson, was a hard man, replacing the softer therapist they'd initially assigned him. The man was a veteran of the colony wars, and understood Duo far better. Duo respected the man who let Duo fall flat on his face five times, and wouldn't call it a day until Duo did. The nurses stepped back and walked away. Duo took stock of his body, taking the time to listen to each of the aches and pains. His arms ached; he was placing too much weight on them instead of pushing down on his legs. He looked up at the parallel rails that marked the walk Duo had been attempting to make.

Duo reached up and scratched at his throat, sweat drenched him but he wasn't ready to give up for the day. He raised his eyes to look at Heero. The man looked impeccable, his choice of suit made him look like the bodyguard he used to be. His hard blue eyes didn't even hint at any emotion. Duo reached up with aching arms, and tightened his grip on the rail. He panted with the effort, but met Heero's impassive gaze and nodded jerkily once. Heero stared at him, his expression blank. There was the slightest of nods from the man, and Duo closed his eyes and pulled.

His arms screamed with pain and he felt another drip of sweat roll down his nose. He opened his eyes again, only once he was standing on firm feet again. His arms were shaking, and he cursed himself for putting his weight on them instead of his legs. He glanced at Heero and - holding on to the hard blue gaze - let go of the rail. There was a concerned click from his therapist, as the man stepped closer. "You sure that's wise?"

Duo didn't let go of the hard blue gaze ahead of him. He nodded tightly. "Yeah, I'm good."

His therapist gave a long suffering sigh and looked him up and down. "Then go."

The first step was a trial, like always, but the next was easier. As was the next, and then finally he was standing a meter away from Heero.

"That was a good two meters, Mr Maxwell. You're done for today." His therapist was curt, and Duo appreciated that. The man made a motion and one of the nurses wheeled over a chair.

Duo slumped down into it and nodded. "Yeah, I'm done." He looked down at the sides of the chair and looked up at the nurse, "Could I get one with wheels I can move myself?"

The nurse blinked and threw a sidelong glance at the therapist. The man raised an eyebrow and turned his head in a very obvious motion to check with Duo. That made Duo chuckle as he nodded. The therapist looked back at the nurse, who in turn looked at Duo sheepishly. "Sorry, sir." He said, "I'll get you one later."

* * *

Heero leant forward to press the lift call button.

"You look smart today."

He looked down at Duo, the long haired man was slumped in his chair now. Duo's head was tilted back, cushioned by the high back of the chair. "Thanks," Heero said, "It's one of my—"

"Wellbeing exercises." Duo nodded slightly, "I remember. It's not just that. You just look very smart today."

The lift doors opened, and Heero pushed Duo into the lift. "Thank you."

"On the other hand, I look like a total dweeb." He gingerly lifted an arm and gave his body an experimental sniff, and smell awful. He tipped his head back, sweat drenched strands of hair stuck to his face and looked up at Heero. "But, hey, at least I got a lovely sponge bath waiting for me from lovely Nurse Jones. She gives the best sponge baths." Heero stared ahead, as if waiting for the doors to open. Duo snorted, "Don't give me that silent treatment, you're not the one still technically listed as being in a coma."

Heero's lips quirked and he glanced down. "It's for your own good. You're still not out of level 6." He raised a hand, and brushed back some of Duo's loose hair. "If you didn't push yourself so hard during your sessions, you would have the energy to shower yourself."

Duo's head tilted slightly, as the man pressed against Heero's hand. "If I don't push during the sessions, then I won't prove I'm better."

"Then you'll just have to keep enjoying Nurse Jones' sponge baths."

Duo's lip curled as he glared upward, "Was that a joke?"

The lift doors opened. Duo thought he saw Heero's lip twitch into a smirk. Duo snorted and stared ahead as Heero navigated the corridor. They entered his room, and Heero waited outside Duo's room as Nurse Jones came. Half an hour later, she nodded to Heero and left. Duo was looking neater, in a fresh gown. The man was safely tacked into his bed, and looked a little exhausted. He held up a brush. "I told her that was your job."

Heero nodded and took the brush, brushing through the medium length strands. He worked methodically, taking pleasure in the soft strands as they slipped between his fingers. Duo's fringe was longer than before, the bulk of his hair reaching far past his shoulders. It was almost as thick as his previous braid of hair when it was braided, but not quite the rope of hair that Heero remembered. It was a rich colour, lighter than before but darkening as it grew longer. It had made Duo smile to find out that Heero had researched how to brush long hair and how to braid it correctly. It brought a smile to his own lips as Heero remembered that smile now. His knuckles were brushing over the back of Duo's neck, when he heard Duo say something.

"What was that?" Heero paused in braiding to look at Duo. The other man's head was tilted forward, and he couldn't make out Duo's expression except for the clenching of his pale jaw.

"I'm better." Duo's voice was tight, and his fists bunched on the bed. Heero continued braiding his hair, unsure what to say in the face of Duo's sudden anger. Duo thumped the bed once with his fists. "I can take apart a Gundam guidance system with my eyes closed." It was a growl and Duo shook his head sharply once, "You know that."

"I know." Heero replied simply.

"Damnit." Duo spat. "I'm better."

Heero tied off Duo's hair, and sat down folding his hands into his lap. "Describe how to get dressed into a two piece business suit."

That threw Duo, and his anger gave to shock for a brief moment. "What?"

"Describe how I got dressed this morning." Heero motioned himself, calmly. "In what order did I put my clothes on?"

Duo stared at him for a long moment, his eyes flickering over his body. Heero could see him calculating and thinking it through, and saw the moment Duo realised that he couldn't do it. Duo closed his eyes slowly, and his lips formed a tight line. He shook his head and turned his head away. "Fuck you." He whispered, and drew a deep breath. He opened his eyes and stared at the sky. He drew a ragged breath. "Just... fuck you."

Heero was silent for a long time, watching as Duo closed his eyes and drew another ragged breath. He thought carefully about his words. "You are getting better." He said finally, and nodded when Duo looked at him with barely checked fury. Heero held his gaze. "You're not able to operate at full capacity yet."

"Fuck you." Duo almost spat, he jabbed at his own chest with his thumb. "I could pilot. I could fight!"

Heero nodded. "Yes, you could. I believe you could assemble a timed explosive and I'd trust you to plan a mission to deliver that explosive to a base." He tilted his head. "But, what do you need to be able to brush your teeth?"

Duo's eyes flicked to the side and when they came back to meet Heero's unflinching gaze, Heero knew that Duo couldn't find the information. The anger drained for Duo as this realisation set in.

Duo nodded and looked down at his lap, his hands limp. "Why is stuff like that gone?" He asked in quiet voice. It seemed to Heero that Duo's whole body seemed to deflate, his anger leaving him entirely.

"You're going to be aware of physical problems, because they are obvious." Heero shifted in his seat, leaning closer. "Your mental problems are going to be harder to keep track of, because you won't know that information is gone until you realise it's not there."

He looked down, his brows drawing into a frown. He looked at his hands, as they clenched on his knees. He looked up at Duo as the man shifted in the bed and moved to lie down, turning on his side. It felt like defeat, and Heero moved. He reached out to touch Duo's shoulder to get his attention, but the man didn't turn.

Heero sighed; "It will pass, as you continue to get better. Level 7 promises greater freedom."

"I just want to get out of here." Duo turned his head, moved to lie on his back and he stared at the ceiling. He lay still for a long time and Heero was at a loss. He reached up to brush back a loose strand of hair.

"It will pass, Duo." He whispered and watched as the unusually coloured eyes dulled, and Duo's face slackened. It was a stupor, that's what Sally had said. Nothing in Heero's research had quite prepared him. It was happening rarely now that Duo had become physically active, but it still happened. It did not worry Heero as much as it had the first few times it had happened. In two months of recovery, Duo experienced the stupor state perhaps once or twice a day. It was unnerving, but Heero understood it to mean that sometimes Duo shut down.

Heero brushed his hand over Duo's brow again, "Until that time comes, Duo, I will be here."

A light feeling lit across his chest and he was at a loss again. He felt it again as he whispered, "I promise." The light feeling stabbed at him, sudden and hot and Heero leant forward. He pressed his lips against Duo's ear, and drew a deep breath. "Don't. Break." He hissed urgently. "Don't you dare break!"

* * *

It came back in pieces.

Duo had noticed this, but he wasn't quite sure how to describe coming back to consciousness in pieces to anyone else.

First came patchy, incoherent sight. He stared at the lumps and shapes and they meant nothing until his mind connected words to describe them.

Then came sounds, again, meaningless until his mind kicked in.

He felt heaviness near his legs and could only vaguely connect the sensation to the shape in front of him. Black was a word that floated in his mind, as he watched the darkest shape bob up and down occasionally. Soon basic recognition came, there was a small person sitting on his bed. A child. A girl. He watched her look at him with narrowed brown eyes, her pink tongue sticking out thoughtfully. She was drawing, and her sketch pad was balanced on his knees.

The muffled sounds coalesced into meaning as if he had broken the surface of some dark water. He looked toward the sounds, and they were coming from the two men standing by the window.

"He's not well enough to leave the hospital."

"Then we bring dinner to him."

There was a pause, and then there was a quiet restrained laugh. "It's against the rules, Wufei."

"Damn them." This was said dismissively, and Duo felt emotion and consciousness rushing back into him. He gasped, and the girl on the bed looked up in alarm.

"Oh!" She gasped and reached out to grasp his knee, "It's okay!" She squeezed and he reached out to touch her small hand. She smiled and nodded, "It's okay! Uncle Duo, situation green."

Duo fell back against his pillows as the surprise receded and an automatic calm fell on him. Old Man Wufei and Heero turned from the window. They looked at him cautiously and Duo looked away to look at the girl. Nataku. Her name was Nataku. He licked dry lips and attempted a smile. "Hi... Nataku..." He blinked, and glanced at the two men. "How long have you been here?"

"An hour, maybe longer." Old Man Wufei glanced at his watch, and sat down beside him. "How are you feeling?"

Duo stared at him, "Have I been in a... I haven't been asleep the whole time, have I?"

"No." Old Man Wufei seemed unconcerned; he motioned Heero with a hand. "We've been catching up."

"You act like it's normal..." Duo glanced at the girl, "Aren't you scared?"

"Of the stupor?" She blinked, and shook her head. "No. Uncle Heero explained that sometimes you just shut down, and it's a bit like your brain is just reorganising data." She glanced up for a moment, "Which makes you sound like a bit of a computer or a robot..." She glanced at Heero and shared a quick grin with Duo as she leaned forward. "Sjobol told me that his aunt told him that OZ once thought that the Gundam Pilots were really robots..." She leant further forward, cupping a hand over her cheek to hide her lips from Heero. "Sjobol said that his aunt said that OZ said that this was based on what they knew of pilot of Zero One." She pressed a finger to her lips and sat up right. "Shh!"

Duo flicked his eyes toward Heero, who was looking upward with a dour expression. He shifted his gaze and looked at Old Man Wufei; the man was slowly shaking his head while looking at his daughter. He caught Duo's questioning look and sighed.

Smiling faintly, Duo asked, "Who is Sjobol?"

"Oh, a friend from school." Old Man Wufei answered with another sigh, "His aunt used to be an OZ special. It's remarkable the things she tells her nephew..." He tilted his head, "But then I imagine Sjobol talking to his aunt: Nataku told me that her father told her..." He shook his head, the light catching on the white strands in his hair. It made Duo blink and for a moment; Duo forgot who this old man was. His kind smile and the love in his calm eyes as he reached forward to embrace the girl on the bed, it was so disorientating. It was altogether familiar and alien. For a long moment, Duo wanted to call him Father Maxwell but the words wouldn't slip past his lips.

A hand on his shoulder and he turned his head.

"Wufei."

The whisper was low, just for him.

Striking, hard blue eyes and Duo felt the world inside his head come to a rest. He glanced back at Wufei teasing his little girl about her friend, and he felt bemused and sick at the same time. He glanced up at Heero, and could see that Heero understood some of it. Duo nodded and looked for his book. Nataku had made him a lifeline in her book, and it reassured him that the strangers that came to visit were real people. Heero reached for the book, and flicked it open to Wufei's pages. Duo stared at them as Heero handed him the book. After a moment, Duo looked up and saw Nataku looking at him with concern. Wufei seemed to understand and a gentle apologetic smile appeared faintly on his lips.

"Are you okay?" Nataku asked, confusion in her face.

Duo tapped the red string with the side of his thumb and nodded to the girl. "Some times..." He licked his lips and looked for the right words. He swallowed, "Sometimes your names slip away... And I don't know who you are, or why you're here... and the names that I think of aren't right..." He looked down at the book, "But then you remind me again. With this." He looked at her and smiled as best he could, "Thank you."

Nataku looked unconvinced, but nodded. "Okay." The girl looked down, frowning for a long time as she thought. She nodded again, and looked up at him. "What made you forget this time?"

He blinked. "I saw his white hairs, Wufei doesn't have white hairs."

"I don't, now." Old Man Wufei protested, but huffed and folded his arms when his daughter gave him a knowing look.

Duo gave a startled laugh, "That was very like Wufei."

Wufei raised an imperious eyebrow, "Really?"

"He was... stern." Duo said, a smile appearing. He glanced at the girl, "Your father, Wufei... I mean, he was also very angry. He shouted a lot." Duo looked down at an older picture of Wufei, "Or he was deathly silent... Or he had this manner of speaking, where I always thought he thought I was an idiot."

"I never thought you were an idiot." Wufei sniffed and looked away, "Can't have been, if you'd been picked to be one of us."

Duo laughed quietly, "When I saw he had married your mother... I couldn't believe it." He looked at Wufei, sobering. "I would have loved to have met her."

Wufei looked at him; his dark eyes were filled with sorrow. "Yes, you should have." He glanced at his daughter, and raised a hand to cup the back of her head. "Thankfully, Nataku has the very best of her..."

* * *

"Why do you think she chose purple for you?"

He stared across the bed at Doctor Hobbs, she was sat in her usual place. Duo tapped his own string with his thumb and thought for a moment. "I'm told my eyes are a funny colour, purple or violet... I'm mean, they're just blue. I figure Professor G did something to them." Duo remembered. G's laugh echoed as he turned and shuffled away. The smell of old coffee and chemicals hit him. The sweepers' ship always had poor lightning, but Duo could still see well. Like in the alleyway. He could see the dull glint of the gun, the man's hand shaking as he spoke. G's hands never shook, never. Duo blinked. "G was always insistent, I didn't just have 'good eyes', I had great eyes. Like having good eyes was a matter of competition or something..."

"What did you think?"

"I think he wanted me to be better. He was always so very keen for me to be good at everything I did." Duo smiled faintly and looked out the window, "He was so proud of me until I tried to blow up Deathscythe and failed ... It's so strange, looking back now... But I think the old man loved me. He would have kicked my ass out of bed by now..."

Duo's gaze fell on the grainy small picture that Nataku had obtained of G. The cantankerous old bastard snarled out of the prison picture, captured by OZ and forced to make their machines. His narrow grey eye peeked from under the bushy hair. Duo remembered. White eye. Brown eye. Shaking hands. How could he be shaking?

"He wasn't old."

"Wasn't he?" Doctor Hobbs, tilted her head. She tried not to betray her confusion at his odd phrase.

"No. He must have been young..." Duo's voice was faint, his mind elsewhere. Hobbs glanced at the recorder, relieved to know that it was still recording the conversation. Duo's head was tilted like he was looking at the book, but he wasn't. His eyes were far away. "He must have been young like Noin and Zechs had been young, when the wars started..." Duo shook his head, "The funny thing was... he was sorry."

"Why?"

"I don't know... I just told him, it would be ok. He... He smiled at me then... said he knew, said it would be ok. He understood. He hated me. He was sorry, so very sorry..." Duo fell silent for a long time, blinked and looked up. He looked at her in confusion for a long time. "What happened...?"

Doctor Hobbs was still for a moment, unsure how to proceed. Duo blinked again, and looked down at the book.

"He..." He closed his eyes and shook his head, "No. It's gone again."

Hobbs let go of the breath she was holding and stood, "How do you feel?"

He sighed and lay back. "Tired, like I've been trying to walk again." He snorted disdainfully, "Or rather failing to walk or get out of this damned bed."

She smiled faintly. "You're making good progress, even if you don't think so."

"Yeah... Whatever you say, doc." He closed his eyes, "Do me a favour?"

"If I can."

He opened his eyes and stared toward the foot of the bed, "Can you share the recordings with the preventers? I give my permission or whatever's needed. I'm starting to remember the guy, but every time I try to focus on him, it all slips away again."

"You've had a significant trauma. Your mind will try to—"

"Cover the memory and distract me. Look, I know about this stuff. It's not exactly new to me." He glanced at her and motioned the nearby table, "There's an envelope there. Go open it."

She did as he asked, and stared at the battered old picture of a nun and a long haired boy. "Is this you?"

"Yes." Duo tilted his head, "Do you know the nun?"

Hobbs shook her head, "No."

"Then maybe you know the name, Maxwell Church." His voice hardened for a moment, "Only one survivor. You don't need to tell me about significant trauma."

Hobbs stilled, and then nodded. She put the photo back into the envelope and straightened her shoulders. She met his gaze and understood his quiet anger. "Mr Maxwell, have you had professional help before?"

"Never needed it. I'm a Gundam pilot—"

"Well, you need it now." Hobbs frowned. "You haven't just had a significant emotional trauma; you've had a massive physical trauma as well." She put a hand on her hip, and didn't flinch when he glared at her. "Yes, sir, you are a Gundam, yes, sir, you have had a tough life." She took a step forward, "But no, sir, I am not underestimating you or your abilities. I would be deficit in my duties, if I just ignored your recovery points because you're a Gundam." She held up a hand, "It might not be new to you, but the effective professional treatment might." She took a step forward and sat down beside him. "May I call you Duo?"

He blinked in surprise and nodded.

"Duo, this isn't the war. This is the colony you helped rebuild." Her voice softened. "I am not just going to leave you to recover by yourself. I don't have anything more important to do than to ensure that you get the best level of care."

"Nobody has to—"

She passed him the envelope and stood, her smile sardonic. "Well, Duo... what would make you feel better?" She chuckled, "Would you prefer me to say I get paid good money for this or I want to because you're a good man?"

Duo snorted and looked up at her sideways, "How good is the money?"

Hobbs laughed at this, "Well, you do have some very important friends." She reached out and pressed his shoulder. She met his eye and nodded, "Your recovery is going at a good pace, aided by your previous experience and your body modifications. I'll be able to give you a projection on how long we think it might take you to recover based on your current progress. Professional therapy won't speed things up, but it will help you construct a firm foundation to help you with your mental health from this point onwards."

Duo smiled slightly, snorted and looked away. "I'm not gonna win this, am I?"

"Not really, Mr Maxwell." Hobbs chuckled and picked up her clipboard. She shook the recorder at him. "You survived a shot to the head, battled your way out of the resulting coma... I'm not going to miss you pulling off the hat trick of leaving this hospital under your own power!"

* * *

It was dark next.

Duo blinked, unsure of the time. He knew it was late, the curtains were closed. Near him, a page turned. He was sat up, so he only had to turn his head. A man sat near him, dark head tipped down as he read. The light of the single light in the room illuminated his hands, his scarred hands. In the dim light from the window, Duo could make out the suit and the combat boots. The man was comfortably sat in a reclined chair. Duo smiled faintly as the page turned again. He reached for the remote to lower his bed, and got comfortable as he lowered himself into a sleeping position.

The page paused in the middle of its turn, and Heero looked up.

"Did the nurses say you could stay so late?" Duo chuckled, "They usually kick your ass out by now."

Heero finished his page turn, and folded his hand into the book so he wouldn't lose his page. "Not tonight. I wanted to stay." He thought for a moment, "Doctor Hobbs told me that you might benefit from being reminded that you are not alone."

"Did she?"

"Yes. I spoke to my therapist about it as well. He said that I would benefit from being reminded that I'm not alone when I'm with you."

Duo turned his head and looked at the other man, "Then I guess we're not alone."

Heero's lips were softened by a small smile. He shrugged slightly, "I suspect they mean to for us to think of it more as an emotional state."

"Emotional state, huh?" Duo huffed and shifted in his bed to get comfortable. Heero opened his book and resumed reading.

Silence hung between them for a long time until Duo broke it.

"Did you mean it?"

Heero looked up as Duo shifted his head again to look at him. In the dim light from the window, Duo's eyes were liquid darkness in his pale face.

"I mean," Duo clarified, "About hell."

To Duo, Heero's eyes were an electric blue, glowing in the reading light's glare. They were hard and unforgiving. Heero nodded once.

"You stupid bastard," Duo's lips did an ugly thing as he smirked. "I won't let you."

"Then don't break." Heero replied simply, returning to his book. "You won't have a choice." He turned a page, and added calmly. "Make it your mission: Fight."

Duo stared at the ceiling for a long time. "Make it our mission."

Heero glanced up.

Duo looked at him, exhaustion sweeping over him.

"I found you," Duo said, "So now it's our mission. Partners. Yeah?"

Heero nodded once, and that seemed to satisfy Duo. He closed his eyes and after a few moments, chuckled. He opened one eye to look at Heero, "Just don't steal any of my medical equipment to fix yourself up. I kinda need this stuff, for real."

Heero returned to his book again, pausing to glance over Duo as the other drifted into sleep. Duo's face was peaceful, his breathing even. It was reassuring to see Duo lying easy. His braid coiled out from under his head, and his lips were caught in a faint smile. Heero knew Duo was not sleeping deeply, but just resting his eyes until true sleep took him. Heero tilted his head. "I'll take first watch."

Duo nodded, and his head tilted as his body relaxed further. Moments later, Heero heard the first signs of deep sleep in Duo's breathing. He glanced over the monitors and drips, checking they were in place and then returned to his book. He tried to read for a while, before giving up. He folded the book with his bookmark in place, and carefully put it down.

It gave him a simple pleasure to watch his friend sleep.

* * *

_::You should close your eyes::_  
_::That blue is getting me high::_  
_::And making me low::_  
_::That blue is getting me high::_  
_::And making me low::_

* * *

A/N: Thank you for joining me once more, I'm trying to get back to regular updating. Thank you also to the people joining me from Tumblr and for spreading the word about my story! Short notes today and I'm going to aim to reply to all the reviews for this chapter and the previous one before the next update. If I should fail, thank you for your kind review and I look forward to your next.


	29. You Can Teach Me

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: This is largely a story where I'm hoping to follow the reactions, rather than the expected plot. Thank you for joining me. And I should probably mention: I'm not a medical professional – as you probably guessed – and treatment I put here, is based on my own experiences and internet research.

**Warnings**: I'm a slash writer; in my view some characters are not heterosexual. This may be different from your own interpretation of the characters. I hope you enjoy the story, despite our disagreement and I thank you for staying with me, despite Chapter 9 being your safe stopping point.

**Song**: Amy Winehouse - Rehab

* * *

_::They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'::_

_::Yes I've been black but when I come back you'll know know know::_

_::I ain't got the time and if my daddy thinks I'm fine::_

_::He's tried to make me go to rehab but I won't go go go::_

_::I'd rather be at home with Ray::_

_::I ain't got seventy days::_

* * *

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 28: You can teach me**

* * *

_::Cause there's nothing::_

_::There's nothing you can teach me::_

* * *

"We're currently predicting a recovery to level 8 within the next two years."

Duo stared at Doctor Hobbs, his mouth slack. She was smiling at him, as if it was good news. Duo blinked and roused himself out of his shock, "Two YEARS?"

Hobbs' smile faded, "You've had a significant trauma, and your recovery at the moment is the best you can do. You can't expect to rush things."

"I'm going to be in this bed for two years?" Duo looked around, struggling with the idea, "I'm... I'm not..."

"You may be able to move independently and beyond the hospital without supervision within the next year," Hobbs stood and put a hand on his shoulder. "You might be able to walk, or... you might be able to leave in a wheel chair and work your way back to walking. You shouldn't expect too much of yourself. You've been doing really well—"

"I can't even walk four meters without falling over!"

"Doctor Carlson has been very impressed with—"

"I can't even piss without help!"

Hobbs closed her eyes, "Mr Maxwell."

"How is being better in TWO YEARS going to ever seem like good news!?"

"Mr Maxwell, I know that it seems like a long time, but you've been in your coma for approaching three years now!"

"Yeah, but I wasn't awake!" He threw his hands up in exasperation, "I've got stuff to do!"

"Stuff?"

"Yeah, my job, my company..." Duo waved his hand, "I haven't got two years to waste here..."

Hobbs removed her glasses and rubbed an eye. She sighed, "I don't need to remind you about your range of physical limitations, or your as-yet-uncharted range of mental issues." She replaced her glasses, and looked at him frankly. "You've got a long way to go, to recover from your injury and the coma. The only stuff you've gotta do is get focused on getting better." She sat down again and leant forward, "I'm giving it to you straight: You can't drive a car, you can't even feed yourself using cutlery at the moment. You can't hold a pen, fork or screw driver."

"I can—"

"You can tell me how to take apart and reconstruct a mobile suit's communication array. Yes, sir, you can. Everyone who knows about this kind of thing has told me you've got a flawless recall of how to do it. But Duo..." She paused and waited until he looked at her. Her expression was soft, concerned. "You can't physically do it. Not right now. In two years, I fully believe – and there is nobody in our department that doesn't believe – in two years, Duo, you will walk out of here." She jabbed her clipboard with her index finger, "And this prediction is only based on your current rate of progress. We will constantly re-evaluate based on your progress."

"Doc, I've been giving it my all." He looked down, "There's no more to give."

She shook her head, "Two years ago, they pulled the plug – you had nothing left to give, they said. Last year, I said you were minimally aware – you had nothing left to give, I said. She stood, and grasped his shoulder. Today, I have no idea what you're going to do – you have nothing left to give, you've said." She turned and gathered her equipment, "Doctor Carlson's expecting you later in the gym, and Mr Yuy said he'd be by in the afternoon."

"Doctor Hobbs."

She paused at the doorway and looked back over her shoulder. Duo glanced at her.

"I can't be here for two years."

"That's pretty tough because if you've got nothing left to give, you're going to be here for much longer than two years." Hobbs nodded to him, "Don't give up."

* * *

The knock was light, like they weren't expecting an answer.

Duo looked up from his book, curious. People rarely knocked his hospital door. "Come in," he called out. Nataku smiled shyly as she entered and closed the door. The girl tugged once at her rucksack, and put it down by the door. She smiled as she moved to sit beside him. Her uniform made him think of his brief days at school. Heero standing up in class next to argue a point. He blinked the image away, "Your father know you're here?"

"Sure." She shrugged, "School's out early because water's out in the district. Nobody was able to collect me, so I caught a cab and came here. Papa said it was a good opportunity for me to spend time with you; Uncle Heero's going to take me home with him on the bus."

"Heero's out at his therapy session. He won't be back for a while." Duo frowned, "Anyway, aren't you a bit young to be travelling by yourself?"

Her scandalised face gave him a laugh. "I'm nine and a half!"

"As I said, aren't you a bit young?"

She folded her arms, indignation flooding her expression and Duo was startled by the image of Wufei standing on his Gundam, door open, wind whipping his hair everywhere as he raged at them. _"You've terminated all the peaceful doves in the Federation!" _

He blinked and the girl was standing, her small hand on his cheek. "Are you okay?" She asked quietly, "You looked scared for a moment."

"I'm..." he glanced down at the book, and smiled bitterly, "I'm fine. You look like Wufei when you're mad." He swallowed, realising his mouth was dry. He closed his eyes for a moment, "How long was I under for?"

The girl was back in her chair, and glanced at her watch. "About 20 minutes." She looked at him calmly, "It wasn't scary."

"Wasn't it?" Duo reached for his glass of water, "I would have been scared."

"It's easier when you know what's happening." She admitted, "It was really hard when I was here and it was the first time. It..." she looked down, thinking hard for a moment, and then nodded to herself. She looked at him, her brown eyes were piercing. "It was like when mummy was dying. Her eyes did the same thing, they'd go dark like she wasn't there." She swallowed, nodding again. "So it was scary when it happened to you, but then Papa showed me how it was different, and Uncle Heero explained it to me." She smiled at him, "I learnt how to tell, and I showed Mr Marquise and Miss Noin how to tell too so that they didn't find it scary. Mr Marquise said I did a good job, because Miss Noin was getting super scared." She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "He was more scared."

Duo smiled softly, "Your father doesn't hide much from you, does he?"

"No." The girl sat back and her legs swung as she thought for a moment. "I'm not sure what he wants me to be when I grow up, he said it's up to me." She paused and looked at the flowers by Duo's bed, reaching up to touch a petal. "But I know that he doesn't want me to be Gundam. I mean... He told Mr Marquise that he didn't want me to be a Gundam; he wanted me to be better." She tilted her head as she noticed Duo's wider smile, "I guess you know what that means?"

"Yeah."

She frowned slightly, "But you, all of the Gundam pilots, you're the best that there is."

Duo broke into a grin, "Kid, nobody said it would be easy."

She huffed.

* * *

He stared at the floor, watching the droplets of sweat hit the ground.

His arms ached from where he was still putting too much weight on them, his legs felt numb below the knee and he didn't even have the upper body strength to keep his head off the floor. Duo couldn't do it anymore, everyone said he was getting better but here he was, kissing the linoleum again. He shifted his head to look to the side, crushing his cheek to the floor. Doctor Carlson's brown loafers came into view. "You done today?"

He didn't answer.

The loafers tilted as the man crouched. "You've been pushing yourself hard, and I think it's time to scale back your efforts and focus on stamina."

"No." Duo ground out, "Nope."

"What you gonna do down there then?" Doctor Carlson's voice was gruff, "Because from here it looks like you sure are done today."

"I'm gonna get up."

"You're gonna have to, the little lady outside looks a little worried."

Duo rolled his eyes and shifted his head to knock it against the floor. "Shit. I thought she was in the canteen getting lunch."

"She was. She came back. You've been on the floor for a while."

That was enough, Duo pushed himself up. It was a clumsy move, but soon he was kneeling at least. He raised his head when he caught his breath and looked at the door. The girl was standing on something, peering in with a worried expression. When she noticed she had his attention, she raised a hand to signal 'ok' at him. He nodded back to her and she dropped the hand, clearly relieved. She poked her tongue out as she thought for a moment, and then raised a hesitant fist. He watched as she tapped on the window slowly, signalling the safe house entry. Beside him, Carlson stood and put both fists on his hips. "Guessing that means something to you."

"Yeah," Duo raised a shaking arm to wipe his brow, "Tell her she can come in."

Nataku entered the room, listening carefully to the doctor as he spoke in low tones to her. Duo didn't know what he said, but Nataku began frowning at the man. He watched her lips carefully as she replied very clearly to the man. He couldn't help the snort of amusement, as the girl stepped around the doctor and stalked toward him. Her pretty little mary-jane shoes were slapping the lino hard as she stopped, each step popping like a little firecracker. She looked annoyed, obviously insulted by what Carlson had just said to her. She stopped just in front of him, unsure how close to be. She looked him up and down and then looked at the walk behind him. She tilted her head. "What do you have to do to get finished for the day?"

He shook his head, "You got way too much faith in the name, I was a Gundam pilot. The emphasis is clearly now on the 'was' part of that sentence."

"Always a Gundam pilot." She retorted, her annoyance turning to impatience. "You escaped this hospital once before. What do you need to do?"

He glanced up, "I'm done." The rails looked out of reach. When he looked at her again, it was like she was trying to figure out a difficult problem. He smiled at her faintly, "Look, it's ok. I'm just—"

"Sounds like you're giving up." She interrupted him. "And I remember when papa almost gave up. Sally didn't let him." She took a firm stance, "Get up."

"You're giving me an order, kid?" Duo snorted, "You're just a—"

"And this kid is going to stamp her foot, and she's going to start screaming." Nataku's fists bunched at her sides. Her face went scarlet with anger as her voice rose, "Because I'm Chang Nataku and I'm not going to stand here and watch a Gundam Pilot tell me he can't just get up!" She stamped her foot, her shoe hitting the linoleum like a gunshot—

_"You've terminated all the peaceful doves in the Federation!" _

- and Duo reeled. The wall behind him caught him forcefully, and he slid down. His braid cushioned the scrap of the bricks as he collapsed to the floor. His legs weren't moving, and he could only lift his hands feebly. For the longest moment, he wondered about the ketchup on his hands in confusion. His breath was roaring in his ears, and sounds muffled. He felt the hand under his chin, and he stared into the man's face. Duo felt the drool in his mouth over flow, and he couldn't hear anything. The man was speaking, his face was peaceful. He stared at the man's lips and tried desperately to understand what the man was saying.

"... don't have to save..." His sight faded out for a moment. "...anymore..."

His brown eye was narrowed with hate, and his hand left Duo's cheek to open his jacket. He was putting his gun into a shoulder holster. Red washed over his left eye, and Duo wanted to scream with the pain. He couldn't move his hands, and his vision was patchy with black. A caress on his cheek. He could just about make out the man walking out of the alley before it all went—

The sound of a girl humming inexpertly made him open his eyes. He stared at the ceiling for a long time before tilting his head to look at the window. Old-Man Wufei stood, arms folded. He stared out the window, as if he were challenging the city to a staring match. Wufei's hair was longer, but the ends were cut straight, like he'd used a ruler. His pony tail ended part way down his back, and it reminded Duo that so much time had to have passed. Old Man Wufei was calmer, much calmer in himself.

Even when standing still, Wufei often used to vibrate with barely contained anger. Now, he was completely still like stone. His Preventer uniform was mostly fresh, though it was clear from the crinkles that it had been a long and active day. Duo glanced at the reflection of Wufei's face, and was surprised to notice that Wufei was watching him. Wufei nodded and turned from the window, walking toward him. His voice was quiet as he spoke, "How are you feeling?"

"I was ..." Duo closed his eyes briefly, "I was in the gym...?"

"Yes, you were." Wufei smiled faintly, "I think my daughter surprised you."

Duo felt the blood drain from his face and he pushed himself weakly onto his elbows. At the end of his bed, Nataku sat on a chair and used his bed as a desk. Her head was down, bobbing as she listened to music on headphones. Duo swallowed hard, unable to see any damage. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine." Wufei lowered himself gingerly into a seat. "And I'm sure Doctor Carlson will recover soon from the shock of seeing you pole vault over the rails, take down two nurses, jump through a window and crash into the poor Preventer who was just coming to check on his daughter..." Wufei closed his eyes as he sat back. "Thankfully, you've not gotten any of your grace or manoeuvres back, so you were an easy take down."

Duo flopped back on the bed and winced as he felt his body protest. "How are the nurses?"

He was surprised as Wufei chuckled, "They've had to deal with you and Heero going a bit berserk before, so they both just dropped to the ground as soon as you came at them. They had the good sense to get down and protect Nataku." He tilted his head. "She told me what happened before she thinks she surprised you."

Duo lay and stared at the ceiling unsure what to say. Wufei shifted and crossed his legs, lacing his fingers around his knee.

"We never stop being Gundams." Wufei said softly and when Duo looked at him, Wufei's black eyes were burning with anger. He leant forward, "We may have put our names away but they are still a part of us. You can do it, if the will is there." He shifted and tapped Duo's chest above his heart, "The problem isn't in your head. You're thinking you're better, but you don't believe it."

"Gonna scream and shout at me?" Duo smirked, "Gonna stamp your foot?"

Wufei leant back and nodded with an utterly serious expression, "You better believe I will." He nodded, and tipped a finger toward his daughter. "I will also let my daughter kick your ass next time, she is a black belt." He folded his arms and looked at the busy girl. "And while I don't believe in attacking people weaker than I am, I don't think she has that limitation."

Duo stared at the man, his jaw slack. When Wufei looked back at Duo, the smile dawned on Duo's lips slowly. Duo shook his head in disbelief and held up his hands in a confused gesture. "Whatever happened to ..." He motioned Wufei, "To staying calm if we wanted to live any longer...?"

A moment's confusion passed over Wufei's features, and then the memory opened to him suddenly. His smile was a wonder to behold to Duo. Wufei nodded, "We don't stand a chance unless something drastic happens."

"You remember?" Duo's strange coloured eyes were bright and his hands reached for Wufei's. Wufei took them both and squeezed, then shook his head and leant forward to hug the man in the bed.

"Of course, I remember." Wufei held Duo tightly, "Damnit. I was there!"

He felt Duo shudder, and held tighter still.

"Damnit, Maxwell, I'm here now!"

He pulled back and stared into Duo's eyes. He felt his own eyes water, and leant forward to lightly head-butt the other former pilot.

"Idiot!"

* * *

Heero was confused as he switched on his phone; he'd missed three calls from the hospital and had a text message from Wufei. Wufei's message just said, _'Ignore them. He's fine.'_ He pushed the doors open and stopped on the stairs when he spotted Noin and Zechs leaning nonchalantly against their car, waiting for him. Zechs raised a hand and waved, "Hey."

Heero took a step back and swallowed. He frowned, unsure what to do.

"I hope your therapy session was productive." Noin smiled faintly, and walked toward him. "You've got missed calls from the hospital?"

"Yes, and a message from Wufei."

"Yeah, we're here because Wufei's message isn't reassuring you right now." Noin held up a hand, "Duo is fine, he just had a flashback."

Heero's frown deepened, he glanced at Zechs. He was confused by the man's shaking shoulders. He looked back at Noin. "And?"

Noin shrugged helplessly, "And took out two nurses, threw himself through a corridor window and had to be taken down by Wufei."

Behind her, Zechs slipped on his sunglasses and chuckled to himself. Heero let go of the breath he was holding. He closed his eyes briefly, "How are the nurses?"

"Oh," Noin smiled, barely able to contain her amusement, "They're fine."

He looked at her, "What triggered it?"

"The way Wufei tells it..." Zechs tried to affect a totally straight face, "He was going to give up and Nataku threatened to punch his face in." He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I mean, I'd have post-traumatic-stress-flashbacks too. Have you seen her throw a tantrum?" Zechs raised his sunglasses, pure amusement sparkling in his bright blue eyes, "She is bloody scary..."

Heero closed his eyes, "I think I need to get to the hospital."

Noin chuckled and tapped him on the elbow as she turned to the car, "You want us to flash the lights? I mean, Nataku's still there."

* * *

Heero opened the door slowly.

"And you went through the glass like..." Nataku threw up her hands and winced theatrically, "Like: KSSSSHHHHHH! And you totally rolled and like came up again, and it was like papa was there and then it was like WHOA –" She threw her hands around in some karate forms swiftly, "But then he was like POH POH POH –" she chopped her hand three times "– and you went down like a rag doll."

"Are you sure it wasn't more like –" Duo held up his hands and waved them, "Whoooooaaaaaahhh Flying Crane, Crouching Grasshooper! Cause that's totally how it was like when he was fighting when he was 15." Duo's smirk was knowing and he held up his hands defensively when he looked to Wufei. "Don't hit me!"

Wufei's scandalised expression was exaggerated, "I was never anything so stupid, you watch far too many movies!"

Heero stepped in further. Nataku's head whipped round, and she grinned widely, "Uncle Heero! You missed the most awesome thing!"

"I hear there was some excitement." Heero looked at Duo in concern, and blinked as he noticed the plaster on the man's nose. Heero raised a finger to point at his nose, and Duo's face creased with laughter.

"I know, right?" Duo shrugged, "What are the odds!?"

"Uncle Heero!" He looked down at the little girl as she exploded at him, "Look, it was like this, it was like bam! He got up and he jumped over the rails!" She jumped up in the air and took a step toward him, assuming a casual fight stance. "And he was like KICK!" She flicked up her leg, and span, throwing out a fist, "and then he was like PUNCH!" Her excitement was contagious as she crossed her arms in front of herself and threw her body at him. "And then he went through the window like, like RAAAAGGGGHHHHHH!"

Heero dropped to his knees, catching the little girl. He pulled the girl into his arms and stood. He looked at Wufei who was chuckling and then at Duo who grinned brightly. "Through a window?"

Duo's grin froze for a moment, "Dude." He shook his head and pointed toward the window, "We are only on the fifth floor, not the twelfth and I only went through a window and landed in the corridor."

" What?" Nataku looked at Heero, "What?"

"I broke him out this one time..." Duo pointed at Heero, his voice accusing, "Okay, okay. Wait, I'll start from the beginning: First time I meet him, he blew up my Gundam while I was rescuing his Gundam—"

"Ah." Heero sat down on a bedside chair, with Nataku on his knee, "Let's clarify: you were rescuing my Gundam for parts."

"Yeah, whatever, I'm doing a good deed, either way, and he goes and gets himself captured by the enemy." Duo motioned himself, "AAnd because I'm a good guy, I go break him out. But get this, we're on the twelfth floor and he's in no shape to fight his way down. So... I blew out a window, and gave him a parachute. I had my helicopter thing..." He looked at Wufei, "Which I forgot in my Gundam and now it's toast..." He clenched a fist and bit his knuckles. "Anyway, so, we're standing there and Heero jumps out, and I jump out, and it's like, going well..."

"Wait." Nataku held up her hands to her head, she looked very confused, "Wait. In what situation is jumping out of a hospital to escape enemy forces a good idea?" She motioned the window, "They just lean out the window and shoot you..."

"Ah!" They turned to see that Zechs and Noin had arrived with coffees, Zechs smiled as he looked at Nataku, "See, nobody ever thought of that. This is why the war would have been over much faster if you'd been in charge."

Noin laughed as the girl's eyes narrowed, "But... he had a parachute, he would have just been floating slowly..."

"I didn't deploy my parachute." Heero nodded to Zechs as he took a coffee. He took a sip and shrugged when the girl looked at him in horror. "Well, I did."

"Not until it was too late," Duo chimed in, laughing, "I kid you not, he hit the cliff and rolled down it, and then hit the beach and rolled over that – and if you liked my combat roll, you would have loved this one – comes to a stop." Duo sniffed theatrically and pretended to brush sand off his shoulder. "Got up, walked away like nothing happened."

"I had a broken leg."

"Oh, I had a broken leg!" Duo mocked and looked at Nataku, "And then he set his own leg, right in front of me." He brushed the imaginary sand away from both shoulders again, "And then he carried on walking."

Nataku looked from Duo to Heero, and twisted her head to look up at Zechs. The man shrugged, "Ask Sally, she was there."

Wufei clapped a hand over his eyes, "Sjobol's going to hear about this, isn't he?"

"Are you kidding?" Nataku's wide eye shock gave way to giggling; "Of course he's going to hear about this, this totally beats his Lady Une story!"

"What Lady Une story?" Duo blinked, and tilted his head.

"She totally shot a guy." She waved her hands at him when he opened his mouth, "No, I know, you've all shot a guy... but she shot him AFTER she dropped him out of a plane!"

Zechs glanced at Noin, raising an eyebrow. She looked at him, glanced at Nataku and then nodded, "Septum? Remember?"

The man's eyes narrowed as he looked back, and then he nodded, an inappropriate smirk appearing. "Oh yeah."

" It wasn't funny." Noin hissed at him, she gestured the little girl. Zechs' expression turned serious as he met the girl's glance.

"It was not funny." He confirmed, he gestured Heero. "Our fight in Antarctica however—"

"Please stop giving her more stuff to tell Sjobol!" Wufei protested, throwing his hands up. "I think Sjobol knows quite enough!"

* * *

"They're predicting two years 'til I'm mostly recovered."

Heero looked up from his book, and nodded. "I spoke to Doctor Hobbs, she told me you didn't want to wait that long."

Duo looked over at him, "I just can't..." he motioned the window, outside it was dark. Another day had passed. Duo sighed, "I just can't waste any more of my life... I mean, I just can't do it in this bed any more. And..." He growled and threw off his blanket, "I need to pee, goddamnit."

"I'll call—"

"No, you're not calling the goddamn nurse." Duo pointed at a door across from the bed, "That's the damn toilet. I flung myself through a window and kicked two people today, I can get up and I can go to the crapper." He stared down at his legs. Duo snarled, "I know how to do it, why can't I just-?!"

A hand appeared in front of him, and he looked up at Heero. The other man stood with a hand out, "Will you at least accept my help?"

"You're not carrying me."

Heero shook his head, "I won't."

Duo swallowed and shifted heavily, his legs slow and unresponsive. It took a lot of effort to get his feet on the floor, and he looked up at Heero. Heero stood in front of him now, both hands out. Duo reached up and took Heero's hands, trying to will his own to stop shaking so hard. Heero nodded, and Duo felt the hands close around his. "You could bend steel..." Duo murmured, looking up to meet Heero's eyes.

"I still can." Heero replied simply, he pulled.

Duo was surprised by how tall he was in comparison to Heero. They stood face to face, and he wobbled. His lips brushed the bridge of Heero's nose. He leant against Heero gratefully, and appreciated that Heero's hands took a firmer grip around his elbows. They stood like that for a long moment. Duo could feel Heero's breath on his chin, and he stared into the messy brown fringe. Hard blue eyes met his and Duo could see determination. He spoke without thinking.

"Hey buddy...?"

Heero shifted Duo's arm over his shoulders and they turned. He looked at Duo, seeing the man swallow. His profile didn't quite reveal his expression, but Heero thought he looked determined. Duo was staring ahead, and Heero could feel the tremors of strain.

"You know Paris?" Duo didn't look at him. Heero didn't answer, Duo nodded as if he had. "Course you know Paris. Did you leave because you knew I was coming?"

"No." Heero looked forward, "I'd made the Preventers."

Duo drew a breath to speak, paused and then drew another breath. "Did you know I was coming?"

"No."

"If you had known I was coming?"

Heero looked up, nodded, and looked at Duo. "I went into the prison, because nobody understood how dangerous I felt and I was tired of running." Duo looked at him, his expression watchful. Heero nodded, "But you understood, because you were the same." Heero thought for a moment, "I don't know what I would have done if I'd known you were coming. I don't think I would have left."

Duo nodded slowly. He looked toward the window, "The next two years are going to be hell, buddy." He felt Heero readjust his grip, and grunt. He smiled at the familiar impatient noise. "Heh, okay." Duo looked toward the door and lifted his spare hand to point, "Onwards, to the crapper and beyond!"

They took a step forward.

* * *

_::I don't ever wanna drink again::_

_::I just ooh I just need a friend::_

_::I'm not gonna spend ten weeks::_

_::Have everyone think I'm on the mend::_

_::It's not just my pride::_

_::It's just 'til these tears have dried ::_

* * *

A/N: Alas, I fear it is another update without replies to reviews – I can only blame a lack of time. I'm only just scraping an update today, so apologies if there are even more mistakes than usual. Thank you in advance for your reviews!


	30. Thinking About Me

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: Nine years ago, they said 'Good bye'. Now they are summoned back. Has time healed their rift? Can they ever fix their broken friendships? What does it mean to be Gundam, when a Gundam Pilot lies dying?

**Warnings**: I'm a slash writer; in my view some characters are not heterosexual. This may be different from your own interpretation of the characters. I hope you enjoy the story, despite our disagreement and I thank you for staying with me, despite Chapter 9 being your safe stopping point.

**Song**: The Tattle Tales – So Wanna Kiss You

* * *

_::So I know that you're thinking::_

_::About me and it scares me to death::_

_::What if I just start freakin' out?::_

_::Bite my lip and lose my breath?::_

_::So let's give it just one shot::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 29: Thinking about Me**

_::You know I've felt this once before::_

_::When you left my heart so ripped and torn::_

* * *

"How is he doing?"

Quatre's voice was soft. Heero blinked and refocused his vision on the reflections. Trowa was stood behind him, with Quatre. He turned from the observation window, and nodded to the pair. "He's still working hard. He'll be glad to see you both."

"First joint day off in a month," Quatre glanced at Trowa, "We had to at least make an effort." He stepped forward, and peered through the window. Inside the gym, Duo was walking slowly on a treadmill. His brow was beaded with sweat, but he looked well. His pale features were beginning to look a little robust. "How is he coping with the news?" Quatre asked Heero. "About the two years, I mean?"

The man thought about it for a while, "He has his high and low moments. I'm trying to remind him: he's not alone. Not in this."

"It's going to be difficult." Trowa said, he tilted his head, "He doesn't look..." He frowned and paused, "Happy. Not like he used to."

Heero glanced through the window, "He's not the only one who has to adjust to years of change. It's not easy, he's unpredictable now."

"My impression of him was that he was always finding the bright side..." Trowa folded his arms and looked down, "I don't know why I'm surprised that he's..." He paused when Quatre touched his arm. The blonde man looked at him, his expression grave.

"We have all changed." Quatre motioned Duo, "But give him a chance. He's recovering."

"It's a low moment." Heero conceded, "Sometimes he doesn't believe me."

"We're going to need to address that," Quatre said, nodding decisively. "It's important he knows we're here for him."

They both started when Trowa opened the door to the gym, and strode in. They watched as the tall man breezed past Doctor Carlson, and stood in front of Duo's treadmill. The two men stared at each other, and Duo stopped his machine. Quatre frowned, "Do you think he recognises Trowa?"

Heero didn't know how to answer.

* * *

"Uh..."

The man stood there, arms folded and looking at him expectantly. The man was really tall, and Duo almost had the name on the tip of his tongue. He shook his head and admitted, "Look I don't have my book nearby, you look kinda familiar so I'm just gonna peg you as Trowa." He paused for a moment, just mentally checking off what he remembered about the teenaged Trowa against this tall man. "Am I right?"

There was a self-depreciating smile on the tall man's face and he raised a long fingered hand to brush his wayward hair to the side. "Sure." He motioned the treadmill, "How are you doing?"

"I'm ok, going at like 1 metre per hour, but you know, getting there."

Tall-Old-Man-Trowa tilted his head and looked down at himself. He shrugged out of his coat, loosened his tie and walked over to a nearby chair. He drew off his tie, and unbuttoned his shirt. Dressed in slacks and a vest, he pulled off his watch and walked back to Duo. He hopped onto the treadmill next to Duo, and started the machine. Duo watched the tall man walk, and glanced at his own machine. He shrugged and started up again. After five minutes, he looked over at the tall man. The man's blank face gave nothing away as he walked slowly. Their paces matched, even though for Duo it was strenuous. He had another twenty minutes of walking to go, and looked over at the man again. He was grey at the temples, and Duo wondered if he knew. He glanced over at the clothes he'd taken off, and noticed that much of it was pretty good quality. Better than what Trowa used to wear. He remembered the beaten up clothes the clown used to wear. It sparked a memory, and Duo looked ahead.

"I lost your lions." He said, "Did you?"

"Lose them? No." Old-Man Trowa's voice was quiet but warm, "You saved them. Thank you."

"They okay now?"

"The circus is doing very well," Old-Man Trowa looked thoughtful for a moment, "They're touring Earth at the moment."

"Cool, that's pretty cool."

"Yep."

A familiar silence fell between them, and Duo appreciated it. It was pretty Trowa-like, but this old man was clearly better at being quiet. Trowa had been quiet because he was uncomfortable with people - at least that was how Duo had always figured. This old man was just quiet because he had nothing to say yet, and he was comfortable with that fact. It was kind of reassuring, like the way Old Man Quatre wasn't trying hard to be Quatre, and the way Wufei had chilled out. Duo looked over to the observation window, and was relieved to see Heero was still there. The dark haired man was talking to Quatre, the blonde man was chatting animatedly.

"You guys back together?"

"No."

He turned his head toward Trowa, "Seriously?"

"We're friends." Duo waited, as Trowa glanced down and then at him. "We're starting again."

"Yeah, okay." Duo nodded, he looked ahead. "Have you met Wufei's daughter yet?"

Trowa's chuckle was quiet, "Duo, we've been living here for almost three years. I baby-sit her regularly."

"I'm always the last one..." Duo muttered, "She's a bit of a fire cracker, eh?"

"Yes, she is."

Duo smiled to himself and fixed his gaze on the wall. "She said that Wufei didn't want her to be a Gundam, he wanted her to be better." "He's working hard at it."

"Naturally." Trowa replied, "Look what being a Gundam out of wartime did for us. She needs to be amazing."

"She's gonna made it." Duo replied, his gaze fixed steadily. "Like we coulda, once."

Trowa was silent for a long time. The minutes ticked by. Trowa listened to the steady beep of Duo's heart monitor. He glanced past Duo's profile and stared for a while at Quatre and Heero, their conversation now require wide sweeping gestures from Quatre. He stared at Heero's unguarded, hesitant smile. Trowa refocused his sight on Duo's profile, his purple eyes were focused and his expression neutral. Trowa looked at the wall ahead, "Do you really believe it?"

"Every day, I believed it." Duo replied, his voice low. "Until I stopped."

"When did you stop?"

A smile flirted over Duo's lip, a fleeting expression. "I think... I think it was when I realised that I could never talk to any of you again. You were all gone, and where ever you were, it was better for you."

Trowa thought about that. "Is that why you stopped sending messages via the comm.?"

"Did you ever get those?"

"No, not until last year..." Trowa paused, "Heero found them for us."

"I always kinda hoped..." Duo've voice was low enough, Trowa had to strain to hear him. "You guys were getting them, but were like... Ugh, that idiot... but you were always looking out for the next one."

Trowa swallowed and thought about that. He stared ahead for a long time, "You told Quatre you were glad he wasn't pretending to be the boy you knew."

"I thanked him for not trying." Duo corrected and risked a glance at Trowa, "I'll thank you to do the same."

"Sure." Trowa replied easily, "I don't want to be that boy."

"Does any of us?" Duo chuckled lightly, "I mean, I don't think I wanna be that messed up and not know how to deal with it."

Trowa nodded. He thought for a moment longer, before raising his head to fix his eyes on Duo. He waited until the other man looked at him. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For leaving." Trowa blinked, "We might have had a chance if I'd just stayed."

"Would you have wanted to?" Duo looked away, "Because it kinda looked like you would have rather shot yourself than stay another minute."

"It was my fault." Trowa shook his head, staring ahead.

"What choice did you have left with Quatre's smothering? And Wufei's frustration? And Heero ignoring us all because we were all so complex in our human emotions?" Duo's smile was bitter, "And me bouncing around like a fool, trying to distract you all?"

Trowa didn't answer, and Duo nodded.

"Yeah. I wish we could have solved this all, but it wasn't going to work. We were way too messed up." He snorted, "I got to doing anything to distract myself..."

"And found our way out at the bottom of a bottle."

Duo blinked and glanced at the man, Trowa's dull green eyes were knowing. Duo jerked his head to the glass, "Them too?"

Trowa sighed and shook his head, "No. Just us." He walked on for a while, before continuing. "How'd you quit?"

Duo thought about it for a while and then shrugged. "Did something stupid, almost got myself killed." Trowa's snort was soft, and Duo smirked to himself. He glanced at Trowa, "How'd you quit?"

"You got yourself shot, almost got yourself killed."

"Huh."

Trowa continued, his voice low. "I'm not happy that happened, but I'm grateful for the chance it gave us."

"Me too." Duo answered.

"And the next two years might be long," Trowa said, staring ahead, "You might think you... you can't do it some days. That's ok. Get on the comm. Day or night. We're monitoring it." Duo glanced at the man, surprised by the emotion stuck in his throat by the tall man's confirmation. Trowa carried on walking slowly, his dull eyes fixed on the wall ahead. "You know this, so I'm only going to say it once. You take each day, step by step. We're going to be behind you, every step of the way."

"Til I climb all the way out of this bottle?"

Trowa shrugged, "I don't know." He glanced to meet Duo's look, nodding once. "I'm just going to work at being a better friend... to you—"

"And Quatre?"

"To all of us."

They walked on, before Duo chuckled quietly. "But Quatre's totally top of that list, right?"

It was rare for Trowa to snort.

* * *

"It's kinda weird."

Heero looked up from his book. Duo was lying in bed, his head tilted toward the window. For a moment, he wondered if Duo had actually spoken. Duo blinked and looked toward him, "About Quatre and Trowa, I mean. It's kinda weird, thinking about them being here together but being apart."

"Is it?"

"Well, yeah." Duo lifted a hand to wave, "It's like..." He looked very confused and then laughed, dropping his hand to the bed. "I was gonna say, it's like imagining you without your laptop." He shrugged, "But it's been like months, and you've not had your laptop here at all... you still have one, right?"

"Yes. I leave it at home." He raised his book, a guide to post-coma treatment. "I like to read."

Duo thought about that for a while, "You read a lot in prison?"

"Yes."

"What did you read?"

"Self-help books and guides on reducing violent behaviour, post-traumatic recovery and cooking."

Duo smiled slightly, "Cooking?"

"I became bored with prison food and had volunteered for the canteen." He looked down briefly, and then met Duo's eyes again. "I wanted to be good at something."

"If I remember correctly, you were good at a whole bunch of things." Duo snorted, "I mean, you were like... the perfect soldier."

"I want to be good at something." Heero looked down, "I don't want to fight any more."

There was a silence between them and Heero looked up to find Duo looking out the window. The man had sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, and looked to be thinking intently. Duo squinted for a moment before nodding, "You're good at... research." He glanced at Heero, "And you were pretty good at lock picking – I was better – you... were... good... at..." He paused to look up, thinking hard.

It was a prickly sensation, this... reaction to Duo's hard thinking about his limited non-violent skills. It was not quite a full emotion, but Heero enjoyed the fleeting feeling. Duo clicked his fingers.

"Public speaking, uh... basketball. Horse riding, I think... there was that pretty poncy school we were at for a while." Duo nodded, "Oh and let's not forget about the hacking or the engineering. Remember, you made the upgrade to Wing Zero, the one with the wings." He stilled for a moment, "I loved those metal feathers."

Heero nodded once, "They made it go six percent faster."

"They were so cool." Duo looked away, his gaze distant. "I remember seeing footage of Wing Zero above that compound, firing its last shots before you dropped out of the sky." He looked sad for a moment, "I never could get one of those feathers, you'd been far too careful."

Heero looked at him, "You have gathered a lot of parts. At your apartment."

"Fragments, at best." Duo shook his head dismissively, "Cogs and scraps of paint. We did a pretty good job of wiping them out."

Heero thought for a moment, "I could make you a scale model." Duo tilted his head in confusion, Heero continued, "Of one of the feathers. I still have the plans."

That odd prickly feeling returned with Duo's slow smile.

* * *

When the plastic fork snapped, Heero handed over another and pulled the broken one out of the food.

Duo sat back and waved the clean fork in a shaking hand. "Wouldn't happen if the fork was made of metal." He rolled his eyes and focused on his plate again. It was a sort of stew. Duo's stomach was getting better at handling solids, albeit extremely soft solids. The hospital stew was an unappetising bland concoction, but it was acceptable. Heero sat opposite Duo on the bed, a bed table between them. Heero watched as Duo attempted to navigate to the plate again. His right hand shook, but Duo resolutely refused to steady it with his left hand. His left fist was clenched on the table.

To Heero, it was obvious that Duo's hand-eye co-ordination was off. He was at a loss to explain the shaking hand, but Doctor Hobbs and Sally seemed unconcerned by this. There was little sign of the kind of brain damage that would have explained the shaking hand, and Hobbs seemed to put it down to a loss of muscle memory. Heero lifted his own fork and ate from his own bowl. The food was cooling, but Duo had been determined to feed himself.

With a quiet cry of victory, Duo stabbed a potato chunk and began lifting it toward his mouth. It was a slow process and he almost missed his mouth, but was eventually successful. Heero took another bite of his own meal, knowing better than to congratulate Duo on that small victory. After Duo swallowed, Heero glanced up to catch his eye. Duo smiled lopsidedly, "You know... chewing is a really weird thing, when you need to think about it."

Heero paused mid-chew, which drew a chuckle out of Duo. Heero resumed after a moment, and swallowed. "How are you finding the food?"

Duo speared some meat on his fork, and chewed for a long time before answering. "It's a bit weird." He licked his lips, catching a fleck of gravy. "I mean, it's a bit like really strong until I finish chewing, but then my brain is like... that's really nothing like..." Duo gazed beyond Heero's shoulder, "Like it's nothing..."

"Bland?"

Duo nodded and looked back at him, "Yeah. My brain remembers what bland tastes like, but my tongue doesn't? Does that make sense?"

Heero nodded, "Yes. You haven't eaten for a number of years." He smiled faintly, "Wufei wants to bring you food from a restaurant, and the five of us have dinner together here." Duo didn't answer for a while, he seemed very focused on his food. Heero chewed thoughtfully, "It's against hospital rules."

"I can't even hold a fork without it shaking." Duo said, his voice low.

Heero continued as if he hadn't spoken. "I suggested we wait until you're able to consume solids more readily. Your stomach might not be able to tolerate it yet, if we bring you richer food."

"That going to be my excuse?"

Heero nodded, "If you want it to be." He paused, thinking for a long time. He nodded to himself, as if making up his mind. His voice was low when he spoke, "It is mine, as well."

Duo blinked and looked at the other man in confusion. "Why do you need an excuse?"

Heero chewed slowly for a moment, before reaching for a sip of water. He swallowed and looked directly at Duo. "You used to suggest that we eat together, we never did so out of the Preventers' canteen. I am taking the opportunity to address that."

Duo rested a moment, he watched Heero eat for a while before asking, "Why?"

Heero thought carefully, "You were right. Quatre and Trowa are mending their friendship, building it again. They are building it differently; they aren't pushed together because they are Gundam. They are putting their friendship together by spending time together. Sharing meals is a method of spending time together." He motioned their bowls with an open hand. "I remember, when you asked to dine, it was rarely in conjunction with the others' plans or availability. I didn't understand why you picked such awkward times; I did not consider myself anything other than poor company." His hand curled slightly, his eyes dropping to his bowl. "It has taken me a long time to think that perhaps you wanted to spend time with me alone, because we were close friends." He lapsed into silence for a while, and appreciated that Duo remained quiet. "I wish to reconstruct our friendship, to become close friends." He raised his eyes to meet Duo's again, "I'm hoping that... Dinner is a good chance to do this."

Duo's left hand unclenched and he moved to touch Heero's hand hesitantly. Finger nails scrapped lightly at his palm as Duo's hand curled, and Heero curled his own fingers around Duo's.

"Still in your bottle, huh?" Duo's voice was soft, but Heero frowned at the unknown reference. Duo shook his head and smiled faintly, "Sure, dinner's good."

They sat like that for a moment before Duo withdrew his hand and resumed trying to eat the cool stew.

* * *

Quatre's mouth felt stuffed with cotton, but he got up anyway.

As he got his bearings, he glanced at the clock. It was barely past one in the morning. He wobbled to his feet, and padded out of the room to the front door. The knocks were quiet, but the repeating pattern had been enough to wake him up. He opened the door and stared in surprise at Trowa, "You have a key?"

Trowa's smile was lopsided, his dull green eyes slipping down to Quatre's side. The blonde man blinked and followed his gaze. He thumbed the safety back onto the gun, and nodded. He looked up at Trowa, dull green eyes sliding up to meet his again. "Good call." Quatre stepped back, and motioned Trowa past. The tall man stepped past and pulled off his long coat, as Quatre dipped to his knees to replace the gun in the go-bag by the door. Quatre glanced up, "I thought you were sleeping at yours this week."

Trowa yawned, rolling a shoulder. "Duo reminded me you were top of my list." He smiled faintly at Quatre's raised, confused eyebrow. "I'll explain later." He shrugged, "I couldn't sleep."

Quatre began to talk, but was caught in a yawn. He tipped a finger toward Trowa's room, "You're always welcome to stay over." He stifled another yawn, and motioned his own room. "I've got a meeting tomorrow at noon, so, I'm afraid you'll need to make your own bed."

"That's fine."

Quatre began to shuffle toward his room, but looked back blearily when Trowa caught his hand. The tall man stared at Quatre's pale hand as if caught, and it took a few moments for him to look up. He took a step forward as he manoeuvred Quatre's hand up toward his face. Quatre felt wide awake as the tall man pressed dry lips against his knuckles. Trowa's eyes slipped shut as he pressed another kiss against his knuckles. Quatre was taken back, lying in a hospital bed. It had been late then too, when Dorothy's sword thrust had felt like the metal was hot and still inside him. The elation of surviving the war was passing, and his future was uncertain. Trowa had been there, a silent shadow propped against a wall as Quatre was tended to. It had been a kiss like this, dry lips on his knuckles, back then too.

"It's late..." Quatre whispered.

Trowa's dull eyes slipped open and were sharp in an instant. Quatre felt him nodded against his knuckles.

"Let's do your bed up tomorrow..." He paused, eyes fixed on Trowa's. "My bed's big enough for both of us."

There was a brief wetness on his finger as Trowa's lips parted. "Yes."

"Uh..." Quatre swallowed, and blinked hard. "Not for... we're not ready."

Trowa lowered Quatre's hand, staring at it for a while. He glanced at Quatre, "I know. That's okay."

Quatre felt Trowa's hand tightened around his and tilted his head as Trowa leant forward to whisper into his ear.

"I'd like to be ready one day."

He pulled back, and Quatre smiled slowly. He tightened his hand around Trowa's.

"Me too."

* * *

It was late, but he'd struggled to sleep. Heero stared at his right hand, running a thumb over his fingers. He glanced at the camera. "We held hands today." He glanced down at his hands, "And it occurred to me on the bus that it was something we had never done before. Not while you have been conscious." He looked at the screen again, "It was ... nice, though I note that your nails are longer than is average for males and you will likely need to trim them. I wonder if you will appreciate help, or would like to attempt the task yourself."

He glanced at the framed photos on his wall behind his laptop.

"I enjoyed dinner with you, though I suspect I will need to be better prepared with conversation topics." He paused, and looked down at his hand again. "It was warm... Your hand. It was warm, I could feel the tremor in your fingers but it wasn't strong." He curled his hand, "I spent some time thinking in the shower, trying to identify when we may have held hands before. We have not. Not like that. I've never touched you unnecessarily, though I can think of many times when you have been physically demonstrative of your friendship."

His eyes lingered on an image. He had copied it from Duo's apartment, a lone image of the two of them. It was a ball, and they were wearing suits. Duo's champagne glass was high in the air, and his other arm was looped around Heero's shoulders. "When I look at images of us, I can see in your body language how fond of us you were." His gaze slipped off the image and back to his hand, "How could I not have noticed at the time? You were so fond of all of us."

He frowned for a moment, "I was glad to have a friend in you, Duo. I hope I am able to show that appreciation to you." He flexed his hand, rubbing his thumb over his palm where Duo's nails had scrapped softly. The sensation didn't provoke the same silent thrill as Duo's nails had done, but the memory of it arched over his shoulders. It had been a pleasurable sensation and it pulled a small smile even now. "It was a... gesture, you do it so easily. Just a gesture of solidarity, or perhaps reassurance." He glanced at the camera, "I had forgotten... forgotten how much your gestures..." He rubbed his thumb over his palm again and curled his fingers over. "How comforting... your gestures were to me."

It was the wrong word, it didn't fit the feeling but it was close.

He closed his eyes.

* * *

_::And I don't wanna miss you::_

_::But I already do::_

_::I don't wanna miss you, but I do... ::_

_::So I know that you're thinking::_

_::About me and it scares me to death::_

* * *

A/N: Sorry about the wait, Chapter 30 was being a bitch. I'm not entirely happy with the way the chapter has gone, and will need to write 31 before I post again. As always, I look forward to your reviews. They are a great comfort to me when my writing turns unexpectedly worse than usual! Thank you for joining me again!


	31. Remember Me

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: Nine years ago, they said 'Good bye'. Now they are summoned back. Has time healed their rift? Can they ever fix their broken friendships? What does it mean to be Gundam, when a Gundam Pilot lies dying?

**Warnings**: I'm a slash writer; in my view some characters are not heterosexual. This may be different from your own interpretation of the characters. I hope you enjoy the story, despite our disagreement and I thank you for staying with me, despite Chapter 9 being your safe stopping point.

**Song**: The Feeling – Love It When You Call

* * *

_::I found a switch::_

_::You turned it on::_

_::I hit the ditch::_

_::You carried on::_

_::I was so near::_

_::Now you're so far::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 30: Remember Me**

_::Are you quite sure just who you are? ::_

_::Oh, you could chose a friend but you don't seem to have the time::_

* * *

"So, will you sign it?"

He stared at over the top of the paper, his daughter's hopeful smile was bright. The wind played lightly with her fringe, and the sun was warm on her face.

Wufei raised an eyebrow, "Fun run?"

"Actually, it's more like a kiddie marathon." Wufei glanced at Sally. She smiled as she continued, "She'll be largely walking most of the way."

He glanced at his daughter, Nataku pulled an annoyed face. "I'm running all the way." The girl stirred her hot chocolate ferociously, "I'm not a baby, I'm actually really good a running." She made a face as she remembered something, "Miss Jenkins thinks we're all little, she never trusts us to push ourselves." Wufei's eyebrow raised as his daughter started ranting, and Sally had to hide a smile behind her coffee cup. Nataku put her spoon down with a harder than necessary clink. "She thinks I need special care because I'm a little girl, but I'll show her!" Nataku bunched her fist and shook it, "I'm not just a little girl! I'm going to win the fun run!"

"Fun run?" He repeated, glancing back at the paper. It was a bright design, clearly done by children. His daughter had been proud of it when she handed it over to him. Around him, the chatter of the other patrons seemed calm. It was an old habit, one he could never quite leave behind, but he scanned the area again. Nataku had picked this place because it was near the hospital, but also near a park so they had many options after tea. She had her attention on Sally now.

"Are you going to sponsor me, Sally?"

"Absolutely, kiddo, I'm betting on you winning!" Sally grinned brightly as she picked up her coffee. "I'm sure Noin and Zechs will too." She glanced at Wufei. He was carefully reading the letter, pen poised to sign his consent. She smiled and looked over at Nataku. The girl was casually swinging her legs and watching people walk by. It was a lovely L2 day, and they were comfortable at the cafe. Wufei and Sally were glad to spend their day off together with Nataku. Wufei signed the paper, and turned it over, the bright flyer on the back announced the intention of the school to host a children's marathon, combined with some other activities. He glanced at Nataku, "Parent-Child Sack Race?" His eyes narrowed slightly, as he quite seriously nodded. "We would totally win that."

Nataku's look of surprised delight made both Sally and Wufei chuckle. Nataku leant forward, "Do you think you could make it? It's a work day!"

"I'd much rather be there with you," Wufei sipped his coffee, "Besides, it looks like it could be fun."

Nataku laughed at Sally's look of mock horror. Sally held out her hand, "Who are you? What did you do with Wufei?" She laughed, and turned to Nataku, "If I can swing the day off, can I come?"

"I'll ask, but I'm sure it'll be ok. It's meant to be a fun day for kids to spend with their family." Nataku was delighted, "I'd..." She slipped out of her chair and hugged Sally, "I'd really like you to be there, Sally."

Smiling, Wufei looked down at the colourful piece of paper in his hand.

* * *

Frowning, Trowa stared at the colourful piece of paper on the wall.

"Hey Hot Shot, what's up?"

Trowa raised a hand and tapped the paper thoughtfully, "This is the same school that Wufei's daughter goes to."

His supervisor chuckled, "Oh, of course. She'll be taking part in this." She slouched against the wall. "My best friend's niece is taking part as well; she's in the year above Nataku."

"You know her?"

That's earned a full bodied laugh from his supervisor. She sobered when she caught his confused look. "I didn't want to mention it, but yeah: I'm aware that some super famous Gundam's daughter happens to be going to my best friend's niece's school." She snorted. "You be thankful I haven't told my best friend's niece I know you yet! I genuinely don't know who'd kill me first, you or my best friend, the former federation rebel fighter who suspects she was at one of the first bases you attacked, by the way." She tapped the letter's logo. "Some kind of crazy war stories storytelling craze has broken out in the last couple of years, some kid called Sjobol has this –"

"Ex-OZ special aunt," Trowa nodded understandingly, "I think Nataku's taking part in the storytelling too."

His supervisor chuckled, "My best friend's niece has been pumping me for sweeper stories, pumping her aunt for every scrap of a battle, they all seem interested in getting the most outrageous tales." She folded her arms, and glanced at him, "I'm surprised that Wufei Chang's daughter isn't doing better; she has access to all five Gundams now."

Trowa looked at her sideways, "It's an actual competition?"

"You better believe it," His supervisor held out her hands like it should have been obvious, "There's a whole underground points scheme, run by the older kids, and there's sweets and trades and all manner of crazy." She jerked her thumb at the flyer, "I'm only putting this up so I can get her loads of sponsorship, so I can go meet the legendary Sjobol."

"The legendary Sjobol?"

She nodded, "He's winning at the moment, crazy good at telling the stories. He's got this killer story about one of the high ranked crazy OZ commanders and some guy she shot after she dropped him out of a plane – Super crazy story, but it's winning." She dug in a pocket and withdrew a pen, "So, feel like ponying up, Hot Shot? My niece would love to know she got a Gundam sponsoring her in the fun run... It would almost be worth my best friend's wrath."

Trowa took the pen, and added his name to the list of sponsors. He thought for a moment, "I wonder if Nataku is taking part."

"I should imagine, the whole school is going to be doing something all day for every year group. My best friend's sister is dreading the egg and spoon race her daughter's signed them up for."

Trowa glanced at the flyer and traced his finger over the different year groups, and found Nataku's. "Sack race?"

"Parent and Child Sack Race," His supervisor chuckled, "I'm even more keen to go if it means I get to see a Gundam taking part in a race." She squinted for a moment, "It's kinda hard to imagine that pretty serious guy taking part."

"Wufei?" Trowa tapped his finger thoughtfully over the flyer, "In a sack race?"

* * *

"Wufei." Quatre blinked, his eyes slightly unfocused, "In a sack race?"

Trowa swallowed his wine before answering, "Could be."

Quatre looked at the photocopied paper, "And Nataku could be taking part?"

"We could sponsor her," Trowa pointed to the Fun Run advert, "She'll likely take part in this."

"Wufei. In a sack race." Quatre put his wine glass down, "This I have to see. In all seriousness, I need to see this." He placed a hand over his heart, "We need to see this. I have never seen Wufei do anything crazy, I want to see him go."

Trowa tipped his head back and laughed. It felt good to laugh freely, albeit drunkenly, and to hear Quatre's laugh as well. Trowa leant forward and tapped the paper, "Well, if you need any more convincing... I'm reliably informed that there is an opportunity to meet the legendary Sjobol as well."

He burst into a fresh round of laugher as Quatre clapped his hands to his mouth in mock-excitement. Quatre shook his head, and poured another glass of wine for them both. Dinner was a quiet affair; they'd cooked together and were now relaxing with a good wine. Quatre leant back in his seat, "I'm serious about wanting to see this, I'll sponsor Nataku's entire class if it means we can go." Quatre smiled warmly, "It would be a brilliant day together, for all of us. It would be a great opportunity for us to do something else... bond, maybe!"

"Bonding over Wufei's utter humiliation as he is utterly defeated by his own daughter in a sack race?" Trowa strove to remain deadpan, but couldn't help the laughter escaping as Quatre tried to hide a smirk behind a glass. "You're so cruel!"

Quatre swallowed and shrugged one shoulder, "Let's hope that Wufei's athletic grace can match yours." They sat in silence for a moment, as Trowa watched Quatre thought. Quatre's expression was light, and his eyes drifted with his far away thoughts. The blonde man sobered slightly, "I'd love to see you perform again." He sipped his drink, "Have you heard from Catherine?"

Trowa smiled warmly, his voice fond, "The circus is doing extremely well, they're getting rave reviews." He paused, swirling his drink in his glass for a moment. "She'd like me to think about when I could join them again."

Quatre paused in his drinking. He swallowed, and smiled carefully. "That's a good opportunity for you to return."

Trowa looked at the other man. "I told her that I wasn't interested, and was unlikely to be interested in returning for a couple of years." Trowa paused before admitted quietly, "I'm... happy here."

The blonde man's delight was well hidden, but Trowa caught it. Quatre nodded, "I did catch some of the reports of your department, and you've made quite an impact on productivity." Quatre smiled lopsidedly, "If it wasn't Duo's company you were working for, I'd be head hunting you."

Trowa snorted, "My work is good, it's challenging and it makes me feel useful." He put down his glass and reached out to touch Quatre's free hand, "I wouldn't say it's the only reason I'm happy here."

Quatre flexed his fingers and laced them with Trowa. Trowa's dull eyes were warm with both wine and his own feelings. Their hands held each other tightly as Trowa leant forward, "I'm glad to be here with you."

It was a nostalgic feeling, that funny flipping sensation. Trowa felt it as Quatre's smile light up his face, his eyes and his whole being. Trowa felt like he was young again, as the years fell away from Quatre's being and – for a moment – they were in the music room again.

"That's..." Quatre put down his own glass, almost toppling it in his haste. He pressed a hand against their clasped hands, "That's ... that's how I feel, too." Quatre smiled a little helplessly, "I'm... glad. Yes, I'm happy too." He glanced down for a moment and laughed quietly, "Oh, that wine. It goes straight to your head." He glanced at Trowa, shy almost, "I don't mean to gush."

"You're not." Trowa smiled, finding it easy to smile. He joined his free hand to the clasp of hands, patting Quatre's top hand softly. "I don't want you to think that I'm going to leave, join the circus again."

"Which-which you're free too." Quatre said, adamantly, "You are absolutely free—" He stopped himself, "God, I'm so patro—how do you deal with me being so patronising all the time? You're an adult, who can make his own decisions."

"We're adults," Trowa squeezed his hand. "We're trying to build a new relationship."

Quatre sobered, and Trowa nodded.

"Let's make those decisions together, Quatre."

Quatre smiled, calm now. "I'd like that."

"Good."

They sat quietly together for a moment, before Quatre squeezed Trowa's hand. "How would you...?" A frown flitted over his brow, "I'd like... It seems silly for you to be paying rent at your old place, and paying rent here too. I was thinking..." He paused again, his expression resolving into careful hope. "I'd like you to move in, Trowa. I miss your company."

Trowa thought about that for a while, smiling softly. He nodded, "I'd like that."

"I don't mean now or tomorrow," Quatre clarified, he sighed, "I'd like us to try being..." He motioned between them helplessly for a moment, "Being..."

"Together?"

Quatre nodded gratefully, "Yes. You don't need to pay rent for here. That frees you up to continue holding on to your other apartment..." He paused, thinking, "Or perhaps look for a closer apartment."

Trowa chuckled, "And turn this complex into the Gundam apartments."

"Something like that," Quatre shrugged and reached for his wine. He sat back, he looked into the swirling red depths before looking up, fondness in his eyes. "How do you want to do this?" Trowa's look of confusion made him carry on, "This relationship... Do you want to pick up where we left off? Do we start all over?"

"How about we take it as it comes?" Trowa tipped his own glass toward Quatre, "We're not the people we were. So, let's approach it in the way we never did."

Quatre nodded, his smile warm. He raised his glass, "To Wufei?"

"Wufei?"

Trying to hide behind his wine glass, Quatre smirked, "May his getting in the sack, help us to get in too."

Trowa looked speechless for a moment, before a warm smile broke out.

Their glasses clinked together.

* * *

The glasses clinked together as Quatre pushed open the door, he smiled warmly as he brought the tray over.

Duo looked up from the colourful piece of paper, "So, let me get this straight. There is an opportunity to meet the legendary Sjobol?"

Quatre passed him a glass of water, and sipped at his own as he sat. "Yes, apparently."

"I totally want to go." Duo looked over at the nurse. "Clarice. Please tell me I can go."

The nurse looked up from Duo's chart, "I'll ask Doctor Hobbs to come talk to you about it, I'm not sure if you're cleared for leaving the hospital yet." She tilted her head, motioning his chart. "Your immune system might not be able to handle such a complex environment." She shrugged apologetically, "You've been in a clean environment for over four years now, and it might be very difficult."

Duo looked at her, his expression almost mournful. "But, Clarice, it's the legendary Sjobol!"

"I don't even know what that means." The nurse smiled faintly, "But I'll go talk to Doctor Hobbs right now."

"Here, you better take this." Duo held out the colourful flyer, and tapped it. "It's important she reads this bit, this bit about how Wufei and his daughter are going to be doing a sack race." He looked at her sincerely, "That's the really important bit, Clarice. Like, super important. You might want to circle it, twice to be sure. Make sure she reads it. Carefully." He spoke slowly, his eyes deadly serious. "Say it like this: Wufei. In a Sack Race."

The nurse chuckled as she left, and Quatre shook his head. "I would have thought Heero would have been here."

"He's got therapy today," Duo shrugged, "He usually takes the afternoon off to ... contemplate what it all means, and ..." Duo's fingers flexed, as he thought. "Something." He glanced at Quatre, "You seem a little lighter today."

Quatre tilted his head, "What do you mean?"

"You just seem like ... I dunno," Duo shrugged again, "You just seem a bit lighter."

Quatre leant back in his chair, his blue eyes warm. "Perhaps I am just ... glad to be here."

"Glad?" Duo glanced at him, but Quatre smiled a private smile and did not seem moved to elaborate further. Duo shrugged, "That's cool." He shifted in bed, "If I can't go, you're gonna tape the race right?"

"I'm going to set up a live feed to this room." Quatre replied easily, "You'll be there, though."

"You think so?"

"Know so." Quatre's smile was warm, and Duo was taken back to a warm desert and a welcome he wasn't expecting. He reached out and Quatre met his hand. Quatre's eyes were bright and free, and Duo felt it in the warmth of their hands. He wondered when his hand had felt warmer.

His hand had been warmer before.

_It wasn't ketchup on his hand._

_He blinked and stared at the man before him. His dirty blond hair was wayward, but kept short. It was so hard to concentrate. It wasn't ketchup on his hand. Where was the blood coming from? The wall beyond the man was painted. Red and wet. The words dripped. Red washed over one of his eyes, and black threatened to take his vision. A hand under his chin. The man was crouching._

_"... so very sorry..."_

_He smiled. Eyes narrowing. Duo couldn't hear anything, could only read the man's lips._

_He said something, but Duo could only see an explosion of white feathers in his mind. The image faded._

_"... do you remember them?"_

_Dirty blonde hair. Brown eye. White eye, unseeing. Scars littered his face, little scars like the ones on Heero's hands. Two over his upper lip._

_Duo tried to concentrate._

_The man's lips were moving._

_"... don't have save..."_

_Red wash, black took his sight._

_Scarred lips moved._

_"... anymore..."_

_Wufei's face, almost scarlet with anger. Black hair whipping in the wind as he roared._

_Black stole his sight for a moment._

_A caress on his check._

_The man walked away in OZ Pilot issue boots._

_Black came again._

_Doves in flight._

"Doves in flight."

Duo blinked as the words left his mouth. He blinked again as focus came back, and stared at the mobile phone in front of him. Pale hands clutched it, as if concerned the device would fall. He followed the pale hands, to the arms, to the man connected. The blonde man stared at him, bright eyes concerned and desperate. He looked beyond the blonde man, to the woman in a lab coat, taking notes. She paused in her note taking and looked up, when she realised he'd stopped talking. She looked familiar. Her lips pursed for a moment, and she looked over her shoulder to another woman standing at the end of his bed. This was an older woman, her hands deep in her lab coat. She stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, before stepping forward. "Hello Mr Maxwell, how do you feel?"

Duo tried to answer her, but found the words difficult to say. His mouth tried to form the ideas in his head, but nothing came out.

She tilted her head, thinking carefully. She glanced around the room for a moment, eyes landing on something to his left. She looked back at him, and nodded to his right. "Look at the man on your right, Mr Maxwell."

He stared at the blonde man with the bright eyes. His hands were in his lap now, and he was leant forward. Duo looked at him, mouth slack. He heard the woman speak, "Yellow."

"Quatre." He whispered and with the word, recognition flooded back. Quatre let out a breath, his bright blue eyes wide with confusion. He nodded to Duo, and Duo swallowed hard. He looked up at Sally who added something to the notes she was taking, and then at Doctor Hobbs.

Hobbs looked grave, "Hello Duo." She glanced at her watch, "You've been under for approximately three hours. During those three hours, you have slowly been describing the moments of consciousness after you were shot. Mr Winner has been recording since he realised what you were saying. We've recorded the last two and half hours of speech."

"What did I say?"

"A lot of it is broken English, odd words and short phrases. You seem to have a very visual memory; your other senses seemed to have been blotted out." Hobbs looked down for a moment, "Doves. You talked about doves for twenty minutes, repeating the phrase: Doves in flight." She tilted her head, "Do you recognise it?"

Duo thought for a moment but nothing came forward, he glanced at Hobbs and shook his head. "Sorry, no."

"Maybe Wufei will." Quatre said, he glanced between them. "You described Wufei, he was standing on his own Gundam, shouting."

He thought about that too, but frowned. "That's... ancient history." Duo glanced at Sally, "Did I at least say anything useful?"

"You gave a good description of the shooter's facial features, I've got at least three points of reference now: dark or dirty blonde hair, one scarred white eye, and two scars on the upper lip." She tapped her pen against the clipboard. Sally looked at him, "I wonder if you can sit with an E-fit artist, and compose an image of this guy."

Duo tried to remember and found nothing. He swallowed, "I don't think so. I don't even know what he looks like."

"Not consciously." Hobbs said, her concern making her frown, "You have a very remarkable defence system against trauma."

Duo's smile was weak and bitter, "A lifetime of practice."

He felt his head suddenly tip forward, and darkness crashed in on him.

* * *

He jerked his head as he woke up, and he stared into the darkness.

When his eyes adjusted, Heero was surprised to realise he'd fallen asleep at Duo's desk. Pushing away from the computer station, Heero raised his arms over his head and stretched. He closed his eyes and yawned. He dropped his hands and tapped at the keyboard. Nothing happened. The computer had switched itself off, and he stood. He left Duo's study behind him, and walked out into the living room. His own laptop was on the coffee table, his mobile next to it. He paused by the table, still unsure what to do or what to think.

His session had been thought-provoking, more so than usual, and he'd come here to think carefully. His own apartment was not as comforting as Duo's. Heero started around the darkened room. It was only illuminated by the lights of the city, from the large bay windows. It seemed the months were slipping by, Heero was struggling to keep up. Every day, Duo seemed to gain a little more independence and it was becoming clearer that Heero's role as a possible carer might be smaller than he'd initially...

Heero dipped his head, and covered his eyes.

He had hoped that Duo would need him more. He had hoped that Duo would be dependent on him.

It had been a tough realisation in his session today, and Heero had found it difficult. He wanted Duo to recover, like a good friend. He wanted Duo to be weaker, because he was selfish. In his imagination, he had constructed a plan that required Duo to not recover past a certain point. He had built on that plan, and developed his own role as Duo's carer. Heero swallowed. His therapist didn't call it selfish - that was Heero's word. His therapist had challenged Heero to come up with a different word, seemingly knowing something that Heero couldn't see. Heero could only call it selfish. For this plan, that had needed Duo to be weak and in need of someone stronger. Heero had been looking forward to caring for Duo in the long term. A lot of his research had revolved around the long term care of an impaired post-coma victim.

He opened his eyes, and stared out the bay windows.

By all reports, Duo would rapidly not need him. Within two years, Duo could possibly be returning to the life he had led before the coma. Heero looked around the room. That life had wanted the other pilots to be there, but hadn't needed them. Duo didn't need them around. He glanced down, looking at his clenched hands. Heero wanted to be in that life. Wanted to be a necessary part of that life.

Wanted to be good at something in that life.

Wanted Duo to need him in his life.

He crouched, his eyes focused on the glass of the coffee table. The reflections from the city.

It was a while before he moved.

* * *

It had been a while since he'd moved.

Wufei was gazing out of the window, watching the city. He'd come to the office to think. Nataku was staying at a friend's house for the night, while Wufei was following some leads. He was taking the time to think through it all. Behind him, Zechs flicked idly though their timeline. Wufei let his eyes refocus on the reflection of the large conference screen. The six month gap. It was impossible.

When questioned, Duo didn't seem to know what had happened. He acknowledged that he'd stopped communicating, changed his MO for his business dealings. For Duo, it seemed like a good time to let go. Doctor Hobbs had noted that Duo's memory was unreliable, that he might not recall the thinking or the emotions behind the actual event. It would be too delicate a memory for him. Duo's recall on events had been very good, but emotional memories were still something he was dealing with.

Wufei closed his eyes.

Six months.

Comm. messages stopped.

Reveals name and location.

Military-related hate mail increases as a result.

Makes his video messages to the five pilots.

Business for Second Chance Inc improves.

Evidence from Duo's apartment suggests he also stopped looking for them at that time.

Six months before he was shot.

Wufei opened his eyes.

Unterward had given Heero keys to Duo's apartment.

In his mind's eyes, he saw a memory of Heero shaking his head as Sally approached.

Raising his phone, Wufei dialled a number. He pressed the phone against his ear, and stared blankly across the city as he waited for an answer. As soon as the call was picked up, he spoke.

"What did you find at Duo's apartment, Heero?"

* * *

_::Remember me, I used to be the best time buddy::_

_::That you couldn't wait to see::_

_::But getting old, it takes its toll::_

_::And hearts getting broken lead to people growing cold::_

* * *

_A/N: So, I'm trying to identify what warnings to put on the prologue. I've decided that I need to go back and replace the chapter with an adequate warning – but I want to avoid spoilers. Also, I'm crap and have been out of fandom for a thousand years. Which warnings would you tag this with? Also, I hope to see your review this week. Thank you in advance for your review! _


	32. Show No Mercy

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: Nine years ago, they said 'Good bye'. Now they are summoned back. Has time healed their rift? Can they ever fix their broken friendships? What does it mean to be Gundam, when a Gundam Pilot lies dying?

**Warnings**: I'm a slash writer; in my view some characters are not heterosexual. This may be different from your own interpretation of the characters. I hope you enjoy the story, despite our disagreement and I thank you for staying with me, despite Chapter 9 being your safe stopping point.

**Song: **Flaming Lips – Bad Days

* * *

_::You're sorta stuck where you are::_

_::But, in your dreams you can buy expensive cars, ::_

_::Or live on mars::_

_::And have it your way::_

_::And you hate your boss at your job::_

_::Well in your dreams you can blow his head off::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 31: Show No Mercy**

_::In your dreams::_

_::Show no mercy::_

* * *

"I don't think I was ever supposed to see it."

Heero turned the memory stick in his hands, slowly. He was sat at Duo's desk, staring blankly. Wufei stood behind him, arms folded. Behind them both, Zechs leant on the door frame, looking around the room keenly. Heero leant forward and booted up the computer. "I think Duo only intended I see it if he was dead."

Zechs tilted his head, "So?"

Wufei only partly turned to answer Zechs, "Why would he leave a second message after the first?" He turned back to Heero, "It doesn't make sense to leave a second message."

Heero plugged the memory stick in, and began setting up the computer. "It wasn't the second." He said, "It was the first message he used to say good bye."

As the video booted up, Zechs shifted and walked out of the room. He left the two pilots alone with the message, and went to look around the darkened apartment. The Preventers had been over the place in the early stages of their investigation, but had clearly not gotten access to the study in any detail. Zechs flipped on lights and stared at the walls. He found it all a little creepy. The apartment was a shrine to the pilots, their machines and their deeds since the war. It was stranger still to hear Duo's voice echoing down the hall from the study.

In the study, Wufei watched the video but also found himself watching Heero's reaction to it. Heero bowed his head, as if unable to watch the video again. He could understand that. He was surprised by Duo's decision to stand down, instead of using the information he'd found to contact them. He wasn't shocked that Duo had actually found them. Duo's prowess as a communication expect was confirmed, and it simply explained why Duo seemingly hadn't succeeded. As the video drew to an end, Wufei noticed that Heero was getting ready to stop the video early. He seemed to tense, but ultimately allowed the video to play out.

"He was very fond of you." Wufei stepped away from the computer, turning his back to it. "I can see how watching that might be difficult."

"He chose to give up on us." Heero seemed to swallow, the words hard to say. "He thought it would be better for us."

Wufei nodded, and turned back. "Perhaps it would have been if he hadn't been shot."

Heero turned in Duo's chair, "Do you believe that?"

"No." Wufei's dark eyes lingered on the screen, "But I think that's what he believed." He jerked a thumb toward his own notice board, "From that video, I think he genuinely believed something bad might happen to us, if he contacted us." He glanced at the notice boards in order, before turning to face Heero. "I wonder if that's something he's thinking about now."

Heero glanced down, shaking his head. "I don't know."

Wufei looked at the dark screen. "You found that difficult to watch again."

He seemed to think about his answer for a long moment. "I felt that I had let him down, that I had failed him."

Wufei sighed, "You are not the only one." He paused, thinking. "You found this after he'd escaped."

Heero closed his eyes, "Yes."

Wufei stepped forward, "is this what prompted-"

"Yes." Heero answered. "I found it difficult to cope with the knowledge he'd woken up but did not recognise me," He drew a breath. Wufei placed a hand on his shoulder, and Heero looked up. "And with the knowledge that he'd given me up to protect me from his perceived curse."

Wufei nodded once and squeezed his shoulder.

Heero dipped his head once and thought about it. His voice was low when he spoke. "I still find it difficult to cope."

"I'm here." Wufei replied simply and squeezed his shoulder again. "We all are."

Heero nodded. "Thank you."

"As will be Duo, when he had recovered." Wufei said, tilting his head when Heero returned his hands to Duo's keyboard and began typing. It was almost a reflex. Wufei moved away and leant against the desk, watching the man for a while. "How do you feel about that?"

Heero's eyes flickered from screen to screen. "About what?"

"About Duo getting better." Wufei clarified, "What are you going to do when he is better?"

"It's likely Duo will need some form of a carer, during his post-coma recovery." Heero said, his hands clattering over the keys. He did not look at Wufei. "Even once he is discharged from the hospital, he will need help re-adjusting to life outside of a medical facility. I intend to be that assistance. He may need help obtaining food and organising his bills. Duo is likely to suffer from some cognitive difficulties."

"And when he has adjusted? What then?"

Heero's hands paused for a moment before he carried on. "We cannot be certain when the cognitive difficulties will get to a manageable level."

Wufei tilted his head, thinking. He smiled somewhat faintly. "You don't know."

Heero paused in his typing, his fingers hovering over the keys. "No. I do not."

"That's okay." Wufei turned to lean more fully against the desk. "It's okay to admit you don't know what to do next." He stared at the news-clipping that Duo had framed next to his board, an L5 newspaper celebrating his wedding to Toshiriko. "It's always okay to admit that you're lost, and you don't know what's going to happen." He blinked and looked over his shoulder, "Believe in the world we live in. Believe in your friends."

Heero didn't reply, but his hands had curled and he was staring at them again.

Wufei turned his head away, and tutted as if disgusted with himself. It made Heero look up. Wufei's voice was bored, "And also, General Une has instructed me to mention that Cyber Security would love to hear from you at any time. She has also instructed me to mention it's fighting but it's not fighting with weapons that have ever killed anyone directly." Wufei held up a hand when he heard Heero's intake of breath, "No. Don't worry, I already told her that you already have a list as long as your arm of instances where Cyber Terrorism or Cyber Criminal Activity has lead directly to death of others."

Wufei listened for a moment, and was relieved when the typing resumed. He heard a familiar impatient grunt, and Heero said. "She really doesn't give up."

Wufei found a smile on his lips. "She really doesn't."

* * *

Zechs stared at the framed letter. It was near Duo's front door, something he would look at every day when he left the house. It was thanking him for his contributions to an orphanage. It was gushing, explaining that the orphanage could have done it without his help. His eyes narrowed as he read it for the fourth time. He pulled the frame off the wall and walked back to the study. The Gundams were silent; Chang was staring at the walls while Yuy was typing incessantly.

Zechs watched them for a moment, twirling the picture frame in his hands. He cleared his throat, and only Chang looked at him. Yuy continued typing. Zechs nodded. "You are very strange." He spoke softly and moved around the room. "You're all so very strange and I don't think you know it."

Chang watched him silently; Yuy ignored him and continued typing. Zechs moved out of Chang's line of sight, moving to stand by the desk. Yuy stopped typing and looked up and Chang looked away, resuming his study of the walls. There wasn't any way they could have known, but Yuy stared up at him. His face was blank. "Do you care to elaborate?"

"There's many perks about being high ranked, particularly when I was in OZ." Zechs moved around the room again, watching them carefully. As soon as he moved out of Yuy's line of sight, Wufei looked at him. Zechs swallowed, "And you don't know how unnerving you are. Even though there's only two of you..."

"Get to the point." Wufei began to frown.

Zechs tipped his head, "We ranked you. All." He moved to lean in the doorway, "We ranked you on destructiveness, effectiveness, and stability. There was also an unofficial ranking..." He turned the picture frame in his hands again, "Craziness. This is before Zero... You two, bottom – we knew you were destructive, but there was always a definitive pattern to your attacks. Zero-Three was highly destructive, as well. Zero-Four's strikes were well planned and extremely effective at taking out hardware but minimising life-loss." He turned the frame, his eyes far away. "And then there was Zero-Two. Unpredictable. Extremely dangerous. I read his profile, the one constructed after he was interrogated, before you rescued him..." he smiled toward Heero who'd stopped and turned his chair to watch him. Zechs thought they both looked like hawks, blank faced and watching carefully. "It was never pleasant reading, it was worse when you read between the lines and understood how much torture he could withstand." He looked at the twirling frame. "In the early part of the wars, I genuinely believed he'd be the first to make a suicide attempt if he didn't die during the wars."

Heero's expression flickered, tightening. "Why?"

Zechs' hands stilled, "He had the least to come back to. L2 was on the brink of collapse, he didn't have a job, family or a stable emotional background to support him. I was very surprised when he joined the Preventers, and even then still had not yet made an attempt on his own life."

They didn't answer and he took a step forward.

"Now, I don't know if you actually listen to the words he says in that video..." Zechs frowned worriedly, "But he talks like he believes death is personified. That it's actually gunning for him... and you for being involved with him."

The Gundams tilted their heads slightly, then Heero nodded. "Yes, Duo's always had the singular belief that there was a God of Death, and that it has a target in Duo". Heero frowned at Zechs, "Duo has been exposed to a large amount of people dying when they become close to him. He looked down, dark blue eyes hard and far away. I don't know Duo well enough to offer a sound analysis of his behaviour at the time during the wars, but from what I understood he thought he was death, or that death was something that followed him. He often spoke as if he was addressing this personification of death directly."

"Hmm." Zechs said noncommittally.

Wufei's eyes narrowed, "Where are you going with this?"

Zechs held up the frame, "You didn't hear what he said... what he was really saying." He took a step closer, "When I was listening to Duo on that recording, not seeing his face, I wondered about what he was really saying. And you know what it sounded like to me?" He didn't wait for an answer, "It sounded like he was daring death to come get him." He wagged a finger, "Instead of any of you, he was daring death to come get him." He tapped the glass of the frame, "and it made me think...Isn't that what he was saying in the interview, the one where he revealed himself." Zechs paused and looked between them. "He loved you all, enough that he'd die for you..."

"What are you saying?" Heero asked after a moment, confusion making him frown.

"You can love someone so much, you'll die for them? Can you love someone so much, you will kill for them?" Zechs' eyes fell on the framed letter, "Can you love someone so much, that if they ask... you will kill them? You don't have to hate someone to try and kill them."

Wufei took the frame from Zechs and stared at the gushing letter.

"We haven't looked at anyone who liked or loved Duo." Zechs stepped away, looking through all of the pictures. "Haven't been looking for someone who perhaps loved Duo enough to hear these messages, listening to this Gundam Pilot daring death to come get him... And thinks, maybe he wants me to come help him die." Zechs look over his shoulder at them. "Here I am, says Duo, come and get me. It's been so long, my friends are never coming back... he says, come and kill me."

"We got a list of stalkers from Second Chance Inc." Wufei's frown deepened, "We've already ruled them out."

"We have a list of stalkers from Second Chance Inc of stalkers who spiked in their behaviour, becoming threatening or dangerous. Yes." Zechs turned from the wall, "But I'm talking about someone who is ..." he waved a hand, "Someone who's in the early stages of stalking behaviour. Perhaps he's just stop sending direct communication, he's got in his head that he's got a secret method of communication with Duo ... every news cast, every interview at that six month mark Duo begins talking to death again ..." Zechs stopped, and blinked. "And Duo suddenly is dropping him a line." He gestured toward Wufei, "You said it yourself, it looks like Duo is talking but you're not sure who he's talking to." He gestured Heero, "You say Duo talked to death. Our killer...? He hears Duo talking, and he hears Duo talking to him. After months, maybe even years, suddenly Duo is talking directly to him... begging for death."

The two Gundams seemed to think, and Zechs watched as the Gundam machine began to tick into motion. While Sally marvelled at it, Zechs had always found it very unnerving. It wasn't a natural stillness that fell over the Gundams; it wasn't a natural movement into efficient team working. Even with just two of them, it was strange to witness Heero turn and begin typing, and Wufei begin tapping away at his tablet. Without a word, they began collating information and began processing it.

Zechs stepped back and out of the room, leaving them to process. He paused and stared at a broken piece of a Gundam.

"You were all shooting stars."

He reached out and touched the glass.

* * *

"No Mr Yuy today?"

Duo looked up at the nurse's voice. The nurse smiled warmly as she put down the letters box beside him and began fussing around the room. "Oh, morning Clarice." Duo shook his head, "He left a message saying he was chasing something up with Wufei late last night." Duo reached into the box and pulled out a get well card. He opened the envelope and read the message, smiling faintly. "He needs some sleep but will be in later to update me."

"That's good." The nurse looked over her shoulder as she pulled the curtains open properly, "He was missed around here. I always feel off if I miss passing him on my way in."

"He does do that to people..." Duo set the card aside, and reached in to pull another out of the box. "During the war, I used to set my watch by him when we landed at a safe house."

The nurse was silent for a long moment, so long Duo looked up from the card he was reading. She was staring out of the window, her hands curled in the curtains. There was a faraway look in her eyes.

Duo set the card aside and reached for another. "You okay?"

The nurse shook herself and looked back at him. "You know something? We're the same age." She stepped toward him, concern on her face. "During the war, I was just this little kid, fifteen. I thought I was such a rebel, I ran around, protesting the war with a homemade t-shirt and a group of friends who didn't know how else to fight. There's no way... I could have ever..." She raised her hands, "I can't even comprehend what you went through. You're all so brave." She dropped her hands and smiled apologetically. "You kinda amaze me."

"I'm not that brave." Duo muttered, his attention fixed on the letter in his hands.

The nurse shook her head and moved toward the window again, "No, you're amazing." She looked out the window, "You've taken this colony so far."

"I'm not that brave."

She chuckled, "I bet all the other Gundams say the same thing. But you have to admit, you did something extraordinary."

"Oh god... I'm not that brave."

The nurse frowned and looked over her shoulder. Duo was still looking at the letter.

"Oh god, please..."

The nurse moved, bending over to brush Duo's fringe from his face. His eyes were blank. "Mr Maxwell. Can you hear me?"

"You... don't have to..."

The nurse lifted the phone. "Put me through to Doctor Hobbs, Mr Maxwell is having an episode."

"It's not ketchup," Duo muttered, the paper in his hands rustled with the minute trembling. The nurse stared at him, watching carefully. Her eyes travelled over the letter. It was blank but for a line of text.

**_'You don't have to save anyone anymore.'_**

"It's not ketchup."

The nurse blinked as Hobbs answered. She reached forward and touched his shoulder. He didn't move, didn't raise his head.

Duo mumbled, "It's not ketchup..."

* * *

Heero stared at the note for a long time, turning the plastic evidence bag this way and that as if it would give him more clues. He looked up and through the observation window. Duo was lying on his back, dull eyes staring at the ceiling. Beside Heero, Wufei shifted his weight to another foot, his head tilted and frowning as he looked at Doctor Hobbs. "What did he say when he woke up?"

"Woke up?" Hobbs reached up and pulled her glasses from her nose, "You mistake me. He hasn't woken up."

Heero looked up from the letter. "A stupor?"

"Yes," Hobbs replaced her glasses. "But this isn't one I've seen before. I don't know what's going on in there, but he seems stuck. He's not awake, but he's not completely under either." Heero looked through the observation window again. "Does the phrase 'I'm not that brave' mean anything to you at all?" Hobbs asked, "He seems to be stuck on that phrase and it's not something he's said before when he's been under."

Wufei exchanged a look with Heero, and shook his head. "It's not something that's come up in the investigation."

Hobbs sighed and shook her head, "I'd like to think we're getting somewhere, but he's been like this for almost 4 hours with no sign of waking."

"What happened?" Wufei asked. "Did the nurse say anything else?"

"She was talking to him about his role in the war and his actions since coming to L2 to build Second Chance Inc." Hobbs motioned the bag in Heero's hand, "He was reading get well cards and letters. He got to this one..." She tilted her head, "Do you think his unsuccessful killer is trying to make contact?"

"After so long?" Wufei frowned, "Three years of nothing?"

Hobbs' expression turned concerned. "Second Chance Inc has released their regular update press statement for this quarter, and have included the fact that Mr Basilica is awake and recuperating. Perhaps the would-be killer has only just found out." She sighed, "I can't get through to him. We're just going to have to ride out this storm."

"Ride it out?" Wufei frowned, "How long do you think he could be under?"

Hobbs shrugged, "Honestly? I don't know. His stupors are decreasing in frequency but increasing in length. We don't know what's causing it, but I'm beginning to suspect it's an advance trauma defence that Duo has developed himself. If I knew more about the trauma of his past, I might be able to understand it better. He just won't give me a starting point."

"Nataku." Heero said, his eyes fixed on Duo. "She's done quite a bit of research about him. She'll know a bit more than any of us."

"My daughter?" Wufei blinked, "I don't think she knows-"

"Don't underestimate her or that book she created." Heero glanced at Wufei, "It's not just pictures." He frowned, "She has very good eyes." He glanced at Hobbs, "You'll need to ask her about the Maxwell Church Massacre."

Wufei looked down, thinking. "Advance trauma defence." He looked at Hobbs, "You think he's defending himself against the shooting?"

"Doctor Po knows more, yesterday he had another episode." Hobbs nodded, "He's remembering more and more about the incident, but not consciously or willingly."

With an impatient noise, Heero handed the evidence bag to Wufei and walked past Hobbs. He stepped into the room, and approached the bed. He stood, fists clenched and staring down at Duo's prone body. He took a step nearer, and raised a knee to brace himself on the bed. Heero leant over Duo, staring into his eyes. He laced his hands deep into the loose braid, to cup his hands under Duo's head.

"Duo." Heero said, his voice low. "Stop this."

Duo's jaw clenched. His lips jerking as if he was attempting to speak.

"Duo, wake up."

The loosely bound hair slipped through his fingers as he moved his hands. Heero cupped Duo's face. "Duo. Come back to me."

The strange coloured eyes fixed on Heero, and the pale lips trembled.

"I need you to come back now."

Duo's eyes became sharp, and he almost spat out a word. "Ktch."

Heero nodded firmly, "Come on."

He could feel the bed shaking, Duo's arms flexed suddenly. With a jerky movement, Duo's hands came up to grasp Heero's wrists. Heero didn't wince at the pain, the solid grip tightening as Duo tried to grind out another word. "Ktch."

"Come on!" Heero pushed his hands down, cupping Duo's head again and brought his own face down low. "Come on."

Duo's jaw was tight, like he was having a seizure. "Ket-tch!" He stuttered on the word. A noise made Heero tilt his head, and he looked at Hobbs. She pulled a chair closer and sat down. She looked at them both, and then nodded.

"Stay where you are." She said to Heero and then leant forward toward Duo. "Mr Maxwell. Look at the man in front of you."

Duo's sharp eyes bore into Heero's. His teeth were grinding. His whole being shook with his effort to master his own body. Heero could see it in his brilliant eyes.

"Mr Maxwell." Hobbs said, "White."

"Doves in flight!" Duo spat, the words flying from his mouth in a rush. "He thought I was you!"

Heero jumped as Duo sat up suddenly. Heero's wrists burned as Duo's grip tightened further. Duo's hands scrambled further up his arms, pulling the other man into a hard embrace, desperate and clawing. Heero's hands dropped from Duo's hair, and he held the other man back. They rocked, Duo drawing heaving breaths. Heero felt Duo's lips press against his ear. "I let him." Duo said, his voice pained, "I had to. It was coming!"

"Duo..."

"He tricked us. It isn't ketchup!" Duo shook his head hard, then pressed his face hard into Heero's neck. "I couldn't let it take you!"

He felt Duo shudder in his arms. Heero held him tighter, his vision filled with soft, chestnut hair. In the silence, Heero could feel his heart racing. In his arms, Duo went limp. He couldn't let go, but shifted on the bed to lay Duo down gently. Heero folded himself over Duo's body, resting his forehead against Duo's heaving chest. He stared at the green fabric of Duo's gown. He focused on breathing. Both of them, breathing. He could hear Duo's heart, just about. Just over the sound of his own heart, drumming out a panicked rhythm. Like his emotions. It was all too much. Heero turned his head slightly, enough to open one eye and glare at Hobbs. "Leave."

She blinked. His hands bunched on the bed clothes.

"LEAVE!"

* * *

"What was white?"

Hobbs almost jumped when Wufei stepped closer. She looked up toward him, dragging her eyes from the other two pilots. "What was white?" Wufei repeated, his expression stern.

"Your daughter has linked you all with colours. If one of you is here during a stupor, I've been able to help him return with a colour. It worked the other day, with Mr Winner. Yellow is Mr Winner..." She glanced through the observation window at Heero again, the man hadn't moved. "White is Mr Yuy, but..." She frowned and reached out to her clip board, "But that's not the same reaction he had to yellow." His expression unnerved her; his dark eyes betrayed his tight control on his rage. "You might hear it on the recording, Doctor Po has it."

Wufei folded his arms, he glared through the glass. Hobbs looked at him and took a step back. He seemed ready to smash the glass, fury radiated off him. She blinked, her mind filling with Duo's words from the other day. In the midst of his stupor, for ten minutes, Duo had described this very image. Chang Wufei, dark eyes blazing. Hobbs stepped forward and touched his arm. "He spoke about doves in flight." She looked through the windows, "And he talked about you."

Wufei's eyes narrowed, "Doves?"

"Yes, he spent twenty minutes in yesterday's stupor, talking about the doves in flight. How their feathers had exploded." She frowned, trying to remember more detail. "It was important, how they'd taken off. You'd been the only one, he said, the only one to see the doves. You shouted at them all."

Wufei closed his eyes, his frown deepening as he thought. "Doves? What doves?"

Hobbs deflated, "We don't know." She motioned Duo, "He called it ancient history, when we told him about his words."

That made Wufei pause. "I'd been the only one to see it?"

"No," Hobbs frowned, "His precise words were you'd been the only one to see the doves."

"And what did he say about me? I'd shouted at them all?"

"Yes," Hobbs looked back, "He described how you'd stood on your Gundam—"

"Shouting?" Wufei asked again, "I was shouting, standing on my Gundam. Shouting at all of them."

"Yes."

"He thought I was you." Wufei repeated, his eyes flicking back and forth as his mind raced through his memory. His hands rose as if to grasp the ideas, twitching as they proved out of reach. He looked through the observation glass. Heero hadn't moved, his eyes were closed. Duo lay still, eyes closed and limp like he was dead. The only sign of life was the slow rise and fall of his chest. Wufei dropped his hands. "I shouted at them all, so many times." The rage left him, leaving behind a weary man. He glanced at Hobbs, "Leave Heero."

"I need to check on—"

"You'll regret it." Wufei said simply, "Duo will be fine if Heero is left alone with him."

The preventer turned on a heel and walked away.

* * *

_::And all your bad days will end::_

_::And all your bad days will end::_

_::You have to sleep late when you can::_

_::And all your bad days will end::_

* * *

_A/N: My apologies. The last month or so has been horrifically stressful, work-wise, health-wise and general-life-wise. I shan't bore you, but suffice to say I am just getting back on my feet and clawing my way back to having time and the happiness to write again. If you are still with me, I thank you in advance for your patience and your review. Thank you. _


	33. Crashing Down Undone

**Disclaimer:** You certainly know the score.

**Notes:** Nine years ago, they said 'Good bye'. Now they are summoned back. Has time healed their rift? Can they ever fix their broken friendships? What does it mean to be Gundam, when a Gundam Pilot lies dying?

**Warnings:** I'm a slash writer; in my view some characters are not heterosexual. This may be different from your own interpretation of the characters. I hope you enjoy the story, despite our disagreement and I thank you for staying with me, despite Chapter 9 being your safe stopping point.

**Song**: The Smashing Pumpkins – The Beginning is the End is the Beginning

* * *

_::Delivered from the blast ::_

_::The last of a line of lasts ::_

_::The pale princess of a palace cracked ::_

_::And now the kingdom comes ::_

_::Crashing down undone ::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 32: Crashing Down Undone**

_::And I am a master of a nothing place ::_

_::Of recoil and grace::_

* * *

It was dark when Duo woke up.

He stared at the ceiling, his body aching from tension. He took stock, and wondered about the warm weight on his chest. He swallowed and tried to raise a hand, another warm weight stopped him. He raised his head and looked down; a flop of dark brown hair was on his chest. Duo dropped his head and stared at the ceiling again. He wondered what the time was. It must have been a bad one, a stupor so bad that Heero was still here even after lights out. He tried a different hand and found it unencumbered by Heero's body. Duo reached for the bedside light.

"How are you feeling?"

Duo paused in reaching for the light and raised his head. Heero's eyes were dull, but he was awake. Duo reached for the light and switched it on. He looked at Heero, "Kinda tired, kinda sore. The usual after one of my trips to laa-laa land." He smiled reassuringly, "I'm okay. So, how long have I been out for?"

"Don't you...?" Heero looked marginally disturbed, "Don't you remember me waking you up?"

As he searched his memory, Duo's smile faded, "No." He frowned as Heero withdrew further, sitting on the end of the bed now. He looked exhausted. Duo reached out, and pulled at Heero's sleeve. "Hey buddy. It's okay."

Heero looked at him, his eyes momentarily soft. In that moment, Duo honestly believed he'd see Heero break down and cry. The moment passed, and Heero's eyes closed. He looked like he was struggling with something, but made a decision. Heero looked at Duo, his voice devoid of emotion. "White. Doves in flight. He thought I was you."

"Is that what I said?" Duo tilted his head, "I don't remember."

"White was the word that broke your stupor." Heero said, turning to face him, "The rest—"

"Doves in flight sounds familiar, I've said that before." Duo nodded, bring his knees up. He frowned, "I don't think I've said anything about him thinking I was anyone." Duo blinked, "Why would he think I was anyone else?" He glanced at Heero, "Did we record it?"

Heero shook his head, "Duo, it sounded like you let him think you were me."

"You think so?" Duo tilted his head, wrapping his arms around his knees. He thought about it, eyes flicking back and forth. "I don't remember..."

Duo was surprised by Heero's sudden movement, the man had been shaking his head and suddenly he was up close. Scarred hands clamped on Duo's shoulders, shaking him slightly as Heero stared closely into his eyes. "Would you?" His fingers dug into Duo's shoulders hard. "If someone had mistaken you for me..." The words were ground out, Heero's hard blue eyes looking close to shattering. "Would you let them shoot you?"

Duo blinked. "Yes."

That threw Heero, and Duo smiled as if it were obvious. It was a bitter, sad smile.

"Of course! You're so... so import—" He closed his eyes briefly, cutting off the thought. Duo glanced down, "You're my best friend... and I've got a chance to save you? Of course." A brief look of fury crashed over his face, "You're my best friend, I'm not going to let death get you."

Heero sank down, his hands dropping from Duo's shoulders to clasp his elbows. "But I'm—"

"Don't you dare say you're not worth it." Duo's voice was hard. "Never, ever, dare say that to me."

Heero swallowed, "What do you remember of the night?"

Duo sat back, allowing the pillows cushion his back. He looked down, Heero's hands were loosely holding his own. Duo stretched his legs out, getting comfortable. "I remember being at the club." He tilted his head, looking out the window, "I remember that. I remember leaving. It was dark, I was thinking I needed to get back because of the meeting. There was a board meeting the next day... But..." Duo winced, his eyes screwing shut. "There's nothing else. Just... nothing." He looked at Heero, "I've got nothing, man..."

Heero listened, staring at their hands. "I've never held your hands before." He looked up, "I was planning on introducing hand-holding later..."

Duo's hands tightened lightly, warm and callused. "You planned?" His smile was rueful, "Of course you—"

The door opened, making both of them jerk. Doctor Hobbs switched on the lights. She seemed relieved. She took a step forward and raised a clipboard. "If I'd known you were awake, I would have come sooner." She nodded to Heero, "Let me take his vitals."

Heero shifted to move, but stopped when Duo's hands' tightened further. He settled back into place and met Duo's unusually coloured eyes. Hobbs looked between the two men and drew a deep breath. "Fine." She glanced at Duo, "How are you feeling, Mr Maxwell?"

"Fuzzy." Duo flicked a glance at her, "This was a long one."

"Yes, it was." Hobbs nodded, she met his eyes. "What do you remember?"

"Not much, Heero said he tried to wake me."

"Succeeded as well." She made a note, "Do you not remember that?"

"No. We..." he looked at Heero and held onto Heero's hard blue gaze. "We were trying to remember what happened before the shot."

Hobbs tapped her clipboard thoughtfully, "What do you remember?"

"Nothing."

She looked at him carefully for a while, so long that both men looked at her. Hobbs' expression was pensive. "I think your stupors are a defence mechanism." She said finally, "And I think you do remember but can't do so consciously." She paused, "And we've seen that they can be triggered." She frowned, "Triggered stupors seem to be more dangerous... Based on the one you had today, a triggered stupor could last longer."

"What are you suggesting?" Duo looked at the doctor, "I mean, I know what you're suggesting, but can you do it?"

"I think I can help you along." Her frown grew deeper, "All indications to a triggered stupor is that it's triggered by your sensory memory of the event." She leant over to shine a light in his eyes, flicking it back and forth. "Hmm. What's the last thing you remember?"

"Walking out of the club, down the street." His voice was vaguely distracted, "It was dark, I was thinking I need to get back because of the board meeting..."

Her eyes narrowed and Hobbs shifted to crouch by the bed. Her voice was soft. "Duo, look down, ahead of you. What colour was the light in the ally?"

Heero blinked as Duo's hands went lax. Duo's focus grew distance. A faint frown appeared, "It's orange."

Hobbs glanced at her watch and then patted her pockets. She pulled out her small recorder and put it on. She placed it carefully on the bed, careful not to make a sound. "What colour is the man's coat?"

"I can't see him. He's surrounded by the orange." Duo's head tilted forward, he fell silent for a long time. Hobbs glanced at Heero and raised her finger to touch her lips.

"Mr Maxwell," she glanced down for a moment, thinking. "What can you see?"

"It's not ketchup..."

Heero looked down at their hands, Duo's hands were curling upwards slowly as if he were looking at them.

* * *

_"He's walking away... I think he's got OZ boots on..."_

Heero tapped the tablet and the recording stopped. "That's it." He looked up at Noin, who stood with her arms folded. It was early in the morning, Zech and Noin had come in early to join Wufei and Heero as they listened to Duo's latest recording. Heero looked a little rough for wear, his expression grim. Throughout the recording, Noin had made brief notes while Zechs sipped tea. They listened carefully to the information. Noin finished tapping her notes, and read back through them briefly. She frowned and looked up.

"That's a similar statement to the ones he's given us before." She shook her head, "There's nothing new there."

Wufei was sat back in his chair, his fingers were laced together. Heero had come to them with the latest recording of one of Duo's stupors. It wasn't pleasant listening. It wasn't very useful either. He glanced over at Zechs who was sipping his tea calmly. Zechs' blue eyes narrowed thoughtfully, "He seems very pre-occupied with doves in flight."

"It's a reference to something, but Duo doesn't remember what." Heero tapped at the tablet, bringing up the text on the device. "Duo's memory seems to have replaced what the shooter says with this metaphor. It may be a key to the shooter or his motives."

Noin tilted her head, "And Wufei?"

"May also be a memory swap." Wufei leant forward to tap at the desk screen. "He specifically stated that I was the only one to see the doves." He brought up the transcript he'd made. "He thought I was you." He wagged a finger thoughtfully, "Duo seemed to think that the shooter thought he was someone else?" He glanced at Heero, "Perhaps even thought he was shooting one of us."

Heero frowned, "Duo seemed to imply the shooter thought he was me."

Wufei didn't seem convinced, "Duo was in stupor. There's no way of telling if he knew he was talking to you."

"No, but when I spoke to Duo last night, he didn't seem surprised that he would let the shooter shoot him if..." Heero paused and frowned, "If the shooter had thought Duo was me."

Noin blinked, "He'd let someone shoot him?"

"If it were to save me, yes." Heero met her gaze briefly, his expression unclear. "Yes. I think so."

Zechs stood and moved to their massive screen, shifting documents around as he looked. He cleared a space, and began making notes. "We're looking for a shooter who may not have been targeting Duo, having mistaken him for something else. Who may have something to do in connection with doves – or whatever the doves are a metaphor for. And somewhere in this, Wufei was the only one to have seen the doves." Zechs stepped back, "I don't think we know enough about your histories to make a sound judgement of this. Whatever Duo's associated this with, it's something that happened during the war and means something now."

Wufei frowned, standing slowly. He glanced toward his office door.

Noin followed his gaze and frowned, "What are you thinking, Chang?"

"My daughter has done a lot of research..." He said slowly, reluctantly, "She might... might be able to see something we can't see."

* * *

Nataku swallowed again as she listened carefully. The headphones were a little too big for her, so she had to hold them in place. Duo's voice was a little scary but she kept listening, occasionally glancing at her father. He was rigid, his arms folded tightly. He looked scared. The recording ended, and Nataku pulled the headphones off. Noin slid into the chair next to her, "Does any of it sound familiar?"

The little girl looked consternated for a long moment, her eyes narrowed as she thought hard. "Not really ..." She chewed her lip, "Uncle Duo said a lot of that stuff before."

She saw her father relax, as if he were glad she hadn't said anything useful. She watched him toss a relieved smile to Heero and that made something niggle in her mind. She frowned. She didn't have a chance to follow it, as she was swept up into her father's arms. He was so keen to take her out of there. Only Noin stopped him from taking her out of the room. Noin frowned, "I saw that. You thought of something."

Wufei set his daughter down, glancing between her and Noin. He knelt down by his daughter, concerned by her confused look. Nataku looked down, her eyes darting back and forth over the floor. Noin nodded, "It did remind you of something." She said softly. "Do you want to hear it again?"

Nataku blinked, looking up at her. "Not what Uncle Duo said." She said, haltingly. "It was something else." She looked at her father. He looked concerned now. "It was something about papa..." The girl looked at him searchingly, reaching up to cup his face.

"What reminded you?" Noin's voice was so soft, as if she was trying to be careful not to dislodge the thought.

Nataku looked a little helpless, "I don't know, I just was looking at Papa and..." She glanced at him sideways. It was all she needed. She blinked and saw a shard of a memory. Uncle Duo crashing through the window and the look of surprise on her father's face. "I stamped my foot." She said, staring at her father. She held onto his dark eyes, let the memory expand. "Uncle Duo was surprised." In her mind, she watched him jerk hard. He stared at her. "He said something..." She let her eyes close, trying to watch her memory. In her own mind, she saw doves fly. She opened her eyes and stared at her father. "We..."

Her father's head tilted. Nataku frowned.

"He said..."

She squeezed her eyes shut tightly.

Uncle Duo was on his knees, he'd jerked and his eyes were wide. His lips moved once and a great sadness appeared. She drew a breath. He turned his head, blinked and shot into motion. Within moments, the nurses were on the ground and glass was exploding into the corridor.

Nataku shook her head.

Uncle Duo was on his knees. He'd jerked. His eyes were wide open. His lips moved once...

"We ..." He was saying, "... all the..."

Doves flew in her mind.

... a great sadness appeared over his face.

Nataku had drawn a breath. By the time she'd let it out, Duo was crashing through the window and fighting with her father.

She opened her eyes, and looked at her father. She breathed out, "We killed all the doves ..." She looked at Noin, "Uncle Duo said that we killed all the doves." She looked down, shaking her head. "No. He said a bigger word..." She raised her hands to her own face, cupping it over her eyes. "He said a bigger word." She crouched down, and felt her father's warm hand on her back.

"It's ok, Nataku." He said calmly, "Look carefully."

She dropped her hands and looked at him, "It was a big word and I had to look it up. It means killed when you use it like he did."

"Do you need a dictionary?" Noin knelt by her as well. "Would that help?"

"No..." Nataku let her eyes closed, "It was a big word. It meant killed. We killed all the doves."

She felt her father's hand lift off her back slowly. She glanced at him, and saw a thought appear in his eyes. His frown faded and a great sadness appeared in his eyes. He looked up at Heero. She watched as Heero blinked and it seemed realisation dawned on him. His lips were drawn in a grim line. She looked between them, and looked at her father. "What?"

"You've terminated all the doves in the federation."

She blinked and looked at Heero, confused by his quiet tone. She frowned and tilted her head, "He didn't say all of that..." She nodded, "But 'terminated' was the big word."

"No. Duo didn't say that." Heero said, his voice cool. "But that's what Wufei said... the day we all attacked New Edwards Base." He nodded, "All of us... except you."

Wufei closed his eyes, "Because I'd seen through the trap."

Heero clenched a fist and hit the wall. "This is my fault." He ground out, angrily. His head fell forward. "This is my fault!" He stood still for a moment before walking out.

They all were still as they heard doors slam on Heero's exit. Noin reached out to touch Nataku's shoulder. The girl looked at Noin, "Did I do something wrong?"

Noin dipped her head, shaking it. "No. No, you've done the best you could have done." She glanced at Wufei, "It wasn't anyone's fault..."

"New Edwards Base." Zechs stood, sighing heavily. "Treize's little ploy." He looked down at the little girl, she looked fearful. "You couldn't have known what it meant."

Nataku stood and curled her arms around her father.

* * *

"You're worrying the nurses."

Heero blinked and refocused his eyes on the reflections in the window. Sally was stood behind him. She moved a little closer, joining him by the window. They were stood in a corridor, same floor as Duo's room. She smiled faintly as she looked out across the cityscape. "I took this shift, because I wanted to check on Duo. He had a very busy couple of days." She glanced at him, "I also found out you were here quite late recently. I wanted a chance to talk to you."

He didn't answer.

"Wufei called." She shrugged, "Told me that you've cracked the mystery of the doves." Sally looked at his reflection, and saw how his lips paled as he pressed them together. "Told me you thought it was your fault."

"I killed them."

"I know. We all know." She looked out across the city, "New Edwards was a massive betrayal for all of us. Trieze used you to smash the Federation open like an egg. He used our leaders' deaths to threaten the colonies. He used our own failure to protect our leaders to push OZ forward." She reached out and touched the glass with her hand, "It was a masterful sweeping move which changed the entire war's direction. We were all affected by it."

"Duo was almost killed by someone who thought he was me. They were getting revenge for something I did."

She looked at him, "You think so."

Heero frowned, his blue eyes hard. She could see he was convinced. "Duo has all but confirmed it."

Her eyes narrowed, "So why does Duo remember the shooter with OZ boots?"

That snapped him out of it. Sally watched as Heero blinked, and turned his whole mind on the problem. She threw more data into the machine of his mind, "OZ boots, OZ Bullets, OZ slogans. Could have been an OZ pilot. We've got that confirmed from Duo's memories, from the fragments we retrieved from his skull." She clenched her fist on the window, "I was Federation, I don't blame you for New Edwards... After the war, it all came out. We knew Trieze was to blame."

The machine mind slowed and stopped. Heero raised a hand to pinch his nose. "Why would he mistake Duo for me?" He closed his eyes, "Duo is visibly very different from me. It doesn't make sense for him to mistake him."

Sally lifted her hand from the glass, "Duo is still remembering. I'll get all the details from Wufei, and talk to him tomorrow."

"I'll be there."

She shook her head, "I'll be doing it as a preventer, Heero. I'll need to do this without you."

He frowned, "I can help."

"Yes, you can." She agreed, "But I think you need to think carefully how you deep you want to get into this investigation. There are going to be points when a civilian consultant won't be able to help." She tilted her head, "When I question Duo, I'll be looking to do it to gain evidence for a trial. I don't want you prompting him."

He looked out the window, and didn't react when she touched his shoulder.

Sally frowned, "You've got good skills, I'll ask Wufei to get you clearance as a civilian consultant and get you looking at the computer records you're cleared for."

He glanced at her.

Her expression saddened as she understood, "You wanted out, Heero. Keep it that way."

He looked beyond her, his eyes looking into the distance. "Duo needs me to be there for him."

"Yes." She nodded, "Exactly."

He glanced at her. "He needs me to be there for him now."

"You don't need to sacrifice this peace you've found." She shook her head, "Civilian consultancy is a good level of clearance. You'll do a lot."

She was surprised by the soft expression, a sort of regretful smile. He shook his head, and began to walk away.

Sally watched him as he walked down the corridor. "Heero!"

He paused and glanced over his shoulder, "This is something I'm good at."

* * *

It was late, but she got up anyway. It was her business line and it was the urgent notification. She pulled on her dressing gown and made her way down the dark corridor to her study. The office was kitted out with everything she would need to work from home on the rare occasions she was away from the office. Tying her sash tighter, Une brushed loose hair behind her ears and slid into her desk chair. She flicked a button and the screen illuminated. The call connected, and Wufei's look was grim. Une nodded, "What do you need, Captain Chang?"

He glanced off screen and moved over as Heero Yuy slid into sight. Heero's hard blue eyes were piercing. "I want to re-enlist."

She blinked, her face still in an effort not to betray her surprise. "You need to tell me this at ..." She glanced off to her clock, "1am Earth time?"

He didn't answer.

She tilted her head, "What did you find out?"

"Duo has linked the shooter to the New Edwards Base attack."

Swallowing in reflex, Une felt her heart skip a beat. It was an important event to all sides of war. She nodded, understanding now, "And you need access to the sealed wartime records." He didn't answer, and she nodded like he had answered. "Civilian consultancy clearance won't cut it. You will need to re-enlist under an active division."

He looked down briefly then met her eyes with a cool fury. "I won't kill for you again. I'm not coming back as Active Duty."

She nodded slowly, "I know that." Une smiled faintly, "You want to help. For Duo?"

His eyes narrowed, he was impatient.

She brought up her Preventer access on her desk computer. "I'm bringing you in under Cyber Security, on your previous rank." She glanced up and smiled sharply, "Your credentials are on their way. You'll have clearance within 12 hours." She met his eye, her expression sobering. "I'm instructing you to inform the others that their previous ranks are open to them under a division of their choosing. Get the message to me, as you did tonight." She made a few notations on her desk computer, "I've opened their credentials to be activated at any time."

"They won't—"

"I know that look," she interrupted him. "We both know." She nodded slowly, "You're Gundam, and you've got your instructions."

He let out a breath in a sigh and gave a small nod. She saw Wufei's hand clasp his shoulder.

"Welcome back to the Preventers, Captain Yuy." She tilted her head up, her eyes narrowed. "Find the bastard, pilot."

* * *

Her little face was illuminated by his tablet. Wufei paused by the door, watching his daughter in the living room. His little girl was curled up on a chair, her hand making gestures on the machine. She was frowning deeply. He glanced at his watch, it was extremely late and he was very glad she wouldn't have to go to school the next day. He stepped in and moved to sit on the chair's arm. She looked up at him, "I knew about this event. I could have connected this." Her dark eyes were filled with exhaustion and tears. "I knew, I should have—"

"No." He said, standing. "No. You shouldn't have known." He stooped and scooped her into his arms. He sat down in the chair with her, and cradled his little girl. He rested his cheek on her crown, and looked down at the tablet. She had a wiki page open about The New Edwards Event. He scanned the page. "No, you shouldn't have known."

"We tell stories about it at school," Her voice was tight, filled with self-recrimination. "Sjobol's wining the competition with his story about General Septem. I could have—"

"Shh." He held her and closed his eyes. "There was nothing you could have done differently."

They sat like that for a long time.

Nataku's voice was small when she spoke next. "Would you have done it differently?"

Wufei opened his eyes and stared into the darkness. He thought about it for a while. The light on the tablet dimmed and then switched off entirely while he thought. "No." He said finally, "There was nothing I could have done. I was too late." He raised a hand to brush her cheek, "If Heero hadn't killed them, it would have been one of the others – it could have been me. Trieze had been very clever, and he had made it impossible for any other option to happen."

"Uncle Heero blamed himself a lot." Nataku's voice was almost a whisper. "I heard about it at school ... He went around to the whole Noventa family, offering to let them kill him. He was trying to make it right." She looked up at him, "If the bad guy shot Uncle Duo because of Uncle Heero, what will he do now?"

She blinked at the small smile on her father's face. Wufei met his daughter's gaze firmly.

"He will do his best to make it right." He hugged her, pressing her little head against his chest protectively. "I will do my best to make sure of it."

Wufei looked out into the darkness.

"We all will."

* * *

_::For we are all that is left ::_

_::The echo bounces off me ::_

_::The shadow lost beside me ::_

_::There's no more need to pretend ::_

_::Cause now I can begin again::_

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for your reviews, and for being here still! I thank you in advance for your review on this latest chapter!_


	34. Can't Have It All

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: Nine years ago, they said 'Good bye'. Now they are summoned back. Has time healed their rift? Can they ever fix their broken friendships? What does it mean to be Gundam, when a Gundam Pilot lies dying?

**Warnings**: I'm a slash writer; in my view some characters are not heterosexual. This may be different from your own interpretation of the characters. I hope you enjoy the story, despite our disagreement and I thank you for staying with me, despite Chapter 9 being your safe stopping point.

**Song**: Garbage – The World is Not Enough

* * *

_::People like us ::_

_::Know how to survive ::_

_::There's no point in living ::_

_::If you can't feel the life ::_

_::We know when to kiss ::_

_::And we know when to kill ::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 33: Can't Have It All**

_::If we can't have it all ::_

_::Then nobody will::_

* * *

The city was beautiful.

Duo watched as streets and people whirled past as the limo drove through the city. It was not the first time he'd left the hospital, but it was the first time he'd been given permission to leave the hospital for longer than an hour. He was given five hours. He'd asked for a dinner date with Nataku. In the months since his waking, Duo had fought hard to get to this point. He'd been disappointed by the summer months. His body unable to get strong enough to let him leave for periods of time; he'd fought infections and fatigue. Nataku's school sports day had come and passed, leave Duo with nothing but a hooked up TV monitor and Heero's presence to watch it.

It had been a sunny, perfect day and he'd been laid up in bed with a stupid cold which had left him too weak to even be wheeled out in a chair. He'd been furious, and it had been the push he needed to push himself harder. He swallowed, feeling the emotion knot in his throat.

The little girl had come straight back to the hospital after her day, beaming and excited by her father's participation and their struggles during the day. Duo had been so disappointed that he couldn't join them.

So here they were.

Months later, many hours of training and recovery and finally, Duo would walk with a crutch for support rather than need and could endure the environment outside of the hospital. He had five hours. Duo smiled faintly as he changed his focus and looked at his reflection. Dinner out of the hospital, with his friends. It wasn't something he thought he'd experience again. He stared at the city, the night was coming. It was coming into the winter months.

"How are you doing?"

Sally Po's voice broke him out of his thoughts. Duo turned his head to look at her. In her formal Preventers uniform, she was dressed up for the evening but her large medical bag couldn't hide her real reason for joining the dinner date. He smiled tiredly at her.

"I'm fine, just a little overwhelmed." He said honestly, "But I'm okay."

"Good, keep me updated." She nodded, "You've had a long route to recovery." She smiled warmly, "Almost there."

"Let's hope so." Duo nodded and glanced at Quatre. The blonde man was seated in front of them, dressed handsomely. Quatre was looking out the window as well, the street lights catching his golden hair. He had a distracted smile on his face. As if realising Duo was looking at him, Quatre turned his head and smiled warmly. Duo smiled back, shifting in his seat to sit more comfortably. "So, where are we going after we pick up the guys?"

"We'll be heading to our restaurant." Quatre answered. He glanced over at Nataku, the little girl was sitting primly beside him. "And since this is a dinner date it would be impolite to spoil the surprise."

The little girl looked up at him brightly, "Did you pick our restaurant?"

"No, I left that to Heero." Quatre smiled to the girl, "I did arrange our transport."

A little nervously, Nataku laughed quietly, "I like limos." She leant forward toward Quatre, as if confiding in him, "Papa says they're big silly cars, but I kinda like them a lot." She looked around the spacious vehicle. "It's kinda magical..."

"I know," Quatre was gently smug. "That's why I picked it." He leant over to confide in her, "Only the best for a Gundam family dinner date." He tipped his head to Duo, "but you can thank Duo – it was his idea for us to all go out."

The girl's dress sparkled as she laughed again. Her hair was simply plaited, and she was wide eyed in her excitement. She looked at Duo, "Thank you!"

He shook his head, "No need to thank me, little lady – I've missed way too many birthdays and stuff." Duo chuckled to himself, he held up a finger to wag at her. "This is just the start of us catching up!"

Her smile could have lit up the limo.

* * *

"Are you ready to go?"

Heero looked up from his tablet device and glanced at Wufei. He nodded once, and tapped a last set of commands into the device. Wufei pulled on his dress uniform gloves, and adjusted his long coat. He looked up at the massive display screen that Heero used as a notice board. It seemed like a random jumble of data entries, but Wufei could see the pattern that Heero was beginning to construct. He frowned as his eyes landed on an entry. He tapped the entry to expand the notes on it. "This is from the war."

Heero nodded, as he pulled on his own long coat and adjusted his collar and tie. "Someone has been looking for information about me, specifically for entries where my actions intersected with Duo's." He ran a hand through his hair in a half-hearted attempt to tame it. "But the searches seem to be random, more checking where I am rather than who. It's an OZ based search, but that's all I can confirm at this point."

"How are you picking out the specific attempts?" Wufei flicked through some other entries.

"The searcher is always looking for me first, then Duo. The search for my name is always followed swiftly by a request for Duo's. The search is complete after the searcher has found information about us. Never any other pilots." Heero packed his tablet into a bag and joined Wufei at the notice screen. He pointed to a batch of commands. "There are thousands of similar searches – so I've programmed the system to filter out any searches that don't meet those parameters." He pulled the bag over his shoulder. "It's still going to take some time."

Wufei nodded and they moved toward the door. "How are you doing?"

Heero glanced out the window; the lights of L2 were bright from the tall vantage point of Preventers L2 Headquarters. He gave a small sigh, "It's strange to be back, but..." He seemed conflicted for a moment, "It's not as bad as I fear." He looked at Wufei, "You've done a lot of good... there aren't so many fires to fight."

Wufei nodded, "The Preventers are getting better at preventing than reacting." He smiled faintly as he pushed the button for the lift. "I'm pleased that your return to this position hasn't caused you too much stress." The lift doors dinged as they opened, and Wufei motioned Heero to enter first. "Dare I say? It almost seems like it agrees with you."

Heero shrugged, adjusting his tie. "My therapist agrees, he has suggested the routine is what I needed."

Wufei nodded and glanced at his watch. Their investigation was crawling along. It hadn't stopped, but Heero's input had helped significantly. Wufei and Sally had remained lead investigators, but Noin and Zechs had been pulled into other L2 investigations. They still had a link to the case, but it was a drain on resources for all of them to focus on it all the time. Months had passed since their last solid lead and while Duo had improved, his memory had not. It was slipping towards cold case status.

The doors slid open, and they signed out of the building. The air was crisp and Wufei took some amusement in watching his breath cloud. He stared out across the street, looking out for the limo bearing his friends and daughter. Heero popped his long coat's collar and pulled out the tablet. Wufei could see he was checking the progress of the search he was running. He looked out across the street again; "Sally mentioned she thinks that Duo may be out of the hospital within a year or so."

Heero nodded absently, "It's in keeping with the projected timeline of his recovery."

"How are you feeling about that?"

Heero looked up from his tablet. Wufei had his head turned, vaguely uncomfortable with the intimacy of the conversation but concerned enough to ask. Heero found a faint smile, "I'm okay." He swallowed, "I am nervous, but Duo and I have discussed his leaving the hospital a few times." He paused, thinking for a moment and then said softly, "He agrees with my assessment and has welcomed my assistance."

Wufei nodded, "I'm glad." He nodded again tightly, "If you ever need help..."

"Thank you."

They looked down as a taxi pulled up. Trowa stepped out, nodding as he paid the driver. He glanced up the steps and held a hand out in a wave to his friends. He chuckled lightly as they stepped down to join him, "I feel significantly under-dressed." He motioned his suit's collar, which he'd left unbuttoned.

Heero straightened his tie again, "Don't be jealous, ties are a pain."

Trowa snorted. He glanced up at the imposing Preventers building, "How is your investigation going?"

"As well as can be expected with no leads." Wufei answered, he shrugged. "How's the project?"

"We've stripped the old rainmakers for all useable parts and are now sorting through the scrap for usable metal." Trowa stuck his gloved hands into the pockets of his winter coat, a smile warming his dull green eyes. "It feels like we're getting somewhere."

Wufei made a faintly frustrated noise, "I wish we could say the same for Duo's shooter."

Trowa nodded, "You are both working hard." He looked down the street for a moment, thinking. "If you need help, let me know. I want this man found."

"We all do." Heero replied, "but thank you. I'm sure all of our skills will be needed before the end."

"Let's hope it doesn't come to that." Wufei held an arm up to wave as he spotted the limo. He glanced at Trowa, "You've found a good peace."  
"I'll defend it to my last breath," Trowa smiled lopsidedly, "but nothing will stop me from hunting this bastard, if I can help."

* * *

"Heero, buddy-oh-pal-o-mine... a quick question?"

He glanced over toward Duo. The long haired man's pale face was softly lit by the lights from the restaurant. They were stood on the pavement outside the restaurant, stood together as Quatre gave instructions to the driver. Duo was stood, looked pale but strong. He was using his crutch lightly, carefully standing so to not crinkle his suit's sleeves. Heero nodded. "Yes?"

"So, when I asked you to find somewhere good ... you picked our destination. So, we're all dressed up in black tie, because you're picking this posh restaurant." Duo leant on his crutch, motioning his bow tie with his free hand, "And you're like, we're going to need to be all fancy. I'm going to be straight with you, I own like three suits..." His strange coloured eyes were warm. "And this is the suit I wear when I'm meeting super important people..."

"I understand."

There was a sly smile growing on Duo's lips, "And I'll kindly point out the little lady here," He motioned Nataku, "She bought this sparkly dress special for this very occasion... so when you were picking out restaurants, you picked out this one."

"Yes, I did." Heero reached up to straighten his tie. "You like the food here."

"That I do, Heero my man, that I do." He leant over his crutch and a wicked smile lit up his face, "Thank you for not picking some poncy ass restaurant." Duo straightened and extended his elbow to Nataku, "If it pleases madam." He said in a posh accent, "Shall we?"

Nataku chuckled and reached up to take his offered arm, "We shall!"

Duo struck out on his crutch, moving fairly smoothly, "Now, I haven't had much of a chance to find out, but are you a hot-dog or a hamburger kinda gal?"

The little girl raised an eyebrow in a good imitation of her father, "Please. It's all about the nuggets." She grinned as Duo made a face.

"Nuggets?!" Duo rolled his eyes theatrically. Looking up for a brief moment, he sobered and then leant down to tip her chin up. He stared into her dark eyes searchingly. "Little Lady, you promise me you order what you want from this menu – even if it's just a mountain of nuggets."

She blinked in surprised at his sudden serious expression. "And chocolate milk?"

He stroked her cheek and the sober moment faded away. Duo grinned, "Now you're talking my language." He motioned the doors, "You get those open for me and there's no stopping us!"

Wufei watched as his daughter ran ahead of Duo to push open the diner's doors. He stepped up to Heero, raising an eyebrow in a decent imitation of his daughter. "One spot of chip grease on my dress uniform, Yuy, I'm holding you to the dry cleaning bill." Sally laughed and looped her arm through Wufei's and dragged him away, followed swiftly by Trowa. Quatre put his hands in his pockets and stared up at the neon sign. He stood by Heero and looked over to catch a glimpse of Heero's soft smile.

"You turned down all my suggestions for a fast food dive?" Quatre raised an eyebrow, "I was serious about picking up the tab."

"But here we can eat with fingers and it doesn't matter because nobody cares how old you are." Heero shrugged. "And you can get some good chocolate milk here."

"Nataku can hold a fork; she would have been able to handle a more mature restaurant." Quatre blinked as Heero looked at him, expression still. He paused, thought and then raised a pale hand to pinch his nose. "Duo."

Heero nodded again.

Quatre shook his head, smiling fondly. "I'm glad he asked you to pick somewhere. I would have messed it up."

"You guys?" They both looked to the doors, and Duo leant out. "We're ordering food, and they've got this deal, so do you want regular fries or curly fries?"

Quatre and Heero looked at each other, and then at Duo. Quatre tilted his head and glanced at Heero once again, "I'm going to go out on a limb here and say: What are curly fries?"

"What...?" Dumbstruck, Duo stared at him for a long moment. "Get... get in here, right now." His expression turned to comic outrage. "You need a curly fries intervention. Stat."

* * *

The seats were squeaky to sit on and an outrageous shade of red. The waitress was a mix of star-struck and amused as she took the orders from the party of seven. The milkshakes were frothy, the food was awesome. Duo loved every minute of it. He sat hanging off every word of Nataku's serious lecture on the merits of the humble chicken nugget, was amazed by Trowa's rebuttal in favour of the cheesy hot dog. He sat back, watching the table, watching as Quatre filched extra curly fries from Trowa's plate, clearly very addicted. Wufei was still tackling his double stacked hamburger primly with his knife and fork, much to Sally's obvious amusement. Duo's plate was clear but for a half eaten chicken nugget and a greasy onion ring. Heero's vanilla milkshake was halfway gone, while Duo's second chocolate shake was nothing but a frothy remnant. Heero leant back, next to Duo, clearly engrossed in the dessert menu. It was a strangely quiet moment, like Duo was watching it all on TV.

"Are you okay?"

Heero's voice was low, and Duo looked over at him. Heero still seemed to be reading the menu. Duo smiled, "Yeah. This is great." He gestured the table loosely and spoke in a low voice, "This is like it should have been all along." He shifted, trying not to betray his exhaustion but knowing it would be time to admit defeat. Heero's shoulder was solid and close. He smiled, willing his eyes to stay open. "This'll do for now."

Heero blinked and looked up from his menu, Duo was leaning against his shoulder. "You look tired."

"I am, and it's time to go." Duo admitted, "But let me just enjoy this for now." He nodded slightly, "Look at 'em. I missed it."

Heero glanced across the table, looking at the others. He glanced down at Duo, "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Duo's eyes looked dull to Heero. Duo smiled faintly, "But I guess it's time to go. I don't want to let go of this feeling, but ..." He glanced up, "Time's up."

Heero put his menu down and thought for a moment. He shifted slightly, bringing his arm up and around Duo. "Rest, we'll leave soon."

Duo pressed a cheek against Heero's chest, thankful for the support. He stared across Heero's chest, looking at the Preventer logo. Heero's name was stitched above his shiny badge, and the light glinted off it. Duo watched it for a long time, remembering his own shiny badge. For a moment, he felt honest regret. He'd been proud of joining the Preventers, proud of being someone who could do something about the injustices of the world. Proud of being someone who could save people still—

_"Don't have to save anyone anymore."_

- Proud of being useful. He was someone people could count on. He blinked, the sounds of the diner muting. He heard a heart beat – Heero's – and he listened carefully.

_"Don't have to sacrifice yourself."_

The letters of Heero's surname was stitched in a gold thread. He blinked and saw another name, stitched on another coat. The light was orange. The once-golden threat was almost black with dirt. The coat had been a pilot's coat which was now the winter coat. Red washed over his sight.

"It's not ketchup..."

Duo blinked slowly, aware he had spoken, but not sure.

"Not... ketch..."

* * *

It wasn't ketchup.

Duo stared at his bloody fingers, and then focused beyond. A word was stitched to the jacket, it was a name. It wasn't ketchup. The man was knelt in front of him. Red washed over his vision. It wasn't ketchup. Duo felt his hand drop, and he stared at the man. White eye staring blankly, brown eye filled with hate.

Doves flew in his mind.

Duo felt the darkness approaching. The man stood.

It wasn't ketchup.

The man tilted his head.

He spoke.

There were doves in the air.

But Duo tried to focus on the word. On the name.

The lettering was stitched. It wasn't ketchup. It wasn't ketchup.

Duo could feel it all slipping away.

Couldn't think.

Red washed over his eye.

The word wasn't ketchup.

It was stitched on his coat.

It wasn't ketchup.

Duo stared, and took a step back. He was in the darkness of the memory.

He could imagine his body, lying in the dirty alley. Could see the back of his shooter walking away.

Here was a new clue. A new thought. Duo grasped on to it. He needed to bring this memory with him. Needed to give this memory to Heero. Heero who'd given up his peace to join the Preventers again, to find his shooter. Duo needed to help him, help Wufei who'd moved his family here. Couldn't let them down again.

Darkness came again. The memory blurred.

Duo held on to what he could.

It wasn't ketchup...

He had to hold on, Wufei and Heero needed it.

It wasn't ketchup ... And it was a name on the shooter's coat.

* * *

The first thing that came back was a warm feeling. He was warm.

Vision sort of came back, he was in a bright place – not his hospital bed, somewhere where the lights were warm and old, and made shiny metal glitter as the blurred forms of what he took to be people moved about. A surface, littered with many objects was in front of him.

Cold fingers pressed against his neck, and he knew he was ok. Thoughts began to surface again, and he was able to guess. He could hear voices, couldn't make sense of them, but could hear people talking. The fingers were cold, but the arm around his shoulders was solid and warm. He turned his head, and stared at the scarred hand gripping his shoulder. A thought floated up, he relaxed. He was safe because the scarred hand was here. That meant Heero was here, which meant he was safe. He turned his head again and found the hard blue eyes. Very safe. He tried to smile, and felt the darkness come again.

He opened his mouth to try and tell Heero he was ok, but nothing came out. He swallowed slowly, mouth dry, throat drier. He's been out for a long time.

A flash made him turn his head, and he heard Quatre swear. It almost made him laugh; the boy he knew would never had uttered such a foul phrase. He could see the window, and couldn't see much as the window lit up with flashes of light. It brought a memory of mobile dolls to him, and he cringed. Every little explosion of light, a life wiped out by the damned dolls. It was all such a waste. Darkness threatened. He could hear Trowa and Quatre, they were shouting at the people outside.

Cold fingers under his chin again, his pulse was taken again. He opened his eyes again, surprised to find they'd shut again. Sally leant toward him, her smile was regretful. "How are you doing, Duo?"

He couldn't answer and she knew it.

She looked at her watch, "The ambulance will be here soon. We'll get you out of here."

"I'm so sorry," he heard a woman speaking, "I'm assuring you, as soon as I find out which of my staff leaked this information, I will personally deal with them..."

"Okay, thank you." Sally replied, standing and moving the manager away. Duo stared at the table dully, a small hand reached out and stole his half eaten chicken nugget. He followed the nugget, as it was dipped into mayo and then up as Nataku ate it. She was nervous, head down. Her father sat near her, arm around her. Her head was tilted away from cameras jostling at the window for another shot of the famous Gundam Five. She caught his eye and offered him a small, brave smile. He pulled himself up, out of the darkness that was coming again. He could be as brave as her, could be brave for her. He sat a little straighter, and the restaurant was ablaze with white lightning as he offered a better angle. Reaching out, Duo's shaking hand touched her golden little hand.

He smiled lopsidedly, "I'm sorry."

Nataku blinked in surprise, "It's okay." She glanced up at her father, who was calmly sipping from his coffee. "Papa had to go through a lot of this too after Mommy died." She made a small uncomfortable expression, "Like it's so important to see you eat a chicken nugget."

He sighed, and was grateful that Heero was still holding on. He glanced at Heero, "How long was I out?"

"Not for very long, it was the fact we couldn't wake you when the photographers arrived that concerned us." Heero seemed calm, "When you are feeling better, we'd like to be able to move you into the ambulance. The manager is happy for you to go around the back."

"And the little lady?"

"She'll be going with you." Wufei answered, "The rest of us will go out the front to provide some cover."

"Cover." Duo glanced at the girl, trying to bring up a brave smile. "Ready for some duck and cover?"

Nataku looked nervous, but nodded. "I practiced my combat rolls." Wufei frowned down at her and she looked up, "You gotta know good combat rolls. I'm a Gundam kid, I can't just do normal rolls in PE. Sjobol says—"

"Ah. No." Wufei held up a hand, struggling to keep his expression serious. "No, I do not care what Sjobol thinks that a 'Gundam Kid' should be able to do."

Nataku leant against him, "Sjobol thinks I should be able to take apart a gun blindfolded."

Duo laughed, and Heero smiled briefly before his expression turned thoughtful. He stared at Nataku for a moment. Wufei shook his head and caught Heero's expression, he wagged a finger at the man. "No, she should not know that."

"I think it's a valuable skill." Heero countered, "And we could teach her a good many different skills which could be used in a—"

"No." Wufei wrapped his arms around his daughter, pulling her toward him, prompting another storm of flashes.

Duo grinned and winked at the girl, he motioned himself and mouthed, "I'll teach you." He smiled fondly, when her expression turned confused. Reaching out, he ruffled the girl's hair. "Clearly," he said aloud, "The first thing we need to teach you is lip-reading."

"No, no teaching!" Wufei laughed, covering his daughter's eyes and pulling her to his chest protectively, "Especially not from you!"

* * *

It was rude, but I couldn't drag my eyes away. My neighbour was completely unaware of me, engrossed in the news story. They had it wrong again, I noticed. Mixing them up again, but that was their choice. They chose to perpetrate the lie, it was a cover story. I knew the truth. It was fine. Oh, but... His eyes were so sad, he looked so lost. He was trying so hard, I could see.

My flight was going to take another few hours to reach its destination. Coming back to L2 was strange, almost alien. When I left, I had been so troubled. I admit, it had been a shock when I realised how troubled he was. I was thrown, this man who was so confident, so amazing. He'd been so brave, all the way through the wars. His doctor had changed him, turned him into a machine, and he'd rose from the ashes of his Gundam to become this shining light. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep when he first told me he wanted to die. I stopped everything; I couldn't deal with that knowledge. I admit it. I even stopped taking my medication. I-I was so desperate... I had to... I tried to talk him out of it.

But he was adamant, even went on camera to tell the whole world that he needed my help. He saved my life. How could I not help him save his own?

I'd fled L2 after I shot him. He'd lived, but I wasn't strong enough to return and finish the job. I needed downtime, and I took it. I got help. My new routine was helpful, putting everything back into order. I was able to function again. I realise I made a mistake, I know.

I had felt bad for leaving him alive. He had been unlucky, ducking just out of the way in his surprise. Automatic reaction, to be expected from such a high calibre solider. I knew he hadn't been expecting me, but that was okay. He knew I was coming, but hadn't known the particulars. We'd both agreed that I couldn't be caught, not for helping him. He couldn't have known when and where I was going to help him. I remember how he'd pleaded for death, every message he sent me had been so filled with regret, with a desire for it to all end. I knew. I just hadn't been stable enough to make the shot count, nor ready to check that he was gone before fleeing.

I could fix it. I could see how tired he was of trying to be brave. They'd kept him away, locked up.

He didn't need to be so brave, he didn't need to save anyone anymore.

So scared of hell, but he's not going there. I can make sure of it. He's saved so many of us, we can lift him up.

He'd saved my life once; I owed him a life away from the horrors, from the loneliness, from everything. He needed a new life, a chance to get away.

He didn't have to keep surviving. I could save him.

He'd done enough; he's done everything, given everything. I know what he wants.

This time, I've got it steady. I can plan now, I've got it straight.

The news cuts away from the footage of the restaurant, cuts to more mundane things. But I've understood his message, he knew I was watching.

He's waiting for me.

He needs me to help him.

This time, I'll make sure to send him to heaven.

* * *

_::I know what to show ::_

_::And what to conceal ::_

_::I know when to talk ::_

_::And I know when to touch ::_

_::No-one ever died from wanting too much::_

* * *

_A/N: Egh, I have no excuses but profound writer's block. I promised myself I wouldn't post chapters unless I was totally happy with the next two chapters. A sort of quality control kinda thing. I offer the reassurance that I do know where this is going and have at least written the outline for the story completely, I just haven't written the main body of it. I do apologise for the delay, and look forward to your review as always. Thank you!_


	35. Reap What You Sow

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: Nine years ago, they said 'Good bye'. Now they are summoned back. Has time healed their rift? Can they ever fix their broken friendships? What does it mean to be Gundam, when a Gundam Pilot lies dying?

**Warnings**: I'm a slash writer; in my view some characters are not heterosexual. This may be different from your own interpretation of the characters. I hope you enjoy the story, despite our disagreement and I thank you for staying with me, despite Chapter 9 being your safe stopping point.

**Song**: Miriam Stockley - Wishing on a Star (10th Kingdom Version)

* * *

_::And I wish on all the rainbows that I see ::_

_::I wish on all the people who really dream ::_

_::And I'm wishing on tomorrow praying never comes ::_

_::And I'm wishing on all the loving we've never done ::_

_::I never thought I'd see ::_

_::A time when you would be ::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 34: Reap what you sow**

_::So far away from home ::_

_::So far away from me ::_

* * *

At the end of the work day, Trowa was sat on the stairs when Quatre pulled up.

The tall man was reading a newspaper, his winter coat buttoned tightly against the biting cold. Quatre was late, but Trowa didn't look like he'd been waiting long. He stood and rolled up the newspaper when he spotted Quatre's car pull up. Quatre kept the motor running as Trowa picked up his Styrofoam cup and bag. Trowa nodded his head and smiled ruefully, "You look like you've had a bad day." He commented as he got comfortable in the passenger seat.

The blonde man looked like he was barely holding his temper in check, a cool blue eye roved over the newspaper. "Ugh." Quatre grunted, "Don't tell me you're reading that..."

"It's entertaining gossip, apparently I'm sleeping with you to get L3 back on its feet." Trowa unrolled the newspaper, indicating the unflattering picture of a furious Quatre pointing. "You're angry because we were caught kissing."

"Really." His voice hard, Quatre slipped on sunglasses and indicated to pull out. "Have they got nothing better to do with their time?" He huffed before glancing at Trowa, "You don't seem annoyed."

Trowa's voice was deadpan as he flicked over a page, "I'm very annoyed they spelt your middle name wrong again." That seemed to break Quatre's dour mood, and the blonde man chuckled. Trowa nodded and folded the newspaper up, "To be honest, I tried to get angry about it... and then realised that would put me in a bad mood, which would make tonight's date a little shitty..." Trowa shrugged, "So I decided to ignore it tonight and try to care more about it tomorrow."

"That's a good plan." Quatre smiled slightly, "I got very angry about it... so, WEI lawyers are descending as we speak on a number of those rags. Any money they made is rapidly going to be redirected to better causes."

"Attack Lawyers deployed!" Trowa smirked, "Well played."

"Thank you." The car idled at stop light and Quatre reached out to touch Trowa's thigh. "Seriously, thank you."

Trowa covered his hand briefly, before the light changed colour. Quatre shifted gear, and they sat in silence as Quatre navigated the twists and turns until they got back to the complex which was rapidly becoming known as the Gundam Apartments. Trowa had secured the smaller penthouse suite that Quatre had rejected some months before, using the money from his raise to cover the more expensive rent. It wasn't too difficult, but Trowa appreciated the small things that Quatre did to alleviate the financial pressures – such as the regular lifts to and from work.

They were still working on their relationship, trying to find equal footing. Quatre's therapy was progressing well, and Trowa was glad to have the chance to join him on occasion so that they could work on their previous relationship's break down. Trowa was beginning to feel like he understood Quatre again, understand his moods and movements.

Dinner was a simple affair, as it was their allocated date night. It was a night they used to sit and talk, to catch up with one another. It was a strategy suggested by Quatre's therapist; a method for them both to communicate with one another on a basic level. It wasn't just about talking deeply; it was also about the small things that happened. Trowa enjoyed the night; it was fun to help Quatre unwind from a stressful day and it was balanced by Quatre's interest in how the scrap project was going from a mechanic's point of view. Quatre was fascinated in the minutiae of Trowa's department's work on the disabled rainmakers. It was a small thing, but Trowa found it useful to share. It helped him with the feelings of inadequacy that lingered on.

He tilted his glass, watching the wine roll in it.

Quatre had finished his glass and was lost in thought, sitting on the sofa. His brilliant eyes were dulled by the wine, but looked so soft. A gentle smile lingered on Quatre's lips, an expression so sweet, like a cool wind on the desert. Trowa was brought back and felt it again. Felt that feeling that coiled in his stomach that first time he walked away from the blonde prince in his desert fortress. Trowa set down his glass carefully, and shifted to kneel by Quatre. It brought the blonde man out of his thoughts as Trowa lent over him, dull green eyes fixed on his own.

Trowa wondered if Quatre could feel the heat rising in him. Wondered if it mattered he had no fancy words. Quatre's lips parted as if to speak. Trowa lent in further.

This was not a gentle kiss.

It was hard, bruising almost.

Quatre's eyes were wide when it broke, both of them gasping for air. He had to swallow before speaking, "The wine..."

"It doesn't matter." Trowa moved in again, this time demanding more.

Pale hands on his shoulders barely stopped him.

"We're..."

"Tell me to stop." Trowa stared, his voice firm. "I'm ready, but tell me to stop."

Brilliant blue eyes turned liquid and dark and dangerous. Pale lips twisted, uncertain. "The wine."

Trowa pressed his lips against an ear, "Makes it easier to say... want you." Quatre's pale neck tipped back, Trowa didn't resist the urge to lick and lap at the soft flesh. Pale strong fingers pulled in his hair, and he was confronted by brilliant blue eyes.

Quatre searched his eyes, looking dangerous.

"Okay."

* * *

Quatre was doing his tie up when Trowa's alarm started going. He glanced over to the man in his bed. Trowa was lying on his front, with his face buried in the pillow. Quatre remembered a brief moment in time, looking down on his new lover and wondering how he could sleep that way. Somehow Trowa did, dead to the entire world until his alarm started. Quatre watched him hit the snooze on the alarm and looked away as Trowa turned over. Running a brush over his hair quickly, Quatre watched Trowa move into wakefulness, an arm flung over his face.

The alarm went again and by that point Quatre was pulling on his socks. He looked at Trowa, finding himself appreciating the toned body. Quatre wondered if it would be okay to kiss Trowa good bye like he normally did, or if the night had changed something. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to kiss Trowa, the morning was already intimate enough. He raised a hand to pinch his nose, already sensing the first pinpricks of unreasonable anger. He felt the bed shift behind him, and he opened his eyes to look at Trowa. The other man was knelt on the bed beside him, wayward hair a mess and his expression filled with drowsy concern. Quatre looked him over once, lingering on the other man's crotch and then flung his eyes up in embarrassment.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Quatre shook his head, annoyed at himself. "I'm just... I hadn't planned for us to go..."

Trowa dipped his head down, brushing a kiss over the shell of Quatre's ear. "I know." He whispered, "But I thought it was good..."

"For me too." Quatre answered almost too quickly, and again he felt a flush of uncertainty. He closed his eyes, trying to center himself. "I need to go, I'll be late."

"Okay, have a good day." Trowa sat back on his heels. "I'll meet you as usual in the front?"

"Yes, of course." Quatre looked into his face, unable to read the dull green eyes. He stood and touched his tie to straighten it. There was a small spike of desire and he looked at Trowa, the other man's expression was carefully blank. Quatre turned away for a moment and then paused, reaching up to straighten his tie. He stared at Trowa, watching as dull green eyes flickered down to watch the hand at his neck. The spiky desire was stronger now, and Quatre realised it wasn't his own.

He turned his back and walked out the room, uncertain how he felt about it all.

* * *

The bitter coffee made Quatre blink. He looked down at the cup, and along Heero's arm. Heero was sipping his own drink. Quatre blinked away his thoughts, and focused again on the papers in front of him. He took the cup from Heero and the other man slipped into the seat in front of him. "Is this everything?"

"Almost everything." Heero looked at him steadily, "The machine is still compiling some of the search results."

Quatre nodded absently, sipping his coffee. He swallowed and picked up the highlighter. He continued drawing lines across the page. To Heero, it looked like a nest of meaningless colours. He'd brought his search results to Quatre because Quatre saw patterns better than any code he could write. It was like Quatre was telling a fortune, using strings of data to form patterns of behaviour. It had been invaluable during the war, extremely profitable since the war's end and now – Heero hoped – it would prove insightful now.

"They are looking for you first, but seem to be mixed up." Quatre muttered, "It's almost as if they suspect you are the same person. "

"We're visibly different," Heero said, leaning forward to look at the mess of colours. "We have a strand of inquiry that suggests that the assassin mistook Duo for me, but I don't put much stock in it."

Quatre tipped the end of his highlighter against a different paper absently, "I know who you really are." He quoted, "That appears in the H string of letters. Frequently."

Heero frowned, glancing at the stack of papers. Each of the different strings of letters had been assigned a letter, Quatre was referring to a line of mostly pleasant but obsessive letters. The author did not leave a name, writing as if Duo would already know who the writer was. He looked at Quatre, who put the cap on his highlighter. "Why did that stick out?"

Quatre tilted his head, "It sticks out because most of the letters refer to knowing who he is. Not who he really is." He picked up a paper, "I know who you are, thank you... your deeds do not go unrecognised... You hide in plain sight; your angel wings are pure." Quatre let go of the document, sat back and sipped his coffee. He thought for a moment, watching the steam. "It's almost as if ... as if this guy can't quite believe that Duo is Duo."

"Do you think he mistook Duo for me?"

A faint frown appeared on Quatre's face, "I don't think he did." Quatre started off into the distance. The Preventers offices for Wufei and Heero were generous, offering a wonderful view of L2 in the morning. Quatre looked into the distance, looking at the curve of the colony. "It's not so much that he mistook Duo for you," Quatre touched his chest, "I think it is more like he doesn't want to think you and Duo are two people. Doesn't believe Duo is Duo, and you are you."

Heero frowned, and Quatre knew he wasn't making himself clear. He thought for a moment, "I'd like to study these in more detail." He motioned the papers, "Does my clearance cover me for it?"

Heero shook his head, "No."

Quatre looked out the window again. He sighed. "I'll see what I can do."

* * *

It felt stupid to be standing in the corridor. Trowa stared hard at Quatre's bedroom door, and rolled his eyes at himself. It felt stupid to be nervous after sleeping with the man, being unsure if he were welcome to spend the night again. Trowa almost turned on a heel, preferring to deny himself the night rather than be denied. There was a soft chuckle from Quatre's room which made Trowa pause and shake his head. He reached out and pushed the door open. Quatre was curled in the window seat, a smile playing at his lips. His eyes were closed and his hand was lying over his own heart. Trowa shoved his hands into his dressing gown's pockets and stepped more fully into the room. He waited until Quatre opened his eyes before nodding to Quatre.

"It's been a long time." Quatre said, the smile not quite leaving his lips. "So long. It feels wonderful to feel you again. Even if it's just confusion, it still feels wonderful."

"Feel me?" Trowa tilted his head, taking in Quatre's soft, knowing smile, "Ah. I see."

Quatre nodded toward his own bed, "You're welcome, you know."

"I wasn't..." Trowa looked hard at the bed, as if looking for something. He huffed and squared his shoulders, "I wasn't sure if you were okay with me being here tonight."

Quatre stood from the seat and came to stand next to Trowa. He mimicked Trowa's pose, burying his own hands in his trouser pockets. The two men stared at the bed. "I wasn't this morning," Quatre said. "I was a bit confused, a bit scared." He smiled, "A bit hung over and wondering how much of it was the wine." He glanced up at Trowa, meeting the dull green eyes. "But then I thought about it. It wasn't the wine for me. Was it for you?"

"No."

Quatre's smile was almost smug, "That's what the Trowa in my head said."

"In your head?"

Quatre's smile remained in place. "Don't you have conversations with people in your head before you talk to them?"

"Not really." Trowa's expression was dour but fond. "I tend to just talk to them."

"Hmm." Quatre rocked on his bare feet for a moment.

"So, what else did head-Trowa say?"

"Oh, he agreed with me about how it was a good thing, and we should do it again some time." Quatre smiled faintly, "He also thought it was a good idea for me to join I-A-T."

Trowa's shoulders slumped, "You're going back." It wasn't a question, and there was no emotion in it.

"Not on active duty." Quatre nodded, talking toward the bed. "I'm only joining I-A-T."

"Intelligence-And-Tactical command AD." Trowa's lips pursed for a moment, "You're technically Active."

"Just like Heero is technically Active." Quatre agreed, he glanced at Trowa. "I just need to get a closer look at what they have – I think I can see something, but..."

"You can't get a grasp of the thread." Trowa nodded, he met Quatre's eyes. "You've got to do what you think is right."

"And you need to know that I'm only on a temporary contract, renewed on my terms." Quatre's bright blue eyes were steady, "And nothing that posts me away from here. I'm staying with you." He took a step sideways, putting himself closer to Trowa. He pulled a hand out of his pocket and reached up to loosen his tie. Trowa caught his hand, and loosened Quatre's tie for him. Quatre looked at him, his bright blue eyes clear. "I want to stay with you tonight."

Trowa used Quatre's tie to pull him closer. He kissed the blonde man's pale lips. Trowa nodded and watched as Quatre undressed, pulling off his own dressing grown and dropped it over a chair. He paused before getting into the bed, "You know my strengths. You need me, you tell me."

Quatre almost shook his head, but thought better of it. He nodded in the dim light, "I suspect before the end, we will all need to be there." He nodded his head, "Thank you."

Trowa slipped beneath the sheets, setting his phone's alarm. "How easy was it to get back in?"

"Horrifically too easy." Quatre smiled, pulling off his socks. "My credentials are arriving tomorrow morning, and I can already command troops based on my rank." He looked up and out of the window, "I almost wish it had been harder..."

"It may turn out to be so later."

Quatre glanced at Trowa as the other man lay down. He turned his head to glance out the window and sighed. "Maybe.

* * *

Listening to Heero typing was almost like listening to the rain fall, and it was a little harder than he wanted to admit to realise how much he'd missed the sound of the rapid fire type-tap-tap-type. Duo lay in his hospital bed, half staring out the window and half day dreaming of younger days when he'd have nothing to do but lie in a dorm room, listening to Heero type. He stared at the blinking lights on the distant curve of the colony, assigning them random meanings and letting thoughts run though his mind. Heero was visiting, but working at the same time. It felt normal. It felt like the good old days.

His bed shifted a little as Heero moved, his feet were propped up at the end of Duo's bed. Duo glanced down at Heero's feet, socked in Preventer-issued blacks. The cuff of his trousers were water stained from the walk through the puddles. His trousers were pressed still, the creases stark in the tough material. The laptop – compact but useful – was perched on his lap, and scarred hands danced over the keyboard, even though the rest of Heero seemed to be perfectly still. Heero typed like a machine gun, rarely stopping between thoughts. Duo wondered at what rate did Heero's mind move if he could just type, as if forever. Heero's shirt was still pressed, though creased where Heero had sat for most of the day. Heero now worked mornings and the occasional afternoon at the Preventers office, then spent much of his evenings here with Duo.

His gaze slipped onto the jacket and there it was again.

A brief flash, a shred of his memory.

He closed his eyes, thinking carefully and trying to see more of the dirty name on the man's coat.

"It's not ketchup."

Duo's eyes snapped open. Heero was staring at him, his hands hovering over his keyboard. Heero frowned slightly and repeated himself. "You said... It's not ketchup."

Duo stared at him, the word just on the tip of his tongue but far out of reach. He shook his head, "It's a word on his coat but..." he shrugged helplessly, "It's not ketchup."

Heero nodded.

Duo swallowed, licking dry lips. "It's not ketchup." He said to himself, he stared at his own hands for a long time and then glanced at Heero's. Heero's scarred hands hovered over the keyboard. Duo frowned slightly, and nodded. "Start typing." Heero's head tilted but did as Duo said. Slowly at first, and in bursts as if Heero wasn't sure what to type. Duo nodded, as the bursts of typing got faster and surer. He drew a breath and breathed slowly, focusing on the memory. He imagined that Heero was typing a report of what he'd seen, and imagined what Heero would have written if he'd been there.

As if he'd been the one who had been shot.

And he had been.

Duo blinked slowly.

Heero was the one who'd been shot.

* * *

_The man smiled at him, and gestured that Duo should step carefully into the alley._

_"Don't be afraid, Heero."_

_Duo tilted his head, raising his hands slowly. Reaching for the small gun he kept... his hands paused. Used to keep in his hair. He didn't let the grimace show on his face beyond a mild tightening of his expression. The man didn't noticed; his dirty and dishevelled appearance made Duo wonder what institution was currently missing a patient. Duo looked him up and down, assessing. The man's appearance was recently messy; his body was toned like a vet's, his face heavily scarred. His hair colour was hidden by the cap he wore. The coat was military, OZ flight core. Duo took a step forward, not at the behest of the man but to get a better look at the weapon. The safety was off, and it looked in better condition than the man that held it. The light was poor._

_Duo felt another step and he could have rushed him._

_The man was a solider too though and took a step to the side. Motioned with the gun._

_The alleyway was narrow, with them facing each other. There wasn't enough room to manoeuvre and Duo's mind clicked into motion again. It was an eerie calm that settled on him, taking in the surroundings and assessing the situations options. He'd almost formulated a plan to get the weapon without having to kill the man when he spoke suddenly._

_"They get you so wrong. All the time."_

_The man's expression twisted with anger, a cold sort of hate._

_"They forget themselves around you, Heero. You smile so warmly, they forget your true nature, your name ... You let them. You let them think you're that fool, you let them think you're Pilot 02."_

_Duo blinked, and he schooled his expression into a careful blankness._

_"Yes, you let them and I understand why." The man shook his head, "And I know why you need me."_

_"Saw through my disguise then?" Duo tilted his head. Perhaps he could keep the guy talking but the man's eyes made Duo think twice._

_"No. I always knew."_

_"What if you're wrong?"_

_A moment of doubt flickered over the man's lips, which flattened into a tight line._

_"What if I'm actually Duo?" Duo took a step back, getting ready to brace his foot against the wall. He'd need the leverage—_

_"I know you; I see the sadness in your eyes." The man raised his gun. "It's okay, Heero. You don't need to kill anyone anymore."_

_Duo hesitated. The moment stretched and in that moment, he realised that this guy was out to kill Heero in a twisted bid to save him. He dropped his hands and saw a flash of light, tried to duck and the world went red. Pain blossomed in his head and he felt the rough brick through his damp hair. Long strands caught on the wall as he slide down, and the man knelt before him._

_"... don't have to save anyone anymore..."_

_He was fading out, pain lighting across his head like fire._

_"... don't have to sacrifice any more..."_

_Footsteps echoed in the alleyway as the man walked away._

* * *

Duo drew a breath as the world came into sharp focus. He glanced at the clock and saw that he'd only lost 40 minutes. He looked at Heero, whose hands hovered over the laptop. Heero stared hard at the screen as if it held answers. His hard blue eyes were focused but at the same time his mind seemed far away. Duo smiled lopsidedly. He reached out and touched Heero's shoulder gently. Heero didn't start; just turned those hard blue eyes on Duo with the intensity he'd giving the machine. Heero looked like he might speak, but Duo shook his head. "Ketchin." He closed his eyes, and saw the blackened name tag. "Ketchin is the name on the coat."

He opened his eyes when he didn't hear Heero start typing.

Hard blue eyes stared at him.

"Ketchin." Duo repeated.

"I've got it." Heero replied. "I typed up everything you said."

"Ah..." Duo nodded absently, "Aren't you going to search for him?"

Heero looked down briefly and then looked at Duo again. "You could have gotten away."

"I could have." Duo settled back on his bed, meeting Heero's eyes fearlessly. "I could have escaped. I chose not to."

They sat in silence for a long time as Duo watched Heero think about this. He watched as the other man turned this information over in his head, trying to make this piece fit in the picture of Pilot 02. Duo couldn't help the grim smile as Heero finally rejected it. Heero's eyes hardened. "Why?"

"Because if he didn't kill me, he would look for you and kill you." Duo tilted his head, "And I'd found you... so he would find you too eventually."

Heero turned this over in his head, looking at it in all the different ways he could. "Why protect me?"

Duo felt the smile tug at his lips, "I wish I could tell you... but, man, it just... nobody else had to die." He spread his hands in a helpless gesture, "I don't know... that's all I was thinking. Nobody else had to die. He woulda thought he'd killed you, you'd get to live."

"You would have to die."

"I wouldn't need to worry about it, Death caught up at last and was winking in the shadows. I could live on like always, or I could die and make sure you lived." He tilted his head, "This guy, this Ketchin, he thought I was you. Wouldn't let anyone, not even me, tell him different. He wouldn't have gone after you and that was enough to know."

Heero was still and Duo knew he was thinking. Heero wasn't slow but he did take his time when it came to understanding other people's motivations. He'd always struggled with Duo's motivations, not really understanding what Duo would really mean. Duo watched him think, watching how his hands occasionally twitched as if grasping or typing. Duo leant forward and reached out to touch Heero's hand. Something in Heero's eyes changed, Duo thought it was like ice melting but the moment was so brief he struggled to explain what he'd seen.

Heero pulled his hand away and closed his laptop. He shifted to stand and he carefully packed away his laptop. Duo watched as Heero moved, lifting the bag onto his shoulder. The man moved away from Duo, pausing only to stand in the doorway. His hands were loosely grasping his uniform coat.

Duo sat back, tilting his head to stare out the window again. The faint lights of the distant colony curve caught his attention and softened the hurt as he heard the door open and close. He sighed and closed his eyes, uncertain how he felt. There was a long moment, and he opened his eyes. Turning his head, he stared up at Heero. Heero turned and sat down, the uniform coat still loosely grasped in his hands. Duo waited, wondering what Heero was going to say. The man's breathing changed like he was about to speak and then changed his mind.

Heero swallowed and shook his head.

"I believe that you should follow your emotions."

"Yes." Duo replied, even though it wasn't a question.

"My emotions were confusing when Quatre and Trowa had their argument. I left because I didn't understand." He paused, frowning, staring at his hands. They tightened around the collar of his uniform coat. "Just now, I felt the same. I thought it would be better not to repeat the same mistake again."

"Confused?"

"Yes."

Duo nodded. "Yeah. I wouldn't be happy with you if you took a bullet you didn't need to." He reached out again, gingerly to hook a finger into Heero's shirt. He tugged gently until Heero looked at him. "But buddy, I had to do it, because I was taking a bullet for you. You're my best buddy and I figured this could save you. What would you have done?"

Heero's breathing increased, and his hands tightened into fists. Duo had anticipated the anger, but didn't realise it would be so sudden. As Heero turned, Duo wondered if Heero was angry to the point of losing control. Heero shook his head, trying to shake out the conflicting thoughts. He let go of his coat, letting it slide to the floor and turned to face Duo. So many different thoughts and emotions ran through him until one hot thought spiked in his mind. He leant forward and kissed Duo. Everything fell silent and calm descended on him. Duo's lips curved as if he were smiling. Heero felt Duo's hands shift, pushing against his chest. He sat back.

Duo's smile was faint, looking amused. "Buddy..."

Hard blue eyes widened as Heero realised the implications of his action. Heero stood, taking a step back from the bed. "I... I'm sorry, I didn't—"

Duo's smile widened as he chuckled softly. He shook his head, "I'm guessing you weren't planning on introducing kissing until later too, huh?"

He watched as Heero's concern faded into confusion, nervousness replaced by analysis. A frown flitted over Heero's face. "I wasn't planning on introducing kissing at all." He looked at Duo, confused by the other man's casual acceptance. "Were you?"

"Ah, you know me." Duo shrugged, briefly licking his lips. "Seat-of-the-pants kinda guy, I wasn't planning anything."

His eyes caught on Duo's lips, Heero felt more confusion – it was hot and prickly - and forced himself to look at the clock. "I should go."

Duo glanced at the clock, it wasn't particularly late but certainly after visiting hours. He smiled again, "You back tomorrow?"

Heero nodded, "Certainly."

"Good." Duo nodded, shifting in the bed to begin winding down for sleep. It felt like a normal evening after a visit and Heero almost felt like the kiss had been imagined. Duo smiled, "Good night buddy."

Heero stooped to pick up his coat, "Good night." He turned and walked to the door, pausing to look back. Duo seemed lost in thought, his hand raised to his face. There was a warm smile hidden behind his knuckles. Duo's unusually coloured eyes flicked up. Heero nodded again, "I'll see you tomorrow."

Dropping his hand from his face, Duo dipped his head once, "Sure thing, buddy."

Heero walked away, closing the door with care. The lift doors were closing when he raised his own hand to his lips.

He smiled.

* * *

_::Just think of all the moments that we'd spent ::_

_::I just can't let you go from me you were meant ::_

_::And I didn't mean to hurt you but I know ::_

_::That in the game of love you reap what you sow::_

* * *

_A/N: I'm not great at intimacy, have never been good at it, so I avoid writing sex scenes. I'd apologise, but I know I'd have more to apologise for if I'd actually written the damn sex scene. _

_Anyway, in terms of where we are with the story: I've gotten a few chapters ahead of this, more than my usual two. I've fleshed out the outline, and just need to write the actual scenes that accompany the main plot points up to the end. So an end is in sight. Not that it means anything to you, but emotionally, I'm struggling and am not really coping well. I have enough determination to try and not let it crush me again for another ten years, but it is sufficient that delays will happen. I really appreciate your patience if you're hanging on and don't mind the weeks between updates. I mention this because you take the time to read and review and I want to be transparent about the situation of this long running story._

_So basically, I won't post an update if I feel the chapter is shitty, because posting less than what I feel is a good chapter makes me feel shitty and I seriously do not need to feel worse than I currently am. _


	36. To the Hounds of Hell

**Disclaimer**: You certainly know the score.

**Notes**: Nine years ago, they said 'Good bye'. Now they are summoned back. Has time healed their rift? Can they ever fix their broken friendships? What does it mean to be Gundam, when a Gundam Pilot lies dying?

**Warnings**: I'm a slash writer; in my view some characters are not heterosexual. This may be different from your own interpretation of the characters. I hope you enjoy the story, despite our disagreement and I thank you for staying with me, despite Chapter 9 being your safe stopping point.

**Song :**The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army

* * *

_::And I'm talking to myself at night::_

_::Because I can't forget::_

_::Back and forth through my mind::_

_::Behind a cigarette::_

_::And the message coming from my eyes::_

_::Says leave it alone::_

**Fade to Black**

**By Doctor Megalomania**

**Chapter 35: To the Hounds of Hell**

_::Everyone knows about it::_

_::From the Queen of England to the hounds of hell::_

* * *

He stood there, sort of looking around. Balanced on a crutch for support, Duo was stood in the middle of his apartment, staring at a life he'd left behind. Behind him, he could hear Unterward taking notes from the doctor. He watched as a nurse walked around the apartment, making notes about what was there. She was part of the home care team that would be taking care of Duo's health as they tried to integrate him back. Integrate him back into a life he'd left unexpectedly. Heero was there as well, talking to the doctor and Duo had stepped away from the conversation.

It was all a bit much, really.

It just sounded like white noise to him. He wasn't taking anything in, and knew that Heero would be there later to update him. To integrate that knowledge into his mind set. Both Hobbs and Heero had been working toward this day with him, making sure that Duo could understand that his life wouldn't be the same. At the time, Duo didn't really comprehend what Heero and Doctor Hobbs had meant when he wouldn't be able to just step right back into his old life. He'd really expected it to be normal, just a bit slower. Maybe he'd need a little help, but really he'd be able to make do on his own.

Standing here, at this moment though, Duo could understand it. The silence of the large room was deafening. He tried to think about what he'd do that evening, but even trying to remember how to work the DVD player left him blinking in confusion.

There was a soft touch to his back and he looked at a concerned Heero. Pulling up a smile, Duo tried to look reassuring at his friend and knew it wasn't quite right. He knew that tiredness was beginning to show in his features and that he needed to lie down. Heero nodded and got the nurse, and soon – like it was in a blink of an eye – Duo found himself in a bed.

"You're going to tire more easily," The nurse was saying as she tucked him into the bed. Duo looked beyond her at the door and could see Unterward looking at him with concern. Duo felt his world narrow as sleep took him.

* * *

"Will he be okay?" Unterward frowned as the nurse closed the door. "Perhaps moving him out of the hospital was a hasty decision."

Hobbs smiled reassuringly, "Duo's condition has improved to the point where he no longer needs immediate medical supervision," She gestured the nurse. "He will have some medical supervision, of course... but we're now at a point where he must begin to normalise to an out-patient life style." She smiled, "Level 7 will mean Duo will be able to function but he will still need supervision when he's out and about."

"I will take care of that." Heero said, "If not me, one of the others will be there to go out with him."

Hobbs nodded as she picked up her bag and walked towards the exit. "You will have to allow for a decreased awareness of his own personal safety. He will be aware of the basics of crossing a road, but it's going to be difficult for him to judge things." She glanced at Unterward, "And please, remember what I said about his re-entry into his job."

Unterward dipped his head in a nod, "I've made a note to discuss it during his next review."

"I'd prefer the second review, but I know that Second Chance are eager to promote the health of its CEO." Hobbs squared her shoulders, "I do recognise that it's a matter of business, but your board are just going to have to be a little more patient." She looked at both of them and sighed, "Well, any questions, feel free to page me." She motioned the nurse, "Andrea has the afternoon shift and will be relieved at 8pm." She glanced at Unterward, "Thanks for the key sets."

Unterward nodded, and gestured with his hand. "Let me see you out."

As Hobbs left, Heero stepped over to the nurse. He handed her his business card, taking care to point out the numbers written on the back. "If he needs anything..."

The nurse nodded, "Sure thing, Mister Yuy." Heero turned toward the bedroom, wondering if he should check Duo one more time. The nurse caught his look and smiled apologetically, "It would be best if you left him to sleep, sir."

Heero sighed and motioned toward the card once more, "If he needs anything, anytime."

"I'll make sure I call, sir."

* * *

The shadows seemed to dance across his ceiling. Heero sighed and rolled over. He was struggling to sleep. He thought briefly about getting up so he could do something more constructive, but decided against it. He needed to get up tomorrow earlier than normal to visit Duo at his apartment before heading into the Preventers headquarters. They were expecting to hear from Noin and Zechs tomorrow.

He glanced over at his clock; it was close to 2am.

Heero resumed staring at the ceiling. He knew that on a night like this sleep would escape him. Too many thoughts chased around in his head. He was concerned about Duo, this first night out of the hospital. Noin and Zechs, their report tomorrow. His own investigations. They were getting closer to the elusive Ketchin. It was a name of a pilot in OZ, but many records were badly damaged during the war. Une had done her best, but - unlike Trieze's meticulous reports of the dead – reports of surviving OZ soldiers were less detailed.

Armed with only a name and a profession, Heero's searches had narrowed but not enough. Noin and Zechs had been dispatched two months ago to go Earthside, to follow up leads on Ketchin. Through his own investigation, Wufei had managed to pinpoint that a solider with the surname of Ketchin had been one of the survivors of New Edwards Base, but the trail after that point swiftly went cold. Intelligence and Tactical had benefited a lot from Quatre's direction, and they were beginning to piece together some of Ketchin's movements before the attack on the base. It was only a matter of time until they could construct a trajectory for Ketchin's movements from that point forward.

His eyes were just falling shut as he began to imagine the trajectory after the arrest of Ketchin. There would be a trial, of course. Heero would be there to support Duo through it all, then they would—

His phone began vibrating. He rolled onto his side and answered the phone. "Yuy."

"Mr Yuy, I'm the night nurse for Mr Maxwell."

Heero moved out of the bed, reaching for his ear piece. "Yes?" He switched the connection over to the ear piece and slipped it into his ear.

"I'm—" She paused as if calming herself. "I'm sorry to wake you, but you're listed as Mr Maxwell's—"

"What happened?" Heero pulled on trousers and slipped the phone into his pocket. He was already pulling on a shirt and moving toward the door. He could hear voices in the background, and was fairly sure he could make out the voice of Doctor Hobbs.

"Mr Maxwell is missing; I don't know how he got passed me." The nurse explained. "I was only in the bathroom for a minute."

By the time he was at the door, Heero was armed and pulling on his Preventers jacket. "I'm on my way. How long has he been missing?"

The nurse turned defensive, "He's been only gone for an hour, and we're searching for him. Doctor Hobbs suggest—"

She disappeared from the phone, and was replaced. "Hobbs here, Mr Yuy. We've got local police searching the area; I'm just calling you to keep you apprised of the situation." She paused, and Heero imagined she was pinching her nose. "He just can't stay put. We'll keep you apprised of the situation..."

"I'm on my way."

"There's no need." Hobbs replied, "I'd be more comfortable if you stayed—"

"Hang on." Heero looked toward his door, unsure of what he'd heard. He listened and there was a quiet knock at the door. "Hold the line." Heero stood still, raising his hand to mute the ear piece. He took a step toward the door, and listened carefully. The knock was muffled, weak but began rapping out the safe house entry code. Heero crept toward the door and opened it sharply.

Duo, of course, was slumped on the floor by the door. He looked up weakly, an exhausted but cocky grin showing on his face. Heero knelt by him, and reached for his ear piece. "Hobbs."

"He's there, isn't he?" She sounded aggravated, but not surprised. "I'm on my way."

* * *

"I just sorta looked around and realised... Nope."

They were sat at the kitchen table, and Duo's eyes were glassy. He was exhausted clearly, but there was something wild in his eyes. Heero leaned against a counter top, watching. Duo was babbling, he was shaking and he was filled with a nervous kind of energy.

Hobbs reached up to pinch her nose, "Mr Maxwell."

"No." Duo shook his head, "I know what you're gonna say, and I'm gonna say nope."

Heero watched them interact, looking over Duo himself as Hobbs continued to examine him for injuries. It was clear that Duo had fallen over at least once during his journey to Heero's apartment. The crutch was scratched and slightly dented in places. The bag that Duo had packed was light, filled with things that Duo had clearly thought would be useful. There was toothpaste, but no brush. A hair brush but no ties. T-shirts and underwear but nothing else. Gun but the wrong type of ammunition. It was a stark reminder to Heero of how under-prepared Duo was to live by himself.

Hobbs shook her head. "You need to be supervised."

"Look, I made it here!" Duo held up his hands, "Lady, I'm fine... I just ... Nope."

His eyes seemed unfocused, Heero noted. He was shaking uncontrollably, the kind of shakes Duo would get after a particular stressful mission or after a lot of caffeine. It was the shakes that made Heero doubt Duo's sanity at the time. Like Duo was just a couple of seconds from grabbing a gun and shooting indiscriminately into the crowd. Heero crouched down and Duo's oddly coloured eyes fixed on him. Duo held his gaze, glassy eyed but steady. Heero tilted his head, "You should have called."

"You wouldn't have come to get me." Duo raised a shaky hand, running it through too short hair. "I needed to get out of there, I just..." His hands twitched for a moment as he looked around Heero's smaller apartment. "I needed to get away from the place, man." He fixed his gaze on Hobbs, trying to bring the shakes under control. "It wasn't the right place."

"I've assessed it—"

"Yeah, but it wasn't the place I need to be." Duo insisted, his shaky hand cradling his forehead. "You don't get it, it wasn't... I just..." He shook his head, fixing his eyes on Heero again. "Nope. Okay? Just ... no. But... Here's okay, isn't it, buddy?"

Hobbs glanced around Heero's apartment. "I'd be happier for you to stay in a place—"

"Look, it's okay, right?"

Hobbs stared at him. "Maybe we should go back to the hospital."

Duo seemed to still, thinking about it and then shook his head. "Nope. No." He looked at Heero and shook his head again, "No."

Heero stared back, watching as the shakes made Duo twitch his hands. He could see the confusion in Duo like it was a physical thing, could see the pride in Duo's eyes. He looked at Hobbs, the frown on her face becoming more pronounced as she thought about the effect of being out of hospital was having on Duo. He glanced down and thought for a moment. "He can stay here."

Hobbs shook her head. "He's going to need a bed."

"I'll make do." Duo pointed to the sofa, almost too eager to appease her. "I'll be fine!"

"You need a bed to sleep in." She replied firmly, but looking at Heero.

Heero nodded, "He can have mine." He tipped his head to the other sofa in the room. "That's a sofa bed. I can sleep there."

The doctor pulled her glasses off in a tired gesture and rubbed an eye. She sighed as she slipped her glasses on and stared at Duo. "If I take you back to the hospital, you'll just pull another stunt and leave, won't you?"

Duo's smile was watery, weak and sincere as he nodded through his shaking. He shrugged in an apologetic manner, and threw a look of relieve at Heero. "I just... You know..."

Hobbs stood and opened her bag. "I'm going to give you a mild sedative, because you need to sleep and I think it's clear to both of us that you're too agitated to sleep." She looked at Heero, "You're going to take the day off tomorrow so you can get him settled into the house and I can come over and do a full assessment of your living conditions." She levelled a finger at Duo. "If I'm not satisfied with this apartment for you, you're moving elsewhere or you're going back to the hospital."

As Hobbs was leaving, she paused at the door with Heero. She looked at him searchingly, "I feel like I'm going to be telling you something a bit redundant. I know you've done the research, but you're going to working with someone who cannot quite take care of themselves."

"I saw his bag." Heero nodded, "It wasn't fully operational or functionally correct." He met her tired eyes, "I'm prepared."

"I suspect so," She smiled lopsidedly and touched his arm, "You're Gundam after all."

He tilted his head and she shook hers.

"Never mind. I'll contact Sally Po." She turned away, "Call me if you need anything."

* * *

The bar wasn't great but they didn't ask for my ID and I could pay without having to worry too much about leaving a trail. Even now I needed to tread carefully. The papers showed me that not everyone fully understood what his message was. Not everyone understood he was looking for liberation. So they considered what I had done a crime.

Considered my mercy something as crazy as an assassination attempt.

I read the papers while eating my dinner. They kept getting it wrong, calling him the wrong name, thinking he was the wrong pilot. I'd read the reports of Pilot 01 and knew that only one so dedicated to the cause could be so dedicated to improving life on L2. That he'd sacrificed a comfortable home on L1 and had come to L2 to build it up... couldn't they see?

It disgusted me. I knew that people knew the truth, I could see it. The way they all looked at him, continuing the lie, perpetrating it around the colony. Even going as far as to change records on Earth.

But I'd found definite proof. I could shatter their misconceptions.

It wasn't necessary, he didn't need to have his cover blown... he didn't even need the cover, but I understood why he helped to spread the lies. I blamed Pilot 02. The coward. The other pilots and their hate, their selfishness, their inability to be close to each other without breaking into fights.

I was amazed that they had managed some cohesion in the short time they'd been brought back together. I knew it couldn't last. What kind of friendship is based on the near death experience of one of their own? He had to almost die to bring them to his side?! The bastards couldn't understand him. What he was willing to give to bring their friendship back? I knew he sought peace but even I was amazed by the lengths he would go to...

It was so like him, to give his life to help them find peace.

I shook out a couple of my pills and chewed on them.

And it was my responsibility to help him. To give him his own peace. To give him his own peace. It was so important, and he couldn't do it himself. Clearly, it was something he needed someone else to do. It wouldn't be right for him to take his own life. By using me as his weapon, he could avoid the possible negative connotations of his suicide.

It was suicide. I told him he didn't need to die.

But it's my responsibility to help him. To give him his own peace. To give him his very own peace. Because it was so important to him, and he couldn't do it by himself. It was so clear that he needed me to do it. It wasn't right that he had to die. By using me as his weapon, he could commit suicide and nobody would ever think badly of him.

He wasn't a coward. I told him he didn't need to worry.

But it was my responsibility to kill him. To give him his own peace. To give him his very own peace. Because it was so important to me, and he saved my life by himself. It was so clear like glass. He needed me to do it. It was right, he had to die. I would be his weapon. He could die, I could kill him and everyone would remember him as I see him.

It was sainthood. I told him I could do it.

But it wasn't his responsibility to die. To give him his own peace. To give him the perfect peace. Because it was so important to everyone to see that he was saving everyone by dying. The glass was shining. He was calling to me. It was alright. He knew he had to die. He asked me to be his weapon. He wanted to die, he wanted me to kill him and everyone would understand why I had to do it.

He would go to leave. I told him it would be okay.

I looked at the TV and saw him smiling. He was watching over me as he spoke and I waved. He winked at me, nodding encouragement. He only had a short time because they cut his message short. The newscaster smiled at me too, but soon got distracted by other news. I paid for my food and left, walking to my hotel. I could taste chalk in my mouth and the cotton in my head suggested that perhaps it was time to cut my dosage again. Half would do.

But it wasn't my responsibility to worry about myself.

I only had to give him his own peace.

My feet took me past the apartments where he lived, and standing on the other side of the street I could almost see his balcony. I stared for a while, listening carefully. I could almost hear him talking, like he didn't know I was there.

I only had to give him his very own peace.

* * *

At the muffled curse, Heero was up and pointing his gun in the direction of his own bedroom. It took a moment for the sounds to register. He slid the safety back into place, and put his feet on the floor. There was another curse as he got to his feet and walked over to the corridor that connected his bedroom to the living room. Heero flicked the light on, and crouched down by Duo.

The other man's head was bent down and Heero reached to touch his shoulder. Duo's voice was quiet and it stopped Heero from touching him. "Sedative wore off, forgot where I was."

Heero tilted his head. "Are you hurt?"

"Only my pride, man." Duo was muted, unable to meet Heero's eyes when he raised his head. "Walked into a wall, then stumbled because I forgot to bring my crutch." He shook his head, "Man, if G could see me now."

"I doubt J would be impressed that you are not currently riddled with bullets."

That caught Duo's attention and an uncertain smile pulled at the corner of his lips. "Buddy, I forgot about that sense of humour..."

Heero gave half a shrug and offered a hand. He gripped Duo's hands and pulled the other man up. The shakes were not as pronounced as before, and Heero noted that Duo did not seem steady on his own feet. He adjusted his grip on Duo and was surprised when Duo ran his hands up to wrap pale arms around his neck. They stood close. Duo's odd coloured eyes fixed on a point above Heero's eyes and the uncertain smile widened. He experienced another kind of shock when Duo tangled his hands into his hair, clearly amused.

"How is it that your hair is even more messy?" Duo spoke as if distracted.

Heero wasn't sure if he could answer, the shock was hot – every brush of Duo's fingers against his scalp made it worse. His breathing deepened and his hands shifted to hold Duo's sides. A sharp confusion warred with his shock as Duo's smile muted slightly, odd coloured eyes dropping from Heero's hair to meet his own. There was something in Duo's eyes that spoke of an awareness.

The other man shifted his stance, putting his weight on one hip. It gave Heero the slight height advantage and he was oddly pleased to distantly note Duo's breathing had also increased. Oddly pleased by the light blush that stole across Duo's cheeks, the way it felt to have Duo's arms tighten around him.

But in tightening, the tremors in Duo's arms became more pronounced.

Heero blinked and took a step back. Both of their arms dropped from each other. Duo took another step back until he was leaning back against the wall. Oddly coloured eyes were fixed on Heero. Duo looked like he was assessing the situation and Heero appreciated that because his emotions were too turbulent to do it himself.

The moment passed, and Duo snorted. Looking away, he nodded toward the bedroom. "Sedative wore off, forgot where I was... Thought I could look for you..." He closed his eyes briefly, "Blah blah blah..." he said, almost cuttingly – he was annoyed with himself, Heero noted detachedly. "Look, buddy. Your room's great an' all, but it's way too quiet... so, uh..."

His face screwed up, like what he was saying was too hard for a moment. The expression faded, and a familiar self-depreciating expression appeared as Duo ran his hand through his hair.

"I was coming to check if you were... I mean you gotta be uncomfortable on that sofa bed, and I kinda need..." Duo scratched his head, almost pulling at the short hair. "Look, you gotta sleep, I gotta sleep." He shrugged, "I'm..."

He blinked as if coming to a realisation and finally met Heero's eyes.

"I'm not okay, and I really don't want to go back to the hospital..." Duo squared his shoulders, "But you say no, then I think I better go."

Heero tilted his head, "You want to sleep in the same bed." Duo nodded, and Heero thought about it. He blinked. "Okay."

Duo sighed as if he both was and wasn't expecting that answer. "Okay." With a pale arm, Duo reached out to hook his arm over Heero's shoulder. Heero wrapped an arm around Duo's waist, and together they walked slowly to the bedroom.

A quick look at his bedside clock made Heero realise it was close to five. He sighed as he shifted on to his back in the bed to get comfortable. It was strange feeling another source of warmth in his bed, but it wasn't unwelcome. There weren't any more words between them. As he drifted off, Heero didn't pull his hand away when Duo curled long fingers around his.

* * *

Sally was leant against the wall, facing away from the door. She looked over as the door opened, and an armed but exhausted former Gundam Pilot looked out bleary eyed. She smiled as Heero looked at her, frowning. She pushed herself off the wall and came to stand in front of him. "Didn't feel like taking any chances, the way Hobbs puts it, you could well have been up half the night."

Heero nodded, trying hard not to yawn but clearly hard pressed to hide the fact. Sally raised the take-away tray, "Donuts and coffee?"

Heero frowned at the offering, "That's not a—"

"Healthy start to the day? I dunno," Sally smiled lop-sidedly, "You can't be healthy all the time." She stepped into the apartment lightly, eyes scanning the room. "I reckon my site-eval's going to go better if Duo feels more at home." She turned to look at Heero, "If he's half as agitated as Hobbs suspects he actually was, then he's heading back to the hospital with me."

Heero dipped to his knees and packed away his gun. He stowed his go-bag away, and motioned the kitchen. "He's still sleeping."

Sally smiled faintly. It was a tight expression. "No, he's not." She turned her head to look down the corridor to his bedroom. "I'm going to put that down to the same PSTD that you Gundams all clearly have."

Duo stepped forward, his expression almost sorry as he slipped the safety back onto the gun he held. He tossed it to Heero and nodded, "We weren't expecting anyone until later." He shrugged as if loosening his shoulders. "It's been a bit of a wild ride. Didn't know my own apartment wasn't going to be safe."

"Unsafe how?" Sally asked, turning to the kitchen. She sat down and took out her tablet, reading it for note taking.

"Just, it wasn't the right place to be." Duo looked at her tablet warily. "Not going back to it, you know that right?"

"I'm guessing so." Sally looked him over, her eyes roving over his frame. "You slept?"

"Mostly." He cleared his throat. "Sedative wore off, so Heero helped me back to bed."

She glanced at Heero as he slipped into a seat beside them. He reached for the bag of donuts and snagged one. He looked at it dubiously. Duo grabbed a coffee, wincing as its bitter taste hit his throat. Sally made a note, and took a sip of her own coffee. "I'm going to do a site evaluation, take in some details and do some risk assessment. Hobbs would do it herself, but thinks that my experience with you may help me to tell what's going on behind the scenes."

Heero nodded, "I'm taking the day off as requested so you can complete your questioning of our situation. I don't have an answer yet about working from home—"

Sally held up a hand, "You've done your research on this option as well?"

Heero shrugged and chewed, swallowing before answering. "It was a possibility."

Sally nodded and glanced at Duo, "You're going to be under tighter surveillance."

"I'm cool with that." Duo answered quickly, wanting to reassure her.

She smiled at that. "Uh-huh." She looked up from her tablet, "I've requested transfer to this position. The nurses aren't prepared for the kind of stunts you can pull, and..." She looked at Heero, "You need to work. You'll partner up with Wufei when I'm pulling the day shift with Duo." She looked at Duo, "I'm going to keep my beady eyes on you, mister."

Duo's expression lightened, a tension he had been trying to hide lifting. "I'm not even going to protest if it keeps me close to ...uh," He blinked. "Somewhere where I feel safe."

Heero kept chewing his donut, not reacting to Duo's knee bumping against his.

* * *

_::All the words are gonna bleed from me::_

_::And I will sing no more::_

_::And the stains coming from my blood::_

_::Tell me go back home::_

* * *

_A/N: Thank you for reading and for review, particularly after last time. I'm most grateful for your kind words and your excellent observations. I look forward to your next review._


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